Marriage not consummated

[bride_0909]

I've been married for almost 5 mths but still havent successfully consummated.. both of us r still virgins.. hubby tried a few times but 'it' juz wouldnt go in.. not quite sure wads the reason.. he said im resisting his entry, but im definitely not consciously resisting him.. we tried using lubricant also.. also I'm not fully aroused.. all the foreplay also doesnt seem to arouse me.. after a while he juz gets frustrated n stops.. now he doesnt even wanna try anymore.. this is now leading to quarrels between us.. pushing the blame to each other.. anyone can help us pls??

 

[lovingyou]

Try to relax, it will helps a lot... there are a few days in each month that a women tend to be feeling more active, try to work on those days for the first few times.... also, you have to stop "fearing"... a lady tends to be afraid and at times, such fear caused the person to be rejecting the entry subconsciously... it is very important not to get too tense during the process as well..

 

[bride_0909]

I've tried my best to relax.. even took some wine bfore.. but it doesnt seem to help.. it's juz gettin so frustrating.. i think now it'll be added pressure after all the recent debates we've had abt dis.. sigh

 

[lovingyou]

What exactly is the problem? There are a few "common" resistances, was it due to tensing of muscles etc?

 

[bride_0909]

yup probably.. he says my inner thigh muscles also r very tense n blocking his path.. i try to consciously relax my muscles.. but it somehow still doesnt let him in.. or does he juz have to exert more force n push it in?

 

[lovingyou]

I dun think that is a wise idea coz if he does that, you might be feeling more pain than enjoying the process and it will increase the fear even more the next time u try. What about trying other positions?

 

[bride_0909]

possible to give some ideas on which positions mite help? thanx heaps!

 

[lovingyou]

U have to understand what works well for your HB and yourself... We being outsiders wun be able to advise you that much... U can find out more of it via magazines...

 

[lalaa_27]

haha okie.. will go do some research
thanks littlewoman

 

[lovingyou]

No problem... All the best.

 

[paperboat]

I guess the problem is because you are a virgin..hence it is a bit "tight" for him to enter. Perhaps you could try "doggy" style as it is meant for deeper penetration.

Don't feel frustrated as the first step to everything is always more difficult. Good luck!

 

[bride_0909]

so envious of the women who can juz do it so easily the 1st time.. will ask him to try doggie.. thanx for the suggestion paperboat

 

[pinktweet]

i think most of the women who do it easily the first time are those who did it before marriage .. for those who preserve and wait till after marriage, the stress of doing after marriage tend to be there because of the long anticipation .. not sure if i'm right in this deduction ..

 

[clipperjunk]

check if his penis foreskin was retracted...uncircumcised virgin guys tend to have this problem, you can't penetrate without retracting the foreskin.

 

[bride_0909]

clipperjunk.. yup he did retract his foreskin.. the prob was wif me being too tensed & stressed like wad PinkTweet n littlewoman said..
paperboat we tried doggy like wad u suggested but it didnt seem to suit us..
anyway glad to say we finally succeeded last nite

I had a whole load of wine bfore dat n did deep breathing exercises to forcefully relax myself many times in between.. thanks to all of u for ur suggestions n advice

 

[pineapplepie]

gd for u ger, i had tried to consummate mine too. he managed to go in but he was unable to sustain it cos he says hes nt turned on by me. it was boring for him. what shd i do? both of us feel upset.

 

[bride_0909]

applepie.. r u n ur hubby virgins? my hubby also had similar prob.. guess its bcos the guy also gets nervous, stressed n frustrated n arousal is difficult.. I helped my hubby by givin him hj n bj in between so he can get hard again.. maybe u can try the same? i dun think any guy can get turned off by hj & bj..

 

[lovingyou]

Troubled: Glad and happy for you...

hope to hear ur good news soon...

Applepie: Care to elaborate? What do u mean by he can't sustain it? Did he turn soft or? U can PM me instead.

 

[bride_0909]

thanx littlewoman!.. will keep u updated

 

[hoddioo]

please watch some porno!
but don't learn about the oral part

 

[pineapplepie]

he has no feelings when we tried bj. yup we r both V but we managed to get it in. now prob is he is just nt turned on by me. watching porno help him to get hard but when he tried entering he turn soft. and then he will say i dun turn him on etc.

 

[hoddioo]

well
have some wine

 

[shirleypoise]

He may hv medical problems. If this persist, get him to go to a doctor for examination.

 

[pineapplepie]

we tried all ways. he says i am just not appealing to him. but when he do hj, he can come. so dun think its medical prob?

 

[bride_0909]

applepie.. im not really expert in this topic yet.. but my guess is dat maybe he's juz nervous abt performing & thus giving excuses that ur not appealing to him.. try being more encouraging to him.. guys like verbal positive reactions from their partner during lovemaking.. also maybe u can try goin for a b wax.. it may appeal to him more..

 

[thommy]

Maybe can try foreplay first?

 

[lovingyou]

applepie: how long are u married? what about wearing sexy lingerie?

 

[pineapplepie]

hi all, i tried the above that u mentioned. doesn seem to have much effect and i cried after tat.less than 6 mths

 

[thommy]

apple: did he find u appealing before marriage?

 

[pineapplepie]

yes.

 

[lovingyou]

Hmm... probably he might not be able to sustain for a certain time period... mood counts, is he stress over work issues or?

 

[pineapplepie]

work is nt stressful for him.

 

[lovingyou]

What turns him on then? Perhaps 2 of you can discuss what are the expectations etc?

 

[pineapplepie]

we did discuss many many days on it. i just dun turn him on, watever i do doesnt turn him on at all

 

[lovingyou]

i just turn him on, watever i do doesnt turn him on at all = I dun quite get what you mean?

 

[pineapplepie]

maybe cos i am too thin, no appeal.

 

[lovingyou]

hmm... I don't see a link to it when u does have your own charm to appeal to him before marriage unless you slim down lots after marriage? There mus be some other reasons to it... Did something happen during the process?

 

[thommy]

that's even more weird isn't it?

if b4 marriage he can find u appealing and now its the total opposite

it cld be due to his ego or pride I think...cos some guys cannot accept the fact that they cannot 'do it' and thus will find excuses to cover up for themselves.

perhaps both of u shld go see a marriage counsellor.

 

[pineapplepie]

maybe u r not wrong as he has strong pride.. but also i think i am not appealing at the same time...

 

[thommy]

be positive ya?

nth's too big that can't be solved

 

[pineapplepie]

Ya wants to solve it but u dunno how ya

 

[lovingyou]

Hmm... did u do anything that irritates him during the lovemaking?

 

[lovingyou]

Perhaps u can read up on this book: "Sex-starved wives" to understand more on how men think...

 

[miloice]

sexual issues are indeed problematic but it is normally how the individuals deal with it that matters. How can things improve with her husband putting her down and blaming her for not arousing him enough. If he is inside her and yet no feeling, then, either physically they have big size disparity or he is having some ED issues.

 

[lovingyou]

That is helpful... Hmm... ED means?

 

[lovingyou]

Milo: Got the meaning...

 

[thommy]

little: ED = Erectile Dysfunction

 

[lovingyou]

Thomas: thanks. I got the term from my HB...

 

[bride_0909]

applepie.. could be his ego refuses to admit that sumthg could be wrong wif him.. thats y he's putting the blame on u.. dun take it personally.. hmm did u say or do sumthg that might have belittled him? cos once a guy's manhood has been insulted, its very hard for dem to get aroused in front of dat woman again.. juz keep encouraging him.. n tell him dat he arouses u.. if it still doesnt work, den both of u might have to consult a doc I guess..

 

[shirleypoise]

Hmm, din occur to me on the size disparity part but that could be true...

My guess is still the same, that it could be a medical problem or it might also be that he's not experienced..

He being able to come when he's doing hj himself is just because he knows his body (how/when/where).

If it's cuz you dun turn him on... v weird... Would a guy marry a gal that doesn't turn him on knowing that he is expected to mate w her for the rest of his life??

Either way, it's his (physical) problem, not yours. So you shouldn't be thinking that you are the cause of it. He chose you as his wife too, din he?

I despise him for putting the blame on you.