I am a crazy wife

[simpleman]

victoria,

But really, which guy go to massage and wait outside. If it is for clients - there is a possibility - remotely slim. Similarly, if a guy and gal be caught at budget hotel - can also just go there and chit chat and not doing anything - it is possible (I did that too) but the chances going to budget hotel for 2hrs is not for chit chatting.

You have to be very clear.

He is really into commercial sex. And he thinks it is not a problem. It is not necessary a problem as in addiction. Of course it will cause strain in your relationship. But he sees it as OK as long as he hides it well and you don't discover it. For as long as he can tell you lies...

There is nothing much you can do - either you really spend money on PI and get evidence and then confront him. Or you can just end the relationship based on suspicion.

I have girl friends that did that to their hubby as they can no longer deal with lies / evasion.. they rather end it then be subjected to eternal pain.

But this is your call. Either he will fly into a rage for you not trusting him.. Or he may be shocked into action and stop his activities. you have to be prepared for both possibilities.

 

[rofthelper]

victoria89, they are several types of massage establishment in Singapore. I quote a few, massage shops/parlors opening around neighborhood areas as you can read in the news lately, example circular road or PPC in chinatown area, usually offers little massage with the pretext of going straight to sexual services. They do not have any facilities like hot/cold pools or steam rooms. Their usual setup is dark tinted doors with sexily dressed ladies in there.

They are even discreet "sophisticated" spas that offer theme massage (nurse theme) with ladies wearing cosplay costumes.

There are also massage spas with cold pool, steam room etc, that offers "reasonable massage", but also provide sexual services. Example of one such is "B" Health Centre in Fortune Center.

Of course, there are other health spas with facilities like cold/hot spas, steam room, movie room, reading room, cafeteria etc, whereby ladies offer massage services and reflexology, but strictly no sex is allowed. Example of such spa is Roxy Spa in Roxy Square 2 and the former badminton hall health spa which is now in grandlink square.

If he is going to health spas like Roxy Spa, there is nothing to hide from you. My wife knows that I go once every 3 mths to relax myself. But too bad no ladies is allowed in there.

If he really like enjoying massage, both of you can go to those spas that offer couple massage services in a couple room. We have went to far east shopping centre and one in chinatown area for couple massage.

 

[simpleman]

But frankly personally. I find that people "wanting to know the truth" a stupid thing. So what if you know the truth. It is how you want to handle it that is more important.

If I cannot trust my partner, I rather end the relationship. Yes, maybe no evidence.. but if I cannot trust - it could either be my problem (not trusting) or too many things I can't ignore and therefore I cannot trust. end result - no trust and therefore better to end the relationship.

There is really no point in wanting to find out the truth then decide. You need to know what you will do with the truth first before finding the truths. There is really pointless to find out the truth if you can't deal with the truth.

 

[rofthelper]

Hi victoria89, since you direct your question at me. Here my answer.

Like what bro SM said.... "The thing is surfing sammyboy is one thing. Actually engaging in commercial sex is another thing. You can't assuming that if a guy is surfing sammyboy, he is into commercial sex - it is not. And even for guys not surfing sammyboy, they could be actively engaging in commercial sex."

Usually, those who required professional help, do live in denial of their addiction, and treating an addiction is dependent on the person accepting and admitting that he or she has a problem.

But if your hubby claimed that he has LSD, and is addicted to such sites and frequent to massage parlors w/o any massage, I'm puzzled and worry, he is testing his own limitation and it can get dangerous. If he has LSD, it can be treated. Nothing to be ashamed about. I also have LSD plus temporary hairloss for a period of time due to work related stress. I seek professional help and get it corrected and my sex life with my wife resume to normal. I'm more open to her as well.

Before marriage and prior to my marriage, I am also engaging in commercial sex and massage services. Actively surfing SBF for the purpose of viewing porn/pictures, and occasionally engaging contacts for FLs in there.

Before this sprung out of control, I have decided to put a stop by seeking help from Addictions Management Clinic in Raffles Hospital for my problem. With their help, I am being educated about healthy sexuality, individual counseling etc. I manage to stop commercial/massage sex. I am thankful for that. I do watch porn 2-3 times a month, free ones of course. Why go pay for porn which is readily available? My wife will sometimes join me to watch if she is keen if I happen to get some interesting plot. hehe.


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Rofthelper: If he has an addiction to such sites when he tells me he has LSD and doesn't want to do with me don't u think something is wrong with him? I only want to get him to open up to me so if he has really has a problem we can overcome it together, but he can't seem to open up to me no matter how i try. I even went to the extent of suggesting we watch some porn together..but he behaved disgusted and disinterested in front of me but whenever he has a moment and I'm not around or if he is overseas he will watch porn and surf all these websites, sometimes even paying for these porn sites..

I think i have exhausted all things that i felt i can do to help him already but still to no avail...after all these years its really tiring emotionally and mentally and its really draining a lot out of me to still remain in this marriage.

 

[littledd]

Get a P.I. to spy on him every now and then for the next 1 year.

If he's all clear, then the money spent can be considered a fee for your insecurities.

 

[miloice]

"Get a P.I. to spy on him every now and then for the next 1 year.

If he's all clear, then the money spent can be considered a fee for your insecurities."

You seriously think so? No PI can be checking 24/7. Having not found anything doesn't prove anything frankly. She will still be guessing regardless. Until she have evidence straight at her face. Without that concrete evidence, endless checking will not keep her from guessing.

 

[simpleman]

PI for a year.. must be crazy to spend that kind of money.

Better pay me fixed amount, I go be-friend your hb and I can tell you the "facts".. ha ha

 

[puppylover]

I feel really depressed now. Found out that HB was smsing with this foreign girl who works in a pub. She sent sms to him wrongly but he responded and they carried sms conversation. Then she called him and they chatted 4 minutes. He even created a FB account just to add her and sms her that she's pretty.

I took courage and asked him all these. He said he did just out of curiosity, as the same reason he gave last time when i asked him why he kept using the dating app. He said he's curious how other ppl live their lives and no intention to cheat.

To me this incident was too much. I'm very hurt and sad because it"s flirting to me. I told him if he is so curiou he could just add her to his real FB account. And he also lied to me that they spoke less than a minute, when it was four minutes.

We talked for a long time and both cried. He is sad that I no longer believes he loves me, but how could I, when he keeps doing such things to make me feel he is always interested to know other gals? A

Told him I will try my best to move on but I am struggling. No one to talk to be except a forum. Where. Nobody knows ,me.

 

[miloice]

junie, perhaps u should enable your pm settings.
take care.

 

[puppylover]

Thanks Milo, have enabled it

 

[scopefun]

Junie,

You are not crazy, it's just that hubby has not given you the basic security in this relationship.

If he has done nothing wrong, there is nothing to hide, and there should be nothing in the middle of loving husband and wife.

You are definitely not crazy, you are just immature.