Is this love?


New Member
I have been confused for a while and don't really think that talking to my friends help. I thought this could be a good channel to seek some opinions but still remain annonymous... especially when this is something not too glamourous.

Unlike many of you in this forum, I am not planning for my wedding nor comtemplating about married life and its pros and cons. I am just a undergrad still trying to find my footing in life.

I stay in a students lodge and this is about my room mate, who happens to be my cousin and her boyfriend.

He comes over very often (the landlord's not very strict about such things apparently). So much so that I have to listen through the door each time before I turn the knob to enter the room. Very irritating if you ask me.

And on a few occasions, I would have to wait at the common area for them to 'finish up'. My cousin's not shy about it at all. At least the boy has some shame. Whenever he sees me waiting at the common area, he will apologise before leaving.

We all go to the same uni. And last semester, the boy and I attended the same intermediate Italian class. Since we sort of know each other, we became like partners in the class. We grew somewhat friendly with each other.

Towards to end of the year, the instructor planned some sort of an exchange to Italy for 3 weeks. I went and so did he.

I am sure you can guess what happened... I slept with him during the trip. Too many times to count. Funny thing is, we just enjoyed the moment and we didn't talk about why we did it or whatsoever.

When we came back, and just like any typical story, things went back to normal. He is still together with my cousin and I still had to wait a few times for them to finish. But deep inside me, I feel very hurt. It is the kind of feeling where you know you should not be feeling that way, yet you cannot cannot help it.

When he sees me now, he hardly meets my gaze. He will just walked passed me quickly. I don't understand. We had so much fun in Italy together. Exploring, trying to converse with the locals in our half-halted Italian. It felt like we were in love. At least to me.

I think he just wanted the sex and nothing else.

How could I be so stupid? These days, I try to avoid my cousin as much as I can. I only return to my room to sleep. It is so hard. My cousin says I am acting all weird and even called my mum about it.

I really want that boy. But I do not want to hurt my cousin too.

Someone just kill me.

Should I just come clean with it? Maybe I will feel better.


Active Member
"I slept with him during the trip. Too many times to count. Funny thing is, we just enjoyed the moment and we didn't talk about why we did it or whatsoever"

"Is this love?"

dun think so.

u guys had great sex... but it's not great enuff to call it love.

"Whenever he sees me waiting at the common area, he will apologise before leaving... now, he hardly meets my gaze. He will just walked passed me quickly."

he doesn't want trouble. yes, he courted trouble and had some fun. but he doesn't want trouble now...

u're trouble.

"I really want that boy"

u dun really want him... once u've got him he's nothing...

"Should I just come clean with it? Maybe I will feel better"

nah, u can't handle it.

Wake Up... roman holiday is over.


Active Member

"How could I be so stupid?"

maybe it's becos ur biggest impression of him prior roman hoilday is all abt him and ur cousin hving sex and u waiting at the door for them to finish... subconsciously, u wanna try him...


Active Member
We have our moments of stupidity. So don't have to beat yourself up too much.

What is important is moving forward.

Obviously you can throw caution to the wind and declare to your cousin that you "want his boy" and have slept with him. But be prepared for all the back-lash - he may just turn around and said it was just a fling and you two are there willingly.

Or just walk away and forget about what has happened. And possibly move out to another place or room.


New Member
What does your instinct tell you to do? Follow your instinct, because that's likely the right solution.


Active Member
Instinct is likely to be the right solution?

I would beg to differ.

Our instinct is more about immediate gratification.. but long term rewards..


New Member
Well let me tell you something. I liked a boy a lot, too much, and slept with him many times before he proposed to his then girlfriend, now wife. I liked him so much I still have dreams about him even though I'm gonna get married to the most wonderful guy out there who loves me with all his life. But I've moved on. I realised I like the excitement and sex more. Not to mention the mind games etc. It's all over. Whatever you have experienced, it's fun and all good but he also sees you as a piece of meat only. Time to move on. Good memories, meant to be kept.. Only.


New Member
Forgot to answer the most pertinent question you asked.

Is this love?

Definitely not. Just a crush and the longing of a fluttering heart.


New Member
actually you can't pin it all on the boy - TS knew that he is going out with her cousin, yet willingly slept with him several times during the exchange trip.

who allows themselves into get into these sort of situations? honestly, if you want to play, then you can't get emotionally involved.

the reason why he doesn't even look at you, is because he doesn't want to get himself into trouble .. yes, he may have slept with you but he's still got his girlfriend! you may have felt like there was something between you during that trip but you have to accept that he had a relationship with your cousin back then and even now - he's not with you!


New Member
Whether it is love, you have to ask yourself. Most likely not though. Before u slept with him you should have thought of consequences. Since it has past just let it go. Love does not mean having him, it's letting him be happy.


New Member
Trusting ones instincts is not always the right thing. You have to weigh things more and then decide after. Try to ask other's opinions; who knows they know the person, they can share something to you.


New Member
Ouch! You shouldn't have done that in the first place. Yes, sure it was really fun but you should have think of the consequences. But I know you know this scenario will happen when you two goes back to reality.

That is really hard. Seek help and ask God for guidance.


New Member
Oh! sorry. I thought I haven't replied to this thread yet. Just carried away by my emotions. Sorry, no other intentions but just to share my piece.
so many moral superiors in this thread. just like Jesus and Mohammad thought. they both teach you how to go to heaven and not go to hell. but forgot to teach you how to live daily on the planet earth.

no hard feeling.