Husband remembers everyone's else's birthday except mine

[aveyron]

My husband will remember everyone's else's birthday except mine. Even when I told him after its over, he made no response. However, he remembered everyone's else's birthdays. For his mother, he reminded the kids everyday up till the day they celebrated. I am deeply disappointed because it's not the first time. Last year, he says let's go out for dinner. I asked what's the occasion. He say it's for father's Day, on my actual birthday.
If he is like this right from the start, I wouldn't be so sad because this is him. But I really feel so sad nn wonder if I'm just feeling petty.
We are going through a rough patch because I feel that he just doesn't care about my feelings anymore, and I think this incident is the final straw. We are like roommates and I'm telling myself I'll just concentrate on my kids and be nicer to myself from now because it's not like I never tried to connect with him.

 

[eileen85]

hi averyon, i believe birthday celebration is important to you. Did you ever ask your husband why he doesn't bother to remember your birthday? Is there some deep rooted issue in your marriage? i have learnt that when your partner stops showing his love, usually it's because of some unsettled issue and hence the marriage will slowly fall apart. Have a heart to heart talk with him before it's too late.

 

[beaverjuice]

You've let him slide for too long.

For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

Tell it as it is, that you don't feel special anymore

 

[aveyron]

hi averyon, i believe birthday celebration is important to you. Did you ever ask your husband why he doesn't bother to remember your birthday? Is there some deep rooted issue in your marriage? i have learnt that when your partner stops showing his love, usually it's because of some unsettled issue and hence the marriage will slowly fall apart. Have a heart to heart talk with him before it's too late.

I won't say it's very important but a simple happy bday will be nice. I don't go out of the way to celebrate his bday but I will get a small cake and tell the kids. The issue is he will just say he's too busy to remember and he said that I should know that he doesn't remember birthdays. But then again, this logic only applies to me.
The only problem he sees is me. He will say I'm picking on his mother and I'm overthinking.

 

[eileen85]

yea, it's kind of weird when he said he doesnt remember birthdays but he remembers everyone's except yours. Even if it's like what he claimed to be, he can always set reminder on his phone. anyway, it's also not healthy to behave like room mates and seems like he is not putting effort in this marriage. it can be an emotional turmoil for you if you are the one compromising all the time. Have you tried going counselling with him?

 

[beaverjuice]

Below is the wedding vow at ROM

https://singaporebrides.com/forumboard/messages/539/Marriage_vows-403480.doc

Did your hubby swear to this modified version?
"......
To Bridegroom
Will you, __________________ take this woman ______________ to be your wedded wife, to live together in the legal estate of matrimony (unless my mother wants to live with us) ? Will you love her, comfort her, honour and keep her in sickness and in health and forsaking all others (except for my mother), be faithful to her (apart from my mother as she is No.1 in priority), so long as you both shall live?
Answer: I will ...."

.

 

[OldDude]

LOL!
Everyone can forget or screw up important things in their life.
So, no point for guessing...

Why don't you ask him to for the truth?
Then, you know lor... you don't ask, he don't know how you feel now... how?

 

[newproject]

after reading the whole story I think the wife is leaving out something big...

The guy is described by the wife as nice guy, good with kids, fifial . Even gives wife access to all his money . Zero signs of cheating, just play phone games.

YET when wife ask for hug , no response. Sure guys can be quite dumb at giving emotional support but this is super straightforward.

My guess is the wife did something a while ago to make the husband emotionally give up. maybe a betrayal of some kind but he still stay on for kids but give up emotionally already.

The wife alludes to rough patches and other formers also picked up it doesn't quite add up the story.

either that or he suddenly become gay lol

 

[beaverjuice]

As I used to say - "indifference" is the death knell of a relationship. Let's hope it has not reached this stage.

If he cannot be compelled to talk about the underlying issues with you then you cannot solve the problem at the root.

His "forgetting" your birthday is just a manifestation. It is not the real issue.

 

[newproject]

As I used to say - "indifference" is the death knell of a relationship. Let's hope it has not reached this stage.

If he cannot be compelled to talk about the underlying issues with you then you cannot solve the problem at the root.

His "forgetting" your birthday is just a manifestation. It is not the real issue.

not sure i agree . if its just playing HP games alone sure.

The case here where he remembers everyone's else birthday but the wife's feels Iike a studied specific insult.

Refusal to hug when asked? something is going on...