Is a healthy sex life vital for marriage? Need help!

[advisor00]

Hi CluelessGuy

There are only 2 issues you should ask yourself.

Is marriage is long term committment for you regardless of what you have discovered of your partner prior to the union.

And what LOVE truly means to you in regard to marrying another person.

Answer this well, with all your honest beliefs and you will come to a decision that will suit you well.

Cheers

 

[cluelessguy]

To say this crudely, the heart and mind are willing but the anatomy is not...no idea why...

Don't seem to get turned on. Need to try very long before i stand...she is frustrated, i am disappointed.

I know its not me coz i never had this problem with others...sigh. I hate myself.

Have no idea whether its because the sex with my past partners was good or whether it might be porn or whatever reason but so frustrating...

 

[sgbabydoll]

Cluelessguy, at least women can fake it (not that I encourage it)...for men, if you can't stand it just shows. How do you deal with that?

Hypothetically, say I were your gf, I would really want to seriously consider if I should continue in the relationship. Since you not telling the truth, I would be greatly concerned that you had ED or something. But then since you are not seeking treatment, I would feel frustrated by your nonchalance. With that, I really can't imagine that you two are still lovey dovey and want to get married soon.

 

[sgbabydoll]

Kengleetan, why step into marriage when you know you feel less than satisfied with your partner in a certain big way? Wouldn't such a marriage for doom ultimately?

 

[goooogal]

Clueless Guy, if u aren't turned on, u aren't turned on. U can't pretend to be. And ur wife will be frustrated over ur lack of interest. This will strain the marriage in the long run. I dun get it how u can still insist on getting married? U really need to be honest w her abt how u feel and not keep this a secret cos sooner or later, the truth will be out and by then it will be even more hurtful. Just to share, my hb's ex colleague split from her hb soon after marriage when she found out that he's got ED all the while (they were virgins when they got married). He refused treatment and so things just went downhill from then on.

 

[cluelessguy]

G~gal, thanks for your advice. I know for a fact I do not have ED and my sex drive is pretty normal.

I am going ahead because i feel that good sex is not everything in a marriage. I mean, after much trying, we can still do the deed but the thing is i don't have the desire to make love to her lor.

I don't want to end everything simply because of the sex...seems superficial...

 

[clark]

One of the main reason why couples get married is so that they can have pure and vigorous sex without guilt. Plus, there is no need to pay

So if there is no healthy sex life, i tend to question the need to be married ??????? hahahhaha

 

[goooogal]

Hail Saint Clueless...

PS: I din imply that u got ED la... dun mis-read.
PPS: Wish u all the best anyway

 

[babystorm]

Hi cluelessguy

Perhaps your zenith is big boobs.. that is why you do not find your gf sexually attractive. Everyone has a zenith. So as long you are with someone who meets your zenith, it will be fine. My bf is a boobs man too. I believe that guys are visual creatures. My advice is if you cannot find the urge to make love to her now, I think you should postphone the marriage until you find back that feeling. (if it is possible)

 

[cluelessguy]

Well, we did it recently. Can still do but somehow or other, I don't find it more enjoyable than sex with my ex.

In fact, I did think of sex with my ex while doing it with my gf. I feel so guilty cos i know i shouldn't but somehow or other, sex with my ex seems so much better...

Cannot explain it...anybody fantasizes about sex with an ex?

 

[007bond]

hey, don't keep on comparing with your ex..
If that is the case, might as well go back to your ex.

 

[green_tranquility]

Clueless,
Yah u must try hard to shut off the comparing thoughts in your mind. How will u feel when u find out your gf is actually comparing your D***'s length with her ex's one and mind your one shorter?

 

[leetona]

helpless,i have a way for u

 

[cluelessguy]

Hi syvest, what is the way may i know?

The mere suggestion of trying out any form of breast enhancement and I get the look of death from her.

 

[green_tranquility]

Clueless,
If I'm your gf, seriously I may just dump u.

Haha I can't gurantee myself to stay youthful and in good shape for the next 40 years, so I want a more reliable hubby who will stay by my side regardless of my looks.

 

[bbbear]

his way is to ask u to try out MLM with him.

 

[avlin]

Hi clueless,

My advice is to seriously think about your marriage. No sex marriage is death. I have been through this before and I can safely say it is a dead end.

No sex = gal think you dun find her attractive = low self esteem = pressuring you to have sex = You think its disgusting and you cannot even perfom = No sex

You need to stimulate yourself...maybe in porn maybe in other fantasies..

Thinking about ex = short term. How long can you imagine having sex with your ex.. or whoever.. the images fade and you'd need more stimulation in the future which will lead to even more unhappiness.

Try medication (but not the desker stuff).. a lot of times.. its phycological.. when men take something .. anything.. it makes us feel physchological good and its what keeps us going.. because if the mind goes.. the brother will too.

Dont go through motions because its natural.. eventually both of you will suffer. To experience pain in short term is better than long term pain.

I have not met anyone who is sexually inactive for long time and is perfectly happy...(unless of course you happen to be 50 years old and have 2 kids and had like plenty of sex for the past 20 years)

 

[gracelourdes]

after having seen the posts frm u, Clueless and everything, can i just ask u sth?

r u just with ur gf cos u r familiar with her in ur life?? without her, things just dun stay the same anymore?

pretty much impossible to be with in love with someone whom u dun desire romantically n physically...

or u in love with the idea of being in love?

 

[cluelessguy]

Hi Grace, I have been with her for quite a number of years. We are one of those break up and get back together cases. I guess after we patched back, the sex wasn't the same. I suspect it could be because I got together with someone with bigger boobs and the sex was just great. I have asked my guy friends and they told me that boobs generally does make sex more enjoyable. I do not know how true that is.

Maybe you can say I am being with her out of companionship. I really don't know. But hey, aren't most relationships like that? Honeymoon period over then the relationship morphs to the companionship stage. Stable but boring I guess.

I do care for her a lot and think she is sweet looking and attractive but I do not think of her in a sexual manner.

I feel like a sicko sometimes cause I cannot help but peek at other girls' chests.

I guess without her, of course there will be drastic changes to my life. However, the question is does physical desire equate to love? That is a question I always ask myself. Should I initiate a break up and risk losing everything simply because of sex?

And no, I am definitely not in love with the idea of being in love.

 

[gracelourdes]

hmmm....i guess u r not gross to the point of being sicko...it's prob just a fetish...but fetish aside, can i just ask u...why do u guys keep breaking up and getting back together?

is it cos u both r each other's next best choices? tat's why u both keep breaking up and getting back together...

erm, pls do not assume that just cos u feel that relationships r stable but boring, others also feel the same as u...ur relationship is wat u create...it's not wat the relationship creates out of u....so i guess the one who's boring is not the relationship, it's just u...

definitely, if u love someone, along that line it does come along with sexual desire....if it doesn't, then i really dunno wat to say...

 

[mark78]

Clueless i cant help but to feel that your love is very superficial. but at least u are honest with it.

sigh. btw BOOBS bigger doesnt make sex better.

 

[sgbabydoll]

Frankly put, I can imagine that Clueless will come back to this thread every now and then to rant about the same issue. Like a rocking chair, much action but no movement.

 

[miko2006]

Where is clueless now?...

It is good to know HAS his sex life improve after marriage - WE all hopping so???

 

[findingnemo]

I hope that they had it well sorted out.

From a woman's perspective, if my FH cannot accept my "lack of assets" I will not marry him.

Marriage is for life. At least when a couple gets married, the initial intention is for it to last forever. If the man cannot be turned on by gf even before marriage then I can say that he is a very likely candidate to cheat.

 

[march0311]

personally, being in a relationship, i thk sex do play a part. once that is lost, love will be lost. its jz a matter of time. its reality.

 

[bitterheart]

dear clueless....

mind if i ask if you are married to your gf afterall.. i am just in the same situation, only that the role is reverse. My bf is obviously not sexually attracted to me at all after yrs of being together. For my case, marriage seems to be out of the window as of now, as he cannot bring himself to marry someone whom he cannot ml with...
I think he is just waiting for me to end it. Is he shallow or am I being unrealistic?

 

[lynette_ling]

Dear heart

Correct me if i read your story wrongly. If you think he cannot marry you because he is not sexually attracted to you, then no point waiting. Rather stay single, look for another man than to marry and later you suffer. Hope you know what i mean. Just my opinion.