Intimacy

[Winmac]

Sex with husband
Dear all, my Husband wants to have sex like 2-3 times a week, he say hat he feels more connected with me. However, sometimes I am not in the mood. How do you people overcome this? Sometimes if I reject him he will resent, and he will get disappointed and upset.
I have just given birth to my 2nd child(4 mo) I do not have the urge at times to do it. In the past when we were dating, frequency is not that much as well.
Any comments/suggestion is much appreciated.

 

[tomasulu]

If we don't do what we don't feel like doing, nothing will get done.

 

[meiji5]

Intimacy should not be a chore, so if you're gonna do it because he wants it and you're obligated to then don't bother.
How often have both of you had sex before or since you had your 2nd child (or when you were both dating)?

You wrote that your husband wants it more because he wants to feel connected with you....this might mean he feels neglected. Not that I'm pin-pointing on any faults that you may have, having 2 kids is really a big responsibility, but how have you been treating your husband? If you can see where the problem lies it could help rebuild your relationship.

 

[sadman2009]

Hi!
I read your thread and all those who replied and understand where they are coming from.
Now, I would like to contribute what I think as a man, may not represent all men.
Yes, we all know that happy sex needs to be enjoyed by both parties and with mutual consent. And it is especially enjoyable when both wanted it so much and really climax together... the ideal situation is both parties need it at the same time and have sex together, to both liking... every every single time... that means every time he wants it or you want it the other party also wants it...
But stop to think for a moment, is this realistic? Does it happened every time and all the time? No it doesn't.
So, what do we do when we don't want it while the other party wants it?
Yes, you can insist on your right and reject the other person... which is not wrong in itself... but isn't love is about doing what pleases the other person?
Sometimes, if you are really not in the mood to have sex, you tell the person and he understands and will give in to you.. but if we are reject the other person too often... it may not be healthy too...
so love for the each other is most important... in sex too... it's about give and take...
once, to share my experience, although my sex drive is high, my gf asked me to have sex in the middle of the night when I was deeply asleep, you know.. you were comfortably asleep and someone woke you up... how you feel? My whole body was tired. But I still have sex with my gf... that's because she wants it and I want to fulfill her wish... because I love her...
so again do you want to satisfy him because you love him? Or you can insist on your rights...
then may be he will get it from somewhere else... you know... nowadays it's easy to have sex elsewhere...
Alternatively, both of you can work on how to arouse each other... may be how he can arouse you to feel like wanting to have sex... let him do the work... you know... that's what I did last time to arouse my gf.

 

[life_is]

You need to ask yourself whether you are fine with him being deprived of intimacy for long periods of time. Usually it ends in tragedy as it is one of the ways to connect. In severe cases you will see him go for other women to find that connection to fill a void that you may have created. Like it or not, put the marriage first. Kids next. Don't focus too much on the kids and end up with an empty nest.