Let's share the little things that keep the marriage alive!

denise80

Active Member
Just thought of exchanging the little things that you say or do with your partner that keeps the marriage alive here! Yes, no matter how mushy or trivial in others' eyes, just share them here! :)

I'll go first...and I'll cite a brief sms conversation I had with my Hubby that I thought was hilarious but sweet. Sorry if I irk anyone here because you think it's mushy or...I duno...anyway here it goes...

Me: Hi, got miss me? haha

Him: A bit lor cos its a lousy day for me

Me: Ah. Lousy day so miss me a bit only or lousy day then miss me?

Him: Think of your cute face makes me happier
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Me: U just think of me reenacting the red card scene you'll feel happier (my hubby hates watching soccer so I reenacted one red card scene to irritate him recently - the one that sent the Nigerian out LOL)

Him: Hahaha. Think of u like that I will laugh till I peng san. But think of your wake up face make me smile.

Me: But I prefer to role play. How about police tonight? (I've been joking enough about uniform temptation but never meant it. He thought I was serious)

Him: Er. I don't like it.

Me: Er. But I like it.

Him: Hmmm see how la ha ha

Me: What! You actually will consider it? I was joking all along man!

Him: Phew!!!

Okay. End of conversation. Anyway I thought it's important to have this kind of light conversation with your loved one once in a while to keep the sparks alive. I once read somewhere that it's important for a couple to have different kinds of sex to be considered a healthy relationship. These include sex that give you that multiple Os blah blah...to sex that make you laugh etc.

Now, what is your story?
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miloice

Well-Known Member
denise, I think its just important that couples continue to spend time to communicate casually and intimately. I think driving or travelling is a good time off our busy schedule.

For me, whenever possible we try to slot our work schedule to go back together since our offices are on the way. Hers being in central, so its always convenient for me. We did this since dating and I used to go to the gym when she OT and we meet for dinner after before heading home.

I would like to add that the sex alone is over-rated. It is not just the number of positions that the couple tries that keeps the sex interesting. The closeness and intimacy parts very important part as well. Men may instinctively want the sex part. But, the intimacy can be also very wonderful for the guy. Some men just never experienced that and so, to them its just ramming the hole. Soon, they will be bored and haunting for other holes. Just as how we can get bored of the porn DVD clip and needed something new. The physical part gets routine easily. Not so on intimacy. That's why loving the same person a lifetime isn't boring.
 

rofthelper

Member
Wah denise80, envy you that you can have so many smses with your hubby. Wired thing is my wifey won't sms me, cos she say sms is a waste of time, so she will call me if something happens. If there's a need for sms, she will keep the content short and sharp, no more then 3 smses per day.

So far into the 7th year of marriage with a 7mth old boy, we have shared more tasks together and will try to think of other innovative ways to spice up our marriage life.

So far this is my routine gesture for her:

apply body lotion massage her every night.
plant a kiss before leaving for work.
bring her for a shopping cum dinner date w/o baby once weekly.
play big sweetland @ arcade together and fish for her favorite soft toys.
give her offdays for shopping trips while I take care of baby.
learn to cook a new dish together.

hoping to plan for a getaway in dec 10 for the 3 of us. It will be our first overseas trip with baby.
 

sweeet

Member
denise80 : you're lucky to have such a sweet hubby! My conversation with my bf would probably go like this...

Me : Dear, got miss me anot?
BF : For what? No lah, dun miss you..

SIANZ!
 

rofthelper

Member
I just found out that in my wifey's mobile bill, there are only 15 smses being sent! So not even 1 sms per day. haha.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
if this thread becomes a compare your spouse thread, then it defeats its intention. Every relationship differs. Stop comparing and start evaluating and reflecting on how you can improve yours if you are so unhappy about it.

Some couples are more mushy then others. Frankly, there is nothing to envy or not.
 

rofthelper

Member
It's okie if there's not much sms btw us, just a casual comment on TS's mushy smses. hehe.

Ya, still evaluating and reflecting on how to further improve my marriage life.

Milo, you have any other suggestions apart from mine? Pls share.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Rofthelper,

refer to my msg at June 23, 2010 - 9:55 am.
What you suggested are great stuffs.

Somemore... Bathe together. Save water and time. Get to pamper and massage each other and good way for foreplay to lead to sex after.
Sometimes, play wii fit together and bring her to the gym for good workout. Sign up for TNP big walk together. Hopefully can win the lucky draw as well.
 

rofthelper

Member
Btw, my wifey not interested in run/gym & games. But I have already signed up for the big walk 2 wks ago.

Thanks for this tip.

===============================================
Another one. Bathe together. Save water and time. Get to pamper and massage each other and good way for foreplay to lead to sex after.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
hi bro...
my wife also not interested in exercises. But, I am very persistent about it. So, sometimes, she would accompany me. Its really for her own good.
 

rofthelper

Member
Hi milo, thanks.

Guess I have to "push" her hard enough to walk/run with me around bishan park with the stroller next time. haha.
 

denise80

Active Member
Hi ppl,

yes, nothing to envy about. Every relationship is different.

Milo, when I talk about different types of sex...I don't mean the different sexual positions. The article I read was precisely about the shared intimacy instead of pure 'ramming of hole' haha. It talked about the importance of having sex that made both parties laugh, not just those that are highly intense and give u multiple Os. Hmm..don't know if u know what I'm talking about here...

Anyway ya...the part about bathing together is funny. The only reason and time I bathed with my hubby was when I'm afraid of the dark when we stayed in hotels overseas haha! Perhaps I've watched too many horror movies already!

To Rofthelper, frankly, my hubby has this habit of texting me gd morning etc...and sometimes I'm so busy that I don't reply him as well. However, he has never ceased to text me these messages. Once in a while when I am free at work, I'll return his smses. Different couples have different ways of communication. Those little things you did for your wife are great too!

As for exercise, it wasn't a problem for us because one of the reasons why we got along very well quickly was we have similar hobbies. We even started out doubting one another when we both claimed that we go to the gym, jog and bowl. To him, he has never come across a girl who's serious about gym and who can bowl reasonably well. To me, I also doubt his abilities in these sports, thinking that he's only patronising me so that I would go out with him. In the end, we were pleasantly surprised. Now we still go gym on a weekly basis and simpy spur each other on whenever we feel lazy.

Anyway Sweet, since you mentioned it's bf and not hubby, maybe you like to find out why he's so hostile towards your sweet smses? Maybe he's just joking?

Milo, sometimes difficult to coerce someone who doesn't like to exercise to do sports la...
like I just can't force my hubby to watch soccer. He'll be physically around but he'll play computer games and only look up occasionally to ask about what's offside and why red card, only to get on my nerves. Anyway it's mutual for us. I often get on his nerves by asking him which is Hamilton every single round of F1 cos all damn cars looked the same to me lol...
 
Fiance and I exchange sms everyday...and during work we chat on msn...of course in intervals and not all the time...asking hows work and if feeling tired....sometimes we would just sideline and exchange some mushy stuff and get back to work...:p

We both have total opposite character (actually almost opp in eating habbits, tv channels etc)...but we managed to work it out (w/o quarrels)...and complement each....it's something we work and still continue to working on...

It's nice to read this thread...
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miloice

Well-Known Member
Denise,

u bowl too? I love to bowl! So, where do you bowl normally??

about the sports thing, its always the discipline to do it. Once we get lazy, the engine will never start. Its the same with everyone. Those that train regularly simply understand the importance to keep the momentum. Also, it makes the recovery much faster.

But, of cos, we need to discover what sports each individual like. She is very much into Wii fit now. Doing the super Hola. That one is tough!
 

ariel84

New Member
My BF (well, fiance) and I will do these:

1. Sms or msn everyday, as we do not meet everyday. We keep each other updated on the happenings in our lives. Sometimes, like Denise we will inject some lovey dovey stuff in our messages.

2. We quite often and readily say "I love you" to each other. Although it's often, each time we say it, it just warms the heart and remind us of the love we share.

3. We take time apart (like 2-3 days a week) to do our own stuff, spend time with our friends, veg at home alone. I personally find this very good as we get to recharge our batteries and don't lose our identity. In the beginning of our relationship, we meet EVERYDAY and it came to a point whereby we're both so tired, haha. But I do wonder if after married, how we can cope with being with each other everyday. Hmmm. Maybe the married people can advise?

That's about what i can think of now...
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denise80

Active Member
Milo,

I stay in the north so I bowl at Yishun Safra but nowadays I go to gym more often. My hubby's the one who can bowl much better than me. I was more active in bowling during Uni days. I could be so crazy about it that I would bring my bowling ball and shoes just to bowl alone in the mornings where I paid only $1.50 per game! Wow! And I played 6 games in total each time I went! haaa...cheap...total cost only $9.

Regarding Wii..ya..i was addicted to it for awhile but I've gotten over it. If your wife hasn't tried Rabbids, she can go for it. Pretty fun haha...but just becareful cos it can cause physical injuries when one is not careful.

Ariel,
I think after marriage, a couple also needs to have their own activities or hang out with other people in groups so that they wouldn't just face each other all the time - that can be pretty unhealthy I feel. It's important that either you two have a common group of friends who always hang out together or you two have your own group of friends to go out with and neither is the sticky type who constantly needs attention.

Anastasiazen, great that you like this thread. When I first started this thread, I wasn't too sure how others would respond to it. There had been many negative threads on divorces etc so I thought we should share something positive and maybe this will help those who are facing monotonous relationships. You know, I almost wanted to delete this thread shortly after I've posted haha...luckily I didn't!

Let's hear more stories from others!
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
hi denise,

yah... schooling days are the time most bowlers are most active. During my peak days, I was playing in 3 leagues weekly on top of the coaching and practice. I was so crazy over bowling then, the highest number of games I bowled in a single was over 50. I got down to Safra Tenah Merah resort bowl early in the morning where it was offering $1.50 per game. I will bowl till around 2pm, went to the gym for workout and then sleep. Then in the evening, my bro and dad wanted to bowl and I ended up bowling till 3am that evening.

Now, I just drag my stuffs down and bowl alone mostly when my wife goes for spa or facial. Missed those days I was bowling with my Dad and brother. My brother is forever busy with his work or family and inlaws. I stopped for sometime and started bowling again shortly after his departure. In a way, I felt his presence with me on the bowling alley sometimes.
 

denise80

Active Member
Heheh at least you've played competitively. I've never learnt bowling formally or played competitively during school days. Only won awards for corporate bowling competition organised by my company haha..

Even if your wife can't play, u can invite her to watch actually. Quite fun to be watching bowling. Hmm..my dad bowls too but that was in his younger days. He's a better badminton player. I play badminton too but was less active during the last three years when I was bogged down by work and studies.

I think other than sports, there must be some activities that a couple can enjoy together. Doing things together and separately, I feel, are equally important.
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simpleman

Active Member
I may have a cynical view.

When the marriage is good, whatever little things are all great. When the marriage is on the rocks, these little things mean nothing.

How to keep a marriage going? Are these little things useful.. or they are by-product of a good marriage?

To me. It boils down to a couple of things:

a) Communication
b) Genuine love and concern for each other.

The rest of the little things will vary from people to people. some share hobby. Some don't share anything in common at all. It does not really matter.
 

denise80

Active Member
Hi sm,

I beg to differ.

Yes, communication and genuine love and concern for each other are important and it's through these little things that show the two important things you mentioned about. Of course, the biggest test comes when both met with some problems. And do you now how these big problems come about? It's partially from the daily lack of such little things one another does for each other.

I don't know if you hold more cynical views because of your own personal experiences. Perhaps.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
sm,

I agree with the fundamentals....
indeed those could likely be 'by-products' of a good and working relationship.

But its good to be proactive and creative. Some people are naturally less spontaneous with ideas. Frankly, I search online sometimes for new ideas too. Wife would be so surprised because its so not me. Of cos, its a borrowed idea. But it works.

Same with design or artwork. We look at differing usecases and develop our own theme from there. No need to reinvent the wheel everytime.
 

rofthelper

Member
Anyone try fishing with their partners?

My peers suggest we go to kelong next mth together with 4 couples.

As for bowling, my wife bowls better than me, I used to throw the ball at other lane. So paiseh.

Any place to recommend for picnic? Botanical gardens?
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Hi bro, the first time I bowled, I fell down after stepping beyond the foul line onto the oil. Everyone start the same. It a matter if you like the game enough to practice and get better.
 

denise80

Active Member
Hi Roft,

I've only tried prawn fishing with my ex bf hehe. He prefers quieter activities and didnt' mind prawn fishing. I'm quite versatile and don't mind trying new things type. Of course not extreme sports..I have a faint heart if it's sky diving or bungee jumping.

Picnic sounds interesting but if your wife is the type who is not a friend of the nature, especially with mosquitoes, then better not choose Botanical gardens or go picnic. I can jog and trek in a natural environment but not have picnic with the mosquitoes for e.g. hehe

Ya, if one is keen on an activity, will tend to spend more time and effort on it. Naturally we'll be better then. I remember borrowing books to read up on bowling even lol...anyway i'm no pro...seems like Milo's the pro here hehe..

Oh yes, try kayaking to Pulau Ubin with a group of friends including your partner. I thought that's fun too if you do it once in a while. It helps break the monotony of doing the same things always.
 

xinyue

New Member
Roft > picnic can try Marina Barrage, Fort canning or any of the beaches (though personally I felt beaches are more for BBQs)
 

rofthelper

Member
Hi bel, Marina Barrage sounds cool to me, maybe I google the location of this place first, and then decide.

Thanks.
 

haohao20

New Member
a typical "sweet" convo will go like this for us.

Me: Got Miss me?
Him: Where got time
Me: -_-""

OR

Me: I miss you le...
Him: You psycho...
 

babystorm

Member
In a way, I agree with sm. If both are in love, every little thing seems magnified. But if the feelings has changed, nothing matters anymore.

My bf will always insist to fetch me home if he is available, call and kiss me good night, call to wish me good morning everyday, help to take my big bag, buy my fav food to cheer me up, surprise me with lil gifts, give me cards written with his heartfelt words, massage me when I'm aching, give me hugs and kisses, bring me to a movie, basically just accompany me to do/eat whatever I feel like, etc. He's quite accommodating, whereas I'm more fussy.
 

muji

New Member
Hi Denise, I really like this thread. Sometimes when we are too busy with competition in everday life, we miss the little things which matter and I think it doesn't matter whether these things can bind a relationship when it is breaking up or not, likewise it cannot be the thread to mend a broken relationship, but it is good to celebrate when someone does these little things without us looking at times...

My fiance and I work together in the same school. He drives me to school everyday and buys me the same bowl of porridge every morning. He always tells me he loves me because he thinks it is important for me to hear that. We celebrates our monthly anniversaries without fail and he arranges for short trips together every month. He does these because he wants to and it assures himself and myself that being together is not the end, it is the start of a lifelong commitment...

I appreciate all his efforts by making a lunchbox for him everyday..and he will finish everything even it may not taste really fantastic, because he thinks the effort is already unique.

He is not the romantic guy but he treats a relationship with genuinity and responsibility and he shows me that I matter..And most importantly, we behave like kids when we are together! We laugh loudly, we tease each other, we chase, kick...
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miloice

Well-Known Member
"He is not the romantic guy but he treats a relationship with genuinity and responsibility and he shows me that I matter..And most importantly, we behave like kids when we are together! We laugh loudly, we tease each other, we chase, kick."

I like that. Basically, being honest and real to our partners.
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denise80

Active Member
mrsmaotan, hehe...won't there be a conflict in ranking and performance if both of you are in the same school?

Anyway it's interesting that you and your hubby behave like kids when you are together! My hubby and I behave like kids too when we're together
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maple_egreen

New Member
hmm .. for us will be

- he will see me off at the door every morning when i go to work as i leave the house first (partly also to help me fend off any lizards that camped at our door overnight as i am petrified of lizards)

- will sms me to report safe when he reach work and wish me a blessed day and i would wish the same back

- will pick me up after work (quite default cos we are married have to go back same house and esp if he has nothing on after work)

- will sometimes end his PC activities (play games, watch anime, surf net) early to lie beside me and read a book instead if i want to sleep early and i will scratch his back or tummy everynight while tossing to go to sleep

- I will make him hot chocolate or buy him tidbits at times

- Weekends, mostly i will cook, sometimes his fav curry chicken or fried rice

- We will also go to airport for coffee (we like it there, kinda set us in a holiday mood)

- Will share common interests at times such as watch anime together, go shopping for toys, books etc ...

- Will behave really like kids when at home, will pretend to bump into each other and 'molest' each other, will try to pull off his pants, will hide under blanket and guess where is the head or bum, will pillow fight and wrestle

- Will always hold hands when outside

- Will eat off each other's hate food if need be (i eat his spring onions as he hates it)

- Share household chores though he will not wash the toilet

- And most important .. will spend time away from each other at least once a week, to meet our own friends, do our own stuff etc .. we think this is important to keep all things in balance
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muji

New Member
Hi Denise80 (hee, my name is Denise too), it is becoming a problem soon actually...I am in SMC and he is not so well if we get married, one has to go or I step down
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coz we really want to stay in the same school...
 

muji

New Member
maple_egreen, I really like what you have shared...simple things together, alot of effort to persevere with the simplest things in our lives..
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