Inability to penetrate during sex

Discussion in 'Anything Under The Sun' started by distressed_gal, Jul 24, 2002.

  1. Hi all

    I need advise and dun know where to turn to. we got married 2 months ago and until now we still cannot manage to have sex.[​IMG] no matter how my hubby try to penetrate me, he just cannot 'put it in', even when i try to open my legs to the widest. anyone have this problem?? what can i do? my hubby and i are both frustrated but have no idea where to get help from. for the record, i m a virgin, he is not. we have tried everything from lubricants to lubricated condoms but in vain....[​IMG]
  2. may

    may New Member

    it could be the direction is wrong.. i experienced something like that too..but after a few tries and some endurance ( due to pain), you will manage it better. Instead of putting straight in ( 90 degrees to the opening) , try a sliding position. dunno how to explain. but it worked for me. mi still in the learning stage...
  3. golly

    golly Guest

    Hi distressed gal

    Probably u could use your hand to guide ur hubby's penis into your vagina. Sometimes the position maybe right but u just cant get it in.

    So it a little guide. If not, change position. You on top and he guide his penis into your vagina.

    Good Luck [​IMG]
    paperplaness likes this.
  4. try to help

    try to help Guest

    maybe you are too tense, when a gal is too tense up the vaginal walls will be difficult to allow the penis to go in. try to relax youself and do alot of petting, when you are wet enough and vaginal is relax enuff then try to slowly glide in.
  5. hi,
    Maybe you are like me. Penetration was so painful, that can cry. What I found helped, was not to try having sex immediately for the first few time. First, ask your hubby stimulate you first. If you are wet, ask him to put his finger in, it may be slightly painful at first, try to stretch the hymen, and same time moving in and out. Do it until there is no pain, it may take 2 or 3 days of regular sex. Then you may want to try putting 2 fingers in, do the same thing. After you find it is comfortable enough, you can try having it with the real thing. It may still be painful, but dont force yourself. It should be able to go further in than before. My friend said, for it it took about 1 year of regular sex, before the pain really goes away. For me, sometimes it is still painful, but it is still bearable, unlike the first few weeks which was so painful that can cry. You can try the spoon position or lady top position. It is less painful than the normal position.
  6. alhana

    alhana New Member

    Yes, if u are too tense, or too afraid of the pain, chances are u will clench that area n make things harder. Some books suggest engaging in foreplay first to help the woman relax and also get the vaginal fluids flowing through arousal. this will definitely help with the entry later on. And don't stick to any one position. Everybody will have their own preferences, so experiment a little to see which way suits u best.
  7. juzmarried

    juzmarried New Member

    yeap, initially will be very very painful, the first time for me was the same - cannot penetrate, maybe becos your tolerance of pain is ver low, so, didnt even get to penetrate already feel very painful so your hubby surely dun bear to go further, sometimes u just need him to push it thru, dats why first time sex will bleed. But i think hopethishelps' idea is very good, try asking ur hubby to stimulate u more, until u're more wet, then insert his fingers in. Start with one, then 2, or maybe 3 (if u can stand it) it will surely be painful, but jus bear with it lo.
  8. tammy

    tammy New Member

    i think the problem might be with your hubby. so far, everyone advises you on how to relax. but i think your hubby's organ might be too soft to penetrate as well. a non-virgin man doesn't mean he has a big and hard one [​IMG] It can be shorter and smaller relatively. It tends to be more bendable and doesn't 'poke' that well.
  9. angel

    angel Member

    Hi distressed gal

    Mayb u can try kissing with your hubby & at the same time he try to insert in. I dunno if i will works on u, it work on me well.

    whenever i experience pain during the love making or is too dry, my hubby will make me wet by slowly insert his finger in & out at the same time, he will kiss me. This really work cos i get wet whenever our lips meet...

    Give it a try. Hope u will have an enjoyable sex with hubby.
  10. hi all

    Truly appreciative for al the replies. But we are really at our wit's end!! We have tried countless time, and tried me on top, him on top, even doggy style to see if the angle will be more right, and I also tried to use my hand and guide him into me, but it seems impossible, and I didn't even feel pain because he never even manage to enter me at all. i use a tampon once in a while during my period with not much problems so i didn't foresee this problem. i am really vexed and upset that this is happenning. I even did a 'demo' by inserting an empty tmpon applicator in front of him, but no use! [​IMG]

    Please continue to let me know if any of you can tihnk of any possible solutions or ideas where we can get advice/help from. thanks.

    truly appreciative...
  11. Hi distressed gal,

    The problem might be wif ur husband. U see, guys are very particular abt their penis, if they can't penetrate they get stressed, and their penis shrink to the minimum or become weak after few tried. Tried to relax and encourage him. Tell him that he can do it. Tried to make him hot and hard. When u noe he's at the hardest quickly grab his and poke in on ur own... [​IMG]

    hope tis help.
  12. try to help

    try to help Guest

    hm...from what you descride seems like is His problem but you said that he is not a virgin then couldn't be he doesn't know how to 'put in'....

    is his hard enough to penetrate? or isit just too soft to?
  13. hope

    hope New Member

    u may want to ask him to quit smoking or alcohol if he is addicted to them. It impedes his performance. If he takes peppermint or methol stuff too often, tell him to stop. Virgin or not virgin is immaterial. But pardon my tactlessness, if he could succeed last time, why not this time???

    Why don't you wear condom to aid the insertion?
  14. shame

    shame New Member

    i am married for few mths & both of us r virgins so we really have a problem wif sex. like distressed gal, he is unable to penetrate me. i know it sounds stupid but we really dunno how to do IT. do u gals know of any website dat can b of help? or shall we consult a doctor?
  15. sunny3

    sunny3 New Member

    As hubby to use his fingers to widen your vagina hole during foreplay. Try with 1 finger first. When you are comfortable with 1, he can increase it to 2 and then 3.

    On penetration:

    1) Your hubby penis must be hard.
    2) Apply some lubricant on his penis and around your vagina.
    3) Aim at the right hole and push in slowly. You might be in a little pain as you are tight.
    4) When you are in very pain, he should stop there and let you get comfortable with that position. You should try to relax as much as possible. He can help you to relax by kissing you. Otherwise, you can do some deep breathing and counting your breath aloud.
    5) He can continue while you are in your relaxation mood.
    6) Slowly and strongly, he should push his way in.

    The main thing, he should not back off when you cry in pain. You must let your vagina "get use" to him in there.

    Good Luck!
  16. experienced

    experienced Guest

    yes Sunny3 was correct.
    the penis must feel accustomed to the vagina's space. sometimes, when you change sex partners, you'll find the penetration not too fitting.

    have u gals tried KY bullet tablets to be inserted into the vagina. Use those and apply the KY jelly to the guy's penis sparingly.

    You must relax! The more frustrated u r, the more demoralised your hubby is and his ego will be deflated yet again due to non-successful attempt. He will feel very not chide him...
  17. poorgirl

    poorgirl Guest

    hi experienced
    where to purchase the KY jelly and KY bullet tablets??
  18. scared

    scared New Member

    Dun use Ky if u r trying to get preganant. It will kill the sperms! my gynae did tat experiment b4, Putting a drop of KY on the sperm.
  19. catz

    catz New Member

    i dun think KY has spermicidal properties lah.. if the sperm is exposed to air, it will die anyway.. it doesn't need KY to kill it! [​IMG]

    poorgirl, you can buy KY jelly at any pharmacy, usually arranged with the condoms. I haven't seen the bullets though.
  20. poorgirl

    poorgirl Guest

    hi catz
    thk u to hve a good sex with my hushand??...everytme we have sex...he cant make me arosed...
  21. we are really getting frustrated! we have tried again and again and still failed...
    we have tried everything we can think of, NOTHING helps! I cannot imagine what is wrong. i can easily slip my own finger into myself, but yet no matter how hard i try to insert him into me, still cannot. his penis tip didn't even manage to enter me at all, so there was in fact no pain....
    we am thinking of seeing a doctor to get help. does anyone knows where we can go or who to look for?

    I have a question for all of you: during the first time you try to have sex, how many tries did it take before your partner manages to penetrate you?
  22. catz

    catz New Member

    hi poorgirl,
    has it always been a problem? why not just take it easy.. don't put any stress on you or on hubby and just start with petting then progress from there? the more stressed out you are about putting IT in, I think the more tense and clenched your v-muscles will be. So just start off slow - put on some relaxing music and get to know each other's bodies.
    I've read before that some doctors can actually help you break the hymen for easier penetration. I think it's in a Christian book I read - the Act of Marriage.
  23. sunny3

    sunny3 New Member

    Hi distressed gal,

    The efforts to insert his penis into you does not come from you. From your "trying hard", your vagina muscle, along with all parts of your body muscle, must be exerting it best strength to insert your hubby penis. But, V-muscle on strengthening up, will make you tight and harder for him to get in.

    What you need to do is just lay there and sleep. Let him do it slowly. Your frustration is not helping him at all. In fact, it's putting him off. He might see himself as a failure.

    Let your hubby does whatever way he wants. On your part, learn to relax your V-muscle...not easy to do can do it if you are very relax. Deep breathing and counting is a very good way to help you achieve it.

    Sex is supposed to be enjoyable. Don't make yourself so stressful. Play with each other. Without penetration, you can have good sex too. Go slow on penetration. You will enjoy it one day.
  24. tommy

    tommy New Member

    Hi Distressed Gal,

    My advice is that both you to see a doctor asap. It sure sounds serious. Good luck.
  25. Hi D-gal... HUGS....

    I never had probs with making out... first time was quite spontaeneous so no worrying abt how to do it... like Nike said we jsut did it. =p

    But here are some suggestions that maybe others already suggested ( paiseh might sound abit racy):

    1) Masturbate. Go get a dildo from U4Ria at Midpoint Orchard ( next to OG at Somerset MRT there). Buy lubricant and masturbate... U will be less tensed up and prob feel more at ease and less paiseh after awhile and ur V muscles will be less tensed. Dun buy the small kind. Go buy those penis size one. Vibrate or not up to U.

    2) Get Porno movie and watch how they do it.

    3) Foreplay. Get him to lick U there then use fingers to play with you... Close your eyes and dun think abt it but have horny tots... Like those scenes in porno or R(A) movies.. enjoy what he is doing to U.

    4) Have several Foreplay sessions first. Then have him use Dildo on U to get U having orgasm. Ask hi mto rub him gently on the side of the virgina... not on the clitoris or in the virgina. That might gif U an Orgasm. Then slowly after that when U wet, insert Dildo in and out a few times. After that, get him to replace with real thing...

    Hope it helps.
  26. sunyee

    sunyee Guest

    relax is the main key for enjoyment, relax is the only way to clear tension, might not be your problem, might be your hubby, try a rather simple way, all the post state clearly how u could wet yourself, why dont try to masturbate for your hubby, that will make him relax tho, let your hand feel the hardness, let him relax, then start kissing and guild his penis thru u.....
  27. sanctuary

    sanctuary Guest

    Dear Distressed Gal,

    Maybe you are not lubricated enough. Get Astroglide from Guardian Pharmacy. It works wonders and feels like the real thing. Feels REALLY good! [​IMG]
  28. anyone

    anyone Guest

  29. haha

    haha New Member

    Dear Distressed Gal,

    ermmm, maybe ur husband penis is 2 big 4 u ??
    u could try a blow job 1st 2 turn him on.
  30. depressed

    depressed New Member

    I've a problem here: I do not get aroused whenever my hubby rub or touch me (body, private parts). We also have problem having penetration during sex. May I know what’s wrong and what can be done?
  31. Hi depressed

    Go see a gynae . I was like u for few months. I didn't dare to tell my hubby. It was real painful doing that thing. After consultation at gynae was told I have hormone imblance. Meaning the high hormone I had is for pregnant woomen.

    Gynae gave me medication to balnce hopormone. Now feel more sensitive.GYnae with test blood for hotmones. Read that hormone imbalances cause by stress. Maybe wed prepararion has unconciuosly caused u stress.

    I swear by dang Kwai! boil with dang shen. I just try a week and the result so good that I had to stop taking it now. Maybe the help in blood corcuulation helps. But don't anyhow take other herbs hot...

    Best wishes to u !
  32. depressed

    depressed New Member

    Hi jus wanna help,

    May I know contact of your gynea?

    Thank you so much for sharing.
  33. depressed

    depressed New Member

    Hi jus wanna help,

    I’ve another qn re the dang Kwai boil with dang shen. How much of each do I need to buy? And do I just boil them together with water? How much water?

    Thanks again.
  34. Hi depressed,

    I just put 15 gm of dang kwai pian, one dang shen,one peiqi, one tablespoon of kai chee and some red dates. Yes, just doulle boil with 2 bowl of water. The water depends on the amount u usually drink for soup. And also if u cannot find dang kwai pain . U can also use dang Kwai Tou.And one bowl of water if using slow cooker.

    I had taken it for three times the week b4. I think too much already to take alternate days.(become hyper...:p)
    Maybe u can take it once or twice a week?

    I think the combination makes blood flow bettre. so feel more sensitive. That part has become brey moisturised too. SO the male organ cna slip in vert easuly. I don't know whether the soup will work for u but maybe u can try for a month.

    Best also to see a gynae soon, cos' treatment takes a while. My gynae charges is really ex. SOme gals in this forum also using him. U can visit the following website to check:,

    And now I try to de-stress whebever I can. Didn't know II was so stres. And of course don't over exercise. Think kanna it cos' for a while I had been doing aerobics for 2 hours non-stop everyday.Now onlu do alternate days at an houreach time. Must be careful.

    Hope u get well soon.
    PS. Don't take dang kwai during menses and pregnancy. Only after menses.
  35. same

    same Guest

    Hi Jus Wanna Help

    May I know why did you go Prof Chen?
  36. unable

    unable Guest

    Hi just wanna help

    I am also interested in the gynea you are referring. you mentioned that charges are ex, may I know how much does consultation costs?

    Thanks a great deal!!
  37. depressed

    depressed New Member

    Hi wanna help,

    Have some qns re the ingredients for the soup:

    "I just put 15 gm of dang kwai pian, one dang shen,one peiqi, one tablespoon of kai chee and some red dates."

    1) what is peiqi?
    2) what is kai chee?

  38. sweetmoments

    sweetmoments New Member

    hmm... I am not too sure why alcohol can makes one 'shrink' as in guys. Quite amazingly my boy had some alcohol that day and was able to do it with me for 3 hours... hehe.. I think what you have to do depressed_gal is that you need to arouse you hubby and meanwhile feel arouse. From the post u have made seems like you get frastrated and angry such thingy. You need to cool and calm down. Making love is a very sentimental subject and both must enjoy the moment. It is not likely to have the concept that 'i want to have sex because we are married or what..' you just need to relax, maybe both goes to a romantic place to have some slips of alcohol - make sure not too much or drunk. caresses each others and kiss each other with feelings just like the first time you guys kisses. get the heat on and do things slow and steady. You can try to lick you hubby penis and allow him to do the licking to you too. Feel the sensation, feel the passion and i sure you can have a very sweet moments on bed...
  39. bluegrapes

    bluegrapes New Member

    My hb and I are newly married. Both of us are virgins. My hb is big size as compared to me and everytime he tried to penetrate, I will feel a sharp pain 'there' and I start to be very tensed up. This cause him to be very disappointed. Really wonder whether it is ever possible for us to have intercourse due to 'size difference'. [​IMG]

    And, is penetration possible when I am not aroused?

    Can someone pls advise me? *desperate*
  40. relaxfun

    relaxfun New Member


    I dun think you are relaxed and in the mood enough to be aroused thats why there pain when he tried to go 'into' you, maybe can get gel to apply to help smoothen the trip into you [​IMG]
  41. kragb

    kragb New Member

    hmm.. besides size of penis, tense muscles, foreplay, etc. there's one more " variable" to consider.... and that is the angle of the erected manhood! that will have an effect of how the entry position and angular thrust should be in order not to be too painful for both parties. any wife here got any experience on this?
  42. ariesta

    ariesta Member

    Just to add 2-cents worth....

    When my hb first tried to "enter", also cannot. The muscles there became too tense so become smaller. It took him 3 to 4 mths to finally penetrate, and it was painless.... Patience, and u need to be veri comfortable.. Ask him for foreplay only. Let him try first, if cannot, u can still move on the hand job. Most impt is to be very very very comfortable wif him.
  43. laurensia

    laurensia New Member


    I 'm the same also like you (distressed_gal),shame, and blue grapes. Intercouse seem impossible to me. For "shame" you're better cause at least you can insert tampon, that it is mean you know and can tolerate something go inside your vagina.I can't insert anything not even a small q tip, it's sound silly but it happened to me.

    Last months is my fisrt anniversary wedding, but I still can not have intercourse with my husband. I try to go to 2 diferent gynecolog but not help at all for me.They said nothing wrong with me. For me they just make trauma cause when he( my gynecolog) tried to insert his finger, it just can go in 1.5 cm but it cause me pretty painnnn....oucchchhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

    I'm not satisfied with my condition and try to serch by goole.Finally I found the name of my condition "VAGINISMUS (WHEN INTERCOURSE IS PAIN OR IMPOSSIBLE)" and also I found very good website like:
    From this website you can read and more understand about vaginismus,
    I bought a vaginismus treatment kit,just received it at the of sept. Now I'm still on exercise to insert second dilator (diametre 24mm - 27 mm), I have been sucsess for inserting q.tip, tampon, and first dilator (19mm-22mm diametre).Unless now I know that I have hole in my vagina and I can reduce my fairness and pain when something go inside my vagina.I still must exercise till I can insert dilator number 4(35mm-40mm diametre), then I will be to have pain free intercourse.

    The other goog website is :
    in this group, I found that I'm not alone in this world with vaginismus. There's so many woman all over the world, and even from modern country like USA , Australi,and Europe, where sex education is very good, but there's still woman with this vaginismus problem.
    This group, really encouraging and support and help each other, to our goal :CURE FROM VAGINISMUS AN HAVE PAIN FREE AND PLEASUREABLE SEX

    ok , hope my long letter can help the other who can not consume their married, or still have pain when doing intercourse.

    feel free ask me by email

    My pray for all of you.



  44. apple79

    apple79 New Member

    I am experiencing pain during intercourse and it has become more so now eversince I gotten this yeast infection. My infection seems to have gone away but intercourse is still painful. By the way, I have no pain at all previously during intercourse. Shld i see a gynae or just a gP?
  45. noscon

    noscon New Member

    Hi apple79

    I advise you to see a gynae because if it is vaginismus, then you need a doc who is experienced in helping you with this problem..... else in any case, for women's problems, gynae is more equipped with the experience and knowledge to advise you... [​IMG] just my 2cents worth
  46. sos

    sos New Member

    need some advice : do guys need to use hand to push the thing in? thought it should be hard enuff to go in by itself?
  47. leftofcenter

    leftofcenter New Member

  48. ronde

    ronde New Member

    just wana help

    Have you guys try some drinking (liquor)? A bit will do, for relaxing... too much will get drunk.

    Or maybe watch some porn movies to get yourself ready before sex....
  49. happy_daze_ahead

    happy_daze_ahead New Member

    I think what a lot of people have said is right, its not just about the relaxing or anything, but enjoying the intimacy... the happier you both are, the easier it is to relax and let your body get aroused. Have fun and really just enjoy the moment. The phyiscal side of it will come along naturally.

    I know more details could help us diagnose the problem, but I'm sure very few of us here are medical experts, and its just as embarrassing divulging details here as to a physician. If you really have difficulties that are insurmountable, try seeing a doctor and don't beat yourself over it!
  50. Hi!Laurensia member,thank u much much for ur vauleable website and information share!!!Where do u bought vaginismus treatment?i and hubby marry now coming 8 mth .i am look for kk woman & children hospital for my these hubby and me is still vigin..that day 1st success on his 2nd finger had apply lubicate and outside viginal area too..he message pussy and ask me some question..i answer him suddenly his 2nd finger go in,i scream it is pain...voice like bear him to take out his eyes fall down is uncontrolled is pain teardrop!!!Rest a while touch other part of pussy then i bring out,he try same finger go in then movement in and out...try the feeling how...i have to deep breath up and down about 8-10 time then i told him take out cos uncomfortable feel.Then after 2 day try it again his finger go little and i fast scream it pain..these time unsuccessfully cause him depressed..i fairup my pussy and felt miserable,worry and stressful that hubby said end of these mth go look gelang positude!!!i think he also have problem..his way no perform kiss foreplay...i forgot to tell him to do right and left,four side angluar scratches movement that kk doctor teach..he only do in out movement...i hope next kk consulation..he can 2 finger go in and do more kind movement.After 1 st time finger going before,now still can felt pain..need consult kk doctor..
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2016

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