don't look upon the replies as 'Bashings'.. take those as reflective posts, and measure those against your Idealistic and Real life.
At times, we walk into a cross-road - not knowing what to do, but just cruising through with comforting excuses - and it happens that you're in that situation right now.
You reminds me that you're on a job with "Low Pay, High Interest" - such that, you love the tasks at hand, but you lament about the poor salary, complain about the bad privileges, and you blame the company's policies.
Isn't that the same as loving parts of his personality, enjoying his companionship, yearning for his attention.... but hating his guts for the multi-love affairs?
It is even more irrelevant when you seemingly group all the men in the world as the 'dick-thinkers'....
do what we want, do what we can...
just rem to look at our self when the need arises.
mayb useful to you ladies out there who wonders y ur hubby was looking out....
later on when we mangaed to talk calmly, i asked him why he did that, and in what ways was i inferior to her...
his answer. she was a really easy person to get along, and never fussed abt anything, she goes with the flow, and never complains abt a thing.
perhaps this is the flaw that we r lack of that keeps our huband away from us.
anyway, if those of what he mentioned were what this lady was, why did her husband had an affair outside as well??????
and finally, btw, when she and my husband were together, she also had another "boyfriend" as well.
Top it off, she is no where near gorgeous, she's much older then my hub.
Let me try, scenario 1 I think is not valid. You cannot and do not assume that this guy will strays from his wife again even if the current affair ends.
As for scenario 2, if the woman, does not keeps him from his 1st home, or break up the 1st home by comparing herself to his 1st wife, or asking him all the time to be with her and make him neglect the 1st home. In directly, this woman will cause the man to quarrel with his 1st wife and eventually break up the home.
Intention is of course important and encourage him not to take care of his 1st home is definately wrong. If he choose the woman before his wife, he should disscus their marriage problem with his wife and even try counselling to identify the reason of the marriage break out. He must be able to tell that with or without the woman the family will break out. Otherwise the woman should feel guilty.
And as for Tay, you are partially right about trust. I trust my ex wholly for the past 8yrs and I become a victim. You may not realise that your presence causes your bf break up. If you wish to know if you are the cause of their break up, you can call all out and ask his ex gf directly. Let them talk out their problem if its really your fault or they already have problem rather then just listen to your bf. In this way, you can understand him better and know if he is really the one you wish to marry.
I also wanna add on whattado too. My ex has an affair with a ugly, fat and short woman. (Not fully divorce but still has) This woman is totally slutty but no where sexy or beautiful. Maybe she is so slutty in bed, full of excitment like those prom movies which is why I lost to her.
I dont feel inferior about myself losing this man to a cheap slut but she definately does breaks up my family.
Now, I view marriage as just a paper, which is why I consider even a 3rd party involve with a gf or bf is considered an affair.
As time goes by people learn and grow, and everyone change. Its the individual choice to up hold discipline to keep a couple together. Trust and assume is just a thin line different, its communication that matters.
Whattodo, I have 1 too. I am happy and my child is still a happy soul, 2 still makes a family. Make sure you are happy for your kids ok. Life goes on with or without the man. Life also goes on whether I have money or not. I still make sure I will be happy for myself and my child.
If you knew that a married guy strays even b4 the other woman even came into the picture, and even if she walked out of him one day, he will still find another one. Does it make the woman equally guilty for breaking up an intact family?
just put urself in the wife position, do u wan it?
If the other woman just stays with him for companionship (w/o intention to break up the family),and the guy continues to care and do his part to the wife and kid, it is still wrong?
same as well, if u are the wife, do u think it is rite?
just becos u are the 3rd party. and u think as long as u dun break up his family will be fine? if the wife finds out, it is as good as breaking up the family..
But I still feel that the right thing to do is not to get involved with any married people. Don't flirt with them. Leave them alone.
Don't talk about true love with a married person. If you die die must love that married person, get that person to divorce their partner and then continue with your true love and hopefully you will never feel any guilt over breaking up a family.
Be it men or women, find a single to love. If can't, then stay as singles!
Hey Whattodo, I have no choice and do you? All women and man when through marriage and taken vow then thought its for a life time. Accidents and mishap happen. As I also did mention before, somewhere I still cannot forgive them but just put these aside and life to the fullest for yourself and your kids, not for him! Life only happen once and is larger the marriage.
If I keep thinking about how much painful I had been through, still going on, I will be as devastated like you too, no point.
Try to exercise and make yourself pretty, your sprite will be better and more positive. Go meet more friends and family. Your dear friends and family will be there for you.
To those out there who has been betrayed b4, i was once in your shoes. Call me heartless, but I seriously don't feel very hurt when my previous marriage broke down. Just angry, cos my ex is just stupid to give me up. Even now, after the D was finalised for nearly a year, he still ask for a second chance, to start everything anew. I just told him to go fly kite. Irony it seems, but I will never allow myself/ my kids to be hurt.
As of why my married bf strays, I can't answer. Although I do admit that he has a pretty wife, that does not make me any inferior. But jut to share what I heard from my close guy fren a few weeks back- I asked him, why are married guys going after me and not single available ones? He told me cos I have that kind of mistress material. It's like WTH man ! I was rather offended but he told me to think of the brighter side. Because I am slim(Standing at 1.64, I never weigh for than 48kg ever in my life),fair and sexy (I dunno abt how this is defined by him, but I never wear spag/ anything revealing). Maybe I look like a damsel in distress who needs lots of protection etc. I have no idea and seriously not interested to know.
This is getting sickening. I do want a long term relationship with a proper status, not a skeleton in their closet. (Theirs because I have receive a number of proposals about these)If I am really going on the thrill of breaking up pple's families and causing chaos in marriages, I will probably be one rich woman clad in branded stuff and tonnes of $ for shopping. But I am not, I am still working hard to make ends meet (My ex dun even give me alimony despite the court order)and mostly travelling by public transport.
Sometimes I really wonder, what have I been missing in my life that cause me to be in this way. I am not proud of it and certainly this is a lil secret I kept within myself.
Hey Pinkie, you already have your answer, you know what you do want and don't want!
What is missing you won't know till the day you discover something else. I don't know what I have been missing too. I just fill my missingness with events. Like exercise, friends, kids, activities, jobs, games, forum there are plenty. Till the day come, I won't know what I am missing too. I do feel what you feel too, an emptiness, I just refuse to surrender myself to it.
Perhaps your married bf is thinking, "since I can have many cakes and eat all of them w/o having to wipe my mouth, why bother settling for one only??" If so, then you r only one of them who is supplying food to meet his huge appetite. Ain't it so?
There's absolutely nothing wrong to be an attractive woman, but when more guys start to look at you as mistress material, then it's a warning. Do u have a flirtatious nature? Are u flirting with them unknowingly? I dunno, just guessing. Confidence is another thing that guys are attracted to too.. Guys, how do you define a mistress-material gal?
I would b upset too if guys look at me as mistress material only...
I believe most 3rd parties were not think abt money when they became involved with married pple. Likely is something that they want in that person but dun hv so dun mind sharing ba. Thing is, we also have to check ourselves and make sure that no one is suffering so that we can be happy cuz we def wun want the tables to be turn on us.
I am pretty sure that I am never seductive in my words and definately not slutty. My off work outfit are usually polo tee/ knitted blouse and 3/4 pants. While at work,due to the expected dress code,it is definately formal, nothing revealing at all. So, how sexy can it be ?Neither do I go around befriending guys or pick up conversation with males first.
Ok..I admit I am shy and an introvert. And my bf ever mentioned that he is attracted to me at the first sight and me now cos I am understanding, sweet and treats him like a king (which I believe I sometimes did) He will make decisions on where to go, what to eat and I will "obey" him like a little lamb. He will call me his good gal, though he is only 5 years older than me. In fact, I do not even understand why I can submit to him in this manner, but gather it must be because I love doing that, cos it made me feel loved.
Maybe he like gals like ur style or rather at home he doesnt call much shots! which is y he "target" ladies like u. if he can do this behind his wife's back so can he do it to u. Cos the world is round.
i agree with dreamz56.
"sometimes hate yourself even more than the wife hates you"
after what happened, i asked myself if i would ever blame the woman if i were to see her face to face, and surprinsingly, the answer was NO. i guess it would be more for her to feel guilty if she have some conscience. i do blame my husband more though, coz' even without her existence, he could have wandered elsewhere..
Men are suckers, and they easily succumb to temptations...... especially "forbidden fruits".
3rd parties create the chance for married men to have the best of both world.we cannot blame the man as it takes two to clap.
the 3rd party I came across knew that the men they are involved are married men and they think it's fine to go on.they are not slutty looking but someone decent looking,shy and an introvert....they are single and capable ladies and the men they are involved are old enough to be their father.
to all 3rd parties out there, please put yourself in all the wives shoes.it's wrong to have a relationship with a married man even if he continue to care for his family.
how would you all feel if your future spouse cheat on you? remember in life...what goes around comes around...
and also remember, what eould your children think of you when they grow up, or the other way round, would you want your kids to be deceived in such a way in future. Just think of all the things that would come around u should u be in the shoes.
sometimes when men hava an eye on certain girl..they will do and lie everything to this girl..they can lie about their marital status all these..can find excuses and reasons to cover up just to get near to this girl..
by the time,the girl know..she already fall into the trap le..wanna end but dunno end from where..
The 3rd party I met is are all out to destory my family. They were practically dating and beding all day round, otherwise I won't be able to caught them so easily. She is all out replace my status, property and even my child. By bearing him another one! Some people are just this devious, greedy. He will be played by the woman and suck dry financially. That will be his retribution.
For the woman whose man has affair and dump the wife, that man "Jian".
For the man whose woman has affair, and dump the husband, that woman "Jian".
For woman who delibrately break up a family, the woman is "Jian".
Lastly for man who already marriage, still go around looking for demise or slut, that man is "Jian"!!!!
So you know your partner is "Jian or not" Ha ha ha!!!!
Way to go Whattado, you learn how to vent your fustration here. Try to be happy in your normal life. Triple cheers to you!
no point for anyone else to condemn. Its more for YOURSELF. The longer we give excuses for ourselves, the better we cope with the guilt. But deep inside, you know yourself. Be it the cheater, 3rd party of the spouse being cheated on.
No need to point around or find someone to blame. Reflect and be honest with yourself. Self reflect. No point excusing yourself saying you are weak to temptations. That's bullshit. The more you excuse yourself this way, the less you will resist temptations.
Personally, if I have more money, I would spend it with my family. Take the time to travel alone with my mum. Bring her to places she wants and that I always wanted to share with her. We can only do so when they are still healthy enough. Priority is definitely family.