japanese_doll
New Member
Hi all,
been deeply troubled lately. I have a close guy friend 9 years my senior. He's divorced, and though we knew each other when he was married, we were not close and only became close friends after he divorced. I am now giving him emotional support for the hurt and anger he suffered during the marriage. He is nice to me and he trusts me alot. He has said that if he ever has the courage to love again, he'll ask me to be his girlfriend. But I have my insecurities, and this is where I hope everyone here can help. Cos I am simply lost.....
when he was still married, this guy and I were classmates in a graduate programme in NTU and he also knows afew of my friends in NTU. At that time, his then wife had given his HP number to one of my female friend who had just joined the graduate programme, as his wife was quite close to this female friend, and wanted her hubby to help her. This female friend is also married. So, my guy friend, who is a very friendly and helpful guy, met her in school over dinner (our classes are at night) and passed her some books. And he met her afew more times in school to pass her more materials, and most of the time, he initiated the meeting up and also asked her if she wanted to meet him for dinner in school. Problem is that, he never told his wife about the meeting for dinners, and they had a big quarrel over it. He then stopped meeting the girl. My question is, is my guy friend considered being unfaithful to his wife, by meeting the girl and asking her if they want to meet for dinner in school? Is he considered a flirt? Both of them are studying in the same school, and from what I know, other then meeting for dinner in school, they never met outside, and they never did anything else. Though this happened during his previous marraige, I am still feeling insecure, cos I am just afraid he'll do that to me too.
There is also another occassion, where I had asked him for a lift home on afew occasions. We were in the same class, and I was sick for a long period, and I could not stand the long journeys from NTU to Woodlands where my home is. He agreed, but only after telling me clearly that we should maintain platonic friendship and not go a step further. We never did at that time, and we always spoke about work, study, his kids, but NEVER any thing romantic or too personal. And, I found out again, that he did not tell his wife. Dear forumers, was what he did considered as being unfaithful to his wife at that time? Can this guy be trusted, or will he have an affair after we get together?
To give a better picture to everyone here, my guy friend is a very friendly guy, friendly to girls and guy. He has a childlike innocence, trusting people so quickly and so willing to help. But, at the same time, when he was married to his wife, he also has a deep sense of insecurity, and his then wife did not give him the love and attention he wanted. He loved his wife. He is an army regular, and he worked so hard for his children and wife, but his wife did not understand his work nature, and she was not a loving wife. Often, he stayed out of home just to avoid quarrels with his wife as she'll pick quarrels with him at home. She was unreasonable and from what I know from her friends, cared more for her kids then him. She refused him in the bedroom too (I'm too embarassed to elaborate bt I think u will know what I mean...)
He did not want to divorce her, cos he loved his kids and he felt to divorce his wife would be too extreme and cruel an act. Over the years, his love for his wife diminished, and what was left was only respect. He was soft hearted and had to bear his then wife's insults and neglect. But eventually, she was the one who brought up the issue of divorce, cos she finally realised that there was no more love between them...and also other issues like she being abit aggressive on him (but will nt elaborate cos I don't want to badmouth her....)
so fellow forumers, if u were me, would you accept him as your bf should he ask you to be his gf? Is this guy a good guy?
hope to hear good advice....
been deeply troubled lately. I have a close guy friend 9 years my senior. He's divorced, and though we knew each other when he was married, we were not close and only became close friends after he divorced. I am now giving him emotional support for the hurt and anger he suffered during the marriage. He is nice to me and he trusts me alot. He has said that if he ever has the courage to love again, he'll ask me to be his girlfriend. But I have my insecurities, and this is where I hope everyone here can help. Cos I am simply lost.....
when he was still married, this guy and I were classmates in a graduate programme in NTU and he also knows afew of my friends in NTU. At that time, his then wife had given his HP number to one of my female friend who had just joined the graduate programme, as his wife was quite close to this female friend, and wanted her hubby to help her. This female friend is also married. So, my guy friend, who is a very friendly and helpful guy, met her in school over dinner (our classes are at night) and passed her some books. And he met her afew more times in school to pass her more materials, and most of the time, he initiated the meeting up and also asked her if she wanted to meet him for dinner in school. Problem is that, he never told his wife about the meeting for dinners, and they had a big quarrel over it. He then stopped meeting the girl. My question is, is my guy friend considered being unfaithful to his wife, by meeting the girl and asking her if they want to meet for dinner in school? Is he considered a flirt? Both of them are studying in the same school, and from what I know, other then meeting for dinner in school, they never met outside, and they never did anything else. Though this happened during his previous marraige, I am still feeling insecure, cos I am just afraid he'll do that to me too.
There is also another occassion, where I had asked him for a lift home on afew occasions. We were in the same class, and I was sick for a long period, and I could not stand the long journeys from NTU to Woodlands where my home is. He agreed, but only after telling me clearly that we should maintain platonic friendship and not go a step further. We never did at that time, and we always spoke about work, study, his kids, but NEVER any thing romantic or too personal. And, I found out again, that he did not tell his wife. Dear forumers, was what he did considered as being unfaithful to his wife at that time? Can this guy be trusted, or will he have an affair after we get together?
To give a better picture to everyone here, my guy friend is a very friendly guy, friendly to girls and guy. He has a childlike innocence, trusting people so quickly and so willing to help. But, at the same time, when he was married to his wife, he also has a deep sense of insecurity, and his then wife did not give him the love and attention he wanted. He loved his wife. He is an army regular, and he worked so hard for his children and wife, but his wife did not understand his work nature, and she was not a loving wife. Often, he stayed out of home just to avoid quarrels with his wife as she'll pick quarrels with him at home. She was unreasonable and from what I know from her friends, cared more for her kids then him. She refused him in the bedroom too (I'm too embarassed to elaborate bt I think u will know what I mean...)
He did not want to divorce her, cos he loved his kids and he felt to divorce his wife would be too extreme and cruel an act. Over the years, his love for his wife diminished, and what was left was only respect. He was soft hearted and had to bear his then wife's insults and neglect. But eventually, she was the one who brought up the issue of divorce, cos she finally realised that there was no more love between them...and also other issues like she being abit aggressive on him (but will nt elaborate cos I don't want to badmouth her....)
so fellow forumers, if u were me, would you accept him as your bf should he ask you to be his gf? Is this guy a good guy?
hope to hear good advice....
See how things go...
