shariceoutgrown
New Member
turning here as i have no avenue to talk about it.
i recently found out my husband visited a sex worker.
we always had a loving relationship and i look up alot to him. honestly he has always been the sweetest partner
- cooking
- generous (financially too)
- active to look after my parents too esp when my dad was sick
- we have alot chemistry
so was devasted when i found out..
background of events
slightly more than a year ago, i already caught him sexting random girls on wechat. He swore that he didnt meet them and he was just venting. we both went for couple counselling and it was a good opportunity for him to share some of the things that had been weighing on him (and vice versa for me too) some of the topics we talked abt were
- decline in the frequency of our sex
- frustration on household chores
- resentment over how i dealt with his unemployment period (happened right before the pandemic)
- realisation we dont quarrel 'healthily' (meaning while our arguements are short lived, we tend to just bury them under the rug and move on without addressing the crux of it)
as much as there is no excuse for his transgressions, i also felt that as his partner, i also needed to take responsibility and action to make this marriage work.
so i forgave him and we moved on
things were good i guess.
honestly i thought everything was wonderful then...when i was going through his whatsapp last week..and i saw a message of him arranging a visit to a sex worker.
of course there was rage and tears (over a course of 2 days)
- he begged for forgiveness
- insisted it was his first time and out of curiosity but he was fully disgusted and regretted the experience
- agreed to visit a counsellor - this time by himself. i know this was something he resisted earlier on (pride etc)
for now.. i moved past it temporarily and resumed our daily lives as per normal because im hoping the sessions with his consellor can help shed abit of clarity and light on this behaviour and why it happened? (he himself cant understand why he did it)
a part of me is abit surprised at how calm i am taking this so far but i know deep down i really am not keen to divorce him over this.
i still really love him very much and i believe this was a very out of character behaviour of him.
but im also torn with these thoughts eating at me
- what if this happens again? esp when we have kids in the future which will then put more pressure on our marriage, making him more susceptible again?
wish there was a private chat on telegram for me to talk about this
i recently found out my husband visited a sex worker.
we always had a loving relationship and i look up alot to him. honestly he has always been the sweetest partner
- cooking
- generous (financially too)
- active to look after my parents too esp when my dad was sick
- we have alot chemistry
so was devasted when i found out..
background of events
slightly more than a year ago, i already caught him sexting random girls on wechat. He swore that he didnt meet them and he was just venting. we both went for couple counselling and it was a good opportunity for him to share some of the things that had been weighing on him (and vice versa for me too) some of the topics we talked abt were
- decline in the frequency of our sex
- frustration on household chores
- resentment over how i dealt with his unemployment period (happened right before the pandemic)
- realisation we dont quarrel 'healthily' (meaning while our arguements are short lived, we tend to just bury them under the rug and move on without addressing the crux of it)
as much as there is no excuse for his transgressions, i also felt that as his partner, i also needed to take responsibility and action to make this marriage work.
so i forgave him and we moved on
things were good i guess.
honestly i thought everything was wonderful then...when i was going through his whatsapp last week..and i saw a message of him arranging a visit to a sex worker.
of course there was rage and tears (over a course of 2 days)
- he begged for forgiveness
- insisted it was his first time and out of curiosity but he was fully disgusted and regretted the experience
- agreed to visit a counsellor - this time by himself. i know this was something he resisted earlier on (pride etc)
for now.. i moved past it temporarily and resumed our daily lives as per normal because im hoping the sessions with his consellor can help shed abit of clarity and light on this behaviour and why it happened? (he himself cant understand why he did it)
a part of me is abit surprised at how calm i am taking this so far but i know deep down i really am not keen to divorce him over this.
i still really love him very much and i believe this was a very out of character behaviour of him.
but im also torn with these thoughts eating at me
- what if this happens again? esp when we have kids in the future which will then put more pressure on our marriage, making him more susceptible again?
wish there was a private chat on telegram for me to talk about this