Infidelity, Divorce, and Moving on

Vmond

New Member
I just got married, less than six months ago. The wedding ceremony....wow. It really touched my heart when we finally made it with so much hurdles.

A month to our marriage, I found out he have been having an affair with a married woman, and it started before we got married.

My question was, “Why did you marry me if you already had an affair/two timing with someone else?”

His answer was, “Because I love you.”

I swear to God it was so painful living with him after knowing his affair with another woman. A married woman, to add on.

I’ve been lied to so many times within less than 6 months of marriage. I’ve given him multiple chances but his relationship with this lady kept on going. I asked for a divorce because it is really mentally exhausting having to live with a man who said “I love you” to me everyday but never fail to surprise me with his daily stunts.

Instead of apologising, he asked me to be better than that woman. He asked me to be more intelligent than that woman. Told me that this incident should have already given me a boost to step up my game - shouldn’t he be stepping up his game for his loyal wife instead? He would say there is no point of praying everyday if I can’t stop thinking negatively about that woman.

I mean...if she have all the qualities he needs, then let me go and find that perfect woman that he needs. How can I not feel negative and insecure about this situation when my own husband have been comparing me to his “scandal”?

We’ve been living separately for a month now, and every time I texted him to proceed with the divorce, he would ignore my texts. He doesn’t even come over or meet me. He doesn’t even want to let me go. I don’t think he even knows what he wants.

I feel so mentally exhausted with this situation and needs help on how to proceed with a divorce, and how to move on with life without abusing myself for feeling that I am never enough for anyone.
 


MyENV

New Member
Your husband is a self-centered and selfish man that has no respect for you. He’s walking all over you and it’s making you doubt about yourself, affecting your self-esteem. He doesn’t give a damn about you and your devastated feelings. He does not love you.
Don’t ever take him back and don’t get coerced into physical in case pregnancy, STD etc. Even if he gives up this mistress, he will find another.
As the saying goes “a leopard never changes its spots” once they have a taste of this, many continue searching for it. Seek counsellor help for healing if possible.

My marriage is good so I can’t advice you on divorce proceedings. But you can try:

singaporemotherhood.com
Matter Of The Heart
Any private investigator to recommend?
to get advice and recommendation for PI and lawyers from the members there. Some had gone through divorce themselves.
what I know so far:
1) In order to get a divorce, you have to be married for at least 3 years
2) Change your IC’s address ( date of separation)
3) Change your beneficiary if you have will, CPF, insurance etc.

Read:
singaporelegaladvice.com
1) Divorce: All you need to know
What are the Legal Grounds for Getting a Divorce
How to Divorce Within 3 years of Marriage in Singapore
2) thesmartlocal.com
10 Divorce Facts You Never Knew About According to Singapore Law
 
Dear TS,
A month before or a month into marriage when you found out about his affair?

You alluded to hurdles before marriage, what happened or what were they?

Wishing you well
Unker BJ
 

Chocogal

Member
My dear he doesn't love you I am sorry if it sounded harsh. In this whole time that you wasted on him, he love himself more than anyone. A selfish, self centered trash who is out hurt and cheat. He Himself is the one with problem. I will advised it's better to focus on yourself, recovery and be stronger and brave. Do not lose yourself trying to convince yourself to love someone choose to hurt you. Divorce a not is just about piece of paper and procedure to go through.

Emotional and psychological support and recovery is what you will need right Now.. jia you!!! Power up!!! Will be cheering for u!!!
 

arnoldchen

New Member
I just got married, less than six months ago. The wedding ceremony....wow. It really touched my heart when we finally made it with so much hurdles.

A month to our marriage, I found out he have been having an affair with a married woman, and it started before we got married.

My question was, “Why did you marry me if you already had an affair/two timing with someone else?”

His answer was, “Because I love you.”

I swear to God it was so painful living with him after knowing his affair with another woman. A married woman, to add on.

I’ve been lied to so many times within less than 6 months of marriage. I’ve given him multiple chances but his relationship with this lady kept on going. I asked for a divorce because it is really mentally exhausting having to live with a man who said “I love you” to me everyday but never fail to surprise me with his daily stunts.

Instead of apologising, he asked me to be better than that woman. He asked me to be more intelligent than that woman. Told me that this incident should have already given me a boost to step up my game - shouldn’t he be stepping up his game for his loyal wife instead? He would say there is no point of praying everyday if I can’t stop thinking negatively about that woman.

I mean...if she have all the qualities he needs, then let me go and find that perfect woman that he needs. How can I not feel negative and insecure about this situation when my own husband have been comparing me to his “scandal”?

We’ve been living separately for a month now, and every time I texted him to proceed with the divorce, he would ignore my texts. He doesn’t even come over or meet me. He doesn’t even want to let me go. I don’t think he even knows what he wants.

I feel so mentally exhausted with this situation and needs help on how to proceed with a divorce, and how to move on with life without abusing myself for feeling that I am never enough for anyone.
some people are toxic and manipulative. ur hubby is one such guy. either u can play the game or if not, reconsider ur options.

when someone is in the wrong, one jolly well own up and apologise. He is really a piece of crap
 

Distraughtx

New Member
My hub also asked me to be a better woman. I only changed for the good and not for him. Never ever lose yourself in a relationship. Praying for a smooth divorce for you as it is never easy!
 

Cloudia

New Member
Hi,

iam sorry to hear about what happens. i had been cheated and manipulated before by my ex bf. i could not imagine how much pain you must had been through that your husband did what he has done to you. I hope that you are feeling better everyday and time heals. Be strong and be firm, i hope that you can be free from this man soon. i happened to hear that if you are married less that 3 years, you can apply for an annulment of marriage instead of divorce. i hope below article can help you.

 

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