Kids and Marriage

[verysadguy]

Are there anybody here who are in the same dilemma as me? I am married for close to 3 years. I do not know if I want any kids. My wife said that she does not want any kids but I am struggling mentally between having kids or not having kids.

I want kids because I think it completes a marriage and at least when I am old, there are somebody who can take care of me.

At the same time, I feel very tired everyday and got a lot of things that I wish to do. I love to analyse stocks, read newspaper, keep myself updated with the latest news and technology. Somehow, I feel that having kids would stop me from doing all these things and makes me even more tired.

Then again, if in the future, I wants kids, it may be too late already so I am in a dilemma. Anybody here has gone through the same things as me and what is your final decision?

 

[cuclainne]

i have been married for about 6 years and have two children .. it's not necessarily true that having children completes a marriage, there are plenty of people who are happily married without any children.

the decision to have kids is not only yours to make, but also your spouse - it has to be mutually agreed on. otherwise the feeling of resentment might come up.

you have to realise that once you have kids, it's not only just about them but you also have to continue nurturing your relationship with your spouse.

i am a full-time working mom and believe me, i am exhausted - i feel like i rarely have time for myself. i'm busy after work taking care of the family and my weekends are taken up with the children's activities.

and it's best not to expect our children to take care of us when the time comes. the most i can hope for is for my children to grow up to be decent human beings, and find their own way in life. my husband can't wait to 'kick' the children out when they come of age to move out of the house.

 

[powder]

dude, kids are a special lot... irreplaceable Once u know them. it's hard for me to envision not having them in my life now...

but i have this to say to u... the decision is whether u want to know them or not...? cos once u know them, u cannot unknow them nor shirk the responsibility to see them for the next 20yrs til they're young adults... but If u never met them, u can definitely enjoy alot more flexibility n time in your life.

my sacrifices when i have kids, would be the time i can have with frens, on my hobbies, chasing certain tough goals in life, n challenging myself n reducing my mobility. these r just some of the things i have had to give up... whether it's worth it or not, is a 50/50 to me, and i have 51% on my kids. it doesn't mean i regret or anything, but there are merits in not having kids too...

i could prob have uprooted myself quite easily to overseas postings, bought a 1mil 2br condo instead of a 2mil 4br condo, drive a porsche instead of drive an MPV, go for holidays in exptic places instead of child-frenly places... picked hiking trips over disneyland etc... these are things u have to consider if u will feel like u missed out.

for me i dun think i made a huge sacrifice, but i recognise the what ifs that could have existed in an alternate life without children... both will have their pros n cons.

like u, i do have romantic notions of seeing them as young adults, perhaps have them bring me out for dim sum every sunday when i'm old. i envision scaring the sh!t out of my daughter's future suitors, and guiding my son in his career choices, i also romanticise in helping them achieve their full potential thru my mentoring...

only 1 path. u dun have to feel urgent for now... maybe u can mingle more with frens who have families of their own... it's very easy to take care of kids for a few hours... they r very cute. go beyond a few weeks and u realise the hard work behind their well-being, and planning behind their every step.

it's a whole new form of challenge.

 

[nichie]

Thanks both of you for sharing your experience on having kids....not very encouraging lei...cons more than pros...an investment with no guarantee return...you need to be those willing to sacrifice but expect no return...but reading the first few lines of power post..wah nearly fall for the trap lei...are kids really so wonderful??...after tht back to reality liao.. don't talk about taking care of us when old...may be no dimsum on sunday too...lucky if they don't throw us into old age home and being abused by caregiver...TS have to think twice...don't be rash..you don't need kid to complete your marriage..but they will definitely affect your quality of life that you are enjoying now...make sure you can commit for next 20 yrs or longer if you have more..moreover your wife don't want to have kid..you should talk to your wife first...may be try keeping a pet to keep you busy...thts wht one of my colleague did...wife don't want but he want..he also involve in a lot of activites to keep himself busy...they also have a few pty in sg n malaysia...he is good enough to retire now n only 40...working to pass time and pocket money...life is great for him now...travel a lot...didn't know guy like kids nowsaday more than woman..

 

[yoongf]

1. Cannot do a cost-benefit analysis for having kids. The benefits are intangilble and priceless. The sacrifices are tremendous. Imagine being in Disneyland, but being stuck on a bench with a kid napping on your lap.

2. Most couples will eventually have kids. Slowly, friends and peers will be busy with their kids activities. A couple without kids will slowly realise that their frens will have less time for gatherings, and eventually the group of friends will either be younger or the social circle shrinks.

3. Women have their biological clock ticking. It's just natural for them to want kids. Why deprive her of her natural desire?

4. 30yr old lifestyle is vastly different from 40yr old lifestyle. Priorities and hobbies will be different. The Lambo may have to give way to the Lexus SUV. Unlikely we will be doing the same stuff 10 years from now.

5. Kids are lifelong decisions. Can also view them as marital superglue.

.... rambling thots of a guy with 2 kids.

 

[powder]

he's not depriving wife, wife is not keen.

personally i'm not so excited with frens who are so into their kids that everything else is secondary. especially those who forget to live their own lives. pple with control issues... they turn into horrible MILs... yes women in particular havea high tendency for this.

 

[baby_lonblue]

i am also in the exact situation when i cant decide if i wanna kid or not, been dragging on for so many years yet i cant make up my mind....

i love to enjoy life type so i was very scare of being tied down by kids and the" investment without guarantee" thingy...
yet on the other hand, i am afraid that i would be left alone if my hb die before me , no one else to focus on after that

me n hb enjoy a very good relationship and he leave it entirely to me if i wanna kid or not since i already 36 this year, i need to decide fast lor

somehow, never can make up my mind.......
is really tough decision but i can see people around just have kids very easily .... is like no need think much like that , i really admire them ...

 

[powder]

pple dun have kids easily, just becos u drag your feet on it and u're indecisive with lotsa insecurities, does not mean others 'no need to think much like that'.

 

[miloice]

u need guarantee? Jump down from the 21st floor, i guarantee there will be no more uncertainties in your life.

Life is not about having certain outcomes, what value is there if you only exist with your life already decided for you? Family and children are never an investment. Its a path you chose in your life, a choice you make. Its not the only walk. Every path has its uncertainties.

 

[cuclainne]

it's been said that nothing is certain except death and taxes.

in any case, you have to be sure that you really want kids before you have them .. they're not toys or merchandise that can be returned within 7 days if you don't like it.

some kids may be a handful more than others - i have grey hairs to prove it - but i wouldn't give it up for anything ..

 

[miloice]

Kids are wonderful little creatures that can deprive so much of your time and resources, making u stay up all night and yet feel so blissful and excited abt them. You will be so interested over things like the color of their poop. lolz.

No matter how one describe it, the decision lies with the individual. One need to have that parenting instinct to take on this step.

 

[cuclainne]

hahahaha .. milo - yes, me and the husband can have conversations about size and texture of kids' poop at mealtimes ... once my youngest vomitted on me at a restaurant and my husband didn't even bat an eyelid - just continued with his meal .. lol .. yesterday i was soaked when my youngest spilled a full glass of water across the table towards me - i was a bit upset about it but felt better after my eldest said poor mummy but it'll dry soon .. lol ..

i really love my children - sure, they drive me crazy sometimes but i love them to bits.

 

[simpleman]

Kids, like what Powder has mentioned - once you know them and have them, it would be difficult to have a life without them.

But the important decision is whether you want to have them - you can't half-way don't like and return the goods. They will stick with you for at least 20 years or so..

The other part I hear is about sacrifices. Personally I don't find it as a sacrifice. Yes, we have finite time but it is how we want to divide them.

there is no reason for us to slow down and do hiking even when we have children. It is possible to get away for periods of time as long as we make arrangements.

And talking about exhaustion? How can it be? Really I am lost. I have now three children. I have no wife, no maid. I have a full-time job. And yet, I don't feel the physical nor mental tiredness that people talked about. It is just a matter of time management and utilizing other resources to help you. Don't take everything upon yourself if you can let others help you.

And expectations of our children. I hope we should have none of it. I really wish to live alone in a home for the old. I don't wish my children to feel obligated to look after me. I will be able to live my life to the fullest - as long as there are professional people to take care of my daily living + healthcare.

If people ask me whether they should have children - the answer is absolutely - the more the merrier.If I am dying on my death-bed, my greatest achievement would be to have my three children and bringing them up to the best of my ability.

It is really a myth that you cannot enjoy life while still having kids. As if not having kids can make you enjoy life. Kids will just put some constraints on your time and resources - it is up to you to manage it.

 

[miloice]

It is like someone fearing marriage over the same reasons...
"love to enjoy life type so i was very scare of being tied down by kids and the" investment without guarantee" thingy"

Hands up how many folks here continue to enjoy life with marriage and kids??

*Hands and feet up*

 

[nichie]

What so interesting about the poop??

Aiya...milo..I know you are becoming a father (or have you become one?)...dont have to be so discriminative mah...you asking married people with kids...of ocurse you will get a positively biased feedback lah....

 

[cuclainne]

outcast .. i think it's something only parents can get excited about ... lol ..

 

[nichie]

is it??...no wonder you got grey hairs...poop can also be a topic at mealtimes....size n texture...come on!...but I can feel your stress from what you have wrote...but I like "my eldest said poor mummy but it'll dry soon"..keke...its always not easy to be a full-time working mom...guys will never fully understand people like you...its always easy for them to say...thts why they will say "And talking about exhaustion? How can it be? Really I am lost."...of ocurse lah...mother doing all the things!!!...not only physically exhausted mentally too...

 

[simpleman]

outcast,

Really I am lost."...of ocurse lah...mother doing all the things!!!...not only physically exhausted mentally too...

I am SINGLE Father by the way. So there is no mother or rather - yes, a part-time mother appearing during weekend to take them for a while. And since Jul last year, I have been without a maid. So you think I shaking legs at home and not working? Wah, full-time working mom. But father is not full-time working?

I can understand that it will not be so easy.. But that is not something absolutely not manageable. Like for me, food catered.. part-time help. It is really the mental thing rather than physical. But I don't tire myself over needless thing.

As for cleaning up of children - I had my fair share over the years. I am a 100% hands-on father - doing everything a mother is capable of doing - except to breast-feed.

So tell that to a "guy that can never really understand"..

 

[simpleman]

If you are comparing to kids as an investment with no returns.. I think it is missing the point.

Yes, it is disproportionate.. the return far exceeds the investment..

The return is immeasurable. The joy.. how do you begin to describe.

Yesterday was father's day and I just came back from a business trip. Eldest & Second daughter cooked dinner for me... youngest daughter made me a card.. There is nothing fanciful.. but as always, almost brought tears to my eyes as we had our dinner..

The joy that they are giving me - this cannot be measured in any monetary way. I guess for those without children - it is hard to imagine.

 

[susanna_low]

Yesterday was father's day and I just came back from a business trip. Eldest & Second daughter cooked dinner for me... youngest daughter made me a card.. There is nothing fanciful.. but as always, almost brought tears to my eyes as we had our dinner..

The joy that they are giving me - this cannot be measured in any monetary way.

<font color="0000ff">Absolutely~, when my ger presented me a "I love you, mother" on the 1st mother's day, it's the best gift tt i ever rec'd~</font>

 

[miloice]

Outcast, "dont have to be so discriminative mah"

please point out where is the discrimination? From the beginning, I already mention one have to be ready with the parenting instincts for children.

I was addressing to the fear brought up "love to enjoy life type so i was very scare of being tied down by kids and the" investment without guarantee" thingy". It is possible to continue enjoy our lives with kids. No doubt, there will be adjustments but it doesn't mean parents are suffering and have miserable no lives.

"is it??...no wonder you got grey hairs...poop can also be a topic at mealtimes....size n texture...come on!"

A newborn has no means of communication... How doctors and parents can know if they are feeding well and healthy are through their poop frequency patterns and nature. There are good reasons why people are so 'interested' about it. It is ironic that you spoke about wanting to be a tiger mum in an earlier thread and how much research you put in for the 'just in case' and yet not realizing this.

 

[powder]

the downside for me is the mobility i used to possess. my days tend to end at 2-3am daily on weekdays as much as weekends... i can't do that now of cos. and i would not be able to travel n head overseas for months or a year at a go, not as simple...

fair enough i can still do these things, but that would be as good as relinquishing my role as a father... which i do not want.

 

[nichie]

"It is ironic that you spoke about wanting to be a tiger mum in an earlier thread and how much research you put in for the 'just in case' and yet not realizing this" - milo...dont any how humtan...the person you mentioned is not me, its my dear sister opal....its only a poop lah, do you have to talk in such manner?...anyway, what has tiger mom got to do with the poop...its about training the kids not about caring for baby..

 

[simpleman]

New born can communicate la.. mostly through their cries..

 

[miloice]

Ah... my bad, wrong person. Sorry about that. but, really observing the poop is important for new borns. I never knew that myself earlier on. Breast fed babies will poop much more. The color and nature will tell u if they are feeding well, taking in good balance of both foremilk and hindmilk. Also, jaundice baby will have probs feeding and staying awake. When breast feeding, it is very hard to determine how much milk baby is really consuming. Monitoring the poop and pee are ways to ensure hydration.

"do you have to talk in such manner?"

I suggest you reread and reflect upon your own comments 1st. Its best applied on your own words actually. to quote some ...
"is it??...no wonder you got grey hairs...poop can also be a topic at mealtimes....size n texture...come on!."

"What so interesting about the poop??

Aiya...milo..I know you are becoming a father (or have you become one?)...dont have to be so discriminative mah"

Just because you don't understand the reason, you could have asked why... instead, you spoke in such tone. Think about it. "do you have to talk in such manner?"

 

[miloice]

Sm, haha.... yes, cries. Watched a DVD abt baby language by understanding their cries. Not always just cries but their very animated body and facial expressions. They are so cute and brings simple joy even through the sleepless nights when they don't want to sleep.

 

[miloice]

Read your tone SINCE from the very first post in this thread, "do you have to talk in such manner?"

Parents are sharing how children have changed their lives, don't discredit these comments as if they are lies or something. "but reading the first few lines of power post..wah nearly fall for the trap lei...are kids really so wonderful??" You do not need to agree with others in the thread but talk with some respect. You are getting such response because of your very tone. Find it so ironic that you point out my tone and blind to the very reason on why it was so in the 1st place.

"anyway, what has tiger mom got to do with the poop...its about training the kids not about caring for baby.. Its all various aspects of parenting." One don't just learn how to drive and not know how to park. Its the entire package that one will need to manage. The more you try to devalue others comments in here, the more ignorant it reveal on your knowledge abt parenting.

When others shared abt their experiences, validate them 1st before trying to shoot everything down. He who laugh last laugh the best. All the sarcasm u applied backfires at your ignorance.

 

[simpleman]

milo,

don't be too serious lah..

Most people are not aware of their own tone ..

I mostly ignore it unless it is too over-bearing.

I guess it is difficult for someone to appreciate children if they think in terms of investment.

Actually it is quite priceless.. to be growing up with your children - from their first steps, first words and watching them growing up to be independent.

Nichie asked: "Are kids really so wonderful??"

It is really and more than wonderful.

 

[nichie]

Firstly, I would like to thank you for explaining the issue about the poop...something new to me...

When I dont know I say I dont know...yes..I can be quite ignorant in parenting...I am not ashame of it...learning is a lifelong process...nobody know everything....cant a single person have their own view of parenting...is there a standard answer to parenting that anything deviating from it is consider ignorant...what is the problem with that?

It is very childish of you to dig out my previous post to others just to prove your point on my one single remark...sarcastic? shoot everything down?...thats your pov...I dont find it so, that is my way of writing....the person I comment on have no issue with it, why should you care? If you dont agree on my comment about "do you have to talk in such manner?" - just said you dont agree and case closed...you dont have to go on and on.....

I dont wish to continue this discussion with you over a piece of shit..........

 

[soontobe]

Kids are wonderful!

Yes! I lost my freedom when I had my #1 12 mths plus ago.

Yes! I almost into depression and kept asking why do I wan to be a mummy 10 mths ago?

Yes! I was completely exhausted taking care of him 8 mths ago....

Yes! He may be our burden/liability (watever you like to call it) for the next 20 years or so

Yes! He may be that mummy/daddy's heartbreaker 15 years later.

But today, I'm sure that my hb and I do not have any regrets to have him, and thru the most painful way to conceive him.

He's the little joy of the family. We already cannot imagine our lives without him.

I believe only parents can associate the joys that we can get from our lovely little ones...

 

[miloice]

u missed the point entirely. Its not a single comment but the entire tone you exhibited in this thread. As if Powder and the rest are somehow trying to trap others by glorify having children. Your words equates to style of writing while mine is discriminating and childish? This is how you learn? A simple thing as babies poop already shown how arrogant you were. Ridiculing cuclainne's comments abt her white hair.

 

[miloice]

sm, "I guess it is difficult for someone to appreciate children if they think in terms of investment."

Fully agreed.

I agree my tone is probably serious. As much as I try to mask it, I tend to sound more serious than I intend to be. There is never an issue to be honest abt my flaws. You and many others had pointed out and I would too acknowledge when its reasonable. Nevertheless, everyone have voiced out. Childish, serious, valid or not, we can all judge for ourselves.

 

[sgbabydoll]

Milo, there will be always be people who find parenthood a chore or burden. I think it is ok especially when they are still single and/or have no children. It's their viewpoint and choice.

 

[simpleman]

Doll,

Definitely everyone can have their views with regards to children, especially so if they are single. In fact, I know of happily married couples without children - they made that conscious decision not to have. Who are we to tell them that their views are flawed...

Of course from the standpoint of the survival of the human species, having offspring is a natural instinct to propagate the human species. It has to be made "pleasurable" throughout the history of human evolution - otherwise, we would be extinct. On the same note, sex is "pleasurable" precisely for the same reason - otherwise, who want want to have sex and then how to have offspring.

But I do not agree to consider "having children" as investments - because they are NOT. The returns cannot be measured in this manner.. Of course people should consider the monetary aspect but it is not the only consideration.

The other point I want to make is - having children itself may make a big impact to our viewpoints regarding children.

I NEVER thought children will have so great an impact to my life. Before I was married, I was neutral.. in fact, I rather like being free and alone - rather than with the trappings of a marriage and much less - with the burden of children.

But the children came naturally, and it completely changed my views with regards to children. And I think parenting is one of the most rewarding experiences that we can have.

 

[sgbabydoll]

SM, I agree with you wholeheartedly even though I do not have a child myself and will unlikely to for this life. What I was trying to tell Milo is: It is a fact that there are people who do not like the idea of being parents and will have nothing good to say about parenthood.

 

[miloice]

doll, for sure. This is the very thing I have been saying from the start. One has to have the parental instincts for kids. Without it, one would probably never want children unless unwanted pregnancy and then having to decide to keep it or not.

What I was addressing here are the following points :-
1) The idea that parenting somehow means no life and unable to lead a balance life beyond children.
2) Making the decision for children an investment on the rationale of guarantee. Do anyone get into a relationship or marriage with guarantee? This is a moot point.
3) The discrediting and belittling of the joy and passion parents feel. This is a very personal experience that is shared. No one is saying everyone needs to have it. No one is exaggerating their joy. Respect that.

 

[matka]

In the first 5 years of my adult life, I was single. Partying, dating, enjoying my newfound worklife.

I was happy.

In the next 5 years, we were married without kids. We were travelling, dining out, playing with our dogs, chilling at our cosy home.

I was happy.

In the subsequent 5 years, we had one kid, then we had two. We continued travelling, dining out, shopping, meeting friends, playing with our dogs, lounging around at home, committing ourselves to other non-domestic activities as a couple.

I am happy.

Verysadguy,
Life is what we make of ourselves. Our situations change every moment, every day. Our priorities change. By the time you have kids, you may not be as keen on analysing stocks, reading the papers, keeping yourself abreast on the latest updates (which incidentally are things that my hb's still doing). You may be more compelled to spend time playing with them and getting to know these little replicas of you.

But if you're looking for an old-age insurance, I'll suggest that you approach any life planner at AXA, AIA, Prudential, Aviva, Great Eastern, Manulife... just not your kids.

In the end, the decision to have a child should be one that is mutually agreed on by you and your wife. My personal opinion is like Powder's. I was happy, but once I've had them, I can't ever imagine life without them.

 

[the_giving_tree]

We do not have kids but not by choice. We are already in our mid 40s now. Yes, there is a certain emptiness without children and hubby gets sad whenever he sees families with children bonding together.

We change as we grow older and our priorities also change. You may not want kids now but when you grow older, are you sure your priorities will not change? By then, it will be too late.

Having said that, have children because you want to nurture another life, and not because they will be your ATM in future.

 

[tomasulu]

my 3 kids go to bed at 8.30pm. my wife and i get to catch up on me/us-time after that. i thought you were into cancer research or decoding the genome. if your dilemma is because you fear losing facebook time, you shouldn't have kids. kids don't have kids. shouldn't.

 

[verysadguy]

I don't use facebook. ok. My daily schedule is like this

6.45am wake up and prepare to go to work
8pm reaches home and cook dinner. My wife don't cook.sad
9.30pm starts eating dinner
10pm bath and clean utensils
11pm wash clothes
11.30pm read newspaper
12am sleep

How to fit time for kids?

I'm not hoping that they are ATM machine. It's like when you are old and assume you fell ill and cannot walk anymore or you are hospitalised or cannot think anymore. Then all your siblings and parents and relatives pass away liao..How? Am I consider selfish in this way?

 

[nichie]

You cook and clean utensils for your wife and wash clothes for your wife too?? Er...so who do the ironing? So what is your wife doing when you are doing all those? Your wife is a lucky woman...its only 2 persons, why don't you all eat out? Much simpler...what type of dinner you are cooking that needs 1.5hrs?....and do you need to wash clothes everyday? May be alternate day? ...if you have kid, may be your wife can takecare while you do the chores...

 

[infojunkie]

u spend 1 1/2 hrs to make a dinner that takes 'only' 1/2 hr to eat?

so uneconomical...

and u complained no time?

just tabao lah...

liddat u get to save 7 1/2 hrs wkly if u dun cook dinner every mon-thru-fri... 30 mthly... 360 yearly

AND 10 mins is all u need to eat ur meal...

u'll save another 1 hr daily... 7 wkly... 28 mthly... 336 yearly...

360 + 336...

and u get to save roughly 700 hrs per year

 

[susanna_low]

If u prefer a home-cooked quickie meal, can try the steam method, juz get a multi layer steamer and steam the prepared food in advance...@ the most 30mins, steamed fish/vegetables, soup even!! pork ribs corn soup or watever soup, canned food too!
Simple meal like fried rice/claypot rice doesn't even need 30mins to prepare.
I did tt almost everyday as I try to reduce dinning out for the sake of my ah gal..I steamed fish n minced meat egg for us just now..healthy, quick n easy..

 

[magaz]

can also try catering dinner. lots of companies offer it. Neo garden is one of those..cant rem the rest. They always send brochures to the house.
bottom line is, this can be solved. The food issue that is.

 

[the_giving_tree]

Your current daily schedule can be adapted once you decide to have children. You do not have to cook every day and it is not a must to wash clothes every day either. There's also the option of engaging a part-time cleaner.

Who knows what will happen when we grow old? Our children may emigrate; they may be bogged down by their own family commitments or in poor health. It's a bonus if they can look after us in our old age but I think it's better to leave them out of the picture when planning for our retirement.

I have seen too many cases.

 

[matka]

Faith is right.

Verysadguy, if you live life the rigid way based on strict schedules, you'll never get anything done. Things change, work changes, you rearrange your life according to your priorities.

Just because you cook for 1.5hrs, it means that you can't have kids? C'mon. I think it's nothing but your own mentality that's stopping you from having kids.

You're just making justifications why you cannot have kids. Nothing is impossible. On hindsight, perhaps it's just as well that you may not want kids because it may just be too stifling for them.

 

[simpleman]

Wash clothes everyday? Does not make sense at all. I have 4 in my household and I wash clothes once a week - 2 full load. If I have time during weekdays, I may have another washing. 2pm your household and 2 wash everyday?

For cooking u are very rigid. Many ways to cook that will not take so long. Or catering on some days will help.

Ya, I think u should not have kids, u are too rigid. Your kids will turn out to be robots.

 

[infojunkie]

the truth abt verySADguy is that he's bored with his sad, sad life and there's nothing he can do except whining...

his wife doesn't want kids.

 

[tomasulu]

Are u for real or are u really as robotic as you sound? Ever heard of the concept multitasking? While u cook u can talk to your kids, or get them to help. When they r younger u can strap them to the high chair. Or u can give up your Michelin-starred adventure in the kitchen and just tabao; not everyday if u dont wanna. How do u think others do it?

 

[cuclainne]

verysadguy, my family prefers me to cook on the nights we don't eat out so i either cook with 30-min recipes for example (i leave the recipes that takes more than 1 hour for the weekend when i have the time) or what I have started doing lately is to cook in large quantities over the weekend and freeze home-made food like bolognaise sauce, soup .. just reheat when we want to eat. my children love that they can have pasta on demand now.

once you have kids, you will know how to self-adjust your routine. and learn to multi-task.. i usually reach home at about 7.40pm. Usually by 9pm, kids' school bags have been emptied and re-packed for the next day, everyone has eaten and plates washed. i only wash clothes during the weekend. kids go to bed by 9.30-10pm and then i have some time with the husband to have a cup of tea and talk/watch tv, etc before bed at midnight for me.