Leaving home...

habe

New Member
Getting hitched in abt 6 weeks time and these days the thought of leaving my home to begin a new life outside is getting stronger. Everyday when I walk home i will be thinking it will be the last few times that i can walk this route which I have been walking for the past 20 yrs, and I know my mom also feels some extent of sadness that I'm leaving soon, and will sometimes tell me things like "next time when you move out....." and just cny, i was calculating my ang bao money, she wanted to exchange those new $2 and $10 notes with me so that she can re-bao them for wedding (for helpers etc). I say no need to exchange just take it, she said "No cannot, its your ang bao money and its the last yr u collecting angbao already". I immediately felt tears welling up.
when i tell my hubby to be he says its ok cos we will still be visiting often but it won't be the same anymore mah...
Not that I'm not excited about my coming new life, but just wonder how do ppl handle this other feeling as well. Or maybe i'm just too emo....
 


cuclainne

New Member
habe, look forward to the new 'chapter' in your life ...

you may feel this way initially but things will run its course and work itself out. i moved out a month before my wedding and by the time that date arrived, i felt like there was not much difference on the home front. i am very close to my family, that's the reason why the husband moved here instead and even though i don't live under the same roof anymore, my bonds with them have grown stronger, i feel so cheer up ok.
 

habe

New Member
thanks cuclainne
i have stayed on my own outside for a few years when i was studying but i guess its different because this time it will be for good.
yah i have also heard my friends comment that their relationship with family actually got better.
now i recall late last year when my mom wanted to revamp the house, i just mindlessly mentioned why not wait til i move out then revamp cos they can take over my room also. She said "i don't believe you won't want to come back and sleep!" although she may have said it in kind of a jestering way, but i know she meant that she wants to keep the room for me even after i move out.
Guess many times its a matter of getting used to
but still can't help feeling a sense of loss...
 

jinnous

Member
Its norm.....I was sick when I got married. When I returned home 3 days after my wedding (Hokkien custom), I was trying to control my emotions too. When my hubby and I were going home, I told my little nephew (he was 2 plus that time) that gugu is going home. He said no, and pushed me to toilet, saying gugu go bath....and pushed my hubby to the main door, saying gu zhang bye bye.....And he actually cried when I left lor. He always climbed into my bed at night and we watched TV together, sharing a blanket.... keke... quite close lor....

Worse was my mum kept saying to take care of myself, since I married out liao, she's not around to take care of me, sick must take extra care, dun eat this dun eat that etc etc...it was funny cuz I would think she naggy last time, but it sort of made me feel emotional to hear this again at this period....I had to drag my hubby out of the hse cuz I was going to cry....
 

habe

New Member
Awww.....that's really heart-wrenching!
I know how you feel..I have a very young sister - 13 yrs my junior and when me and my 2nd sis went on a school field trip to overseas, she was only about 3 yrs old. My parents and her went to see us off at the airport and my sis was crying when she saw the both of us go through the gates to the other side.I also dropped a few tears too. Until now i feel this immense sadness when i see ppl off at the airport, at the moment when they go thru the glass door.
Me and my second sis also very close, we share clothes/shoes/bags everything(although sometimes share until quarrel)...when i move out, we won't be able to do so anymore.I mean these things are material things...its more of the loss of being able to share..like now we must tear our lives apart..haiz...
 

popcheek

New Member
well... it is natural to feel the FEAR of detachment from the family you've been living with for the longest time.

when my dajie married, i cried secretly. although i like my bro-in-law, i trust he will take good care of my dajie, but some part of me screamed 'noo dun take my dajie away from us'. coz when i came back from overseas studying, and take the 1 month break..then my parents house wont have dajie anymore, she will be in her own matrimonial home, etc..i felt sad.

anyway, the phase over.
then come my OWN wedding day. on the ROM day, during the signing of the cert...tears welled up, making the atmosphere so emo.
then after we come out from the room, when ppl are congratulating us, i cant help but feeling sad. my dad actually cried and hug me tight...i cried even more ~~~ (so paisehhh it was captured in camera too).

honestly, yes the feeling of leaving own family due to settling down and start own family is very very overwhelming.
 

habe

New Member
i quite worried that i might lose control and start crying that day too..will be so embarrassing - looking a mess is one thing, but mainly cos wedding suppose to be happy happy but end up everyone crying...
but well i guess its a phase that everyone has to go through to "grow up" and step into the next phase of our lives - really as adults now who needs to be strong to set up our own families..
 

jinnous

Member
Haha...normally will lose control one....

My sisters all said it was very touching....

Cuz my mum cried when we are leaving....and she was telling my hubby must take care of me....you know those old type hokkien aunties lah.....

Somemore got throw fan one out of the car. My mum also cried.
 

habe

New Member
what's the significance of throwing fan out of car?
i hope my mom won't cry, she normally doesn't cry, she's quite a strong woman, infact i've only seen her cried once when i was very young.
If she cries i sure cry too!
 

jinnous

Member
Wah haha....nice try powder...

Throwing fan is custom, in chinese fan means 'shan', or same sound, 'seperate'. So I had 2 fans, 1 I keep e other I throw and my mum will pick it up after e bridal car went off.

Something like I married off no longer wif her or we have seperated liao I think. Haha....Anyone got answer? I totally forgot liao...
 

powder

Active Member
wah? like that considered littering or killer litter or not? if no car have to throw down from apartment?

wat brand? KDK? the table fan or standing fan will be quite siong to throw out, isn't it?

hmm... i guess u mean the chinese type of fan that chu liu xiang uses isit? else quite costly and heavy...
 

sunflower75

New Member
You made me ponder as my wedding is in december. So far, i havent got all these emotions yet but am sure everyone of us feel upset in leaving home. Just know that this is natural as all of us are grown up and leaving home is part n parcel of our growing up. Be happy.
 

vios

New Member
ya jinnous, wifey had to do that too... heard from in-laws that it represents a new happy chapter, something like that...
 

cuclainne

New Member
powder, expensive if throw out that kind of fan cos sure to break into pieces ..

i'm quite used to attending weddings and seeing the brides and their families cry at the events. my mom didn't cry at my wedding .. she said no need to cry cos it's a happy event, she's not losing me, she's gaining a son-in-law .. so i also never cry.
happy.gif
 

habe

New Member
then mom has to pick up the fan? or just leave it on the ground..
can opt not to throw...i think its such a sad custom!
 

vios

New Member
In wifey's case, father-in-law picked it up. Maybe, because he was the head of the family?
He's Hokkien, mil's teochew. So depends on individuals, i guess....
 

vios

New Member
I'm not sure. It varies?
My fil sheltered her with umbrella to the car while my mil stayed put. So, he picked up lor as he was at the scene.

Why sad? Shld be happy and memorable mah.... haha, maybe i don't get it as a Guy.
 

jinnous

Member
Haiya...powder....u very funny leh....would you go pick up a fan when a wedding ceremony is taking place??? Or even pick up a fan (and I mean Chinese type of fan k) when you see it lying somewhere???

Unless you are a collector of some sorts.....hmmm.... like garung guni man??? Keke...
 

powder

Active Member
it'll really depend... if the fan is nice? if the day is really hot? or if the fan is a possible antique and can fetch more than the recent toto draw?

or maybe it's the competitive streak in me to beat the mothers to it... keke. cheong ahhhhh....
 

alcifertoh

New Member
hahaha anyone in the family can pick up the fan lah. That time my wife also threw the fan and I was wondering if it would be run over by the wheels hmmmm
 

powder

Active Member
oh oh... i thought of another one!

next time i standby 100 fans, then when my neighbour's daughter throw the fan, i also throw the 100 fans i bought!... wah siong! dun know which fan to pick.
 

stress34

New Member
sometime i want to leave home to take a breather...haha. Kind of missing those good old days with friends but gonna accept the fact of being lonely during some of the major festival if being single.
 

powder

Active Member
it's quite impossible to be lonely n single if we have made effort to always be out and running for coffees n gatherings... isolation is often self-imposed. so the sooner we start, the more fulfilments we'll have in life...
 

habe

New Member
sometimes even if we have alot of ppl around us we also will feel lonely, and vice versa, sometimes with only one person by our side we can also feel contented.
but it is true that once you find your purpose in life, no matter what you do or who you are with, you will be happy.
 

cuclainne

New Member
if you're with someone just so you won't be 'alone' during 'major festivals', then you're in it for the wrong reasons la ..

anyways, being married doesn't mean you stare at your wife 24/7 .. boring right? you have your friends, your own interests .. why did you not pursue these?
 

powder

Active Member
Habe what u said is valid, and i agree to a certain extent... just that in Life - it's really important to find fulfilment in more than just a few aspects. take relationships... having just a BGR or marriage isn't enough, u also need to tend to the frenships that made u who u are, the sibling/parents who gave u all u are, the colleagues, the football kakis etc...

everyone will fill up a portion of your life, it's up to u to give them 5%, 10% or 30%. but to leave 0% for them... and give 100% to spouse n family only... it does nothing for us when we know very well that it's not often that both die together. 1 spouse will leave the world first... then what happens?

u're feeling lonely on Occasions becos u know the spouse is still alive n kicking... if the spouse is no longer there - all u have is Lonely and there's nothing u can do abt it.
 

stress34

New Member
actually i hv thought to remain single until i met my present wife few yrs back...setting up a family is not easy. Patience,commitment, financial,communication,care & concern and responsible & many more. Will never know the final ending of a relationship until we leave the world. sian
 

habe

New Member
yeah...like you put eggs into different basket for your money, likewise should also spread out attention.not healthy to be overly focused on one or 2 aspects in life..must have balance.
But family should always be one of the top priorities!
 

powder

Active Member
family will always be a top priority, as long as we dun make it the Only priority... some pple very extreme. they have 1 thing, they let go of the other... i've met quite a number of pple like that, and normally... their happiness is also built on just 1 leg... if the leg gone, the happiness cannot be sustained. so i view it as a tripod... we should always have TWO support groups if 1 is causing us the sadness.
 

carrot_carrot

New Member
Sunflower (sunflower75),

http://www.singaporebrides.com/forumboard/messages/5/752808.html?1216960274#POST3026358
Posted on Friday, July 18, 2008 - 8:58 pm:
'Hi i share the same sentiments with you. Being single at early 30s, I face the same problem too. Have attended few speed dating events and I am getting tired.'

Posted on Saturday, August 30, 2008 - 9:37 pm:
'Muzik, its depressing to know others getting attached and married and then giving birth. Just dont know why i am still single even though i have taken the first step to meet people.'

http://www.singaporebrides.com/forumboard/messages/5/773722.html?1221915648#POST3120162
Posted on Tuesday, September 09, 2008 - 8:21 pm:
'Where to find man, hello any single man available?? Hee hee'

http://www.singaporebrides.com/forumboard/messages/5/157181.html?1231333032#POST3318430
Posted on Saturday, December 13, 2008 - 10:56 am:
'A little kiss sometimes help to increase couple intimacy. Whenever i had a present from my husband or he makes me a simple tea, i will give him a kiss on his cheeks. Its to appreciate him, he also enjoyed being kissed... '

http://www.singaporebrides.com/forumboard/messages/5/927011.html?1234432464#POST3438982
Posted on Thursday, February 12, 2009 - 8:49 am:
'You made me ponder as my wedding is in december. So far, i havent got all these emotions yet but am sure everyone of us feel upset in leaving home. Just know that this is natural as all of us are grown up and leaving home is part n parcel of our growing up. Be happy.'
 

habe

New Member
sorry i know wrong place to gripe but...MY BRIDAL STUDIO JUST CEASED OPERATIONS!!!! WTF!
of all times?????!!!!!!!!!!!
ok lor then no need to get married already.
 

cuclainne

New Member
wah carrot, you got too much time on your hands arh .. can find all these links, copy and paste .. for what arh?

sunflower, you sure work fast!
 

habe

New Member
at this point i have already paid full EVERYTHING..nearly 10k!!! cos we wanted a one stop service so everything like videographer actual day photo all from them. really lor...just when i was preaching abt not putting all the eggs in one basket. BASKET!!
 

habe

New Member
to add, even though we have paid everything, we did not get anything back yet, except for my hubby to be's suit. My gowns, albums etc all still there. what the Fishball noodle soup.
anyway going down to check things out...wish me luck man...
 

otelle

New Member
Carrot, everyone here use the same nick to talk whatever they like. Y you bother the same people who talk different things?
 
Habe,

Oh my... wonder how many couples are affected. Have you tried calling them? Can you get thru their lines or have their lines been cut off too? Better go to the shop and check things out.

Hope that at least you can get your albums back since these will not be worth anything for the studio or the studio's creditors.
 

vios

New Member
I guess carrot has noticed sunflower75's 'different stories' for quite some time, and thus posted the past links (in a matter of 6-7 mths!) when he/she saw that the latter posted her 'New-est Story' in this topic.

I don't get it either.
 

habe

New Member
Hey everyone, thanks for all the concern.. Just came back from the studio, managed to talk to them. Our package will be transferred to another bridal studio, and we were assured that everything we have paid for will be delivered (yes we paid the full 10k already...and normally once money out can forget abt getting it back again).
Yeah...the shop at IMM was Focus right? my friend kenna - deposit lost - luckily only $500.

So i guess things are ok for now, guess we should consider ourselves lucky as compared to those shops that closed and ran away.
We took back my gowns just in case anyway
Just hope that things will stay status quo when we are under the new studio - at least everything soon soon til my wedding day please please!
My bridal boutique is D'sire incase you have any friends who might be impacted please spread the news. We will all be transferred to the wedding present.
 


carrot_carrot

New Member
Vios,
You are right.
The last post dated Sept ’08, sunflower75 talked about singlehood, fast forward to dec ’08, sunflower75 got a husband.

Otelle,
are you speaking for yourself?

http://www.singaporebrides.com/forumboard/messages/5/651783.html?1208850338#POST2882126
Posted on Sunday, April 20, 2008 - 4:54 pm:
‘Anyone here got married within months after dating and knowing each other? I met my bf recently for 3 months and he proposed to me!! My god, i was totally unprepared and i just thought its too soon for us to talk about marriage. Probably 6 months should be good. Any advice for me?’

http://www.singaporebrides.com/forumboard/messages/5/808119.html?1228502083#POST3261596
Posted on Sunday, November 16, 2008 - 2:41 pm:
‘Later on, i met my now hb, i give him whatever he wanted during our courtship days, within 6 mths, marriage talks are on the table.’

http://www.singaporebrides.com/forumboard/messages/5/872336.html?1231823642#POST3354020
Posted on Wednesday, December 31, 2008 - 8:10 am:
'Yes friends are either married or attached. Now i dont even have someone to celebrate new year eve or xmas eve together. I am terribly lonely and i hate staying at home.'
 

Top