In a dilemma

[sk23]

Hi all there,

Happy belated Merry X'mas. In a time like this, everyone should be happy and enjoying themself but i am hit by a "bomb" recently.

Someone close to me is stealing from my in laws and hubby. My hubby told me about it and even show me the video as proof of the stealing. This has also cause my in-law to move out from my home (Initially i thought that they don't like me and move out). I even go and believe this someone close to me when she told me about my in-laws bad words behind their back and hated them when they move out.

Now i know the truth about their moving and make me feel so hurt and sad. My in-law had treated this person close to me very well. She is living with me now and is stealing from my hubby now and then which is also causing a strain between my hubby and me.

He don't want me to be in a difficult position and try all ways and means to prevent it so that a confrontation will not ever take place.

What should i do? I can't talk to this person because i know she will do something foolish to make me regret for life.

 

[cuclainne]

have a talk with her .. and get her some help.

 

[miloice]

From your description, this person is mentality unstable or something. If you cannot stop her from stealing, you can prevent yourself from being an easy target. GET A SAFE.

I just send back my maid of 8 months that has been stealing from us. Her acts were all caught on CCTV.

 

[powder]

wouldn't it be normal to confront the person? afterall one of the greater fears for theives would be getting caught, else they would be known as robbers...

 

[clipperjunk]

you are as culpable by not dealing with the matter.

 

[sk23]

i can't confront her because she is my mum. Actually, i don't want to say in the forum but it is getting bad to worse. She have no lack of financial problem, i think it is her habit and not because she need money. We had been giving her money now and then and she got her own saving too. I am getting so stress out these few days and i just scold my kids for no reason. I want to confront her but i don't know how to do it.

 

[sk23]

The worse thing is she start to steal from me last night as i found that my wallet is short of some cash this morning. Really very 'fan" now.

 

[cuclainne]

she needs help - especially since you have mentioned that the stealing is not from lack of money but rather out of habit.

i think that's the best solution for you, rather than you just accepting it as is. Your relationships with your in-laws and husband will continue to deteriorate if you just condone her actions.

And imagine what kind of message you're sending out to your children - that stealing is ok because Grandma does it??

 

[infojunkie]

"i can't confront her because she is my mum"

yes, u can.

tell her calmly that u know abt her 'bad habit' and wanna put a STOP to it... show her the video if necessary.

and try not to get ur husband involved... if u hv siblings, get them to help.

btw, dun think it's Kleptomania since she's 'sane' enuff to badmouth ur in-laws... nonetheless, it's a deep-rooted problem that needs immediate attention...

address it, else she's doomed.

 

[ajumma]

i think u need to be more firm, TS. ask her why she keeps doing it. if she doesn't need money, is she stealing the money for someone else who is financial trouble?

if u don't ask, u will never know. and if i were ur hubby, i will feel quite annoyed.

 

[xylon]

Hi confus9d (sk23),

You should talk to your mom about this. Keeping quiet about it isn't helping her. You should try and help her kick the habit.

I won't recommend that you reprimand her but stand on her side and fight the habit together. Seek expert help if needed.

 

[clipperjunk]

don't you have any siblings to help you deal with her.

you can deliberately leave the recording for her to 'discover', or leave a written note to her indicating you know her secret in your wallet..

 

[miloice]

if needed, speak to a professional yourself 1st to understand how best to approach your mother on the situation.

 

[sk23]

I think i will try the advice from Milo as i am also not sure how to approach my mum. My hubby wanted to try and write in his wallet a note but later i tell him not to at the moment. Don't want a confrontation to start between my mum and him. I rather prefer i am the one handling the talking to her. My mother in law is afraid that if we expose her, she might commit suicide to prove her innocence. With or without the recording..

 

[powder]

got video evidence, how to prove innocence by committing
suicide?

if u dun expose the kid who has been lying to u becos u dun wanna hurt his feelings, then he will be a bigger liar as days go by cos noone actually told him how wrong it is, and continues feigning ignorance...

 

[powder]

funny how it takes so long to talk to a family member when it takes just seconds when it comes to a stranger..