Infidelity in a husband

[sgbabydoll]

That is the problem when you don't have a clear objective in engaging a PI's service - You don't know what kind of evidence counts and what you could do with the evidence. Do you even know that all evidence if not used within six months will be considered invalid?

Don't waste any more time asking friends and strangers in the forum, but consult a lawyer now if you are bent on a divorce. If you just want to shame both your husband and the woman, then don't bother looking for a lawyer.

 

[sgbabydoll]

"u have her full name?

if u then u can name her as co-respondent, and summons her to court."

Knowing her NRIC is not enough, you need to let the court know where to send the court summon to. The court is not going to locate the person's office or home address for you.

She should see a lawyer because the legal proceedings of divorce on infidelity can get really complex.

 

[mesa]

Egg tart, really depends on how much u still love yr hb at end of day. No one has been through what u guys came so far today. Gals heart are always softer and more vulnerable, likely at the end of the day, u will choose to forgive him. But one thing I picked up in this thread is really all emotions aside, how do u protect yourself for yr best interest so that u do not get further hurt in the end from what u r going thru now. Seem so easy to say, even I am not sure I am able to do that at eod, but definately I am keeping in mind and trying. Listen to yr heart, but keep a sound mind so that u do not get hurt once again. All the best

 

[mirrorcelcius]

relationship is like when you buy a car.

you are interested in the car because of the exterior and interior design. after a while the matter now is not the car design anymore but how the car function itself. do the car able to delivery its promise?

if you have a car that keep leaking oil and need to go to body shop to maintain it. it cost your time and money most important is you will be distracted from your routine. you will be very exhausted. then you will sold the car and get a different one. for sure you will not get the same kind of course. noted it that the daily function is everything.

when i go to bar to get to know some girls. i never search for how is the girls look like. but what kind of girls in there.

when i was
01-25 ages i like sports car.
25-30 ages i like antique car
30-40 ages i like car never bother me
40-50 ages i like car can drive and repair itself
50-60 ages i like car inside have a doctor.
60-70 ages i like car inside have an angel.

 

[cking]

Anyone has a wife who committed adultery instead?
I have, I am still collecting evidence n it is extremely hard on me in the meantime seeing her come back late n not being able to confront. I am thinking of bringing me kid to catch them in d act to let him know that his mom has been lying to him

 

[cking]

Why is d charter so unfair to men? Why does it rub salt to d wound even it's the woman who has d affair? So hard to swallow when u r looking at d video of them in intimate moments. Sure we had problems, but marriage is for better or for worse. Has any men out there reconciled with a infidel wife?

 

[miloice]

hi bro, its normal. u r in the phase of accepting the truth of the affair. There will be endless what ifs and whys in your head right now.

Please don't bring your kid into the picture to make him hate his mum. Is that really the best for him? Don't let your emotions get the better of you.

Don't rush any decision yet. Take time to sort out your thoughts before talking to your wife abt the marriage and affair and how to move on from there.

 

[cking]

I sense dat she will not reconcile from d series of event day unfolded, d change in routine, she taking over bringing son to his activites, then d ppo(I nvr ever laid a hand on her), I also sense she is psychoing my son against me, becos of d ppo I have gone to d lawyers n then PI, dats when d evidence came out, I just can't imagine myself sharing d same bed as her again. Moreover prior to all these, she moved out of bedroom on pretext to help my son adapt to his own room, nvr came back since then, dat was Mayb 2 yrs ago, I was so blind, giving in to these changes she dictated.
I just want to make sure my son sees her for her immorality, some go to church regularly with my son, ever since going to church at suntec, Mayb she got it from there that adultery is ok under some circumstances n is forgivable. It's so hard.

 

[fraiii]

i too have a cheating wife.. she blames me for pushihg her to cheat..

Cheating wives have a common traits, once they cheat, it is usually no turning back... coz they think they have considered all possible reasons y they should.

It is nvr ez, and the thought of it is disgusting.. take heed that ur not alone.

 

[cking]

This is Wat I was afraid of, no turning back part. I suspect my self dat guilt or remorse n reconciliation will not b on her cards becos of her behavior while still screwing outside now.

Any man reconciled with cheating wives before?
Why are woman able to reconcile with cheating husbands?

 

[fraiii]

CKing,

My take is u should not ask Y and should ask How

Should ur wife be willing to see a counciller, i think there could be a chance... do not blame religion as to that it has allowed it to happen but probably should look atur ownslef too...

Things always hapen for a reason... do have a talk with her and find out what is the best course of action...

UR kid is a innocent party... do tok to ur Lawyer regarding child custody...

The road will not be easy and will not get easier in the near future... but take heed that u r not alone..

im trying to get my life bk to normal as well...

 

[cking]

Fraiii

Thanks. But I have a big problem now as she is getting my kid on her side by saying things n tying things that he likes eg psp etc.
I have not confronted yet so it's really hard for me now n what boils me is how she wd bring him to in laws over weekend to deny me d kid n she wd leave at nite to have her affair. She is really prepRing for it Alrady, no sign of remorse or guilt at all.
Did u reconcile?

 

[fraiii]

nope she did not want to have anything to do with me..

i have not seen her for almost 4 months liao...she had move bk to her parents place...

 

[powder]

so what did u do to push her over the edge?

must be a reason rite?

 

[fraiii]

Powder...

for me... she say she no longer loves me. which is weird and surreal...

then she says another man made her feel needed and wanted. kind of like loves me more thatn i love him kind of feeling..

i guess the take home msg is that to never take things for granted.

 

[cking]

From my perspective her expectations changed n I didn't meet them , but to me d marriage is for better or worse n If u stick it out long enuff thr is always hope, but with this kind of violation, thr is no way out,most I feel becos of d common trait Mentioned. I been married for 11 yrs. N d shit ass is married for 20

 

[carlislesg]

I hope this really doesn't turn bad for you. But expect for the worse so that whenever the time comes, you're ready as ever.

 

[cking]

Carlisle,
thanks. but it is already bad n its gonna get worst losing my son's care n control, but thats ok, worst is i feel she is putting things into my sons head, i just hope i am wrong.
its only looking back from here that all the signs n symtoms starts to reveal itself.
i am trying to prepare my self on loss of care n control n i dont even know if my current lawyer is gd or capable, i just hope he is

 

[infojunkie]

cking,

u're the father of ur son and no one can take that away from u... unless u throw it away.

so do whatever u can if u dun wanna lose all contact with him... DUN blow ur top... put everything behind and try ur very best to make peace with her... for the sake of ur son.

 

[cking]

junkie,

Its so difficult now as sometimes i see my son dont even look at my eyes when I am toking to him and everything i say he wd say dunno n must ask mommy.
i feel like i am losing him.
i feel much more disappointment and sadness, exhausted, lost, weakness that this has happened.
why didnt she ever consider the child? n yet she is manipulating her way for control, physically and mentally for my son.
why did the woman that i have chosen not see the sanctity of a marriage, what it means in the vow - for better or for worse?

 

[infojunkie]

dun lose hope and keep trying...

where there's a will, there's a way.

btw, forget abt saving ur marriage... it's as gd as dead.

 

[cking]

junkie,

thanks.
right now i just feel that i just finished a marathon, down, tired, no strength.
...as gd as dead.. - and i was still harbouring thoughts of that being an option, i will know next week when d evidence is open to her in the ppo hearing.
btw did u have the same problem? how did it go / end?

 

[simpleman]

cking,

Do you for a moment pause and ask yourself why is she trying to poison your son's mind?

 

[nichie]

Hi, Cking

I dont believe your wife would cheat on you out of the blue one day and its has nothing to do with you whatsoever...do you know the reason why?

Its much more difficult for woman to cheat than man physically, emotionally and psychologically. (of course not all but most)

If I am you, I would not think of reconcilliation, the hurt will always be there especially you have seen their intimate scene...forget about her and move on...

As for the kid, if she want it (or the kid prefer to be with her), give it to her but make sure you got your fair share of seeing him...dont fight for custody..the kid will suffer...its your kid and you should have his best interest at heart...

 

[cking]

i can only imagine that she wants firmly to have custody of the child, to do that, move to put the child on his side.

of course there were problems, but she was calling the cards, i just give in to avoid deterioration of things. communication problem i assess. went for counselling but failed as both were also stubborn n i feel the cousellor was a big BS cos he could not see that we had to clear our resentment n emotional baggage before we go to healing, just keep asking us to put d past behind n move on, which we both seem not able to, what an ass, carecorner TP.
whatever happened, i always feel that as long as hold on, for better of for worse, as in the vows we took, things will work out, but she had to do this, n i m beginning to believe that for woman, once committed, there is no turnig back, but i will know next week

 

[simpleman]

cking,

OK to get custody. But why fight for custody?

She loves her child.. I suppose?

then ask yourself, who is the better parent for the child to be with? Be very objective..

If you are the better parent, then convince her.. if she is the better parent, give the custody to her.. she will be grateful.. and she will probably not poison the child further..

At the end, you may lose custody but I assure you - you can be the bestest of father.. that is not mutually exclusive..

As for woman or man.. committed or not.. turning back or not.. there is no generalization.. and what is the point of generalization? How does it help? You are still miserable..

And don't blame counsellor.. whatever their faults. The blame is between hb & wife to resolve..

 

[simpleman]

niche,

I dont believe your wife would cheat on you out of the blue one day and its has nothing to do with you whatsoever...do you know the reason why?

Its much more difficult for woman to cheat than man physically, emotionally and psychologically. (of course not all but most)


Is it necessary to find out why the wife is straying.. unless it is to save the relationship. As to the matters of the heart.. can we explain. There could be 1001 of reasons or just 1 excuse.. you will be alarmed to hear what couples have to say when the relationship is broken - almost everything can also come out. But what is what and which is which.. It is not important unless the purpose is to save the relationship.. then yes, perhaps can sit down and talk.

But bear in mind, for someone who has strayed, their immediate reaction is not to talk about the affair.. they want to put it behind. For those betrayed, they will feel the need to know the "reason".. it is a conflict .. The immediate goal should be one of healing rather than opening of wounds.. the analysis can come at a later stage when both are ready ..

Reconciliation or not.. it is really up to individual. There is no single right answer. Some people would say they NEVER forget and NEVER forgive.. therefore NEVER reconcile.. But it is all in our minds, our goals - what we want together ultimately - that should be the driving force - and not what we believe. Remember that we can change our beliefs to achieve our goals.

 

[infojunkie]

cking,

she has already made up her mind liao... the more u push her, the more she's determined to take the kid away from u...

try to make peace not war... dun u know the "force" is with her?


"btw did u have the same problem?"

nope... but i've other problems... that's life

 

[simpleman]

In child-custody battle, sometimes you got to give to win..

And think of what is best for the child.. it is not you winning... or your spouse winning

 

[nichie]

sm

To know the reason not so much of saving the marriage but not to make the same mistake in the future. Its alright to be hurt or betrayed but we must learn something from this painful lesson.

 

[simpleman]

niche,

Firstly, I mean we all know the ingredients of a great marriage - but that does not mean that we will have a super happy marriage.

The usual reasons for breakdown of a marriage - no comms, drifted apart, take each other for granted.. these are very general reasons most will give - but how do you learn from these? We all know all these in the first place - and yet, each time it is the same old story.

Especially when a relationship fails due to affairs or 3rd party.. The one betraying would bring up some general reason.. the one being betrayed would be none the wiser.

Well, I have seen too much of such... don't have to learn from a broken relationship. We all know how to have a great relationship - just pick up any book on relationships. The difficult part is to live true to the words. Communication and not taking each other for granted - these are the simplest and yet not many people can practise them well.