hi everyone, i going to share my long story with you and hope to seek some help/advices here.
i am 23 this yr and my SO is 31. we met in 2009 and ROM last year. we intend to hold our wedding in may 2012, after my graduation.
planning for my wedding has been happy, choosing venues, bridal shops, etc. my SO really dotes on me, allowing me to decide on things i like (of course within budget) and give in to me whenever we enter an argument (i think it's norm in wedding planning?).
my SO works in the public sector for almost 10 yrs now. when he was young, he did not have much savings because he did see the importance of it. But eventually, he realises the importance of it and started doing it. before he could actually utilise his savings for his wedding, his ex-gf actually cheated on him and partial of his money.
further to that, his grandma was sick for the past 1.5 yrs and he has to pay the medical bills on behalf of his mother who is not working. this further depreciate his savings. yet, he is able to cough out money for hotel deposit, photoshoot deposit, my proposal ring and our BTO's option (all these amounts to abt 10K already).
i am holding a diploma holder now and is working as an administrative person. every month, i gave my mother $800 ($600 for sch fees, $200 for her allowance). however, my mother claim that she will pay for my sch fees and and she will save the $600 for me. with my previous ang bao savings and the monthly $600, i should have abt $20k in the bank now. my father promise me that this money is in safe hands and will be returned to me. this amount of money is said to return me when i graduate. i still manage to save on my own but, my savings are limited now as i have spent it on our wedding bands, ROM, HDB option fees and a short holiday trip.
recently, i asked my father if he thinks it's okie for me to advance some money from my mother (abt 5K) as i want to pay for the remaining amt for the photoshoot, misc items for wedding and to return some money to my SO for the hotel deposit. my father told me to ask my mother and i agreed. on the fateful that i wanted to ask my mother, my father came to me and told me that my mother would not agree. he started crying and said he felt very bad and guilty because whatever he promised was not fulfilled. i told him that it's not his fault and if my mother does not want to pass me the money, i would take a loan from bank (maybe cash plus or sth) and repay back monthly. he does not agree to it and initiated to help me (w/o telling my mother). i refuse to take his money because that is all he have and he needs the money for his illness (he used to suffer from colon ulcers).
last sunday, i pass the monthly allowance to my mother. i only pass her $600 because i am quite tight this month. while waiting in van, for my mother to deposit the money at the bank, i told my father from next month onwards, i am not giving her any allowance (aka "sch fees") and i will save myself to pay my the sch fees. he got agitated and said: "sometimes i really wanna scold you. your husband wanna marry you, he should pay for everything!" i was taken aback. where is the father who wanted to help me? why is he on "alliance" with my mother now? i was very upset and shouted: "fine, i need no money from you all. i can take a loan from bank!" and i ran away (i know i am a little impulsive and agitated at this point).
my father attempt to call me but i did not answer (i admit i have a stubborn character). my SO ask me to answer the call and see what my father wants to say. so, i answered. my father asked me where am i and ask me to go to the bank to meet him and mother. he said that there's always room for discussions. i was really upset (and stubborn) and i refuse to. why is it that there's only room for discussion when situation turns sour? 2 days after that incident, my SO asked if my parents called me and i said no. he urge me to speak to them asked them what they want to discuss about. he feels that afterall, they are my parents and i shouldnt have a "cold war" with them. after much pushing, i decided to call my father. he sounded restless and said since i do not wish to discuss so forget it. both mother and himself are really tired. he hung up after giving an excuse that he needs to go for delivery trip.
until today, it's not resolve. my cousin in KL text me today and asked if i knew my mother is going for her back check-up in hospital today and asked if i know what i should do. i replied "dunno". i don't feel like inviting my parents' relatives and friends to my wedding but my SO insisted that we should because afterall, they are my parents.
i really do not know what should i do. i don't feel happy getting married. i cannot accept the fact that my parents are the ones who say they will learn to accept my SO as part of the family and as husband and wife, we should always help each other along the way. yet, on the other hand, they "discriminate" him by saying "no money don't get married". how would my MIL feel if she hears this? how would she think of me and my parents?
i am 23 this yr and my SO is 31. we met in 2009 and ROM last year. we intend to hold our wedding in may 2012, after my graduation.
planning for my wedding has been happy, choosing venues, bridal shops, etc. my SO really dotes on me, allowing me to decide on things i like (of course within budget) and give in to me whenever we enter an argument (i think it's norm in wedding planning?).
my SO works in the public sector for almost 10 yrs now. when he was young, he did not have much savings because he did see the importance of it. But eventually, he realises the importance of it and started doing it. before he could actually utilise his savings for his wedding, his ex-gf actually cheated on him and partial of his money.
further to that, his grandma was sick for the past 1.5 yrs and he has to pay the medical bills on behalf of his mother who is not working. this further depreciate his savings. yet, he is able to cough out money for hotel deposit, photoshoot deposit, my proposal ring and our BTO's option (all these amounts to abt 10K already).
i am holding a diploma holder now and is working as an administrative person. every month, i gave my mother $800 ($600 for sch fees, $200 for her allowance). however, my mother claim that she will pay for my sch fees and and she will save the $600 for me. with my previous ang bao savings and the monthly $600, i should have abt $20k in the bank now. my father promise me that this money is in safe hands and will be returned to me. this amount of money is said to return me when i graduate. i still manage to save on my own but, my savings are limited now as i have spent it on our wedding bands, ROM, HDB option fees and a short holiday trip.
recently, i asked my father if he thinks it's okie for me to advance some money from my mother (abt 5K) as i want to pay for the remaining amt for the photoshoot, misc items for wedding and to return some money to my SO for the hotel deposit. my father told me to ask my mother and i agreed. on the fateful that i wanted to ask my mother, my father came to me and told me that my mother would not agree. he started crying and said he felt very bad and guilty because whatever he promised was not fulfilled. i told him that it's not his fault and if my mother does not want to pass me the money, i would take a loan from bank (maybe cash plus or sth) and repay back monthly. he does not agree to it and initiated to help me (w/o telling my mother). i refuse to take his money because that is all he have and he needs the money for his illness (he used to suffer from colon ulcers).
last sunday, i pass the monthly allowance to my mother. i only pass her $600 because i am quite tight this month. while waiting in van, for my mother to deposit the money at the bank, i told my father from next month onwards, i am not giving her any allowance (aka "sch fees") and i will save myself to pay my the sch fees. he got agitated and said: "sometimes i really wanna scold you. your husband wanna marry you, he should pay for everything!" i was taken aback. where is the father who wanted to help me? why is he on "alliance" with my mother now? i was very upset and shouted: "fine, i need no money from you all. i can take a loan from bank!" and i ran away (i know i am a little impulsive and agitated at this point).
my father attempt to call me but i did not answer (i admit i have a stubborn character). my SO ask me to answer the call and see what my father wants to say. so, i answered. my father asked me where am i and ask me to go to the bank to meet him and mother. he said that there's always room for discussions. i was really upset (and stubborn) and i refuse to. why is it that there's only room for discussion when situation turns sour? 2 days after that incident, my SO asked if my parents called me and i said no. he urge me to speak to them asked them what they want to discuss about. he feels that afterall, they are my parents and i shouldnt have a "cold war" with them. after much pushing, i decided to call my father. he sounded restless and said since i do not wish to discuss so forget it. both mother and himself are really tired. he hung up after giving an excuse that he needs to go for delivery trip.
until today, it's not resolve. my cousin in KL text me today and asked if i knew my mother is going for her back check-up in hospital today and asked if i know what i should do. i replied "dunno". i don't feel like inviting my parents' relatives and friends to my wedding but my SO insisted that we should because afterall, they are my parents.
i really do not know what should i do. i don't feel happy getting married. i cannot accept the fact that my parents are the ones who say they will learn to accept my SO as part of the family and as husband and wife, we should always help each other along the way. yet, on the other hand, they "discriminate" him by saying "no money don't get married". how would my MIL feel if she hears this? how would she think of me and my parents?
