Hi guys, I am new to this forum and I am currently in a mess right now.
I have been married to my wife for 4 years and we did not consummate our marriage during these 4 years. I always cited the reason of my skin condition psoriasis as a reason even though I am on medication to control it now. I always find myself not sexually attracted to my wife and even though she always took the approach, I am always the one to reject her. Being in this marriage have been a burden for me but I have kept it within myself all these while. I did not know how to tell my wife what and how I am feeling towards her as I did not want to break her heart. I just cannot bear to do so.
Refusing sex with with my wife have simply provided me an excuse to seek gratification outside of my marriage. For these few years, I have been living a secret life where I would have anonymous sexual encounters with both men/women whom I got to know from local sex forums. It was only until recently a few weeks ago when my wife checked my computer and found out the photos I took with them during our make-out sessions. That's when my world came crashing down.. I was forced to admit of my gratification to my wife, parents and brother/sister. That's when I decided I needed to put a stop to all these and seek professional help. I am now currently living separately with my wife. She is staying in our matrimonial home while I stay at my parents.
My wife accuses me of being gay, which I vehemently denied that accusation. I have attached an article link which my therapist suggested me to read up here.
Straight Men who have Sex with Men
I am currently seeing a sex addiction therapist and undergoing a recovery program. All these days of living separately with my wife have made me thought a lot about our future. During our dating stage, I admit there was some kind of puppy love between us. But knowing myself, I am a selfish and self-centered person. I do not like to be tied down. It was due to pressure from my parents' which made me propose to my wife and got married right after my elder brother did.
Thinking back, I realized marriage has been a mistake for me and it is my fault for dragging so long and getting into such a messy situation right now. I also realized I do not love my wife anymore, I really wanted a separation. I would rather admit to her that I am gay to make her give up on me. She has cried during a few calls to ask why am I such a cold hearted person. What I have for her now is not love anymore but sympathy because it was all my fault and never hers. I would even give up the HDB flat and transfer to her name if I could, but sadly we bought it for less than 5 years (must sell back to HDB). I know I need to be tell her honestly how I felt towards her now as I do not want to give her any false hope and even if we managed to "salvage" our relationship, I swore I could not fulfill her intimacy and emotional need as a husband.
What should I do now please?
I have been married to my wife for 4 years and we did not consummate our marriage during these 4 years. I always cited the reason of my skin condition psoriasis as a reason even though I am on medication to control it now. I always find myself not sexually attracted to my wife and even though she always took the approach, I am always the one to reject her. Being in this marriage have been a burden for me but I have kept it within myself all these while. I did not know how to tell my wife what and how I am feeling towards her as I did not want to break her heart. I just cannot bear to do so.
Refusing sex with with my wife have simply provided me an excuse to seek gratification outside of my marriage. For these few years, I have been living a secret life where I would have anonymous sexual encounters with both men/women whom I got to know from local sex forums. It was only until recently a few weeks ago when my wife checked my computer and found out the photos I took with them during our make-out sessions. That's when my world came crashing down.. I was forced to admit of my gratification to my wife, parents and brother/sister. That's when I decided I needed to put a stop to all these and seek professional help. I am now currently living separately with my wife. She is staying in our matrimonial home while I stay at my parents.
My wife accuses me of being gay, which I vehemently denied that accusation. I have attached an article link which my therapist suggested me to read up here.
Straight Men who have Sex with Men
I am currently seeing a sex addiction therapist and undergoing a recovery program. All these days of living separately with my wife have made me thought a lot about our future. During our dating stage, I admit there was some kind of puppy love between us. But knowing myself, I am a selfish and self-centered person. I do not like to be tied down. It was due to pressure from my parents' which made me propose to my wife and got married right after my elder brother did.
Thinking back, I realized marriage has been a mistake for me and it is my fault for dragging so long and getting into such a messy situation right now. I also realized I do not love my wife anymore, I really wanted a separation. I would rather admit to her that I am gay to make her give up on me. She has cried during a few calls to ask why am I such a cold hearted person. What I have for her now is not love anymore but sympathy because it was all my fault and never hers. I would even give up the HDB flat and transfer to her name if I could, but sadly we bought it for less than 5 years (must sell back to HDB). I know I need to be tell her honestly how I felt towards her now as I do not want to give her any false hope and even if we managed to "salvage" our relationship, I swore I could not fulfill her intimacy and emotional need as a husband.
What should I do now please?