Married for 2 years but now unhappy

aryudun

New Member
Hi all, need some advice... i am married for 2 years, and my marriage has been good until the last half a year, when my husband started to be so engrossed in work and computer games... i can feel us gradually drifting apart although i won't say our marriage is breaking down yet. then a friend showed me a website that offers to hook me up with someone else who is married, but also unhappy in his marriage. basically the website helps people find relationships outside of their marriage as the solution to the problems in their marriage. i am tempted to use this service and i am not looking for anything dirty, just looking for someone to talk to... but then i wonder whether i am just trying to seek revenge on my husband, or whether it is actually my nature to brush aside problems by looking elsewhere... im confused... can somebody who has been in this kind of situation advice...
 


aryudun

New Member
thanks.. im not scared of strangers cuz sg is quite safe.. more scared of how i will feel after i look for another guy, if i choose that option..
 

pinkhippo2002

New Member
huh? shouldn't you & hubby try to resolve your differences or take up a common hobby or do something to bring you both closer again?

anything but hook up with another person
 

goooogal

New Member
Aryudun, I think u can still make frens here instead of purposely "hooking up" w someone thru that website. Why dun u try set up a date w ur hb and spend some quality couple time together, then bring up the topic of feeling neglected to him. Sometimes guys can be too focused on their careers that they forget those ard them. I certainly can emphatise cos my hb's quite a workaholic at times. Or u can pick up new hobbies to occupy urself w. But whatever u do, pls dun seek the company of another guy if u still love ur hb. It may lead to something u may regret later on.
 

cheerio

New Member
your husband is probably seeking some form of relaxation through computer games from work stress, if you are having problem with your marriage, the person you should be talking to is your partner to the marriage, instead of someone else who is also having problem in his marriage, what good will that bring you? will it help to solve your issue? make your marriage a better one? make your husband less engrossed in computer games?

singapore is a safe place? i can probably agree to that, what is unsafe is your mindset. you cant expose yourself to temptation if you dont make yourself vulnerable to other guys who might seem to understand your problem because they are also having similar problem but ultimately both of you will not make the problem disappear but just make it snowball into something bigger. if you can identify your problem, to realise the root of your problem lies within your marriage and not what is available for you to escape to, then you will prevent yourself from very possible straying and solve your marital problem.

in the end, its your decision to make, just be responsible to yourself, to your husband and respect your marriage.
 

zarcy

New Member
i find the suggestion of finding another guy outside marriage as a mean to resolve your issues with your hubby a bit strange. Like what the other forumers mentioned, you should and must solve the problem of drifting apart with your husband. Meeting another stranger, whether it is safe or not, to meet your emotional needs, is just running away from your problems.

My hubby is also a workaholic. Sometimes he neglects me but i don;t go running to find another guy to fulfil me. I do my own things and go out with my own group of close friends and colleagues. You definitely should rethink your decision.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
it is not strange. It is perfectly natural. Humans don't like to face the problems and choose the easy fixes for your emotional gaps, escaping from reality. The urges and temptation you have is because of the emotion void you have.

Lady, this is exactly what you are falling into. Before you know it, you get yourself into a bigger mess.

Talk to your husband to work things out.
 

skylar

New Member
Agree with Milo,

u gotta really make ur hb open up & know how u feel abt this marriage by giving him at least a chance to wake up rather than just trying to visit other sites to hook up with other lonely ones who have probs with their marriage..

u r trying to jump out of a mess, dun try to jump into another one..
 

kh4546

New Member
hey aryudun,

pls dont fall into the temptation of looking elsewhere. If things happen, & u end up leaving ur current relationship, the day will come when u will be feeling unhappy in your next relationship, & u will be tempted again to jump into another.

Dont take the easy way out. It is better to focus on your current relationship & learn the skills to resolve issues. That will take u a long way... If u think that marriage life is rosy forever, ur expectations of marriage is wrong. Life has ups & downs, so does marriage. Thru d ups & downs, u & ur partner will build stronger bond.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Not to mention, humans are curious creatures. We like new and exciting stuffs. Anything fresh and forbidden will seem to tempting.

Again, this is nothing but nature at work.

Do we let our instincts take over or not... the choice is yours.
 

hifive

New Member
aryudun
Trying to know another man simply becos yr hb so engrossed in work and computer games?

If u get entangled and cant free yourself = risk your marriage, worth it? U dont want HB any more?

U think he will forgive u if found out u unfaithful? R u trying to get him jealous by involving another man?

U no kids or other activities to keep u occupied? How often u 2 go out?
 

smoky

New Member
Your case sounds small but your way of revenging is scary.

Would you prefer yr HB go outside flirt instead of sitting home loving his PC?

Can always request him go out dinner or short vacations to divert attention or relax from work.
 

dreamster

New Member
Aryudun, I have a similar problem like u, juz minus the working part. My hb already was gaming before I noe him. Then now married to him, he stil games like no bodies business. I have tried almost everything.. even threaten to destroy his laptop so tat he can pay more attention to me. And I m preg at the moment, so u noe preg woman can get realli sensitive and needs a lot a lot of attention now. But he doesn't do tat. I seriously juz wash my hands off.

When we come home from work, we will have our dinner, then he will go straight to the room and on the pc to standby, then after dinner, sit in front of the pc and start. Then till bout 10+ - 11 when no one is online or he's getting a bit tired, he will finally willing to go take his shower and go to bed. By then I will be either half asleep or juz fallen asleep, which makes it very annoying to be woken up by movement, and sometimes I will end up not being able to get back to slp.

There was once on a PH, where I have already told him tat we have to pack the room for the arrival of our baby and all the other stuff to do. He juz spent most of the time in front of the pc again. Then when I finally couldn't take it, i juz sat next to him and ask him, can u pls stop and come help me. He juz told me, but my frens r waiting for me. So he was more willing to disappoint me than to disappoint his 'frens' online. I was realli realli disappointed and upset with him.

Yes it is true to a point, at least my hb is always in sight, and im 100% aware of his every move, but then again, he's also not willing to spend his personal time on u, but on himself. If it is a once in a blue moon thing, its still acceptable, but every single nite... its way too much.
 

cuclainne

New Member
pinkydy: at least your hb will stop at around 11-ish .. mine will only come to bed at around 2am and even then, i have to get out from bed and ask him if he's coming in to sleep .. then he will say ok and take another hour to get ready for bed .. but i'm used to it now .. how's your pregnancy coming along? my gynae said i'm ready to give birth anytime after 16th jan despite my EDD being 5th feb .. so excited but at the same time, so many things i haven't gotten done yet like thinking of names, etc .. i wonder if i'm taking it easy now cos this will be my 2nd child ..
happy.gif
 

kh4546

New Member
Hi,

I understand what u ladies r gg thru... I m a gamer myself. Have seen friends doing that 2 their wives. Seems tat ur hubbies r kinda addicted. For me, I noe my priorities. I agree wif my partner tat I will play onli on specific days in a week, not everyday. So when I play, she either meets her friends or engage in private time. Mayb that can work 4 ur hubby if u let them know it is affecting u.
 

cuclainne

New Member
kh4545: it doesn't bother me much aside from the fact that it takes me some time to fall back asleep when i wake up to either tell him to go to bed or when he gets into bed .. he's on the PC mostly to surf, chat with friends or do some work .. sometimes when i'm watching tv, he will ask if it's ok if he plays a round on his PS3 with the daughter on his lap .. anything to keep her quiet and still! anyways, he just got me my own PSP which I am beginning to get quite addicted to myself .. hahahah .. so it works out ok for me .. if you can't beat them, join them i say!
happy.gif
 

1pumpkin

New Member
pinkydy
wont even make time prepare for bb arrival is too much. Preg cant move this and that nor carry heavy stuff, he aware? Did u ask him whether want risk u miscarriage, injured or slipped and fall since nobody cares/help?

btw, he wanted a bb or unplanned pregnancy? Sometimes guys simply dont know and u need to explain in details. Some dont even understand why nausea can be a problem to daily day. Some see you surviving well thot it is ok to leave you alone. Communicate!!
 

cuclainne

New Member
strawberry: that's what the husband told me .. that i seem capable, that's why he doesn't know that i am actually quite tired lor .. but then again, that's just me! i can't sit still .. last night he told me he'll take care of the dishes since i cooked, but an hour later, he still hasn't done them so i went to kitchen and wash la .. then he came in and said he heard me washing up and told me to stop but by then i was nearly done. told him he could wash daughter's bottles but another hour later, it's still not done so i got up from sofa but this time he auto and immediately cut my path to go to kitchen to wash .. hahahah ..
 

simpleman

Active Member
Aryudun,

If you are not happy with your marriage... do something about it.. take action.. talk to your hb.. running away to meet someone else is not going to solve your problem.. it is just going to complicate the matter...
 

dreamster

New Member
Cuclainne, will likely have my last check up this month on the 17 for my gynae to see if im going to be delivering early. But from the 'older and more experienced' colleagues, they said tat i will likely go into labour early as my tummy looks low. Anyway, back to our HB, yes... i face the same situation too. My hb also keep telling me later later, till i damn fed up, i will juz do it myself.

Oh as for names and all.. have 1 name so far, but still not cfm as yet... and there r tons of things not bought yet.. hai~... I have a long long way to go.

kh4545, i do agree, my hb is an addict, despite how he denies it. Have already nagged and been upset like a million times, but it doesn't seem to work. He will juz be nice for the new few days, then its back to square 1. So sad...
 

pinpong

New Member
Aryudun

Sound like u r thinking dat by getting to know someone from d website as mentioned by u will solve d problem.
Dun think its run in dis way.

Yeap agreed with Milo, human tend to run away from their problem. However, dis is ur marriage u r talking abt.

As what some of d pple here mentioned, voice out in dis forum, may help u to release bit bit of d stress.

Most imp suggest u hav a talk with ur HB.
My HB work long hrs too, once in awhile i will "complain" to him dat it seem we hav lesser time now compare to when we r par-toking. Dis is just one way of letting my HB know dat i want his attention & want to spend some time together. ;)
 

sunflower75

New Member
Sometimes its important to renew the love in our marriage. If you feel somewhere is wrong, have a good talk or take a short getaway for awhile to rekindle that first love you have for each other. No point talking to outsiders or website, it wont solve the problem. The marriage is yours, its up to you to take it or leave it. Others cannot help, they can only give you advice and the ultimate decision is still yours.

Treasure each other because there are many singles outside looking for love yet cannot find. Since you have found your love, why not treasure every moment you have.
 

whiskey02

New Member
a getaway on a trip is a good idea. leaving all the work and games at home while enjoying the time spent together...

communication is impt too...talk to each other about your feelings and needs...
 

benji69

New Member
Aryudun, don't believe everything that these websites say. Although there may well be people who are genuinely unhappily married looking for partners, many of them are just out for a sex fling. If you are looking for the same, then I have nothing to say. If you are looking for genuine love, I suggest you look elsewhere. Maybe at the person whom you married.

Is it ok to go to these websites to hook up with some other man? Well, ask yourself if it is ok for your husband to be spending time on his computer looking to hook up with other girls. If that is ok for you, then what you do should be ok for him.
 

otakeshi

New Member
that's marriage life i would sey,once u are use to it,u will be alright,cause i believe woman needs alot of attention,so kinda of like neglected in this way and they dont give as much attention to us anymore,anyway that;s life.

just be happy that he dun stray and doing something silly outside,if u will to compare with those stray one then u will consider yourself lucky.be contented
 

agag

New Member
Aryudu,

I used to face the same thing as you but marriage is a compromise. For my HTB, it's his form of 'relaxation' and should be glad that that's the way he destress, rather than go out and fool around, isn't it?

Have a chat with him and say that you feel a little uncomfortable for him to play throughout the whole day or what.

On your part, maybe you can join in too, it can be quite fun. At the same time, it helps to bring the two of you closer together too - also another form of sweet memory too. Otherwise, can some games which both of you can play together or organise some 'outing' or dates to unwind, ahve a meal, etc.

Eg. I don't like to play 'football' game, totally don't like and crap at it. But now, playing a few times, still don't like (though don't mind playing it once in a blue moon) but there're some sweet and funny memories between my HTB and me that was 'created' while playing. Whenever we talk about it, still laugh like crazy...

DON'T try to seek external guy or what, that's a scary thing and might create further trouble and problem - don't say it wouldn't happen, just that you don't know yet. Don't play with fire unless you don't cherish the relationship...

Just my thoughts
 

ashraj

New Member
I am married for 19 years gals, not an easy task. We learn about our partners everyday. They grow to be different person every moment. SIt down and look back at what they were 2 to 3 years back and what they are now. Reflect at ourselves too. Talk to him, do things that will bring him away from his PC.. like having dinner outside, go for a short walk after dinner. Make it routine (probably twice a week). Don't let him know the actual reason. You do all the arrangement and suprise him. Aryudun.. take it easy and this will change.. Think positive, be positive and wish every night that he will spend more time with you.. trust me, these calls are strong cause your love for him will change him.
 

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