I can't live with my mil anymore..

Sadpinky

New Member
Hi all..

Me and husband got married 13 years ago. We tried for many years for kids but to no avail. Just 5 years ago, my husband had an affair with his colleague. He left her and came back to me and I forgive him. We had trust issues but are trying to build it back again.

My fil committed suicide 2 years back and my husband is the only son. No choice, we got to fetch my mil over to stay with us. My mom kept telling me that my mil is so pitiful and I got to be more caring towards her.

It was nightmare staying with her. She is very lazy who doesn't even washed her own clothes but she insisted to cook meals every day. If I inform her that I would miss the dinner that day, her face would turn black. And worse still, her cooking taste bad and she added alot of msg in the dishes. After meal, she would just quickly wash her plates and sit down to watch tv. When I am not at home, she would wash my husband plates. When I am home, she would let me do the washing thinking that all the house work should be done by me. All the plates washed by her are so oily that I will have to rewash again.

There was once when me and my husband went out and was not home by 10pm. She kept calling my husband but he did not answer. When I reached home around 12am(my husband went to the supermarket to buy bread), my mil dashed out of her room and scolded me. I was like????? She is not even my mom to begin with. Just last week, I caught her peeping into our room.

Seriously, me and my husband are trying to build our relationship back but my mil is destroying it! I really can't stand her anymore. I wanted to move out soon!
 


I feel you ....not all MILs are nice to their DILs. You'll always be seen as the "competition" to their sons.

I'd assume that your hubby asked you first before agreeing to let your MIL stay in your home right?

It'll be tough on him to take sides but at some point only he can make a stand on the important issues that affect you if the MIL overstep her boundaries. So far what you've mentioned are hardly those, apart from possibly intruding on your privacy or going through your things. As for washing, cleaning and cooking, we can choose to live and let live. Maybe mention this to the hubby and see if he can talk to her.

I think it is your husband's responsibility to take her calls and not ignore her. But that is really between him and her. So he has to step up to the plate.
 

Sadpinky

New Member
Sadly to say, it was not agreed upon before letting her come in to stay with us. As my fil passed away very suddenly, after settling his funeral, he asked her to pack her stuff and come stay with us as he did not want her to stay alone.

My husband said to let her stay for the time being and he will decide what to do next. But that decision never comes. Many times he did talk to her about the things she had done which made us unhappy. But her reaction was to argue back or turn a black face on us and went back to her room to continue watch tv.
 
That's a tough one.

I think the choice for your hubby is whether he wants the marriage to work or not. Having the MIL staying there is not helping matters.

He's the only son? No other siblings who can take her in?
 

ing1

Active Member
Sadly to say, it was not agreed upon before letting her come in to stay with us. As my fil passed away very suddenly, after settling his funeral, he asked her to pack her stuff and come stay with us as he did not want her to stay alone.

My husband said to let her stay for the time being and he will decide what to do next. But that decision never comes. Many times he did talk to her about the things she had done which made us unhappy. But her reaction was to argue back or turn a black face on us and went back to her room to continue watch tv.
Maybe get an independent third party to talk to yr MIL, eg. her sisters/brothers if she has any?
 

Sadpinky

New Member
That's a tough one.

I think the choice for your hubby is whether he wants the marriage to work or not. Having the MIL staying there is not helping matters.

He's the only son? No other siblings who can take her in?
He is the only son so no choice will have to take her in.
 

Sadpinky

New Member
Maybe get an independent third party to talk to yr MIL, eg. her sisters/brothers if she has any?
My husband is not close to his relatives. Some times just hi and bye. I thought of getting a third party to talk to her but I'm afraid they will just say "she is old already.. just give in to her.."
 
Now it's either I accept it or I let go the marriage..
Indulge me a little and let's just say you compromise on this. How long can you hold up your side of the deal before hell breaks loose?

Fundamentally did your husband change after marriage? Was he not always close to his mom?
 

arnoldchen

New Member
historically (literally since ancient times) MIL usually dun have good rs with DIL. nothing much to be done about this. But hopes this makes u feel better.

Reason is, mummy sees DIL as stealing their precious boys. To win favours, you need to remind ur hubby's filial duties to his mum to improve things.

It kinda sucks to give in to unreasonable people but this is "duty"
 

Whygetmarried

New Member
Can your husband speak to his mother and gently correct the behaviors which frustrate you? Hopefully it will improve the r/
If cannot, speak to your husband about alternate arrangement for your mil. If he can’t empathize with you, prioritise you over his mother or expect you to suck it up and live with it, ask yourself if you can really suck it up and live with it?

If you cannot live with it and you still want to salvage the marriage, see a marriage counsellor.
If still cannot come to a decision comfortable, I am afraid it will be very tough for you to continue.. you might suffer emotionally and mentally.
 

Top