It's true that myself and my hubby hv plenty of free time for ourselves. Go long holiday once a year and short ones 2 -3 in a year etc....
We just received our fertility result. I am perfectly alright but my hubby is not. I have told my mother-in-law. She is not angry but just concern whether without kids will we feel lonely and no one to look after us when we grow old.
Just wonder....... about hvg kids, what to do next without kids and retirement years.
Do U want to have one in the first place? Can your hubby go for treatment?
An ex-colleague of mine (lady) married for 10yrs plus. Unable to conceive due womb got problem. Went thur a few operations and rounds of Western/Chinese treatments oso No Used.. Feel super upset and keep saying "lao lai wu zi"..
Guess as much a woman really hope to be a mother in the entire life.......
Gynae will make good reccomendations. They do have supplements to increase sperm counts and strengthen etc. I do know for ladies, they encourage folic acid as supplement but for guys... ain't sure.
Ever heard that some dudes done sperm test and the result was; volume okay, but alot of sperms not swiming at all.
A friend shared with me that studies was done and the comparison on acitivity strength of sperm for young males as of current generation compared with those 20 - 30 years ago dropped by around 30% to 50%. This is due the the materials that we are being exposed to in our daily lifestyle eg. the plastic products and etc.
Those sample of soldiers 30 years back were dashing around under the scope while the young soldiers from current sample just wriggle abit, stop. Then wriggle abit and stop again.
The traditional method, serve stout, oyster and eggs. Zinc riched diet is also good for the swimmers below the belt, but often they comes with cholestrol
I wonder how my thread have changed to another topic.........
May I know whether you guys who joined in to share thoughts is childless too? If so, care to share how's your daily life schedule, what you do for leisure time, hobbies etc....
As for myself :
Mon to Fri (or Sat) - routine schedule eat/work/sleep)
Every Tue will go for belly dancing class.
One facial session every month.
Two massage sessions every month.
Household and ironing of clothes every Saturday.
Took a afternoon nap every Saturday (if possible)
Watch movies during Friday or Sunday.(if possible)
Will go for long holiday once a year.
Will go for short holiday (nearby countries) 3-4 times a year.
Reading and listening to music
Meet up with friends
etc (Sounds bored????)
coco - bear in mind that all that you have listed will be luxuries when you do have children ..
Mon to Fri (or Sat) - routine schedule eat/work/sleep) .. try adding feeding kids, cleaning them, putting them to sleep, cleaning up dinner mess and all other household chores like laundry, washing dishes, milk bottles, etc and walking up 4-5 times during the night for the kids - stomachache la, nose blocked la, lose pacifier, want milk, etc.
Every Tue will go for belly dancing class. - no time to do this cos by the time fetch kids from child care, it's already 7pm!
One facial session every month. - i haven't been to mani/pedi since last year!
Two massage sessions every month. - pure luxury!
Household and ironing of clothes every Saturday. - we hire a part-time cleaner who comes once a week to do the necessary. we already do so much during the week to spend the weekend doing chores!
Took a afternoon nap every Saturday (if possible) - not possible with kids unless you're so sick and cannot get up from bed.
Watch movies during Friday or Sunday.(if possible) - not possible with kids. i have to get a babysitter aka my mom to watch the kids if i want to do this. sometimes she's not free so scrap idea.
Will go for long holiday once a year. - try bringing kids with you, you spend so much time just looking after them that the vacation will not seem like a vacation!
Will go for short holiday (nearby countries) 3-4 times a year. - i finally went on my 'honeymoon' last year and have not had a vacation since!
Reading and listening to music - only after kids are asleep.
Meet up with friends - once in a blue moon, subject to babysitter availability.
i can't remember when was the last time i took an afternoon nap - i don't even get uninterrupted sleep during the nights.
hi Coco, my 2 cents worth.
my guess is that u are probably quite 'tired' of your routine..biological clock is ticking...friends start having kids. I think we are abt the same age. I have a sch-going kid and another on the way. Like u, at first we didn't want kids..then we have one...turns out to be such a joy...no doubt there are many changes/challenges, our lives surrounds around our kid. But in return, we experience the kind of joy and love one doesn't get to experience except thru parenthood. I am aware that the trend now is DINK (double income no kids) But really, there is only so many holidays we can take, so many massage sesion we can go. At the end of the day, u will still likely to feel that something is missing. If you can, financially, do try for one, even though your hubby might have problem, it does not u will never have one. It just mean some doctor visits. If u never try, u never know. Saying that, I must say that age is important and biological clock really ticks. My pregnancy this time round is much tougher than the first when I was in my twenties. I have some problems in the 1st trimester, morning sickness last longer, have to go for more tests cos I am above 35 and recently tested to have gestational diabetes. Of course not everyone over 35 has these these symptons. My friend who is of same age just gave birth to her no. 2 without any fuss. It was a breeze for her. Do take time to think abt it. Discuss it with your hubby. Feel free to seek opinion but make decision based on your heart. At the end of the day, it is your choice. Take care.
i am a mum but i may not understand how life is like when being married and childless for so long... I have an aunty who is still married and childless for 17 years, (she got married at 22 and now is 39.) so what u say. Like u, she had been tccing for 17 yrs too but no use.... did get pregnant few times but ended up aborted due to same problem-repeated epotic preg.
So now she told me last year that she and her hubby r resigned to their fate and will depend on us, like eg, we will help handle their funeral matters shd they pass on in future. Same thing as our uncle. he is single for many years already. so far they are coping well in their married life although they dun hv any children. And they stay very close to us(me and my siblings lor).
And yes they do things like what u do also. go travelling with extended family members including my mum. Play mahjong, and work.. nothing much to do. Can relax... dun worry abt the children break their precious toys too.
hahaha - yah i know .. as much as i think my children misbehaves, there are other parents out there who thinks otherwise. and really i can't stay mad at them especially when i get greeted with a good morning, a hug and a kiss when i wake up!
no kids? wonder when all your friend died, family gone. who will accompany, chit chat with you when need get one ?
or, perhaps you will make new old friends in the elderly community care? play chess together, sit in the wheel chair and looking at each other ? read the news paper. hard to get up even want to pee ? wah..scary wor..so lonely.....thinking when will joint with your family again in the after life ?
kids maybe trouble but they do bring happiness in life. it will be very proud to see them growth well. see them what they do best. they make a lot of noise in the home. listen their story in the school, beating , fighthing, yeah it is like a party at home. hahaha.... i never understood in the past until i had one. maybe old people say is right. we never change unless the situation required us to change. But it’s only on the brink that people find the will to change. Only at the precipice do we evolve. This is their moment when people are close to an answer. usually at that time its comes too little too late.
We have children just because we love having them and to nurture them.. and not to chit chat when we are old and when we need someone to chat chat with. Of course if they chit chat with you, that is a bonus.. but that is not what we have them for in the first place
At least not me. I wish my children would grow up, have their lives.. and I would live all by myself or in a old-folks home (if I people to take care of me physically)
now you can say that. when the time comes. people mind change while the time goes by.
just wonder have your view about certain things change when you grow mature? i mean not in term of kids or marriage. i mean you think something like oh..this is wrong i should have done that not this. i make mistake, something like that.
kind of strange, i met most people they do change all the time. i have friends for ten years and their view, principal keep changing. what they do and think in the past now they change to something else. no worse but better and some regrets. they wish to turn back the time.
what i am saying is no one know for certain what happend in the future. you can predict and see the path of your life that you choose. most of the time is wrong when the times comes.
right now maybe it is your time to the fullest that you are in control with joy and confidence that marriage may not require to have kids as they are like parasite that can suck your dry. perhaps...not in the future....who knows.
There is really nothing wrong to share abt the children.. but please do spare a thought for the other ppl whom are like us, yearning for children to bring joys and laughter to the house but what if there are others whom are incapable of producing children.
I used to be like u, sharing the joy with my relatives the moment i had children but when my own aunty saw them, she was filled with different feeling.. i could not understand her feelings till my sister told me she very hurt cos cannot hv children. uncle hv low sperm count and for some reason cannot hv a normal pregnancy. So since then i tried nt to think like that again.
Sharing the joy of having children is not sparing a thought for others?
I think for people who cannot have children - yes, I sympathise with them.. but they have to accept it.. either they try harder or they adopt or they just have to accept reality.. you can't expect the world (and other people) not to rejoice when you can't have children.
In my point of view......if I have kids, I will not depend on them. Cling to the idea that they will take care of me or they will treat you well when I old. But......it will depends how you nuture and teach them when you are young. Nevertheless, humans are humans.........we do change.
Sad to say, even I am perfectly ok ....... another obstacles is that I HAVE CHRONIC ILLNESS (auto-immune dieases) since my teens years. I am still on steriods till now. No doctor in the world will assure you that your baby is born normal and healthly and my genes/illness will not pass down to my kids. Furthermore, due to my age and consider high risk, I do always have the fear that my baby will born abnormal due to my long term medications (just image more than 10 years of medications in my body)
NO.. I don't think I have change my philosophy of life. I don't regret the things I have done. Perhaps, some things can be done better but it is all over now..
We can only look forward and not backwards..
As for children, yes, it is a different dimension of joy that non-parents cannot comprehend. I never thought I would be a father.. in fact I never thought I would want to get married.
Then I got married and the children came - one after another. And the feeling of being a father and having the love of your children - it is not something that you can describe. I would even say that wife may go.. but the children are there forever.. this is exactly how I feel... now..
Coco, perhaps you might want to consider other alternatives if you can't conceive a child of your own. my aunt adopted a boy and when he was about 5-6 years old, she managed to conceive naturally and have a girl. Now the boy is about 20 and the girl is about 15 ..