Mil top priority after marriage

maytansg

New Member
Hi all,

Advice please. We are now past 7 months marriage and have argued and broken down multiple times cos Hb always puts his mother in priority, for house viewing, extravagant cny ang pows and spending etc. I feel that my needs as a wife is neglected.

Before marriage, we already agreed to stay together with mil cos she's pretty old. As we look for our house, Hb says wants to look for houses with big kitchens cos mil loves to cook. I'm trying to discourage him as it doesn't make sense paying for a big kitchen which both of us do not use and my mil won't be around too long to enjoy it anyways.

I'm so frustrated over being pissed off that I feel like giving this marriage up... Only after 7 months...

Thanks,
May.
 


bearine

Member
Hi May, same sentiments! Before marriage hb took a neutral stand. Now when anything comes to his mum, he becomes so sensitive! Argh, mummy's boy!

As for the house, maybe can consider wet & dry kitchen? I believe you guys will use dry kitchen, and wet kitchen design for mil. So, in a way, you can consider the dry kitchen still "belongs" to both of you. And, it is still a big kitchen.

PS. Maybe try marriage counselling? Take it as a newly wed thing. I have yet to try.
 

MiddleMe

New Member
Hi May,

Don't throw the towel yet.

Try an open concept kitchen, this way you will have a lot of space. You really need to talk things through with your husband or even perhaps his mother (get a sibling or a cousin of his to mediate). I think if you put across to them how serious the problem is becoming (i.e.. you feel like giving up), I think it will shock them to their sense and compromise.
 

maytansg

New Member
Hi bearine, we went for counseling before marriage...

I did tell him that wet and dry kitchen adds up to the same size as his current kitchen..

And that, I hoped we will plan our house according to our lifestyle, not his mum's...
 

maytansg

New Member
Hi May,

Don't throw the towel yet.

Try an open concept kitchen, this way you will have a lot of space. You really need to talk things through with your husband or even perhaps his mother (get a sibling or a cousin of his to mediate). I think if you put across to them how serious the problem is becoming (i.e.. you feel like giving up), I think it will shock them to their sense and compromise.

Yup, I tried again. My husband now listens to me.. Dunno for how long.. I told him to figure out what he needs before we start our house hunting again..

I also dun wan to delay too long as I'm already past 30 and dun wan to delay starting a family too long
 

mewmoon

Member
Do you mean you prefer not to pay to renovate a big kitchen? What is your husband's rationale for having a big kitchen? To store more pots and pans? More space for ingredients? More space for your mil to move around? Whatever the reason, it's best for you to tackle each point logically. Since you prefer a smaller kitchen, you might want to point out things like it's easier to maintain a small kitchen where cleaning is concerned. Who is going to clean it? Your husband? It's also easier and safer to move pots and pans from surface to surface if the kitchen is not so spacious.

If he is still insistent on having a big kitchen, then I guess you have to ascertain whether this is a battle worth winning. But make sure he knows that he's in charge of whatever consequences that come from his decision. :)
 

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