Is he lying?

[cinlee]

Hi all, my story goes like this. It may be a small matter but it really affects me in a way..

I saw 4 girls blog, and in those 4 blogs those girls all said HTB sent them home before. Some are before i met him some are after. I do not know these girls personally and three of these girls know each other. I dont know if they said that to spite each other or what because they all likes him even before we're together.

so i went to ask HTB if its true, he said no and kept assuring me that he will never lie to me. He even sweared upon our child(though i dont know if he really believes in swears). All these while he's been faithful and never did sms/call any other girls. I admit that i was paranoid and went to check on him. Clean record except for those girls' blog and a porn webby account which he said he didnt create. Should i believe him? i know i probably should because there needs to be trust in a r/s but 4girls saying the same thing? And about the porn webby thing he was open about those things. he did create an account before but not from that website. he told me of his own accord that he created last year feb but it was dated he became a member last last year. could the date be wrong? I mean really, are there such coincidences? if he really wanna lie then why tell me he created one in the first place? And whenever he watches porn he will ask me to watch with him also. He will not do things i say i dont like and immediately quits it. (checked, no records of doing it again, am sure cos i'm with him almost 24hours everyday)

 

[alcifertoh]

You seem to be policing him. Might be over paranoid due to this period that you are pregnant.

 

[icygal]

Do you need to find PI? Your uncertainty is eating you up... What will you do if it's true???

 

[alcifertoh]

icy baby, whats the need of a PI in this case? Just because some girls claimed that the husband sent them home before?

The way TS elaborated and justify the husband's action from above sounds abit too much. Not sms or calling other girls considered as faithful? Hello?

Does the husband has any history of repetative cheating or what to begin with? Nothing much else here. Even TS agrees it's a small matter and what I can read from the first post is, TS is now feeling very very insecure steming within her ownself. Unless she would shed more light to prove other wise, what she is looking for is assurance.

One thing I am more concern about is her dominance policing over the hubby. Almost 24hrs scrutiny, adhering to her liking and quiting things that she dislikes... it just sound unhealthy to me.

 

[maisie]

sending gers back is just a gentleman gesture. I have guy frens sending me right to my doorstep but we are just pure frens...

 

[mark78]

Well said Jere. My ex wife was sooo jealous that i send a lady home. Her insecurity was then dismissed when i told her, i should stay over for a drink and told to her daughter who is in JC.

 

[cinlee]

Thank you for replying!

I think the same too - too paranoid. but then again the blog thing kept appearing in my mind. 4 girls saying the same thing? could they all be lying and living in fantasies of their own? 1 maybe, but 4 really makes me think.. sigh. what do you all think?

 

[alcifertoh]

Aiyah they wanna say let them say lor. Why be so affected by that? They can claim and boast till the cows come home when it's nothing at all their mouth. End of the day also just a lift, really nothing big deal. To your htb he would have done it for any of his male friends as well. Don't let yourself be affected by that.

 

[icygal]

U decide. Trust the one who is father of your child, or the 4 girls who u never met. If so uncertain, why not meet the 4 girls to verify???

That's what my gf did to be sure....

 

[cinlee]

no he has no records of cheating and he is with me almost 24hours because he has a stay at home job thats why. i do not restrict him from going out with his friends and all and he does that often as well. i know what hei bee hiam is refering to of an unhealthy relationship.

I also know my problem here - too paranoid and needing assurance. Just wanted to know how do you guys think of it, like 4 people claiming the same thing is it too much of a coincidence or its really possible.

 

[cinlee]

HTB said there wasnt even any lift home from him. its really ok to me because i understand that its dangerous late at night and friends should always look out for each other. i'm just afraid of the lies you know...

 

[alcifertoh]

Possible or not, it is still just a ride. There are likely to be more than these 4 who are bragging away out of a simple ride. And out of all those people given a ride by your htb, they could be his colleagues, friends, ex crush, family members, relatives, friends of friends blah blah blah both males and females.

End of day it's still a ride only. Why are you digressing about it?

 

[cinlee]

I am afraid of him lying to me.. if it really happened then why not admit it? its not like i will kick up a big fuss with him, he knows i accept it too.. i am not the kind who says " no you cannot talk to girl " and i think that thinking is really silly.

 

[alcifertoh]

"HTB said there wasnt even any lift home from him. its really ok to me because i understand that its dangerous late at night and friends should always look out for each other. i'm just afraid of the lies you know..."

Okie Cindy, 2 scenarios for above if you are so concern about the lying part.

1) The rides really never happened. The girls are just spunning tales between themselves

2) It did happened, but because of you (you know your paranoid nature that also might be heighten due to you are pregnant now) which maybe your htb is trying to be tactful about not to agitate you during this period, he spun this little white lie. To pacify you.

Either way, it's in your favour. Talk to your hubby and have more faith in him than the blogs.

 

[cinlee]

So you think 4 people lying together although at different times is really possible? even when they dont know each other? i dont think i have seen enough of the world yet, like sua ku dont know can happen or not.. haha

 

[cinlee]

Icybaby- but if they are already lying about him sending them home then if i ask them personally to verify dont think its possible that they will say the truth.. cos that will be like exposing them in their face? guess i should trust my hubby. but ahh, dont get why i'm so insecured also. he also never cheat.

 

[alcifertoh]

Cos you are pregnant now. Some of the hormones surge might be affecting your emotions.

 

[cinlee]

I guess its really possible that 4 lying about the same thing can happen. afterall they like him? and one has even been pestering him until he changed his number.

hei bee hiam i think you give good advices, read other threads and think your advices makes sense.

 

[alcifertoh]

Just don't think too much and nurse your health well now. Stay off the blogs and let them brag and do whatever they want. It's worthless and meaningness.

Afterall you are pregnant now and a good emtional state will be good for you and your baby. Anything you know your hubby is always there with you. Take good care

 

[applepie2]

Is possible he lies but to prevent conflict with you, he told you he did not and even swear. Truth will only unfold at the right time. There is no "forever secret". Whether is lies or not, one day u will find out.

My ex hubby also never do things that I dun like, and he will always insist a "no" when u asked him things and even like to swear. But sad to say, in my case, certain truth unfolds along the way and I discovered one sad truth = his NO, is actually a YES.

Watever, pls take good care of yourself esp u r preggie.

 

[alcifertoh]

Anna, different context would apply for different people. One size does not fits all. The hubby had been supportive all along and should deserve the trust of TS.

 

[applepie2]

Hei Bee Hiam :

U got me wrong liao la.

I know what u mean. I m not saying her hubby will surely be like my hubby. I m just sharing my own experience only la. To be honest, my ex is also v supportive to me all along and is v good to me. That is why, when certain truth unfold, i find it hard to take lor.

I know everyone is different. I m not stereo typing but sharing a very personal experience. Hopefully, she can also see things from a objective point of view.

 

[cinlee]

Yeah i kind of agree, people can have fantasties/dreams about someone they like sending them home even if its a whole big group of them walking to the bus stop together. just dont get why they have to do that its not even real?

anna, i know what you are refering to, as you've been there before. like you've said, one day i will find out the truth if he really did lie as there's no " forever secret ". i know you just dont want me to get hurt.

will take care thanks! doc also says i must be happy so baby will be happy too.

 

[alcifertoh]

Okie. I'm more concern of TS emotional health now and just worried that she might be vulnerable to be affected by references. Believe her husband can give her the assurance she sought for and yeah understand where you are coming from.

 

[alcifertoh]

Cindy, quite some people live in fantasies. Look at the fan from china who claims that andy lau is her boyfriend and threatened suicide so many times just trying to get his attention. And there are many people living on make believe identities. See how many people are claiming themselves to be Elvis?

Hencefore, such acts are nothing new. Online blogging does not hold more credibilities than the author themselves. They can write about anything they want. We can't stop them so, don't be bothered bout them.

Fact is your hubby is there with you. And be happy

 

[applepie2]

Cindy :

Yes u r right, I shared w u my case so that u will also give urself some protection space. Sometimes if we trust a pp 100%, end up the one that get most hurt is ourself. As women, I really dun wish u get hurt.

Yes, stay happi. I hv heard from a friend who is a psychologist, that a mother's state of mental health will affect the baby...e.g if mummy is depress, the baby can feel it as well.....he told me b4, when a mummy is happi, the body will produce happi endorphin which is good for the baby... He actually say that is why there is a difference bet a baby that loves crying Vs a cheeful baby. So strive to be happy & keep yourself relaxed. I do not have baby la, but he is just sharing some info w me.

Watever, Cindy, i really hope u will always love yourself, pamper yourself and be strong.

Take care & God Bless.

 

[cinlee]

Its true that i will get easily affected now as i'm going through paranoia. but despite that i do not just only look at things which are positive. I accept and take into consideration everything you guys suggests as this is what i'm here for - comments. because i myself am unsure of what to do so i'm asking advices from you guys who may know more than me/ been there before.

At the end of the day the decision lies in myself, whether to trust or not.

The forum is really helpful and the people are really supportive! I mean, we all dont know each other and yet you guys take time to reply and all.

 

[cinlee]

looking at other cases of people living in fantasies, i realised that it can be true afterall. was paranoid and skeptical about it because all 4 happened to be people who likes him and he knows them as well. thats why, cos it just seemed too much of a coincidence to me.

 

[alcifertoh]

Not necessary we always trust people 100% and take in what others tell us. We do exercise our own thoughts and views when others express themselves to us.

And in this case, I believe Cindy did exercise her own thoughts and views just that it could likely been influenced by her maternity.

Judging from what Cindy mentioned, my point of view of as a guy and the act of the ride and the background of the bloggers and their interests, I stand by the trust for the hubby due to his integrity and support always which Cindy knows best.

The occurence does not warrant a direction of thoughts towards that angle. Although viable in certain situations, it is abit jumping the gun in this case.

 

[simpleman]

cindy,

so if the 4 girls said is true.. so what?

 

[cinlee]

"The occurence does not warrant a direction of thoughts towards that angle. Although viable in certain situations, it is abit jumping the gun in this case. "

what do you mean? abit deep for me as my command of english is not very good haha.

 

[cinlee]

simpleman - i asked myself this before.. and my main concern was that he's lying or not.

 

[simpleman]

So assuming the worst case of he lying to you..

He may not want to upset you that is all.. it is a harmless lie because if he really send them home - is nothing..

 

[cinlee]

Yup i know that it may have been just white lies, looking at my situation now with the baby. but we both did discuss about the white lie issue before - that is to never lie even if its a white lie because we never wanna be lied to. this may seem stupid and childish but we really hate liars, even though they meant well. " never do what you dont want me to do to you. " thats what we believe in. guess we're still young to actually believe in this.. haha. oh well.

 

[cinlee]

i've told him clearly before too, that i am not like some people who disallows you to be friends with girls/talk to them etc. so he knows. and that is why i keep thinking, because he knows me.

 

[simpleman]

Lies are lies. It is human tendency to lie - sometimes to deceive, at other times with good intention to protect our loved ones.

Yes, we all hate liars. But ask yourself, do you ever tell a lie?

 

[cinlee]

yup, but i've not lied to him ever since we had that agreement.

 

[sgbabydoll]

Not even when he asks you if you have had your meal, you give a white lie to stop him from worrying?

 

[simpleman]

cindy,

Granted you may not tell even white lies.

But a relationship is not about telling each other 100% - it is about sharing and trust. If you need an "agreement" not to tell lies to each other, it means something.. don't you think so?

 

[jonah_jo]

Cindy

I felt that sending girls home may not mean anything. Put it this way, if a man wants to cheat, he doesn't have to send a girl home to have a chance to eat her. These days, it takes two hands to clap.

Sometimes men don't want to tell everything esp if he knows after you've known it, you'll react. Everyone has a past. Since you're chosen your hubby, plus he has clarified with you, benefit of doubt, you should believe in him. Moreover, you're pregnant. No point making yourself miserable.

There will always be people wanting to do sthg in order to obtain a reaction from you.

As for porn, as much as I don't like him watching it, I've realized it's no big deal. He may ogle at girls, he may watch porn altho he sweared he didn't but does it matter honestly? So what if he watches? So what if he doesn't?

If a man wants to cheat, he will cheat. Nothing can deter him. Even if you spy on him 24 hours a day, he will find a way. But if he doesn't, he will not. Actually, it's the same for girls too.

 

[powder]

Cindy,

it's either all your life u only know guys who dun send girls home, or u married early whereby most of the male frens u had at that time - do not have a car to send u home. Whatever it is, it's just sending a girl home for goodness' sake! my frens send me home too, when i didn't have a car and the time is late, does that make us homosexuals? have gfrens send me home too and it doesn't end in sex nor romance. and eversince owning a car, i have sent countless girls home bachelor or married, it's typically a transport, and the 20-30mins ride is a great way to end the evening of catching up.

maybe it's a girl thing, but in the world of guys, sending frens home is like an unspoken thing, we do it all the time as long as it's a fren, sibling, relative or camp mate. u can call it part of the gentlemen genes in us or whatever, but it's not as big a deal as u seem to think. old or young, fat or slim, ugly or pretty, sexy or not, sending pple home is a Gesture, not becos of evil intentions.

as for porn, it's just porn.

u must be bored or really have nothing better to do than to pick on such issues to make an issue of. what the hell were u doing reading other pple's blogs? and worst - looking for clues on your husband's activities... pple have been having frens male or female even before u were born, why are u even digging for things to comment on?

i feel silly for having to say this, but frens go out, frens send each other home or take the same train home. this is spore, max u take from end to end is 45mins, and Anyone who have had frenships will know 45mins on the trip home can be a meaningful 45mins of great conversation and ending an outing. i'm surprised something so simple and natural - can be depicted in a negative light! u should be ashamed of yourself for even venturing into those thoughts...

i have no facebook, no blog, no internet records and i believe i am Happier than most pple who do have such things. in fact i have no time to write abt myself nor find out abt other pple and what the hell they were doing... i dun think i have enough time to enjoy life and here u are reading other pple's buisness and minding it simply becos your husband has been mentioned in them to be doing something so simple as sending them home.

your husband is in serious trouble and it's nothing to do with him, it's more to do with your prying, insecurity and need to police and catch him 24/7.

 

[cinlee]

I'm jusr afraid of him lying thats all, and 4 people saying the same thing made me think if he's lying or not. Admit that i'm too paranoid and more paranoid at this period. I know i should just stop thinking about all these and just be happy.

 

[green_tranquility]

Cindy,

Life isn't written in black and white rules.

Will you honestly tell your sick loved one that he/she will die in 1 minute's time, or tell a lie?

Hope you will slowly learn to control your insecurities.

 

[powder]

Cindy,

u know when u're in a relationship, u trust and love this person Beyond all objections and disapproval by simply knowing u're right, no amount of reasons can actually sway u... unless of cos, the pple u love Have a different set of opinion and repeatedly point out something u know is true.

4 ladies and their blogs of a guy sending them home, is able to sway u into negative thoughts and think the worse of your HTB. perhaps it's time u call him your bfren, not HTB.

the fact tat u have to continually convince yourself, actually convinces me tat he either isn't the one, or u're simply not ready to to be in a relationship... ever.

 

[andyboyrewind]

hi there.. just wanna share wit u that my cousin is about the same story as u.. well her husband was a flirt before they got married. and the thing is that he seems to keep having flings even after marriage.. so she want to check on her hubby movement. she engaged p.i.. and the p.i revealed to her to what is the hubby doings behind her back.. and yes, the hubby do have flings wit other girls.. i still remember the p.i contact as i went to seach for p.i wit her.. the company is Glen Iris Investigation. U can consult the Ops Exec, Fendi at 82087511.. he is friendly anyway.. all the best to u..

 

[susanna_low]

This Andy aka Fendi from Glen Iris Investigation is really irritating!!

 

[mark78]

Fendi u paint a very bad light of your Glen Iris Investigation firm.

Always here solicating for business machiam the PI firm no business n need you to advertise for free here..

 

[green_tranquility]

Mark,
Ya lor, that PI firm must be very lousy until no biz ...