In LOVE with a married man


sad_gal82

New Member
curious only. how to ensure that a hubby will not stray?

from my point of view, man just want the best of both world and women are very emotional animals. that's how things started..
 

partner

Member
Haiz..... I really pity the wife & kids of that man. If one day, she get to know the man she loved deeply had another woman outside how hurt that will be!

Really dun understand why man just can't be faithful to their loved one & stay true with their wedding vows.

Pinkie: All I could say you had fell in love with a selfish man who want both side of the world. So do you really want to hold on to such man & hurt the innocent wife??
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Sad Gal, you need to stop giving yourself and your married bf excuses. Our weaknesses cannot be used excuses to explain away such an action.

Disappointed - You are merely assuming that the wife is an angel. That's on the simplistic side.
 

broken_hearted

New Member
In fact, the wife knows, not about us but she knew and allow (maybe not willingly, I am not sure)that he go out with gals every week. I am not the only one he is out with. Just that I do not ask for details. Do not want to know what he did during the outings. I don't want to know if there are anything on. Recently, I become more emotionally attached to him. I dread this cos my initial intention is just a fling. But I am starting to sink a lil deeper. I need to back off before I end up being hurt or till the day he get sick of me.
 

broken_hearted

New Member
Exactly. I thought I am game enough but apparently, I am not. Still might end up losing (I do deserve it right yea?) That's bad, I don't even know myself. what can be worse than this ?
 

pokoyo

New Member
After reading the thread, i m also really curious like sad gal, how to ensure that a hubby will not stray?
 

cuclainne

New Member
we are given emotions to feel but we also have a brain to think and rationalise what is appropriate .. don't keep using emotions as an excuse .. you can leave if you wanted to but it's just that you won't .. not that you can't but that you won't .. there's a difference.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Pinkie, remember that it's a game. You will only lose if you put in real feelings. If you know you can't stop injecting your true feelings, you need to stop seeing him. But even if you don't get real with your married bf, you have nothing to benefit from such a relationship. Don't waste your time.
 

tizaneh

New Member
to ensure your hubby will not stray, you got to learn the art of teasing. making things fresh all the time. don't forget to groom youself. you might be married for 10 years but you wanna feel like you are still in courtship times.

ladies, we must always maintain our feminine, delicate side. man, can't withstand those little gestures
 

broken_hearted

New Member
Very true. But guess it is going to be difficult and constant effort must be put into the marriage (believe it works for most cases). How to maintain the sparks after like 10 years of marriage ? Tough job leh.

Like I have heard from many of my married friends and bf about how boring their marriage life is, the routine and being tied down etc. It makes me somehow agree with them though I am an woman. I do feel sick at times(sorry to say that) of seeing the same person everyday, waking up and ending my day with him for probably the next 40 years of my life. I just cant imagine that. I believe my ex and bf also feel this way.

In fact, I am already feeling the sparks and excitement with my bf declining. I believe he does too. Those lovey dovey talks are not as strong as the beginning stage though we are still quite close. And we are only 6 months into the relationship. The feeling is just different. Passion dipping, life getting routined and less exciting.
 

broken_hearted

New Member
Me just past the 30 mark, but I feel that I have lived more than 50 years already
sad.gif
 

baggyeyes

New Member
Hi Pinkie,

I can only say that probably it's due to lack of commitment and responsibility in such relationship that causes the "spark" to fade away.

I always believe that there's no such thing as eternity. It's the commitment and responsibility that keep things in place. If one party does not want to hold that responsibility, relationship will fail. It all boils down to one's thinking.
 

baggyeyes

New Member
For Tizane,

instead of just trying to change ourselves to "suit" and "hold on" to that straying husband, I would rather let him go.

Change is for ourself, not for the sake of others. We must first be happy before we can make others happy. Lesson learnt (and I'm still learning) - being accommodating or changing behaviour to suit that person does not equate to success. In the end, I became someone that even I myself don't recognise.
 

pokoyo

New Member
I agree with Tired Mom.
I also feel Tizane is fortunate, because her effort is being appreciated, she didn't feel tired to keep being pretty for someone and her someone probably is also keeping fresh for her, which is why it works for them.
 

shirleypoise

New Member
I differ with Tizane. Even if one dolls herself up everyday, maintaining the feminine side and tease, if the husband wants to stray, there's no stopping him.

I think both husband n wife must to have the will to want to stay faithful. In this way, no matter what prob they may face, they'll not want to stray.
 

baggyeyes

New Member
Agreed with MrsfOng2b.

The heart (& will) to stay faithful and responsibilities will keep the marriage intact and healthy. It's all in your heart.
 

pink_sapphire

New Member
Hi Pinkie

it seems that u know the rules of the game from day 1 (which is he is not only straying to be with u but he is also seeing some other lady from time to time and u have subtly accepted that) but now u r afraid of him losing interest in u and seeing others (be it his wife or other lady) more often then u. well first do put yourself in his wife's shoes his wife and him surely had gd momories together and they even had a kid which is gd enough evidence to prove their love for each other. Am sure u do not wanna hurt an innocent party, his wife and deprive an innocent kid of an intact family. secondly if this guy can stray behind or in front of his wife it might also mean that he can do this to u as well in future , r u prepared , is it worth it for u to be so emotionally involved over him and to spend countless days thinking of how to be with him ?
 

greyarea

New Member
pinkie,
i dun think you'll say the same word "feel sick at times of seeing the same person everyday, waking up and ending my day with him for probably the next 40 years of my life. I just cant imagine that" when you hit your 40s.

your youth will be fleeting away with time. men will look for younger woman and you no longer can match these young women who are pretty/energetic etc. one day, you'll come to appreciate having a stable love, having someone to grow old with you, or to share a cup of tea over meal etc..

haha..can't believe you have the mentality i had when i was in my teen...haha..sorry..but that's what i feel..oh yeah, i do have a male friend who said exactly the same thing. but look, few years down the road, he told me he's getting married. i teased him and he smiled sheepishly saying he met the right person mah and he's getting old, want to settle down..haha..see, he has to take back his words!
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
"feel sick at times of seeing the same person everyday, waking up and ending my day with him for probably the next 40 years of my life. I just cant imagine that".

On the contrary, I think this is so real when your life only revolves around your spouse, and/or vice versa.
 

shirleypoise

New Member
I used to revolve my life (kinda) round my hb but I never felt sick seeing him. Dun think anyone will feel sick seeing someone he/she loves everyday ba.
 

broken_hearted

New Member
Maybe, I have yet to love any man deep enough to feel this way. But I believe in having ample time for myself only, and alone. That's why, I do wonder how couples can be so loving after so many years and I doubt I can do that (Maybe I might change this mindset years later, I don't know) Currently, I do not feel this way and once the novelty being with someone dies off, I will start to feel bored and and tired.

And though I had yet to met anyone around me who feels this way. Even my parents, they are still loving after decades of marriage but I do not envy or hope I can be like them. In fact, I wonder why they can do it. I don't believe I can even be like them.

Goodness, this is unhealthy right ?
 

sad_gal82

New Member
pinkie,

i almost same age as you. i really envy those couple who manage to stay so loving even after so many years. like you, i dont think i can be like them.. haiz
 

royal_salute

New Member
Pinkie and sad_gal..

When u hv a r/s wif a married man, be prepared that it is just for excitment, thrill and mayb short-term companion. Once u know wat u r gg for, u will nt feel so hurt ultimately.

If u r gg for possible long term r/s, single man obviously is a better choice. I said possible becoz divorce, seperation and affairs are very common nowadays... to be frank.

So at end of the day it is wat u r looking for and wat u wan in ur life.

Cheers!!
 

starrynite78

New Member
Dont get involve with any married man, afterall he will still go home & sleep with his wife. He will never sleep next to you...
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
I had a chance to do a little experiment lately, meeting an ex-bf of 12 years ago who is now married with two children, for a few times for dinner or drinks. Didn't mind going out with him when I had free time, till one day he told me he found me attractive and asked me to consider being his companion. At the same time, I found out that he's been lying to his wife in order to do dinner or drinks with me. I did not feel flattered at all.

Honestly, I don't dislike him and to a great extent he understands me. But I value my freedom as a single person who has nothing to hide, far more than his company or anything. I cannot see myself loving a married man, let alone being his companion/gf/FB, whatever you name that.

This is another hard road I will not embark.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Thank you for excusing unfaithful men out there by bashing everyone AGAIN. This is getting so sickening.

Given the chance? If one has the will to stray, they will the way to.

What have I done to be labelled a betrayer by opportunity simply because I have dick too. WAKE UP. You just chosen a cheater. That's it. Doesn't mean everyone out there is a cheater. Its sad that you don't see the truth.
 

yokonoriko

New Member
Honestly sometimes it may not be the man fault. SOmetimes we women take alot of things for granted, being a smart woman there are alot of roles to play. Must be able to play them well. Must learn how to pull n let go.

U think being with a married man is good? Honestly if the man really divorce and be with u. Aren't u afraid? Cos he can do this to you or his wife, he can do tis to anyone. Moreover, if his wife really finds out what will he do? stay w u or flies back to his wife? Unless u are willing to be the 3rd party and accept the fact and don't demand for more. But can u do it? Once there is LOVE, u will be come more possesive. WHen u hold string too tight, he will runaway,....

Milo, Agree with u. It takes 2 hands to clap. Don't blame it on one side. It is actually all 3 inc the wife. It maybe the wife didn't do a good job or spice up their life. ALot of married couples start to take alot of things for granted after married and after they have kids. So everybody have responsiblity in roles that they undertake.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Pinkie, your plate is full; why do you care about what others have in their plates? Instead of asking how many men could resist temptation from women outside, why not ask yourself why you have chosen to be with a married man in the first place and now whining?

What I wanted to say from my little experiment was: We all have a choice. I know my ex-bf is somewhat unhappy with his wife or marriage but I also know well that that are his problems to resolve. Perhaps it is natural to shift his attention to another woman temporarily, so I don't really despise him, nor do I sympathise with him. Nevertheless, I will never get involved with him, and I make sure he knows that.
 

vios

New Member
Pinkie, don't freaking crap with me lah.

not all the guys belong to your married bf's category...
similarly, not all the guys like your type...

go figure.
 

broken_hearted

New Member
Gosh..I must had stepped on many toes, esp the male species.Anyway, I am not whining (yet) Trying to keep a distance but got to admit I am equally weak in resisting.He is just too good in injecting fun in my life and I am in dilemna to let him go. Nah, am not interested in long term/ advocating divorce. Wont want to fall back into the cycle. But he probably gonna be around till I find my true someone.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
"But he probably gonna be around till I find my true someone."

Pinkie, what is your true love like? I may be wrong but I just have this feeling that you haven't the faintest idea, that is why you fall for a married man with his fun factor. If you have some rough ideas of the type of men that suits you, most probably than not you wouldn't be easily distracted.
 

vios

New Member
Yes lah... you are just whining about your life, your love affair and men in general lah.


- Why whine abt the bad parts of the love affair if you're self-approving in the first place?

- Why whine that life's a routine if you've not done much to improve it? (but just basically waiting for the love rendezvous.)

- Why whine abt his flirty nature since you've acknowledged that from the start?

- Why whine that men are always this, always that when you generalise to excuse your current state?


It is pretty evident in your posts. Sad but true.
 

shirleypoise

New Member
You r ok w the man straying to b w u but u r not ok w him straying elsewhere.. It's people like you who are making it possible for the strayers to enjoy both sets of world so why complain when you are part of what's making another woman sad?

You said u dun advocate divorce, but you are encouraging it. yes, the finger is on you. Pls dun expect to get sympathy from anyone for being where u r now.

And why would u even expect to find your true someone when u wun even let others have theirs? What goes around comes around.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
"You said u dun advocate divorce, but you are encouraging it."

"And why would u even expect to find your true someone when u wun even let others have theirs?"

Words of wisdom.
 

joodz

New Member
hi, this is my first time posting here. just happened to come across this post and felt that it was something similar to what i've experienced.

i met my bf on a job just 6 months ago. then, i knew he had a girlfriend. he had a girlfriend of 7 years, and from what i know, his mother just bought the bai jing and was preparing for their marriage already(though my bf had not proposed to his then-gf. but u knw how some mothers are, and his is the controlling kind. lol)

we kind of just got attracted to each other fast. as we both were freelancers, we knew that after that project together we most probably wont see each other again till we have a chance to work together again. at that time i still didnt know he likes me. it appears he was trying very hard to curb his feelings for me as well, as he is a very faithful guy.

but after that project, we met up everyday. and sad to say, i became the 3rd party. he was two-timing. at first i thought this r/ship would go no where. he has a gf his whole family expected him to marry soon anyways. but one day he couldnt take it. he even booked a hotel and stayed over for a night with his gf, but he told me that face wasnt the face he wanted to wake up to every day. and he decided to break up with his gf.

upon knowing the full story, the girlfriend tried to kill herself, not once, but several times. he even told him she's pregnant with his child(which i didnt believe from the start but my bf is a family man). that girl even went to tell my bf's parents. well, i guess she was just too deeply in love with my bf to let go. but is love that selfish? my bf went back to her because he was afraid he would cause her death.

but after a couple of days he decided to really leave the girl, and let the girl do whatever she wants because he just wasnt happy. then, he told me the whole story. throughout their 7 years, the girl has been using suicide as a tool to keep him by her side. and he admited that he just wasnt emotionally strong enough to break free. he was used to her as well, and didnt really want any change.

his mother still hasnt accepted me. she called me(not in front of my face of cos) a chi b** face and all. im still the vixen, the 3rd party, to many people.

i dare say im in love with my bf, and he with me. given the circumstances that we met, im surprised - he has my 100% trust. too early to say, but he might just be the one. he's been talking about marriages recently. i kinda get his hint. lol.

anyway, what i want to say is, sometimes, its not that guys want to stray. its also not that the 3rd party is in the wrong. if the rship could not withstand a 3rd party in the first place, there must be something wrong. its nobody's fault.

my friend just got engaged last month, with his gf of 6.5 years. guess what. the girl, on the day they wanted to file a registration, decided she's been with the wrong guy for the 6 yrs plus. and now they've broken up.

sometimes, its a matter of meeting the right one. its a matter of connecting with that one special one out there.

my bf told me, that 7 yrs was pure torture. but the moment when he met me, he knew it was i he wanted.

PS: remember when i said his ex gf told him she was carrying his baby? i was right. she was faking it.
 

baggyeyes

New Member
Hi tay,

good for you that your bf is not married yet, else I don't think your problem can be solve that easy....think again if this bf of yours is married with a kid and then tell you the 7 yrs story...I don't think you would have this kind of conclusion anymore....issue more complex.
 

pokoyo

New Member
Tay, I am picturing this 7yrs down your own marriage, that current bf, future husband tells another girl the same thing he told you. "he told me that face wasnt the face he wanted to wake up to every day. and he decided to break up with his gf."
 

shirleypoise

New Member
Tay, just so you know, in case you've missed it, this thread is "In love with a MARRIED man".

There is no similiarity in your story cuz your bf is single thus he still has all the right to choose even though he has been in a relationship for 7 years. That's the benefit of being single rite. You are just a 3rd party in a BGR.

You are rite to say that "if the rship could not withstand a 3rd party in the first place, there must be something wrong. its nobody's fault." But then you wouldn't say the same if you r the wife of the married man..
 

baggyeyes

New Member
Of course there would be straying wife too. Thot there is one right? And he wanted to do up a blog to "expose" his wife and bf?

Just that no man start any thread on Married women straying lah.

You are in this thread, of course all fingers pointing at men lah.
 

joodz

New Member
of course i do know that. the similarity is there. there are 3 people in this affair. the main difference is, married and not married.

what im saying is, dont need to get so agitated. im just saying my 2 cents worth. and for carrie who says that you are picturing the scenario 7 years later, of course i have thought of that too. but love and marriage is about trust aint it?
 

shirleypoise

New Member
You give me a feeling that you r v young, cuz you seemed to have this v idealistic view of relationships. It's not wrong to think like this tho. Guess some of us might have gone thru some heartaches personally thus think otherwise ba.

I dun read our posts here as being agitated, just felt that you dunno what it is the real situation here. But let's just end it there and look at your post as you wanting to tell us your story.

I'm curious tho: if his gf really do commit suicide, could you n your bf really live with it and carry on your relationship as b4?

There is a vast difference between an affair between 2 singles and an affair between 1 single w a married person. At least where the latter is concerned, a lot of money could be involved and the 3rd party would be called an adulterer.

Btw, if you read closely, there are more than 3 parties involved in Pinkie's story.
 

joodz

New Member
perhaps i didnt read carefully because it was a very long thread. if the gf really did commit suicide, things would not have been the same, i agree. however, there's so many ifs and buts in this life. too many question marks in this life, but who knows what the future brings?

ok i dont know where im going here, but let me just end here. is 28 considered young? everyone goes through stuff in their whole life, and i may not be 'mature' enough because i havent gone through marriage, and the experiences after that. so let me say my words from another point of view.
 

zephon

New Member
tay tay tay.... what can i say....

you have the right to your opinion. since there is no kid involve, then i raise my case. But if there is a kid involve then i think it would be advisable to stand back, take a look and see if this was you, how would you feel.. but then at this stage of love and sweetness, you won't be able to see.
 


broken_hearted

New Member
My bad.. love and sweetness just overwhelmes my rational thinking, maybe. But hey, before you guys start bashing me (again). I am just curious and need an answer to the questions below. Answer with an open mind if you can. Else, I will be equally thankful if u keep harsh comments to yrself.

Scenario 1:
If you knew that a married guy strays even b4 the other woman even came into the picture, and even if she walked out of him one day, he will still find another one. Does it make the woman equally guilty for breaking up an intact family?

Scenario 2:
If the other woman just stays with him for companionship (w/o intention to break up the family),and the guy continues to care and do his part to the wife and kid, it is still wrong?

* Pardon me for this, because I fail to see the truth behind it, yet.
 

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