Living in shadow of ex


New Member
I have been with my bf for a year and we have been staying together for 4 months. When we got together, he was on the phase of separation (not yet divorced) and he has 2 young kids.
4 months into our relationship, I had to go on a month long business trip. I trusted him and barely calls him , only occasional texts. One day, I came across photos of his in his laptop. It was photos of him and his (ex) wife hanging out together (his ex hands were on his shoulders in the photo) while I was away for that 1 month business trip. And of course there were family photos with their children too.
I knew in my mind that with children , he would still have to carry out his responsibilities. But I feel like he should have the basic respect to tell me. And if he still wants to act like a couple with his (ex) wife then he shouldn’t be asking for a divorce then ?
it does not help that every weekend, he needs to chauffeur them around. I generally do not mind but because of what happened I had became so paranoid that it is becoming toxic.
I caught another lie when he said he needs to go to work earlier and I found out that he went back to his house that morning. Again, why lie ?!
I am going on a business trip again and this is making me very uncomfortable. I know deep inside I could not trust him anymore. I have said I wanted out so many times but he doesn’t agree. There was once I had to go for a haircut and he was so insistent on me getting a bob hair cut. I rejected and later found out that when he met his ex wife, she was wearing the bob cut. He confessed that he has a thing for woman with bob hair. I feel like I am constantly living in her shadows.
He is still going through separation but not officially divorced.


New Member
I hope you are not the reason for the divorce. Anyway, they are still legally married. You are willingly and knowingly agreeing to be someone’s mistress. You shouldn’t commit to someone who isn’t ready to commit.The probability of it getting messy is just too high.
Bear in mind there is still a good chance that they will get back together .
You need to have HTHT with your bf about this. Anything along those lines tell him what and why you don’t like it, tell him to stop. Make him understand that he will need to work hard on rebuilding your trust. Depending on the outcome, you may need to consider leaving the relationship.
Relationship thrive on mutual love and respect for each other. Never accept being someone’s shadows.If you stuck with someone you cannot trust in then you will be always frustrated in the relationship.
Bottom line?
If you cannot trust him with your life then do not give it to him. Don’t waste your time. Find someone who are single and thinks you are wonderful without reservations.