Is she sincere to help??

[jasmy]

Hi All,

I am having my wedding this coming Dec so few months back i already find frens who agreed to be jie mei.

As i am organising a jie mei meeting this weekend, so i send msg to all my jie mei to check their availability?

All of them reply me except for 1, i shall call her S, seeing that she nv reply me. I ask her thru msn when she was online and she told me she need to ask her dar( hubby) if they have any program? i told her you cannot just tell your dar you have program instead? she told me is i dun know my dar got anything important to do ant this weekend mah. So i dun bother.

When my jie mei mostly confirm, i msn her to tell her no reply. Subsequently i also msg her 2 times to inform also no reply.

I dun know what is the meaning?? and after tat she totally nv online so when i saw her hubby online i ask about it and it seems nothing wrong with her(because i thought she sick or what so never reply my msg) her dar tell me S quite lazy de so i just told him say since ur dar so busy u tell her i dun bother her le i find other pple.

Than 1 of my fren know about this and volunteer to help me, i told her i feel bad so last min ask her like treat her as spare tyre. She told me she ok ask me dun feel this way.

And i think after that S hubby go and told her and guess what? she just msg me "ok". How am i suppose to know your ok is meaning you ok to meet this weekend? or ok i find other pple to replace you?

I was quite pissed off as now i dun koe what to do. I dun koe i should continue to ask S be my jie mei or should i ask my other fren to help?
It seems to me she like not sincere to help me and also i was afraid during actual day she will tell me again she need ask her dar.

If you will me, what will you do?

 

[daemonkoh]

if i were you, i will let the other friend who offered to help out to be my jiemei rather than beg someone whom is so unwillingly. Her 'ok' should be asking you to find replacement.

 

[jasmy]

Hi Bluemoon,

Thats the problem lor, now she msg ok wat shd i reply back? should i tell her i already find pple replace her? and hor tat day when i chat with her hubby he say he ask my fren S if she meet us than he hw? alone go out? think they super sticky so i should not be so bad to separate them hor? haha

 

[daemonkoh]

haha, ya. let them spend every weekend together lah. You may reply 'ok' too. Tell u, i oso realise who are my true friends only when it comes to my wedding so i understand how u feel over this. If this friend is not really your good or best friend, then just let it be. Or maybe you didn't help her out during her wedding so she don't feel obligated to help out too?

 

[jasmy]

HI Bluemoon,

Sad to say in fact is opposite you know i help her out a lot for her wedding, she choose same bridal shop as me in msia, me and my bf went in together to choose their gowns with them on her wedding i also help to be recep even intro her my PG all. Actually is true through this matter let me so call kan qing pple bah, not say hor you help pple pple will help u back lor. I think i will just go through her Dar to ask what she mean by ok lor since hor she alway dun reply my sms all is must go through her dar to liaise lor.

 

[miloice]

Reading thr all the details... is a headache.
If she prioritize her marriage above your friendship, so be it. Just move on. Didn't know friendship has this much expectations. How your friend live her married life is none of your biz.

Frankly, I wouldn't want a friend that doesn't understand and respect my need and right to have my own priorities other than your marriage. The world doesn't revolve around you and your marriage.

 

[thommy]

yalor just find another jiemei to help u lor...very difficult meh?

 

[jasmy]

To me is ok if she dun help, i just expect a sms to tell me you can or cannot. Is it too much to ask for?

Yes is true i should not expect she to help me back even though i help her in her wedding. But now is her ok make me confuse i dun know is she telling me ok to find other pple or ok to come our meeting? ans since is like only after talk to her hubby that she willing to reply me so i tot i should also thru her hubby ask wat she means lor.

In the 1st place if she feel her hubby is her piority and she cannot leave him alone is ok she can dun promise to me my jie mei, i can find other pple and not until nw when the date is nearer than you start show attitude.

 

[jasmy]

Thomas,

Is easy lor and that is my plan, but like i say lor she msg me OK i dun understand what she mean lor

 

[thommy]

forget abt her sms, go find another jiemei who's willing to help u. there's many more things in life to fret over than this.

 

[jasmy]

But should i msg to inform her? because in my msg i did mention the venue date n time to meet. So now is i ask my another fren come and on tat day itself she call me and ask where am i all tis hw?tink i tink too much le.

 

[green_tranquility]

Jasmy,
Don't need to message her. If she turns up on that day, worse come to worst both her and her replacement can be your jiemeis lor.

 

[powder]

jasmy,

wat's wrong with u?

isit soooo difficult to pick up the phone and say, "S, it's ok... i got a fren who volunteered liao so no need to trouble u"

soooo difficult meh? STILL SMS HERE AND THERE AND GUESS HERE AND THERE... wtf??? 1 simple phone call to tell her so difficult, and still got time to post here on what to reply on sms???

i cringe to think of your generation of pple in the workforce... i hope u do not complain later if u dun get promoted to higher managment positions becos going by your decision making and the speed u execute decisions, and how u dilly dally deliberating on the simple things... i'm even more surprised.

she doesn't want to help u, move on to the next person who wants to... get the voluntee, case closed.

think so much for what? end up this just turns into a bitching thread and she's not exactly a fren u'll be growing old with - given tat she everything see husband... dependable meh? keep for wat? so lack of frens meh?

 

[miloice]

"i just expect a sms to tell me you can or cannot. Is it too much to ask for?"

What's with all the expectation? So taking the initiative to call too much for you or something?!? Save you the time to fan and write in the forum to ask for advises. I would told u off even if I'm your husband.

 

[alcifertoh]

It is just a phone call away to confirm things. Why being so anal about it and still have to go through this person that person? If you do not understand what she meant call up and clarify.

 

[mark78]

LOL.... a fone call can settle so much things.. pick up the fone pick up the fone pick up the fon...

 

[vios]

jasmy, u really need someone to hand-hold you on this matter?

i'm instead worried for you on the post-wedding Reality....

u sure u're ready for marriage?

 

[thommy]

lolz powder...u took the words right out from my mouth. Literally.

 

[applepie2]

a gf who is so half hearted oredi can caused u so much "headache" and asking how this or that...I suggest u really need to put ur focus on bigger things lor. Marriage is not easy to maintain & by ur attitude, i feel u shd focus ur mental energy to better use than this small things..I dun think u can cope with marriage challeges if u cant cope with this friend, UNLESSS ur hubby is a leader & u r just a follower so is easier that way.

If i m u, i will not ask her 4 help, is as simple as tat.

 

[simpleman]

I don't think it is just a phone call problem. It is her way of handling the issue and the fact that she allowed this little issue to get in her way.

It is even worth posting here? You can't even handle such a friend... no reply, just ignore and move on.. I won't even bother to call, if I am you.

And don't even care..

 

[bobochacha]

previous there's a post saying abt Xiongdis being unreasonable..nw is jiemei..hehe

i wonder who invented this xiongdi and jiemei thingy also..

anyway my mum also one of my jiemei..whahahah..she also have fun playing..

 

[mootie]

jasmy, if u fret over an "ok", juz call and clarify lo. or u mean S and you have never ever communicated thru phone before? y go thru her husband, fret if u have intervene in their own private time? juz call and ask, can u make it or not?? if no, then dun even need to let her know about anything else. at most, see if she's attending banquet and make sure she CONFIRM it.

u have already recognise the fact that she is not sincere in helping, then move on from there lo. u have another sincere friend who's more than willing to help. problem solved mah... why bother if she's ok or not?

 

[cambodge]

Jasmy, just called her and find out an answer from her. Why do you need to msn her? Perhaps your jiemei prefer you to call rather then msn. Thus think that you are not sincere enough to ask her for her help...

 

[miloice]

in my opinion, her friend is undecided and would prefer not to help but finding it hard to decline.

So, she just keep mum and hope TS would just find someone else. Instead, she MSN, SMS etc and even ask her husband about it. She has gone to the extend of contacting him. In that scenario, of cos her husband would ask her to go ahead to help TS. All these guessing and SMS etc. Very typical small actions. The number one thing in my list of piss offs in women.

 

[tomasulu]

whatever happened to picking up the phone and actually talk to someone?

 

[simpleman]

some people may not answer phone.. or pick up the call.

Or if you are avoiding someone.. will you pick up the call?

 

[lil_creature_123]

Can I ask a question? A bit irrelevant, but what's the meaning of TS?

Keep seeing this abbreviation in many threads...

 

[susanna_low]

Thread Starter = The 1st person to start the thread