I got married in Oct 2006. My hubby and I made love only 3 times since.
Here's my story. I'm going to call my hubby Mr F.
Mr F and I met in early 2005 through a friend just before he went overseas for a course. He was very gentlemanly, and cute. He didn’t ask for my number but I thought about him all week. I eventually asked my gf for his number and sent him a text.
We spent hours on MSN and the phone. He was so much fun to chat with. The chemistry was great. We chatted on the phone every night after awhile. I was in heaven. I thought about him all day and anxiously waited for his calls. I slept with a smile on my face after we hung up in the wee hours of the morning. He was very certain and expressed his love for me after a week or so. I was so in shock that I made him take it back. I told him that he didn't know what he was saying. It was too soon.
After a month, he showed up to surprise me after his course has ended. I was ecstatic to see him. But still frightened by this very intense man who was so certain about his love for me.
On one occasion, I fell sick. Late at night he drove over to see me. I looked out of the window and there he was, standing downstairs, with a packet of flu tablets.
Then, I got more and more frightened. I wasn’t sure. Then one day, I told him that I couldn’t commit so quickly and we sort of stopped seeing each other. I ended up with another guy, X. We both simply enjoyed each other's company because we weren't looking for someone to marry. We just dated for companionship. I knew I wasn’t going to marry X but still I slept with him. This was a very, very big mistake. After a couple of months, I just couldn’t be in a relationship with X anymore because I knew I wasn't going to stay in a relationship with him for good. We split on good terms. Mr F calls X my f*ck buddy. Sounds so crude but I guess he’s right. I shouldn’t have been so easy but I was.
After I ended my stint with X, Mr F and I gradually started contacting each other again. Then we started going out. We never really made it clear if we were seeing each other exclusively though we were. We didn’t introduce each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. But we held hands. It felt so natural.
This time, Mr F did everything right. He didn’t push me into anything but was always there taking care of me.
After some months we finally made it official.
We had lots of arguments. My skirt was too short, my blouse was too low. He was possessive. He wanted me all to himself, which was so annoying but flattering. We always argued till I cried and made passionate love after. I couldn’t resist him. He wanted me anywhere and everywhere. I found that very sexy. We made love everywhere. I loved it when we made love. He wanted to mark me as his and his alone and that made me love him so much. This man truly wants me.
Of course, the arguments persisted even though I made a conscious effort to dress conservatively. There were days I wondered why he was restricting me so much. I truly believed that I was ok. I wasn’t one to cheat or stray. I thought my behavior was proper but he didn’t. One day, we bumped into X and I gave him a friendly hug. I thought nothing of it since we had already ended our fling. Mr F was furious. At that time, I really didn’t know why.
On other occasions, he got mad as soon as I had any physical contact with any other guy, even if it was just a friendly pat on the arm. We argued several times about this. He had been questioning my morals.
Slowly, I adjusted. I stopped wearing my spaghetti strapped tops and short skirts. Tee shirts with necklines that did not fit just around my neck were out too. I gradually changed my wardrobe so that he would approve. I became very conscious about the way I sat and if I had to bend forward to get anything. I re-learned modesty. I didn’t hug my friends, just waved hello and goodbye. I didn’t contact anyone whom I thought he didn’t approve of. I was very weary of the jobs I did and turned them down if they required any physical contact. I told myself this was good for me. It became part of me to be conscious.
Slowly, he stopped being overly controlling. I had gained some of his trust.
Throughout this time, Mr F was still very certain of his love for me and I loved him so much too.
In Oct 2006, we got married. Our sex life had been fantastic up till then. We didn't make love on our wedding night. He was dead drunk. I assumed that it would have been the same for other couples as well. Over the first couple of weeks of our marriage, we didn't make love as well. I assumed it was because we were so busy and tired adjusting to living together. A month passed, I thought it was because there were always other family members in the house. Then we made love one day. And I cast all the questions away.
It was after several months that we made love again. In between, the same thoughts surfaced and I settled them with the same excuses.
Months passed and we again didn't make love. I demanded no TV nights and asked why there weren't any passion left. He went and got me flowers and cookies.
Other than the sex or should I say no sex, our relationship was great. He cooked for me, took me out, gave me advice on my work problems. But he never made any sexual advances. He would hug me and kiss me but nothing more than that.
So one day I demanded that we slept naked. Eventually, we made love. But half way through he just couldn't continue. He told me that it wasn’t working. At that time I didn’t know if he was referring to a physical problem and so didn’t press on.
After that day, I never made any forceful advances anymore. I would strut around the house naked or in nice underwear when we had our own home but he never initiated sex. Everytime my hand strayed on his body he would say things like the weather was too warm, or that he had to go to the loo. I whored myself to my husband and he didn’t want me. The mornings proved that he wasn’t having any problems with getting it up. He just didn’t want me near it.
Finally, in Dec 08 I said it straight out. We have a serious problem. We’ve been married for more than 2 years and only made love 3 times. And he said he couldn’t let go of my stint with X. He said that everytime we got intimate (which was only that 3 times in 2 years) he pictured me with X.
He was in a great deal of pain. He said it hurt him to even look at me and needed to sort it out on his own. We had talked about it a couple of times. He keeps insisting that he feels a lot of pressure and needed time and space. He has resorted to drinking coming home only in the wee hours of the morning reeking of alcohol. Some days he wouldn't even come home, preferring to go out till it's time to go to work.
Chinese New Year was downright difficult. I had to practice smiling and pretending that everything is alright. I found it so difficult to control my expression, my thoughts.
It isn’t getting easier by the day. I don’t know if I’m becoming over sensitive and suspicious. I notice that he had been getting more text messages and now hold his phone close to him as he slept. I don’t think he’s cheating on me but he seems to have stopped communicating with me. He doesn’t call or text me anymore. He has several business plans that I don’t know of. I got scared when I saw him surfing the HDB website. Is he making plans to sell the house? Our home? He has stopped calling me hun or laopo the way he used to. He has avoided sitting close to me and has pushed me away a few times when I tried to pull him close.
I’m scared that he has already given up on our marriage and is making other plans. I truly love him and want to work things out. But I don’t know how.
I'd like us to see a marriage counsellor but he has refused. He says he had spoken to his friends who were professionals and they all said that they couldn't help him. He got mad when I said we could work it out. He said that in this case there's no 'us', it 'him' and only he could fix his own problem and he doesn't know how except to drink.
I really lost.
Here's my story. I'm going to call my hubby Mr F.
Mr F and I met in early 2005 through a friend just before he went overseas for a course. He was very gentlemanly, and cute. He didn’t ask for my number but I thought about him all week. I eventually asked my gf for his number and sent him a text.
We spent hours on MSN and the phone. He was so much fun to chat with. The chemistry was great. We chatted on the phone every night after awhile. I was in heaven. I thought about him all day and anxiously waited for his calls. I slept with a smile on my face after we hung up in the wee hours of the morning. He was very certain and expressed his love for me after a week or so. I was so in shock that I made him take it back. I told him that he didn't know what he was saying. It was too soon.
After a month, he showed up to surprise me after his course has ended. I was ecstatic to see him. But still frightened by this very intense man who was so certain about his love for me.
On one occasion, I fell sick. Late at night he drove over to see me. I looked out of the window and there he was, standing downstairs, with a packet of flu tablets.
Then, I got more and more frightened. I wasn’t sure. Then one day, I told him that I couldn’t commit so quickly and we sort of stopped seeing each other. I ended up with another guy, X. We both simply enjoyed each other's company because we weren't looking for someone to marry. We just dated for companionship. I knew I wasn’t going to marry X but still I slept with him. This was a very, very big mistake. After a couple of months, I just couldn’t be in a relationship with X anymore because I knew I wasn't going to stay in a relationship with him for good. We split on good terms. Mr F calls X my f*ck buddy. Sounds so crude but I guess he’s right. I shouldn’t have been so easy but I was.
After I ended my stint with X, Mr F and I gradually started contacting each other again. Then we started going out. We never really made it clear if we were seeing each other exclusively though we were. We didn’t introduce each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. But we held hands. It felt so natural.
This time, Mr F did everything right. He didn’t push me into anything but was always there taking care of me.
After some months we finally made it official.
We had lots of arguments. My skirt was too short, my blouse was too low. He was possessive. He wanted me all to himself, which was so annoying but flattering. We always argued till I cried and made passionate love after. I couldn’t resist him. He wanted me anywhere and everywhere. I found that very sexy. We made love everywhere. I loved it when we made love. He wanted to mark me as his and his alone and that made me love him so much. This man truly wants me.
Of course, the arguments persisted even though I made a conscious effort to dress conservatively. There were days I wondered why he was restricting me so much. I truly believed that I was ok. I wasn’t one to cheat or stray. I thought my behavior was proper but he didn’t. One day, we bumped into X and I gave him a friendly hug. I thought nothing of it since we had already ended our fling. Mr F was furious. At that time, I really didn’t know why.
On other occasions, he got mad as soon as I had any physical contact with any other guy, even if it was just a friendly pat on the arm. We argued several times about this. He had been questioning my morals.
Slowly, I adjusted. I stopped wearing my spaghetti strapped tops and short skirts. Tee shirts with necklines that did not fit just around my neck were out too. I gradually changed my wardrobe so that he would approve. I became very conscious about the way I sat and if I had to bend forward to get anything. I re-learned modesty. I didn’t hug my friends, just waved hello and goodbye. I didn’t contact anyone whom I thought he didn’t approve of. I was very weary of the jobs I did and turned them down if they required any physical contact. I told myself this was good for me. It became part of me to be conscious.
Slowly, he stopped being overly controlling. I had gained some of his trust.
Throughout this time, Mr F was still very certain of his love for me and I loved him so much too.
In Oct 2006, we got married. Our sex life had been fantastic up till then. We didn't make love on our wedding night. He was dead drunk. I assumed that it would have been the same for other couples as well. Over the first couple of weeks of our marriage, we didn't make love as well. I assumed it was because we were so busy and tired adjusting to living together. A month passed, I thought it was because there were always other family members in the house. Then we made love one day. And I cast all the questions away.
It was after several months that we made love again. In between, the same thoughts surfaced and I settled them with the same excuses.
Months passed and we again didn't make love. I demanded no TV nights and asked why there weren't any passion left. He went and got me flowers and cookies.
Other than the sex or should I say no sex, our relationship was great. He cooked for me, took me out, gave me advice on my work problems. But he never made any sexual advances. He would hug me and kiss me but nothing more than that.
So one day I demanded that we slept naked. Eventually, we made love. But half way through he just couldn't continue. He told me that it wasn’t working. At that time I didn’t know if he was referring to a physical problem and so didn’t press on.
After that day, I never made any forceful advances anymore. I would strut around the house naked or in nice underwear when we had our own home but he never initiated sex. Everytime my hand strayed on his body he would say things like the weather was too warm, or that he had to go to the loo. I whored myself to my husband and he didn’t want me. The mornings proved that he wasn’t having any problems with getting it up. He just didn’t want me near it.
Finally, in Dec 08 I said it straight out. We have a serious problem. We’ve been married for more than 2 years and only made love 3 times. And he said he couldn’t let go of my stint with X. He said that everytime we got intimate (which was only that 3 times in 2 years) he pictured me with X.
He was in a great deal of pain. He said it hurt him to even look at me and needed to sort it out on his own. We had talked about it a couple of times. He keeps insisting that he feels a lot of pressure and needed time and space. He has resorted to drinking coming home only in the wee hours of the morning reeking of alcohol. Some days he wouldn't even come home, preferring to go out till it's time to go to work.
Chinese New Year was downright difficult. I had to practice smiling and pretending that everything is alright. I found it so difficult to control my expression, my thoughts.
It isn’t getting easier by the day. I don’t know if I’m becoming over sensitive and suspicious. I notice that he had been getting more text messages and now hold his phone close to him as he slept. I don’t think he’s cheating on me but he seems to have stopped communicating with me. He doesn’t call or text me anymore. He has several business plans that I don’t know of. I got scared when I saw him surfing the HDB website. Is he making plans to sell the house? Our home? He has stopped calling me hun or laopo the way he used to. He has avoided sitting close to me and has pushed me away a few times when I tried to pull him close.
I’m scared that he has already given up on our marriage and is making other plans. I truly love him and want to work things out. But I don’t know how.
I'd like us to see a marriage counsellor but he has refused. He says he had spoken to his friends who were professionals and they all said that they couldn't help him. He got mad when I said we could work it out. He said that in this case there's no 'us', it 'him' and only he could fix his own problem and he doesn't know how except to drink.
I really lost.
