LYING/TELLING LIES

lonelygal

New Member
When a husband starts lying or telling lies to his wife, is it the end of the marriage? Lies like going to work but in fact he didn't, lies like going to a certain place but in fact going to other places etc. I'm really hurt. His truth wouldn't hurt but I don't understand why he's starting to lie.
 


infojunkie

Active Member
"When a husband starts lying or telling lies to his wife, is it the end of the marriage?"
No. if the wife stop harping on or choose to feign ignorance. and the husband stop lying or choose to feign repentance...

"Lies like going to work but in fact he didn't, lies like going to a certain place but in fact going to other places etc"
he probably lied out of convenience. save the trouble explaining to u by telling u what u wanna hear...

"I'm really hurt"
well, everybody lies once in a while...:p
but i would be more frustrated than hurt if my spouse is a habitual liar...

"His truth wouldn't hurt but I don't understand why he's starting to lie."
if the truth doesn't hurt, why bother abt the lie that was used to cover it? and cut the crap on wondering why he's starting to lie... the TRUTH is, u r starting to realise that he lies...
 

margret

Member
boken hearted, definitely lying to your the other half is not healthy. U have to find out why he lies. Is it that u didn't give him much freedom or is it u don't allow him to go certain places or be with that certain person.
 

tizaneh

New Member
i guess he is lying because he knows how you would be reacting. and you know how you would react if he told you the truth. Bottomline is you guys are not enjoying effective communication. second-guessing each other and trust wld wean.

Work on caring more for him, consistently.
 
sometimes he may be lying if he thinks it's better for you not to know the truth, but of course you have to monitor and see how long the lying lasts... now that you have found out that he is lying it's better that you find a good time to sit down and talk about it... keeping it to yourself may hurt the relationship alot.
 

tizaneh

New Member
white lies are pretty good too because alot of us cannot handle the truth. I totally agree with chocomuffins
 
lyn2wen,
I'm as curious as you about how she finds out her hubby's exact whereabouts :p

She plants a chip in his car to track location, hires a PI or tails him by herself?

"Lies like going to work but in fact he didn't, lies like going to a certain place but in fact going to other places etc. "
 

cottony

New Member
I know the feeling cos my hubby lies to me a lot. I have caught him lying many times and he knows it too but it still doesn't stop him from lying to me...
 

simpleman

Active Member
"white lies are pretty good too because alot of us cannot handle the truth"

I don't think lies are good at all in a relationship. What sort of truth we cannot handle in a relationship if it is above-board?

But I do agree, that there are things that you don't have to tell your partner.. but this is different from lying.

For liars, they need to be confronted when they lie. If we just let it go, they will continue to lie and lie.

I have a Gf who is a compulsive liar. But through the many months I am with her, I confronted her many times.. many times we quarreled.. but in the end, she improved a lot and told much much less lies... sometimes she will still tell lie but she mostly will confess without me telling her to.

As to why we know our partner is lying? We don't need PI nor need to hide in the boot. We can tell by the type of excuses that are being told. Many times I have no proof but because I am so confident.. my gf has to confess ...
 

infojunkie

Active Member
ppl lie for 3 reasons... they lie to

1. hide something
2. do harm in some way
3. hype themselves

icy, think harder before u go wailing...
 

powder

Active Member
if the lies are abt places, then i suppose it would also mean the pple/person that he was with?

place - a place he wants to go to Without u / a place he wants to go to with Someone Else.

person - someone he is wooing / someone he prefers to be alone with / someone u dun approve / someone u dun like / someone bad

pple - pple u dun approve / pple u dun like / bad pple

else he is doing something u CANNOT know. either bad / good / or u can't handle it.

question for u - are u the type who always wants to follow? are u the type who has a big-mouth? are u the type who cannot handle truth and kick up a fuss?

start by looking at yourself first, and dun think abt 'he shouldn't lie, he shouldn't lie'. of cos if he's those Internal Security/Police type, then it's information u Cannot know.

ps: he could simply wanna be alone.
 

infojunkie

Active Member
even pathological liars hv reasons to lie... they r goal-oriented... they lie to obtain something, achieve the results they want... or simply to put on a facade... to them, lying is a way of life... they'll do it without a second thought... yes, we r talking abt ppl wif deep-rooted problems and it's pathological... but they almost always lie for something... no matter how immaterial this "something" might be deemed by others...
 

powder

Active Member
i'm inclined to think tat for pathological liars it's more a mental things rite whereby the mind is beyond an awareness level tat affects conscience, perhaps even a fear of divulging the truth, therefore speaking the 'untruth'.

very unlikely the case for lying on places one goes and persons they're with. Unless he starts insisting of the existence of an imaginary fren... then perhaps. else this should be more of the intentional lying.
 

simpleman

Active Member
pathlogical liars are more psychological.. some times they even believe what they say is the truth the moment it went out of their mouths..

But a lot of liars are mixed up.. their lying habits with their intention to deceive..

people who lies about places/persons - are just thinking of hiding the truth.. thinking it may hurt.. at times if they are confronted and they start to know that the truth may not hurt or hurt that much.. they will learn..

I have had very good first hand experience.. dealing with such a liar. It is a very good experience for me as well.. and fortunately, we can help liars to tell less lies..
 

infojunkie

Active Member
"some times they even believe what they say is the truth the moment it went out of their mouths.."

reminds me of what Blanche Dubois, of A Streetcar Named Desire, famously declared:

"I don't want realism. I want magic! Yes, yes, magic! I try to give that to people. I misrepresent things to them. I don't tell the truth, I tell what ought to be the truth..."
crazy.gif


anyway, guess icy's husband is more of an accidental liar than a genuine nutcase :p
 

lovingyou

New Member
Broken hearted: it depends on the reasons for lying.. U might want to reveal more on how u find out abt the lies and the reasons of the lies etc?
 

toyisme

New Member
usually, man does not want to be bother with small things.

when a man chase a woman it is the time when a man near the woman.

but when a woman annoying a man, it is the time when a woman near the man.
 

toyisme

New Member
i mean when a man chase a woman, they will all over the woman like princess in order to make a woman fell wanted and loved.

but, after the man get it, the woman will become annoying to man. this is when woman show their love to man.

so love from woman to man can be annoying. and love from man to woman is really a fantasy.
 

vios

New Member
not yet from behind, as i had ensured that my front car plate didn't touch his 'sibeh, sibeh tua' exhaust pipe....

this type of thing gotta be careful mah... i dun think the insurance covers my car plate, hor?
 

alcifertoh

New Member
Don't follow too close then haha if not later tarlek too much of the exhaust. What a capacity that requires such a Dua Yan Gong.
 

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