mum_of_2_girls
New Member
Hi Eliz,
If you don't intend to indulge in pre-marital sex then there is no rush. 5 yrs is a long time to me.
If you don't intend to indulge in pre-marital sex then there is no rush. 5 yrs is a long time to me.
Marriage not consummated
- Thread starter bride_0909
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sgbabydoll
Active Member
Eliz, of course I can tell you are more than 100% committed to your bf, being always talking about your him and his children. Like I have said, five years is a long time and anything can happen during this period. Maybe you two may tie the knot sooner or you could go your separate ways. No one knows what is going to happen in future but it doesn't mean you are less committed to each other today.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
If you intend to keep your virginity for five years, avoid dating at home. Get out of the house
Actually I encourage pre-marital sex.. check the goods before committing.
Sexual compatibility in our society is not given its due importance.
But of course, if couples want to preserve their first time on their wedding night - it is up to them.. except that they will most probably have to accept or manage their incompatibility, if there is any later on.
Sexual compatibility in our society is not given its due importance.
But of course, if couples want to preserve their first time on their wedding night - it is up to them.. except that they will most probably have to accept or manage their incompatibility, if there is any later on.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
This was an advice given by a Taiwanese celebrity couple who are Christians. They had abstained from premarital sex for more than three years.
miloice
Well-Known Member
I don't your point. Anyone could give that advise. Does them being celebrity or Christian has anything to do with it?
Like Thomas, we refrained from premarital sex during courtship of more than 3 yrs without needing to avoid being home. We spent a great deal of time at each other homes be it alone or not. It boils down to how determine the couple are to stand by their decision.
Like Thomas, we refrained from premarital sex during courtship of more than 3 yrs without needing to avoid being home. We spent a great deal of time at each other homes be it alone or not. It boils down to how determine the couple are to stand by their decision.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
It was because they shared their story on TV that I got to know it. That was why I said they were a celebrity couple who are Christians. What's wrong with that?
sgbabydoll
Active Member
"Does them being celebrity or Christian has anything to do with it?"
Don't ask me. I wasn't the one who made them Christians or celebrities.
Don't ask me. I wasn't the one who made them Christians or celebrities.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
I find their advice valid and practical. Don't be near the places whereby you will be most tempted. Besides, outdoor dating is very healthy. Why not?
Of course their advice does not represent my view. It's in the context of the desire and determination to abstain from sex for five years when you already have a partner.
Of course their advice does not represent my view. It's in the context of the desire and determination to abstain from sex for five years when you already have a partner.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
"Them being christians and also celebrity was just a coincidence ba."
I didn't say that Christians and/or celebrity status makes a difference here leh. They could be a non-celebrity Christian couple or celebrity Buddhist couple, I would still repeat their advice here.
The guy also said that he had channelled his extra energy to bodybuilding, and that they avoided dating at home.
I didn't say that Christians and/or celebrity status makes a difference here leh. They could be a non-celebrity Christian couple or celebrity Buddhist couple, I would still repeat their advice here.
The guy also said that he had channelled his extra energy to bodybuilding, and that they avoided dating at home.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Their advice no good ah?
sgbabydoll
Active Member
OK lah. It's only a piece of advice I got from TV. Can use good. Cannot use also no big deal.
miloice
Well-Known Member
my opinion : if no will to restand the temptations, then let it be. I don't see the point of trying so hard when the couple has no will power to see through their conviction. A bit of the lost cause.
Its like having a partner faithful to us only because of the lack of opportunity to cheat. No point right?
Its like having a partner faithful to us only because of the lack of opportunity to cheat. No point right?
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Not hanging out at "tempting" places is part of exercising the will power. So as channelling the energy to bodybuilding or other activities.
Will power has to be exercised.
Will power has to be exercised.
miloice
Well-Known Member
to me, its damn sad that staying at home has became a place of temptation. Why can't couples have clean fun relaxing in each other homes and rooms?
If the mind & body is this weak, then avoiding the home won't help. They would check in to hotels or do it in the car or parks.
If the mind & body is this weak, then avoiding the home won't help. They would check in to hotels or do it in the car or parks.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
If you and your partner decide to abstain from sex for five years, it makes sense to draw up boundaries. Part of resisting temptation entails we don't expose ourselves to tempting situations.
miloice
Well-Known Member
True, some boundaries should be drawn but avoiding the homes seems the wrong boundary to draw, hardly for long time solution. The solution should be focusing on addressing how to cope with their temptations and urges rather than avoiding situation where intimacy can occur.
Few reasons:-
1) Quite tough to sustain this way.
2) There are bound to be situations where intimacy would or could occur.
3) And it might not be good for the relationship. Cannot expert from 0 to full intimacy just in a wedding night. It just doesn't work out smoothly this way.
i.e. They should be avoiding getting way too intimate, raising the alarm bells before things get out of hand and other more influencing factors like getting drank.
To avoid homes, might as well avoid all intimacy, cinemas, and dating completely. Lagi will not get tempted.
Few reasons:-
1) Quite tough to sustain this way.
2) There are bound to be situations where intimacy would or could occur.
3) And it might not be good for the relationship. Cannot expert from 0 to full intimacy just in a wedding night. It just doesn't work out smoothly this way.
i.e. They should be avoiding getting way too intimate, raising the alarm bells before things get out of hand and other more influencing factors like getting drank.
To avoid homes, might as well avoid all intimacy, cinemas, and dating completely. Lagi will not get tempted.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
I have said avoid hanging out at tempting places is ONE of the ways to resist or cope with temptation. I didn't say it is the ONLY way or the BEST way.
The celebrity couple did say more lah, just that I couldn't remember everything.
Avoid getting drunk is a good tip. Avoid touching the skin that is covered by clothings is also a good guideline.
Any other tips?
The celebrity couple did say more lah, just that I couldn't remember everything.
Avoid getting drunk is a good tip. Avoid touching the skin that is covered by clothings is also a good guideline.
Any other tips?
miloice
Well-Known Member
Not so many tips, just have the determination and will power to control themselves REGARDLESS where they are. And of cos, avoid getting so drank till their lost consciousness over themselves.
I don't believe its about restricting and avoiding too much, those guidelines should be the bear minimum. Instead, deal with it sensibly. To me, avoiding homes is being beyond minimum. Though possible, its not very practical. While you are thinking its one of the options, I'm thinking its a really bad option. It difficult to adopt, blocks interaction and bonding with future in-laws, limits the much required intimacy between couples. All these are reasons why I think its a bad suggestion.
Unless you have reasons to counter why its aren't a bad option, it REMAINS a possible but lousy one.
I don't believe its about restricting and avoiding too much, those guidelines should be the bear minimum. Instead, deal with it sensibly. To me, avoiding homes is being beyond minimum. Though possible, its not very practical. While you are thinking its one of the options, I'm thinking its a really bad option. It difficult to adopt, blocks interaction and bonding with future in-laws, limits the much required intimacy between couples. All these are reasons why I think its a bad suggestion.
Unless you have reasons to counter why its aren't a bad option, it REMAINS a possible but lousy one.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Aiyor, the couple before getting married were living on their own, individually.
I don't think it is a bad suggestion in the context of a dating couple who do not want to engage in premarital sex. I am airing my views in this context, not whether premarital sex is good or bad.
Their objective is clear: No premarital sex at all costs.
I don't think it is a bad suggestion in the context of a dating couple who do not want to engage in premarital sex. I am airing my views in this context, not whether premarital sex is good or bad.
Their objective is clear: No premarital sex at all costs.