How will you react when you see your ex?

[powder]

yes, i mean... how long can we wallow and have goodlooking suitors pass us by? half the time we pine for a certain someone becos that person Reciprocated our love... tat's why we keep going back. becos we think they're irreplaceable.

pple who queue up to buy iPhones/iPads are the Worst pple to date... wasting so much time to get something which u can order and have it delivered to u.

ya, socially very very challenged.

 

[vios]

in very good contact with two ex-gfs... esp. the one whom i share very good chemistry with. the other day after we caught up, she sms-ed me that i will always have a place in her heart...

of course, even though we are on different paths now but we still could hang out as really good friends.

unlike some others, no matter who dumped who is not important for me. we all have moved on.

 

[powder]

ya tat's the whole point mah... wat's past are life lessons... whether good or bad, they are our teachers...

 

[pasir_ris_beach]

I met my ex bf outside the textile centre out of the blue yesterday and kinda of shocked/surprised but still said hi and chatted a good half hour and hugged each other before bidded goodbye at the bus stop.

The feeling was so different from what i feared/dreaded. hmmm maybe it was so long for 15 years already since we broke off.

Anyone experienced same thing as me? is not that we are so open but the love we once shared was so deep, dunno how to explain but hmmm i like this feeling. Still miss each other in our heart although we both are married to different spouses and are parents already.

 

[powder]

tat's a mutual respect... u guys shared a journey in the earlier part of your life - Together...

 

[pasir_ris_beach]

yes powder u have a valid point. Nice feeling.

Still we wish each other happiness although no exchanging ctc nos.

 

[powder]

some things dun need to... exchanging numbers is an invisible commitment to perhaps call and meet... both of u may not be ready for that, at that point of bumping into each other... and u're probably not pretentious enough to exchange... i guess with facebook, it's not gonna be hard to locate pple these days...

 

[bedokboy]

keep it that way is nice BLUR.

Not trying to infer anything but in any relationship there is always going to be demotivators and discouraging elements, along with the good things. Whether one seeks alternatives is only simply a function of convenience after that.

Imagine the number is in your phone or the contact is on your facebook, so easy to just say hi. A harmless hi, even if the initiator really did not mean anything or intend for anything further to happen, can do serious damage later on.

Oh well.

 

[pasir_ris_beach]

bedokboy , right!

powder i dun need to locate him thru facebook as i partially forgot his family name.

Even if we exchange nos, probably i forgot to sms and say hi to him and then what??? better not as he mentioned he still miss me and had been looking high and low for me all these years at the old haunts. Aiya, I have enough problems on my plate and not even ready to add one more problem to my plate.

 

[powder]

well let's just say that romance can be lifelong and doesn't have to end in bed or physical possession...

sometimes it's like that 'invisible romance' we have with another passenger on the mrt... somehow we always see each other, never speak to each other but our hearts will flutter abit when we see that person... some days we really wanna see them but we dun, and we're abit sad and affected... they become a part of our lives i guess, at that stage. for some reason, we always take that 2nd carriage of the mrt and never falter... even if the 3rd carriage has seats, we'd skip to head to the 2nd carriage becos it has a person that puts a smile on our face More than an empty seat would...

that's life... that's romance... that's unwritten, undocumented, unpublicised romance that is very much a part of our little lives...

these kinds of moments, these kinds of little brushes would never be a part of our lives if we had been so absolutely stuckup in the absolute rights and wrongs in life... if we have to be that uptight person who goes "hey i'm married" or "i should not be enjoying this"...

Life is spontaneous, it takes so much form yet it is as free as it should always be... it's suppose to engulf us in more wonderful things, than simply rules and society's expectations...

Blur, these are the wonderful defining moments in life that remains undefined...

 

[pasir_ris_beach]

powder, possible to have invisible romance? how sweet if it is true. starting to agree with u but it is fate that plays a part.

A bit awkward to think abt him , so near to my heart but yet so far in real life. Powder how sweet of u to tell me that there are the wonderful defining moments in life that remains undefined...

luckily i keep my youth intact for a nice decade but but i cannot say in next decade or two decade cos by the time we meet up by fate, our wrinkles or fine lines on our face will show up. probably old and fat or maybe we not here on the face of earth. No one knows if we will be alive or gone next time.

 

[powder]

well, it's life... our eyes dun see the wrinkles on our face if we see beyond... the feelings dun grow old, they either fade or stay... romance need not bear fruition nor result in possession of physicals... sometimes feelings are alot more powerful than that.

never fear getting old... be it wrinkles or slower limbs... i think the beauty of bumping into pple whom u've shared a journey with... is in the realisation that u've come a long way... it'll be funny 30yrs from now, bumping into old flames when our grandkids bring us out for dim sum... i guess when u're older, u are unlikely to hold too many soreness n regrets... u're just so so elated to meet a familiar face, wrinkles or nit.

 

[dimpxtt]

powder,

will be the nostalgic feelingss

 

[dimpxtt]

i break up wif the latest (the one i say...uhmm...those old thread readers will know)ex

act during this 3 months probation period
the physical thing is already a problem
but he did try hard to improve but no avail

am i 'torturing' him? and demanding
i tell him that if he tiks i am demanding just take e easy way out and bye bye loh
but he still hold on...
say he will try his best to improve on himself..to reduce weight

however when i touch on e next topic on finance issue..he says he needs to work for the next 3 months to pay off his debts..i say no savings? he say can save 2-3 years down e road
then i say hw long shall i wait..4 years down e road?i am no longer young..wat if i want to get house and renovation?
i say i will b single than to wait long time and suffer that time later.
it will be ripple effect..
he immediate says lets break up then..

he scare?or i am being too practical as i touch on the 'finance' issue.
so he decided to take e easy way out and run away..

*shake head*

finally..e colors come out...

 

[powder]

if u can't wait n he can't commit... then perhaps take some time off before re-assessing if a compromise is possible...

i would actually do the same as him so as not to waste time... love is love, some things Time n Youth is actually more important.

 

[dimpxtt]

so powder

i am not being very practical n realistic rite

i just stating my point out rite

 

[scope_guy]

No wonder you people have relationship problems... LOL~

 

[dimpxtt]

Scope Guy (scope_guy)

u eat air loh..so u dun problem..

 

[pasir_ris_beach]

scope guy,
are u human or what? Dun always make fun of other people's problem. so insensitive.

 

[powder]

well dimpxtt,

it's something i would do, whether practical or realistic - it's an opinion and subjective... the whole thing can come to nothing and u might waste a couple of years, if that happens - u'd wish u were More practical... so which will it be? unfortunately we can only make 1 choice and not hold 2...

just make good once u've deleted 1 choice... concentrate on what's left and Make It Work.... as if your back is against the wall.

 

[dimpxtt]

powder.

i somehw feel abit bad.
coz he does really feel for me..yet i am digging onto his 'weaknesses'

ya..maybe if i am early 20s.i dun mind wait few years to see if there are any fruit reap..
but...hmmmi have to be more practical now.
i dont want..waste a couple of years later..when emotions are invested..then everything come to nthg.

have been thr once..feeling sucks..

 

[powder]

well if u're the type who tends to look back and regret/feel sore/feel sorry... then it's gonna be abit more painful. otherwise, do wat i have applied for a large part of my life - to do good on whatever decision u make, but always knowing when to cut loss... sounds abit cold i know, but it is necessary to optimise every ounce of time in your life.

 

[mum_of_2_girls]

Hi dimpxtt,

I think I can understand your situation. You wish to get married and have kids by a certain ages.

As ladies due to mother nature, we have to select a partner who can protect and nuture our children.

This is very real. Every thing from marriage to having kids need money. Of course, if you are earning very well, you just need a supportive hubby.

If you are earning very little and yet you want to realise your dream, you are better off finding someone who is already financially stable enough to get marry and have kids.

Luckily, my hubby didn't mind I don't have any "savings" when we met because all my money from my salary was controlled by my mum.

My mum said she will help me "save" the money because she said some men will try to cheat girls of their money.

So being naive, I said OK. Anyway, I don't spend much except food and transport. And my hobby is reading books from library, basically free.

So my "evil" mum sort of know whoever is going to marry me have to be financially stable because no money from my side.

 

[dimpxtt]

hi albee,
your 'evil' mum is good

control u so that you will be not cheated
else hw u are blessed wif such wonderful hubby/kids n family rite.
heee

 

[mum_of_2_girls]

Hi dimpxtt,

I fully support your decision to break off because he doesn't fit into your dream.

Let imagine if your boyfirend and you view a showflat. He asks you, " Dear, do you like this place? What do you think?"

You say," Wow! It's beautiful but it's expensive. You know how my mum controls my money. I don't have any money."

Your boyfriend says, " Don't worry. I have saved a bit through the years."

You says," Thanks dear. I don't have any money but I will cook a delicious meal for you and after dinner I will play nice mucic for you on my piano."

Beautiful image. Guys love this kind of image.

Nowsaday with 2 kids. After dinner, my hubby sits on the sofa and enjoys listening to my kids sing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Stars" while I played the song on the piano.

Other times on hot days, we will just go downstairs and play and relax by the pool after dinner.

Beautiful image. You can make it come true.

 

[dimpxtt]

waseh albee.

true true..i also will want to play twinkle twinkle little star

i will also tell my future that i will cook declicious laksa for you to eat
maybe play other london bridge as well.on e piano
definately a good image to project

imagine you go and visit the showflat says
wowowo its so beautiful day..can we buy it.

then he says : sorry....we need 2 more years to save to buy a 3 room flat that fash the rubbish bin......*dream dashed*

 

[bedokboy]

sorry to hear your plight dimpxtt.

your story is very common.

On the other end, there are jaded guys out there who think that women are materialistic end day.

On your end, there are women who wonder why they keep meeting good-for-nothing guys with debts to settle, or forever can't seem to save enough to buy something decent.

It's also not fair to label you as someone looking for a paycheck rather than a person, because for a woman, it is indeed valid to be thinking of those things.

Otherwise, it's like 2 single ppl having an affair. No status.

 

[mum_of_2_girls]

Hi

Well. I'm an avid reader of romance novels especially those featuring in victorian period with rich dashing lords and their ladies.

It's nice to dream and dreams do come true.
Just ask Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and Snow White. We, girls are brought up with these fairy tales.

Do you think the Princes see Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty or Snow White as materialistic girls?

 

[dimpxtt]

handsome prince meet pretty princess mah

 

[powder]

bedok/dimpxtt,

one of the things i noticed since young, was how money drives a wedge into marriages... of cos, amongst other problems... the money ones dun just go away with resolve, it will only correspond with your ability to bring a decent amount in to ensure that u dun face these issues "recurringly"... it is easier to resolve cutting down on expenditure and settling for lesser, than to find the mental strength to rebuild your entire career.

what more for guys whom u meet in their 30s, and they are still making ends' meet... what happened the last 5-7yrs? expenditure? lack of ability? To ME, it's not so much of settling down... i personally feel as a guy, that i should not date at this point, let alone talk of settling down... but that's me. perhaps the reality of my world is different, and i have absolutely no financial backing behind me to smooth me thru troubled times...

so it's really up to u how u see it... whilst i believe some women tend to be overly materialistic... i think we have to gauge ourselves... some just cannot afford a mistake - and we could be that mistake if at 30, we're like still nowhere close to affording a hdb, and perhaps still dablling in car-modding.

 

[sgbabydoll]

Not wrong to have expectations. But I believe that first and foremost we have to be the person that we want to fall in love with. The very expectations you have of a lifetime partner should be first fulfilled by yourself.

Dim, I would also walk away from the last deal you had because just as I won't bring a negative to the financial equation, I don't want a negative from the partner.

 

[dimpxtt]

dun noe wat he spends last few years..

haiz good guys not easy to get these days

 

[sgbabydoll]

Maybe he has no idea himself his spending pattern too. Don't be surprised.

I am not so concerned about whether there are good guys or not as I don't consider myself a typical good girl hahaha. Definitely not the doormat type. I'm worried that good guys are too good for me.

 

[bedokboy]

dimpxtt, in trying to help, I'm wondering if you can answer a question honestly.

if u meet a guy who's honest-to-goodness, doesn't gamble, doesn't bet, doesn't while his time and money drinking and partying, but he's a down-to-earth salaried guy who hasn't been given much opportunity in life so doesn't have much to his name finance-wise. Maybe to his colleagues and friends he's the first one they go to when they need a listening ear or some form of help.

let's say he's a social worker lah.

how?

 

[infojunkie]

bedokboy, i hate to tell u that...

but to panda aka dimpxtt, 'size' does matter

 

[dimpxtt]

junkie (infojunkie) -ya loh..u know ..e satisfaction is there..
just feel turn off.....

bedokboy: tat ex is like tat..except tat he is not social worker..but..go to him listen to me..
is more like friendship like that
the emotional fire is not there..

hope u understand

 

[vios]

oh, that thread?

so he still got screwed with sometimes 10, sometimes 11 but most times back at 7 centimetres...
got screwed further with a straw hut instead of a brick house.

poor chap... it's good to take a breather for now.

 

[bedokboy]

haha ok ok .

 

[dimpxtt]

vios (vios)--what breather?

are u laughing at the situation?

 

[vios]

taking a break from your expectations... funny meh?

you did tell him to walk away right from the start if he had to, and eventually, he did.

anyway, what's with the true colours when he realised that he couldn't cope with your expectations and left?
as it had been, he was being honest with his own issues... at least.