I can't take it anymore. Please save me.

[InsaneSadness]

This is going to be a really long story and i hope someone is kind enough to read it up and hear me out, i'm suffocating.

1. I have a boyfriend whom is my first love and i love him dearly, we have been going out for a year. Before we got together, he was the sweetest guy, he would write me long messages, we would talk all day and everything was perfect. He was a boyfriend who loved me alot.

2. My boyfriend used to like this girl in his university class, before he met me. Me and him are from different school. So they are recently in the same class again. At first, he always reassure me that he would never like her, he has me, but i just don't know why i couldn't understand. There was once where he was whatsapping her about non-school work related issues, and i found out because he accidentally showed his phone to me, i got really pissed and i told him to tell her not to whatsapp him anymore. He did what i requested and told her not to whatsapp him anymore. (At that point of time, i was still paranoid and angry.) However, it was later then i realised that if he was able to do that, it showed that he cares about me more than her, and i shouldn't be so stuckup and being so insecure, however, it was too late.

I guess one day he got sick of me being paranoid, and he flare up at me. He couldn't understand why i was feeling insecure or paranoid. He said, 'the more you don't want me to group with her, the more i will group with her, and yes, i have grouped with her for another project too.' He claims that he grouped with her because she does her work well, not because he liked her, it was all in the past. But i just can't help feeling insecure and paranoid. I still visit her facebook, twitter, and instagram daily and compare myself with her He even told me that he would leave me if i were to feel paranoid and insecure about her again, i am not supposed to feel insecure and paranoid.



4. My boyfriend always watches videos of korean girls dancing provocatively, he watches porn (i'm fine with it) even though this makes me feel inferior. I always end up comparing myself to girls with hot body, girls that he watched. Eventually, i found out that he has a facebook account which he never told me about, he used a fake name and he added over 1,000 pretty Singaporeans girl over it. I was not okay with this, i had a huge quarrel with him over it and he said he didn't tell me because he used a fake name, fake name = the account is not his. So in the end, he deactivated the account without explaning anything and would get mad at me, saying that i stalk him too much, if i talked about this incident again he would be mad at me and not talk to me.

5. I can't have a proper conversation with him as he is really sensitive and flare up easily. Small things can even make him get so angry to the point where he starts scolding me really in a bad way.
For example, he can call me dumb, stupid, fat all the time and i would just suck it up because he claims that he is joking. However, if i were to get mad or sad, he would say things like, 'I'm just joking only what. lol you can't take jokes one. i will never joke with you anymore lol.'

And then i have to end up apologising, begging him not to be angry at me even when i feel hurt and sad.

However, when i joke and say things like ' walao so childish sia you HAHA' he would get really pissed and mad, and say 'How dare you say i'm childish? I don't care whether you joking or not you are more childish than me.' There was once, where me and him got into an argument as i was insecure about the girl he used to like (the girl he grouped with), and he forced me to call my ex-boyfriend. He said, 'You better call him right now, or we will break up.' I begged him many times not to do this to me, don't force me to call him because i would be guilty. I knew he wanted me to call him so that i would feel guilty, and instead of me getting insecure over the girl, he would be mad at me instead, and i would feel really guilty and sorry and i would feel that i did something wrong and i shouldn't be paranoid or insecure. Instead, i should feel guilty to him. I cried and told him i really didn't want to call my ex-boyfriend, but he threatened me. I had no choice but to call my ex-bf for 1second before hanging up. What my boyfriend did next completely broke me and left me sad. He said 'Wow, i thought that you would rather breakup with me than to call your ex-boyfriend. How can you be such a slut? you really f**king slut. Ask you call then you call.' Then i told him that he forced me, i would rather be guilty and sad and hurt myself than to breakup with him, because i didn't want to lose him. I told him it was really childish of him to do this but he got all defensive and said i was the slut, i deserve to be called a slut, and he told me to leave him alone. I still loved him.

He continued scolding me slut, fucking dumb, etc till he got tired and went to sleep. We didn't talk for a few days till i went back and beg him and apologised.

6. My boyfriend is really slim, and i am slightly chubby. He thinks that i am not good enough for him in terms of looks, and always asks me to lose weight. He would feel judged and pressurised when he goes out with me, because he is slim and i am chubby, and people would judge and laugh at him. I I starved myself and had extreme workouts, and my hair started falling out. He is still not happy even though i am slimmer now, he always checks my body, touch my arms, stomach, legs, and tell me where i should improve on. It makes me so stress to the point that sometimes i just hope i would get knocked down by a car and die or something.

He even told me to find a guy who is fat, so the guy will accept me even if i am fat, and i would be happier because the fat guy is fat therefore he won't be ashamed of having me as his girlfriend.


7. My boyfriend only sees the flaws in me. He would always say i am dumb, i am fat, i have a very bad personality and i should improve myself if not he would break up with me. I have to lose my weight, change my paranoid personality, insecurity, become smarter and do things smartly if not i am not worthy enough for him. For example, whenever i fall down, he would get really angry and said that i walk without using my brains, i am really dumb for falling down, he hates dumb girls like me. He would find fault in everything i do and get angry over the smallest things without a reason. I tried telling him that this was making me really sad, and he said 'lol i also dont know why you feel sad. i feel happy because you never come and quarrel with me.


8. When me and him got together, and before we got together, he was really sweet, always sending me long texts, messages and etc. i would suprise him time after time by buying him a huge load of food to accompany him while he is studying at home, write him monthsary long letters, christmas card, birthday card, etc. He just suddenly stopped everything. During our 1 year anniversary, i surprised him with handmade gift, card, long letter, hoping for one short message back 'I love you , thanks for _______ etc' back but he did not. I told him i felt that he had changed, he did not send me a short letter and i was really sad. He said i shouldn't expect from him, he got really angry and upset and he started crying, saying that i made him feel useless, i am greedy, i expect too much and he wants to break up. He said that he loves me the same just that he got lazier, and i shouldn't expect anything from him. I said he really have changed, before and after we got together he seems like a 2 different person. He said i am the person who caused him to be like this, because of my bad personality, and insecure and paranoid and all the quarrels (he always says that i'm the one who started a quarrel when he actually is the one who gets angry too easily over the smallest mistake i make / say wrongly.) , and it was because of me that he had changed. I caused him to change and it's all my fault and i deserve it.

Recently, i baked him brownie because he was busy with his school project, and i wanted to surprise him. I told him i'll be going over to pass him the brownie and also a card to cheer him on. he told me not to come and said ' why must you come?' ' I dont need it la, give your family.'

I feel that my effort is not being appreciated and he is taking me for granted.

I guess he deserves a better girl who does not get parnaoid, a better girl who is slimmer and prettier,

and better girl that is smart enough, a better girl that would not piss him off, a better girl that will make him happier, a better girl that is better than me, a better girl that understands him.




Thank you whoever you are for reading this long chunk of my heartfelt words. I'm sorry.

 

[phirahh]

He isn't worth your heartache and tears.

You can tolerate this, but would you want your future children (assuming you decided to have kids) to go through the emotional roller coaster as well?

 

[Meadows567]

This is going to be a really long story and i hope someone is kind enough to read it up and hear me out, i'm suffocating.

1. I have a boyfriend whom is my first love and i love him dearly, we have been going out for a year. Before we got together, he was the sweetest guy, he would write me long messages, we would talk all day and everything was perfect. He was a boyfriend who loved me alot.

2. My boyfriend used to like this girl in his university class, before he met me. Me and him are from different school. So they are recently in the same class again. At first, he always reassure me that he would never like her, he has me, but i just don't know why i couldn't understand. There was once where he was whatsapping her about non-school work related issues, and i found out because he accidentally showed his phone to me, i got really pissed and i told him to tell her not to whatsapp him anymore. He did what i requested and told her not to whatsapp him anymore. (At that point of time, i was still paranoid and angry.) However, it was later then i realised that if he was able to do that, it showed that he cares about me more than her, and i shouldn't be so stuckup and being so insecure, however, it was too late.

I guess one day he got sick of me being paranoid, and he flare up at me. He couldn't understand why i was feeling insecure or paranoid. He said, 'the more you don't want me to group with her, the more i will group with her, and yes, i have grouped with her for another project too.' He claims that he grouped with her because she does her work well, not because he liked her, it was all in the past. But i just can't help feeling insecure and paranoid. I still visit her facebook, twitter, and instagram daily and compare myself with her He even told me that he would leave me if i were to feel paranoid and insecure about her again, i am not supposed to feel insecure and paranoid.



4. My boyfriend always watches videos of korean girls dancing provocatively, he watches porn (i'm fine with it) even though this makes me feel inferior. I always end up comparing myself to girls with hot body, girls that he watched. Eventually, i found out that he has a facebook account which he never told me about, he used a fake name and he added over 1,000 pretty Singaporeans girl over it. I was not okay with this, i had a huge quarrel with him over it and he said he didn't tell me because he used a fake name, fake name = the account is not his. So in the end, he deactivated the account without explaning anything and would get mad at me, saying that i stalk him too much, if i talked about this incident again he would be mad at me and not talk to me.

5. I can't have a proper conversation with him as he is really sensitive and flare up easily. Small things can even make him get so angry to the point where he starts scolding me really in a bad way.
For example, he can call me dumb, stupid, fat all the time and i would just suck it up because he claims that he is joking. However, if i were to get mad or sad, he would say things like, 'I'm just joking only what. lol you can't take jokes one. i will never joke with you anymore lol.'

And then i have to end up apologising, begging him not to be angry at me even when i feel hurt and sad.

However, when i joke and say things like ' walao so childish sia you HAHA' he would get really pissed and mad, and say 'How dare you say i'm childish? I don't care whether you joking or not you are more childish than me.' There was once, where me and him got into an argument as i was insecure about the girl he used to like (the girl he grouped with), and he forced me to call my ex-boyfriend. He said, 'You better call him right now, or we will break up.' I begged him many times not to do this to me, don't force me to call him because i would be guilty. I knew he wanted me to call him so that i would feel guilty, and instead of me getting insecure over the girl, he would be mad at me instead, and i would feel really guilty and sorry and i would feel that i did something wrong and i shouldn't be paranoid or insecure. Instead, i should feel guilty to him. I cried and told him i really didn't want to call my ex-boyfriend, but he threatened me. I had no choice but to call my ex-bf for 1second before hanging up. What my boyfriend did next completely broke me and left me sad. He said 'Wow, i thought that you would rather breakup with me than to call your ex-boyfriend. How can you be such a slut? you really f**king slut. Ask you call then you call.' Then i told him that he forced me, i would rather be guilty and sad and hurt myself than to breakup with him, because i didn't want to lose him. I told him it was really childish of him to do this but he got all defensive and said i was the slut, i deserve to be called a slut, and he told me to leave him alone. I still loved him.

He continued scolding me slut, fucking dumb, etc till he got tired and went to sleep. We didn't talk for a few days till i went back and beg him and apologised.

6. My boyfriend is really slim, and i am slightly chubby. He thinks that i am not good enough for him in terms of looks, and always asks me to lose weight. He would feel judged and pressurised when he goes out with me, because he is slim and i am chubby, and people would judge and laugh at him. I I starved myself and had extreme workouts, and my hair started falling out. He is still not happy even though i am slimmer now, he always checks my body, touch my arms, stomach, legs, and tell me where i should improve on. It makes me so stress to the point that sometimes i just hope i would get knocked down by a car and die or something.

He even told me to find a guy who is fat, so the guy will accept me even if i am fat, and i would be happier because the fat guy is fat therefore he won't be ashamed of having me as his girlfriend.


7. My boyfriend only sees the flaws in me. He would always say i am dumb, i am fat, i have a very bad personality and i should improve myself if not he would break up with me. I have to lose my weight, change my paranoid personality, insecurity, become smarter and do things smartly if not i am not worthy enough for him. For example, whenever i fall down, he would get really angry and said that i walk without using my brains, i am really dumb for falling down, he hates dumb girls like me. He would find fault in everything i do and get angry over the smallest things without a reason. I tried telling him that this was making me really sad, and he said 'lol i also dont know why you feel sad. i feel happy because you never come and quarrel with me.


8. When me and him got together, and before we got together, he was really sweet, always sending me long texts, messages and etc. i would suprise him time after time by buying him a huge load of food to accompany him while he is studying at home, write him monthsary long letters, christmas card, birthday card, etc. He just suddenly stopped everything. During our 1 year anniversary, i surprised him with handmade gift, card, long letter, hoping for one short message back 'I love you , thanks for _______ etc' back but he did not. I told him i felt that he had changed, he did not send me a short letter and i was really sad. He said i shouldn't expect from him, he got really angry and upset and he started crying, saying that i made him feel useless, i am greedy, i expect too much and he wants to break up. He said that he loves me the same just that he got lazier, and i shouldn't expect anything from him. I said he really have changed, before and after we got together he seems like a 2 different person. He said i am the person who caused him to be like this, because of my bad personality, and insecure and paranoid and all the quarrels (he always says that i'm the one who started a quarrel when he actually is the one who gets angry too easily over the smallest mistake i make / say wrongly.) , and it was because of me that he had changed. I caused him to change and it's all my fault and i deserve it.

Recently, i baked him brownie because he was busy with his school project, and i wanted to surprise him. I told him i'll be going over to pass him the brownie and also a card to cheer him on. he told me not to come and said ' why must you come?' ' I dont need it la, give your family.'

I feel that my effort is not being appreciated and he is taking me for granted.

I guess he deserves a better girl who does not get parnaoid, a better girl who is slimmer and prettier,

and better girl that is smart enough, a better girl that would not piss him off, a better girl that will make him happier, a better girl that is better than me, a better girl that understands him.




Thank you whoever you are for reading this long chunk of my heartfelt words. I'm sorry.

From the way u relate,it seems that the both of you have a lot of differences and he can't reflect on himself at all.it looks like he is not suitable for u.you are still young and there are many opportunities to find someone suitable.

 

[KristineWee]

You should move on. He will just make you more inferior and this is not good for your mental health. And it seems that he is taking you for granted. You are still young, just move on.

 

[miloice]

He is a jerk. Leave him.
You workout and eat clean for yourself, no one else.

You will shine and admirers will come naturally. Stop degrading yourself. Put this relationship as an episode / chapter in your life. MOVE ON.

 

[Hopefulbride2016]

What u can do now is to sit down and talk to him abt all your grievances and unhappiness to him. And to be fair listen to what he got to tell u. Trash out all differences and unhappiness, be transparent abt ur feelings to him. See what he gotta say. If he flare up and start an argument, u know this is not the man who will give u happiness and share burden with u. If he remained calm and provide a resolution to the issues, then maybe there is still hope for this rs. Indeed u're still young and he may just enter puberty, not on the same frequency with u in life. But the final decision is still yours. A better guy could be on the way to u.. Good things worth the wait. But u have to change to improve urself physically and mentally. And ur bf is not helping u with that. Rem u r still young and im sure ur parents will hurt to see u hurting urself. Cheers!

 

[DingOOPS]

A man who is unable to appreciate you for who you are, is not worth your time and efforts. Even if you guys do get married eventually, you will see yourself stuck in this viscous cycle of becoming his target of emotional abuse. It will be difficult to get out of this relationship, seeing that you are so attached to him. But my hope is for you to get out of this relationship.

 

[oooolala]

Hello ,

I dont know how old are the both of you but seems like he dont appreciate whatever things you do.
Maybe you can try not to be so paranoid, give your bf a adequate amount of freedom, everybody needs privacy and room for own circle of friends ya? =) However, I agree with the rest, since he don appreciate you, he says u're fat and not someone hes looking for, then leave him.

Show him you are worthy for someone who full appreciates you, will love you more than he does, you can live without him, you can be confident with your looks..

You are a sweet girl, dont be tarnished by what he says/do.. He is not worthy a teardrop from you. Get over him soon and learn to Appreciate Yourself First before having someone to appreciate you. =) All the best gal.

 

[buddhabar]

You already said in the title "can't take it anymore" so why are you tormenting yourselves ? It's funny isn't it when you try to squeeze your feet into a shoe that is too small only to Complain it hurts and yet you continue squeezing your poor feet. Remember, it's your feet that hurts not the misfit shoe. Just a reminder, constant scolding and demeaning is a form of abuse.

 

[DingOOPS]

by the way, I realised your post is almost identical to "Velphine's My insecurity is killing me and him". Wonder if that is also by you.

 

[Minkishly]

I am furious that you've allowed yourself to question your self worth and sanity. He is manipulating you to the point where he doesn't even have to blame you - you'll blame yourself automatically. Please don't allow yourself to be subjected to this kind of abuse anymore.

I apologize if I come across as harsh, but I have a close friend who was in the same situation as you so this hits pretty close to home. All that verbal abuse (how dare he call you a slut?), and making you feel bad about your body is not love. Think about all the things that he has said to you, all of the names that he has called you. If your parents know, how would they feel? Their hearts would shatter knowing that their precious daughter is being treated this way. Please, please, please, get yourself out of this situation and dump his sorry ass. If not for yourself, do it for your parents. They didn't give birth to you, raise you and love you for you to be treated this way by some random jerk.

Outer beauty is something that won't last. You're young now, but your body will change. There will always be someone prettier, someone younger, someone with nicer skin, softer hair. But to the one who truly loves you, all of that won't even matter because he loves you for you. He won't look at you and say, "oh, she has extra flab around her waist." He'll be thinking, "look at the way her eyes crease when she laughs, she is so beautiful. I want to grow old with her and cherish every wrinkle on her face, every flab around her waist because they are marks of the time we've spent together." Does such a love exist? Yes. He's out there, and you've got to protect yourself and love yourself so that when you meet him, you'll be whole and undamaged.

There's a quote from Perks of Being a Wallflower that I love: "We accept the love we think we deserve."

Do you think you deserve this daily torture? The constant feeling that what you're doing and all that you can do will never be enough? I have to tell you honestly - no matter what you do, it won't make a difference. That's because the problem doesn't lie with you, it lies with him. You're fighting a war you cannot win, and it's just too much weight for your poor shoulders to bear. Girl, please. Respect yourself. Your happiness is in your own hands, not in the hands of any man. You have the power to walk away from this and put a stop to your misery.

About your paranoia, I can see how it is a problem. Still, I don't blame you fully because since when has he ever given you a reason to trust him? He does things behind your back (the facebook account, getting into a project group with the girl even though he knows it will upset you), he ridicules you for no good reason, he belittles you and doesn't appreciate what you're doing for him. He makes you feel lousy about yourself and puts you down for your looks.

You are young, and this is your first love. I'm so sorry that it turned out this way, but the truth is that there is someone better out there. But one day that you stay together with this jerk is one more day that you won't find your happiness. I know you think that he loves you, and that he is behaving this way because you did something wrong. I'm so sorry to say this, but he doesn't love you, even though he might say otherwise. Words are cheap, but actions speak the truth. You wouldn't treat the person that you love this way. When you love someone, every fibre of your being should shy away from ever intentionally saying or doing something that might hurt him / her. Look at how freely he hurts you. How can that be love?

Be brave. Posting for help and advice is a great way to begin. Try confiding in a trusted friend or approach a counselor for some emotional support if need be. If you ever need to rant, or if you need some support, feel free to continue posting here. We can't help you with the hard stuff, but we can listen.

I wish you all the best. *hugs* (I know I sound harsh but please believe that I mean well. My friend suffered so much at the hands of her ex, I don't want you to go through the same thing.)

 

[AceOfXF]

just leave. i love him too. but i made the decision to move everything out of his house and move back home. 2 days ago.
alot more inconveniences. but better than one who doesnt care or respect you for who you are, or if u are unable to visualise him as a daddy next time.
dont waste your youth.
there will always be a better one. and it took me 7 years to realise..
im still getting over it.. everything has been booked and im the one to clear the loose ends.

 

[Pandora8]

Your bf seems like a typical jerk. Someone who得到手了就改变了。I think u should leave him. N the fb account adding pretty girls thing. He's out for flings n one night stands.

 

[sjunzz]

From the way you write , i can feel you and the bf are quite young. Firstly, i want to give u a hug. I know alot of ppl can give u all the right choices n all the good advices. Is whether u want it or not. And i know, you feel very depressed and sad over this.

The thing you have to work on first is not the bf. Its you. You must always love yourself and respect yourself enough. Have that confidence. Or at least know you are worthy of someone who treats you right. That way, u will never take shit from any guy and once u respect urself enough they will too, love and respect you the right way that you deserve. Say no, to shitty name calling, say no to the not so okay horny fb accounts, and no one shld force u to do something to guilt trip u and name call after that.

After which, is your that immature bf. Im not saying u handled well for the girl he liked before. That is pure insecurity oozing out of u, and it never ends well. Work on urself as mentioned and have that confidence and generosity to let him do work with her. U will definitely gain respect from the guy.

But he is really all kinds of wrong. He's mean and childish, egoistic and manipulative, and best is he knows he can get away with it. Wad Begging because u loved him. Honestly. No man is worth it. Those who are worth it, will not require you to beg.

I know its emotional draining and heart breaking. But u gotta let go. He is ur toxin. Flush out of toxic ppl in ur life and find someone who thinks u are beautiful in no matter how u look. Its alot easier said than done.

Believe me, jiejie me did stupid things like you before. In a slightly milder scale but yes. Namecalling v familar. Selfish and ego .. V familar. Put u down n make u no confidence also v familar. And I thought i can never love anyone more than him even if thats not the first love.

Not only me, i known frens like this too. But! Once u let go, though u dun see it, it will slowly get better n better. Until one day, u met someone right for you. I did, my fren did too. Today im very happily married (just last mth!) and my fren is happily engaged too.

One day u look back u will smile at how silly and wrong u were before. Time will make everything better, so long u let go the toxic ppl in ur life and let the scars heal.

Jia you!!! Hugs. Everything will be okay.

 

[octobride]

This is going to be a really long story and i hope someone is kind enough to read it up and hear me out, i'm suffocating.

1. I have a boyfriend whom is my first love and i love him dearly, we have been going out for a year. Before we got together, he was the sweetest guy, he would write me long messages, we would talk all day and everything was perfect. He was a boyfriend who loved me alot.

2. My boyfriend used to like this girl in his university class, before he met me. Me and him are from different school. So they are recently in the same class again. At first, he always reassure me that he would never like her, he has me, but i just don't know why i couldn't understand. There was once where he was whatsapping her about non-school work related issues, and i found out because he accidentally showed his phone to me, i got really pissed and i told him to tell her not to whatsapp him anymore. He did what i requested and told her not to whatsapp him anymore. (At that point of time, i was still paranoid and angry.) However, it was later then i realised that if he was able to do that, it showed that he cares about me more than her, and i shouldn't be so stuckup and being so insecure, however, it was too late.

I guess one day he got sick of me being paranoid, and he flare up at me. He couldn't understand why i was feeling insecure or paranoid. He said, 'the more you don't want me to group with her, the more i will group with her, and yes, i have grouped with her for another project too.' He claims that he grouped with her because she does her work well, not because he liked her, it was all in the past. But i just can't help feeling insecure and paranoid. I still visit her facebook, twitter, and instagram daily and compare myself with her He even told me that he would leave me if i were to feel paranoid and insecure about her again, i am not supposed to feel insecure and paranoid.



4. My boyfriend always watches videos of korean girls dancing provocatively, he watches porn (i'm fine with it) even though this makes me feel inferior. I always end up comparing myself to girls with hot body, girls that he watched. Eventually, i found out that he has a facebook account which he never told me about, he used a fake name and he added over 1,000 pretty Singaporeans girl over it. I was not okay with this, i had a huge quarrel with him over it and he said he didn't tell me because he used a fake name, fake name = the account is not his. So in the end, he deactivated the account without explaning anything and would get mad at me, saying that i stalk him too much, if i talked about this incident again he would be mad at me and not talk to me.

5. I can't have a proper conversation with him as he is really sensitive and flare up easily. Small things can even make him get so angry to the point where he starts scolding me really in a bad way.
For example, he can call me dumb, stupid, fat all the time and i would just suck it up because he claims that he is joking. However, if i were to get mad or sad, he would say things like, 'I'm just joking only what. lol you can't take jokes one. i will never joke with you anymore lol.'

And then i have to end up apologising, begging him not to be angry at me even when i feel hurt and sad.

However, when i joke and say things like ' walao so childish sia you HAHA' he would get really pissed and mad, and say 'How dare you say i'm childish? I don't care whether you joking or not you are more childish than me.' There was once, where me and him got into an argument as i was insecure about the girl he used to like (the girl he grouped with), and he forced me to call my ex-boyfriend. He said, 'You better call him right now, or we will break up.' I begged him many times not to do this to me, don't force me to call him because i would be guilty. I knew he wanted me to call him so that i would feel guilty, and instead of me getting insecure over the girl, he would be mad at me instead, and i would feel really guilty and sorry and i would feel that i did something wrong and i shouldn't be paranoid or insecure. Instead, i should feel guilty to him. I cried and told him i really didn't want to call my ex-boyfriend, but he threatened me. I had no choice but to call my ex-bf for 1second before hanging up. What my boyfriend did next completely broke me and left me sad. He said 'Wow, i thought that you would rather breakup with me than to call your ex-boyfriend. How can you be such a slut? you really f**king slut. Ask you call then you call.' Then i told him that he forced me, i would rather be guilty and sad and hurt myself than to breakup with him, because i didn't want to lose him. I told him it was really childish of him to do this but he got all defensive and said i was the slut, i deserve to be called a slut, and he told me to leave him alone. I still loved him.

He continued scolding me slut, fucking dumb, etc till he got tired and went to sleep. We didn't talk for a few days till i went back and beg him and apologised.

6. My boyfriend is really slim, and i am slightly chubby. He thinks that i am not good enough for him in terms of looks, and always asks me to lose weight. He would feel judged and pressurised when he goes out with me, because he is slim and i am chubby, and people would judge and laugh at him. I I starved myself and had extreme workouts, and my hair started falling out. He is still not happy even though i am slimmer now, he always checks my body, touch my arms, stomach, legs, and tell me where i should improve on. It makes me so stress to the point that sometimes i just hope i would get knocked down by a car and die or something.

He even told me to find a guy who is fat, so the guy will accept me even if i am fat, and i would be happier because the fat guy is fat therefore he won't be ashamed of having me as his girlfriend.


7. My boyfriend only sees the flaws in me. He would always say i am dumb, i am fat, i have a very bad personality and i should improve myself if not he would break up with me. I have to lose my weight, change my paranoid personality, insecurity, become smarter and do things smartly if not i am not worthy enough for him. For example, whenever i fall down, he would get really angry and said that i walk without using my brains, i am really dumb for falling down, he hates dumb girls like me. He would find fault in everything i do and get angry over the smallest things without a reason. I tried telling him that this was making me really sad, and he said 'lol i also dont know why you feel sad. i feel happy because you never come and quarrel with me.


8. When me and him got together, and before we got together, he was really sweet, always sending me long texts, messages and etc. i would suprise him time after time by buying him a huge load of food to accompany him while he is studying at home, write him monthsary long letters, christmas card, birthday card, etc. He just suddenly stopped everything. During our 1 year anniversary, i surprised him with handmade gift, card, long letter, hoping for one short message back 'I love you , thanks for _______ etc' back but he did not. I told him i felt that he had changed, he did not send me a short letter and i was really sad. He said i shouldn't expect from him, he got really angry and upset and he started crying, saying that i made him feel useless, i am greedy, i expect too much and he wants to break up. He said that he loves me the same just that he got lazier, and i shouldn't expect anything from him. I said he really have changed, before and after we got together he seems like a 2 different person. He said i am the person who caused him to be like this, because of my bad personality, and insecure and paranoid and all the quarrels (he always says that i'm the one who started a quarrel when he actually is the one who gets angry too easily over the smallest mistake i make / say wrongly.) , and it was because of me that he had changed. I caused him to change and it's all my fault and i deserve it.

Recently, i baked him brownie because he was busy with his school project, and i wanted to surprise him. I told him i'll be going over to pass him the brownie and also a card to cheer him on. he told me not to come and said ' why must you come?' ' I dont need it la, give your family.'

I feel that my effort is not being appreciated and he is taking me for granted.

I guess he deserves a better girl who does not get parnaoid, a better girl who is slimmer and prettier,

and better girl that is smart enough, a better girl that would not piss him off, a better girl that will make him happier, a better girl that is better than me, a better girl that understands him.




Thank you whoever you are for reading this long chunk of my heartfelt words. I'm sorry.

Hi there, I feel very sad you are experiencing the SAME treatment I got from my ex. Things were fine for the first year and starting to go downhill after wards. I was 20 and he was the same.

I could not see any future with this guy hence I broke off with him after 3 years plus, even after we balloted for a flat and supposed to go for flat selection. He did not contact me nor turn up.
How to trust a guy like this? How to marry to such a person? Hence I choose to break up.

I feel you are still very young and dont you EVER think that nobody will want/like you except for him. I felt that way once too. And now? I'm going to be married soon, to a guy who TRULY loves me and accept me.

 

[newproject]

From a guy point of view all these stories make me wonder why some girls so silly.

Love is really blind.

Of course there are always two sides to a story and maybe most posters here try to make themselves look like a hero and their partners like the devil.

Still I do believe most posters here post with already the obvious decision on their mind.

 

[Infernolord]

From a guy point of view all these stories make me wonder why some girls so silly.

Love is really blind.

Of course there are always two sides to a story and maybe most posters here try to make themselves look like a hero and their partners like the devil.

Still I do believe most posters here post with already the obvious decision on their mind.

Seriously i hope i could meet some silly ger in my life.. These days, gers and guys have equal fair share of meeting the wrong partners.
There is a saying "good man die young." lol

 

[Joes]

This is going to be a really long story and i hope someone is kind enough to read it up and hear me out, i'm suffocating.

1. I have a boyfriend whom is my first love and i love him dearly, we have been going out for a year. Before we got together, he was the sweetest guy, he would write me long messages, we would talk all day and everything was perfect. He was a boyfriend who loved me alot.

2. My boyfriend used to like this girl in his university class, before he met me. Me and him are from different school. So they are recently in the same class again. At first, he always reassure me that he would never like her, he has me, but i just don't know why i couldn't understand. There was once where he was whatsapping her about non-school work related issues, and i found out because he accidentally showed his phone to me, i got really pissed and i told him to tell her not to whatsapp him anymore. He did what i requested and told her not to whatsapp him anymore. (At that point of time, i was still paranoid and angry.) However, it was later then i realised that if he was able to do that, it showed that he cares about me more than her, and i shouldn't be so stuckup and being so insecure, however, it was too late.

I guess one day he got sick of me being paranoid, and he flare up at me. He couldn't understand why i was feeling insecure or paranoid. He said, 'the more you don't want me to group with her, the more i will group with her, and yes, i have grouped with her for another project too.' He claims that he grouped with her because she does her work well, not because he liked her, it was all in the past. But i just can't help feeling insecure and paranoid. I still visit her facebook, twitter, and instagram daily and compare myself with her He even told me that he would leave me if i were to feel paranoid and insecure about her again, i am not supposed to feel insecure and paranoid.



4. My boyfriend always watches videos of korean girls dancing provocatively, he watches porn (i'm fine with it) even though this makes me feel inferior. I always end up comparing myself to girls with hot body, girls that he watched. Eventually, i found out that he has a facebook account which he never told me about, he used a fake name and he added over 1,000 pretty Singaporeans girl over it. I was not okay with this, i had a huge quarrel with him over it and he said he didn't tell me because he used a fake name, fake name = the account is not his. So in the end, he deactivated the account without explaning anything and would get mad at me, saying that i stalk him too much, if i talked about this incident again he would be mad at me and not talk to me.

5. I can't have a proper conversation with him as he is really sensitive and flare up easily. Small things can even make him get so angry to the point where he starts scolding me really in a bad way.
For example, he can call me dumb, stupid, fat all the time and i would just suck it up because he claims that he is joking. However, if i were to get mad or sad, he would say things like, 'I'm just joking only what. lol you can't take jokes one. i will never joke with you anymore lol.'

And then i have to end up apologising, begging him not to be angry at me even when i feel hurt and sad.

However, when i joke and say things like ' walao so childish sia you HAHA' he would get really pissed and mad, and say 'How dare you say i'm childish? I don't care whether you joking or not you are more childish than me.' There was once, where me and him got into an argument as i was insecure about the girl he used to like (the girl he grouped with), and he forced me to call my ex-boyfriend. He said, 'You better call him right now, or we will break up.' I begged him many times not to do this to me, don't force me to call him because i would be guilty. I knew he wanted me to call him so that i would feel guilty, and instead of me getting insecure over the girl, he would be mad at me instead, and i would feel really guilty and sorry and i would feel that i did something wrong and i shouldn't be paranoid or insecure. Instead, i should feel guilty to him. I cried and told him i really didn't want to call my ex-boyfriend, but he threatened me. I had no choice but to call my ex-bf for 1second before hanging up. What my boyfriend did next completely broke me and left me sad. He said 'Wow, i thought that you would rather breakup with me than to call your ex-boyfriend. How can you be such a slut? you really f**king slut. Ask you call then you call.' Then i told him that he forced me, i would rather be guilty and sad and hurt myself than to breakup with him, because i didn't want to lose him. I told him it was really childish of him to do this but he got all defensive and said i was the slut, i deserve to be called a slut, and he told me to leave him alone. I still loved him.

He continued scolding me slut, fucking dumb, etc till he got tired and went to sleep. We didn't talk for a few days till i went back and beg him and apologised.

6. My boyfriend is really slim, and i am slightly chubby. He thinks that i am not good enough for him in terms of looks, and always asks me to lose weight. He would feel judged and pressurised when he goes out with me, because he is slim and i am chubby, and people would judge and laugh at him. I I starved myself and had extreme workouts, and my hair started falling out. He is still not happy even though i am slimmer now, he always checks my body, touch my arms, stomach, legs, and tell me where i should improve on. It makes me so stress to the point that sometimes i just hope i would get knocked down by a car and die or something.

He even told me to find a guy who is fat, so the guy will accept me even if i am fat, and i would be happier because the fat guy is fat therefore he won't be ashamed of having me as his girlfriend.


7. My boyfriend only sees the flaws in me. He would always say i am dumb, i am fat, i have a very bad personality and i should improve myself if not he would break up with me. I have to lose my weight, change my paranoid personality, insecurity, become smarter and do things smartly if not i am not worthy enough for him. For example, whenever i fall down, he would get really angry and said that i walk without using my brains, i am really dumb for falling down, he hates dumb girls like me. He would find fault in everything i do and get angry over the smallest things without a reason. I tried telling him that this was making me really sad, and he said 'lol i also dont know why you feel sad. i feel happy because you never come and quarrel with me.


8. When me and him got together, and before we got together, he was really sweet, always sending me long texts, messages and etc. i would suprise him time after time by buying him a huge load of food to accompany him while he is studying at home, write him monthsary long letters, christmas card, birthday card, etc. He just suddenly stopped everything. During our 1 year anniversary, i surprised him with handmade gift, card, long letter, hoping for one short message back 'I love you , thanks for _______ etc' back but he did not. I told him i felt that he had changed, he did not send me a short letter and i was really sad. He said i shouldn't expect from him, he got really angry and upset and he started crying, saying that i made him feel useless, i am greedy, i expect too much and he wants to break up. He said that he loves me the same just that he got lazier, and i shouldn't expect anything from him. I said he really have changed, before and after we got together he seems like a 2 different person. He said i am the person who caused him to be like this, because of my bad personality, and insecure and paranoid and all the quarrels (he always says that i'm the one who started a quarrel when he actually is the one who gets angry too easily over the smallest mistake i make / say wrongly.) , and it was because of me that he had changed. I caused him to change and it's all my fault and i deserve it.

Recently, i baked him brownie because he was busy with his school project, and i wanted to surprise him. I told him i'll be going over to pass him the brownie and also a card to cheer him on. he told me not to come and said ' why must you come?' ' I dont need it la, give your family.'

I feel that my effort is not being appreciated and he is taking me for granted.

I guess he deserves a better girl who does not get parnaoid, a better girl who is slimmer and prettier,

and better girl that is smart enough, a better girl that would not piss him off, a better girl that will make him happier, a better girl that is better than me, a better girl that understands him.




Thank you whoever you are for reading this long chunk of my heartfelt words. I'm sorry.

Just move on and you will meet the guy that will love the way you are.

 

[newproject]

Seriously i hope i could meet some silly ger in my life.. These days, gers and guys have equal fair share of meeting the wrong partners.
There is a saying "good man die young." lol

Yeah those girls posting here seem to be the female versions of guys like you.

100% givers, keeping giving until the other party take for granted and start abusing them also they don't want leave cos they believe in commitment and working things out lol.

Girls like that probably work great with guys like you.

For some reason though in real life such pairings are unusual.

Probably because too similar.

I can imagine such a pairing would have difficulty making decisions cos both sides will want to give in/ defer to the other sides choice.

 

[ohmytego]

What a long sob story. Girl you deserve more than this and you can get out of it, its whether you want to or not.
You cannot change the person but you can change the situation you're in. Just leave him. It's easier said than done but you can do it!
You continue to be in this relationship = you continue to allow him to treat you like crap! Then, don't whine and complain!

 

[Christine L]

Stop letting him abuse you. This man is an asshole. Start loving yourself and treat yourself right.

 

[winter_gal]

he isnt worth your tears and heartache dear.... dont waste ur time on him... i suggest that to leave him far away and jus stop all contact with him... its hard initially but u willl get better and stronger.. been there done that...

yes love yourself more... u are still young, the chances of u meeting ur mr right is still so high...

 

[KopiO666]

This is going to be a really long story and i hope someone is kind enough to read it up and hear me out, i'm suffocating.

1. I have a boyfriend whom is my first love and i love him dearly, we have been going out for a year. Before we got together, he was the sweetest guy, he would write me long messages, we would talk all day and everything was perfect. He was a boyfriend who loved me alot.

2. My boyfriend used to like this girl in his university class, before he met me. Me and him are from different school. So they are recently in the same class again. At first, he always reassure me that he would never like her, he has me, but i just don't know why i couldn't understand. There was once where he was whatsapping her about non-school work related issues, and i found out because he accidentally showed his phone to me, i got really pissed and i told him to tell her not to whatsapp him anymore. He did what i requested and told her not to whatsapp him anymore. (At that point of time, i was still paranoid and angry.) However, it was later then i realised that if he was able to do that, it showed that he cares about me more than her, and i shouldn't be so stuckup and being so insecure, however, it was too late.

I guess one day he got sick of me being paranoid, and he flare up at me. He couldn't understand why i was feeling insecure or paranoid. He said, 'the more you don't want me to group with her, the more i will group with her, and yes, i have grouped with her for another project too.' He claims that he grouped with her because she does her work well, not because he liked her, it was all in the past. But i just can't help feeling insecure and paranoid. I still visit her facebook, twitter, and instagram daily and compare myself with her He even told me that he would leave me if i were to feel paranoid and insecure about her again, i am not supposed to feel insecure and paranoid.



4. My boyfriend always watches videos of korean girls dancing provocatively, he watches porn (i'm fine with it) even though this makes me feel inferior. I always end up comparing myself to girls with hot body, girls that he watched. Eventually, i found out that he has a facebook account which he never told me about, he used a fake name and he added over 1,000 pretty Singaporeans girl over it. I was not okay with this, i had a huge quarrel with him over it and he said he didn't tell me because he used a fake name, fake name = the account is not his. So in the end, he deactivated the account without explaning anything and would get mad at me, saying that i stalk him too much, if i talked about this incident again he would be mad at me and not talk to me.

5. I can't have a proper conversation with him as he is really sensitive and flare up easily. Small things can even make him get so angry to the point where he starts scolding me really in a bad way.
For example, he can call me dumb, stupid, fat all the time and i would just suck it up because he claims that he is joking. However, if i were to get mad or sad, he would say things like, 'I'm just joking only what. lol you can't take jokes one. i will never joke with you anymore lol.'

And then i have to end up apologising, begging him not to be angry at me even when i feel hurt and sad.

However, when i joke and say things like ' walao so childish sia you HAHA' he would get really pissed and mad, and say 'How dare you say i'm childish? I don't care whether you joking or not you are more childish than me.' There was once, where me and him got into an argument as i was insecure about the girl he used to like (the girl he grouped with), and he forced me to call my ex-boyfriend. He said, 'You better call him right now, or we will break up.' I begged him many times not to do this to me, don't force me to call him because i would be guilty. I knew he wanted me to call him so that i would feel guilty, and instead of me getting insecure over the girl, he would be mad at me instead, and i would feel really guilty and sorry and i would feel that i did something wrong and i shouldn't be paranoid or insecure. Instead, i should feel guilty to him. I cried and told him i really didn't want to call my ex-boyfriend, but he threatened me. I had no choice but to call my ex-bf for 1second before hanging up. What my boyfriend did next completely broke me and left me sad. He said 'Wow, i thought that you would rather breakup with me than to call your ex-boyfriend. How can you be such a slut? you really f**king slut. Ask you call then you call.' Then i told him that he forced me, i would rather be guilty and sad and hurt myself than to breakup with him, because i didn't want to lose him. I told him it was really childish of him to do this but he got all defensive and said i was the slut, i deserve to be called a slut, and he told me to leave him alone. I still loved him.

He continued scolding me slut, fucking dumb, etc till he got tired and went to sleep. We didn't talk for a few days till i went back and beg him and apologised.

6. My boyfriend is really slim, and i am slightly chubby. He thinks that i am not good enough for him in terms of looks, and always asks me to lose weight. He would feel judged and pressurised when he goes out with me, because he is slim and i am chubby, and people would judge and laugh at him. I I starved myself and had extreme workouts, and my hair started falling out. He is still not happy even though i am slimmer now, he always checks my body, touch my arms, stomach, legs, and tell me where i should improve on. It makes me so stress to the point that sometimes i just hope i would get knocked down by a car and die or something.

He even told me to find a guy who is fat, so the guy will accept me even if i am fat, and i would be happier because the fat guy is fat therefore he won't be ashamed of having me as his girlfriend.


7. My boyfriend only sees the flaws in me. He would always say i am dumb, i am fat, i have a very bad personality and i should improve myself if not he would break up with me. I have to lose my weight, change my paranoid personality, insecurity, become smarter and do things smartly if not i am not worthy enough for him. For example, whenever i fall down, he would get really angry and said that i walk without using my brains, i am really dumb for falling down, he hates dumb girls like me. He would find fault in everything i do and get angry over the smallest things without a reason. I tried telling him that this was making me really sad, and he said 'lol i also dont know why you feel sad. i feel happy because you never come and quarrel with me.


8. When me and him got together, and before we got together, he was really sweet, always sending me long texts, messages and etc. i would suprise him time after time by buying him a huge load of food to accompany him while he is studying at home, write him monthsary long letters, christmas card, birthday card, etc. He just suddenly stopped everything. During our 1 year anniversary, i surprised him with handmade gift, card, long letter, hoping for one short message back 'I love you , thanks for _______ etc' back but he did not. I told him i felt that he had changed, he did not send me a short letter and i was really sad. He said i shouldn't expect from him, he got really angry and upset and he started crying, saying that i made him feel useless, i am greedy, i expect too much and he wants to break up. He said that he loves me the same just that he got lazier, and i shouldn't expect anything from him. I said he really have changed, before and after we got together he seems like a 2 different person. He said i am the person who caused him to be like this, because of my bad personality, and insecure and paranoid and all the quarrels (he always says that i'm the one who started a quarrel when he actually is the one who gets angry too easily over the smallest mistake i make / say wrongly.) , and it was because of me that he had changed. I caused him to change and it's all my fault and i deserve it.

Recently, i baked him brownie because he was busy with his school project, and i wanted to surprise him. I told him i'll be going over to pass him the brownie and also a card to cheer him on. he told me not to come and said ' why must you come?' ' I dont need it la, give your family.'

I feel that my effort is not being appreciated and he is taking me for granted.

I guess he deserves a better girl who does not get parnaoid, a better girl who is slimmer and prettier,

and better girl that is smart enough, a better girl that would not piss him off, a better girl that will make him happier, a better girl that is better than me, a better girl that understands him.




Thank you whoever you are for reading this long chunk of my heartfelt words. I'm sorry.

Aiyo little ger ger, leave him la for goodness sake.

 

[meiji5]

Seriously i hope i could meet some silly ger in my life.. These days, gers and guys have equal fair share of meeting the wrong partners.
There is a saying "good man die young." lol

Just go out and meet one.

Yeah those girls posting here seem to be the female versions of guys like you.

100% givers, keeping giving until the other party take for granted and start abusing them also they don't want leave cos they believe in commitment and working things out lol.

Girls like that probably work great with guys like you.

For some reason though in real life such pairings are unusual.

Probably because too similar.

I can imagine such a pairing would have difficulty making decisions cos both sides will want to give in/ defer to the other sides choice.

Yeah, it's really a one-in-a-million chance to meet someone that is similar to you. But when it does happen, it could be the best thing that's happened.......or maybe just something different. LOL.

 

[Carousell]

Thank god you are not married to him yet. For the start of any relationship, there is sparks and we usually will do more surprises etc. As time goes by, got to rely on commitments and effort. From what you've written, do you see a future? Its time to move on.

 

[joyfulheart]

He doesn't sound like he's appreciating your kind efforts placed into the relationship. Perhaps you should just let this relationship go. Sorry to say but he sounds childish..

 

[miloice]

Yeah those girls posting here seem to be the female versions of guys like you.

100% givers, keeping giving until the other party take for granted and start abusing them also they don't want leave cos they believe in commitment and working things out lol.

Girls like that probably work great with guys like you.

For some reason though in real life such pairings are unusual.

Probably because too similar.

I can imagine such a pairing would have difficulty making decisions cos both sides will want to give in/ defer to the other sides choice.

Giving unconditionally works with the right partner. Someone that you can really trust and let down the guard. Its not really that rare. How well does one really know their partners before marriage. Many don't really know themselves, let alone their partners.

 

[littlepinkpointes]

Dear TS,

It must have hurt a lot for you to relate everything here point by point and reliving all those pain as you share your story.

-hugs-

First of all, I was once like you, being disrespected and emotionally abused in a suffocating relationship. I hesitated to walk out of the relationship because I couldn't bear to just throw it all out the window.
I know how you feel: you know you are being mistreated and abused and you know you are at the verge of walking away. I guess you aren't cause you are not ready and prepared to leave this relationship you are in, not so much of from this person.

You are just afraid to lose this relationship. I feel your hesitation is because you want to be in a relationship where you can be loved and love. You are afraid of missing this relationship (not the person you are leaving).

But trust me, you will never feel so free and relieved once you step out of this draining relationship. After two years of holding on to the guy and wishing things will change for their better, I ended that relationship. I remembered smiling so much and feeling so relieved.

You shouldn't allow yourself to be manipulated and your identity being thrown away by someone. You are you and if he can't accept you for who you are, then he's not worth your time and effort. Why are you going through the pain to be someone he wants you to be? Don't allow yourself to be 'trampled' by him. Don't ever allow people like him to make your feel worthless.

Be brave and courageous. Take the first step to walk out of this and be happy! Love yourself! Be with someone who loves you for you.