How to maintain sparks in marriage life?

[jjlife]

If u are married for more than 7 yrs & without kid & won't have kid, how do you maintain the sparks in yr marriage life?

Without kid, marriage life can become so bored & no motivation, nothing much to forward to, too much free time on wkend .. kid can do wonder especially for those couples who love kid..

Any constructive suggestion?

 

[miloice]

Married for 5 without kid. But not bored.

Spend time with your family too. Not just at home facing each other.

 

[powder]

u sound like u're looking for validations to wanting to have kids?

anyway think better to divorce if not having kids... then live separately... and go back to being bfren/gfren...

u'll find that immediately, things are better.

 

[vios]

if you intend to stay in a marriage WITHOUT kids, then having no kids shouldn't be your excuse on your seemingly-boring marriage, right? but ironically, you are doing just that.

what i'm trying to say is that a couple have kids because mutually between them, they really want to. Not for the sake of spicing up the marriage.....

 

[goooogal]

kids = sparks in marriage??
If you're looking at having kids to revive the freshness in your married life, I think that feeling is not going to last. In fact having kids will probably add to your list of responsibilities that quickly diminish the sparks in your marriage further, what with daily chores of feeding and caring for them, worrying about their school work, dealing with their teenage angst and so on. Of course kids can bring joy and more fulfillment to a marriage but what I'm saying is, don't look at kids as an antidote to a boring married life or look at them thru rose-tinted glasses. But if you're both feeling ready to take on`the challenges and duties of parenthood then by all means go for it.

However, finding meaning in your own existence and marriage should not be tied to having kids. If you don't find ways to living your life to the fullest and making full use of your time to do what you want or like to do, then nothing will create that spark in your life. How about finding some couple activities to do with your spouse and family?

 

[jjlife]

I am not saying to have kids to revive the freshness of married life or spicing up the marriage.

To me without kid don seem to be a complete family... without able to have kid is the biggest regret in my life as we both love kid tried so hard yet unsuccessful..

pple around us mostly (99%) have kids, at the begining we do feel peer pressure when pple keep asking when u going to have kid etc u know those standard question. but now we get used to it & prepared to be childless..

so I am keen to know how to maintain the sparks in your marriage life?

We do have family gathering.. meet our own friends.. watch vcd, movie, excercise.. travel.. massage .. besides all these routine, wat else to do? charity work?

 

[goooogal]

Ahh...the picture is clearer now...

Well, you're not the only one facing those kind of qns from well-meaning but nevertheless irritating frens/relatives. I get it all the time too while my peers are popping a 2nd or 3rd child already. Well, just tell them you're letting nature take its course. If there's a need to have something/someone to love and take on a parental role, you can consider having a "furkid" ie a pet". I've one and I realise that maybe I don't have time for kids at this point in time since I hardly get to spend long stretches of time with my pet

In terms of activities, charity work is good and meaningful, but you can also consider signing up for courses with your spouse eg cooking classes, exercise classes or part-time degree/postgrad courses. Having an activity you both engage in would help to strengthen your bond.

 

[jjlife]

recently we have a dog it really bring joys .. we have enough study

so won't spend more time on it..

he don like cooking, yoga. he has tennis but i don really like.. once in blue moon we went bowling..

How long have u got married G?

 

[pink_sapphire]

do things together like groceries its quite fun and enjoyable esp when thinking of whipping up a meal together.
if both of u have lots of empty slots to spare well can adopt a pet that will take up a lot of time and create bonding

 

[habe]

if really want kids, i'm about to suggest adoption but different couples may have different views on it..

 

[miloice]

yes, adoption is an option for couples that cannot conceive.

Have you guys seen a doc yet? If u have been trying for yrs, its time to check up to see if there is an issue.

 

[goooogal]

jjlife, I'm married for just over 7 yrs (since ROM)? Actually me and my hubby also don't have many common activities. We usually spend time at home, doing our own things or watching tv together. Weekends we may go out, visit our parents or invite frens over for gatherings.

Actually unless you're really bent on having a kid of your own, adoption is not a bad idea. Or you can be a sponsor to a kid from a poorer country (Worldvisions has that kind of programme I think). If you want your own biological child, then it's best to see your gynae for advice.

 

[habe]

yeah jjlife, you didn't really mention what's the cause of not having kids. But if its too sensitive to discuss here its fine.
just to share, ppl around me also seem to be having difficulties conceiving, my boss went for ivf few times not successful but eventually managed to conceive naturally at a grand age of 43! another colleague of mine opted for adoption - 2 kids, she adopted at them at infant stage so that she can have a more 'complete' experience of motherhood vs adopting them when they are older then cannot change diapers for them etc..

 

[miloice]

IVF is not only expensive but a very painful experience. Kudos to the determination these ladies have.

 

[miloice]

 

[simpleman]

milo,

how come u have so many blank entries? 1 here and 1 in another thread

 

[miloice]

dunno why the double entries.

 

[powder]

double-penetration

 

[lynette_ling]

Consider having kids to bring some sparks into the marriage. Kids will bring couples closer as they learn to look after babies. If not, try to do things like learning golf together or drive to msia for short getaway, rather than staying at home and face each other.

 

[miloice]

it should be "Kids CAN bring couples closer as they learn to look after babies" and also drive them apart.

Don't kid yourself that its some kind of magic. If both you and spouse are keen, commitment and passionate about having kids, then it would probably be positive. Else, it can very likely drive him away. And many ladies transform totally by their maternity role, it is not uncommon for the guy to be jealous and upset with the attention their wives give the children.

Have kids for the right reasons. Don't be naive to think children WILL bring couples closer generically for everyone.

 

[baggyeyes]

Lynette,

Kids don't neccessary bring couple closer....it may drift them further apart...

It's the couple's mentality of marriage that would bind them together. Love, responsibility and commitment are the ones......

 

[pink_sapphire]

try reliving the moments u had when u guys were dating .. arrange for days to go out like last time, dolling up and preparing, giving each other compliments etc

 

[the_giving_tree]

I'm married for 16 years without kids; not that we don't want to but we also have difficulty conceiving. Our adoption plan did not go smoothly; waited more than 2 years for a child in China only to be told that there is a sudden influx of adoption and not enough babies! We didn't want to go to any private adoption agencies for fear of baby trafficking. We are already in our 40s now and have come to accept we will be childless till 'death do us part".

It helps we have a lot of common interests: swimming, running, hiking, white water rafting, watching movies. I also know most of my hubby's friends and colleagues, so when they have a gathering, I usually join in as well.

Now, we are toying with the idea of joining MCYS foster parent scheme. But we would need to iron out two big issues first: my working arrangement and my mother-in-law who lives with us. We do not know how she will take to it because my MIL is basically quite a self-centred person. She may also have to "share" her bedroom with the foster child since our only spare room has been converted into a study room with fixed bookshelves and work desks. As it is, I don't have a good relationship with my MIL so having a foster child in the family is going to complicate matters.

So, back to the question. I think it will help if both partners have common interests and VALUES in life.

 

[zenteno]

"To me without kid don seem to be a complete family" hmm, only happy family exist

Anyone watch Marley and Me??

 

[tan33a]

i did~ i watched marley & me. love to it!

 

[zenteno]

me too!! really touching..
jjlife, did u watch??

 

[tan33a]

jjlife, you should watch marley & me. yeahh, it's really touchinggg~ i cried at the part where the kids were kissing Marley goodbye when their daddy were about to take Marley to the doctor.. so sadd~~ lol.

 

[pink_sapphire]

marley and me ? is it aired on channel 5 ? if yes wat time , me wanna catch some touching family show too

 

[tan33a]

lol~ not channel 5.. check out GV..

 

[pink_sapphire]

lol - oic thanks tania

 

[tan33a]

lol. no worries pink.

 

[zenteno]

pink, looks like u nv check out movies for a long time.. hehehe

 

[tan33a]

there.. 1 way to maintain sparks in marriage.. check out the cinemas often! lol.. me n hubby go to the movies like twice a week.. hehe..

 

[granola]

Go get a marley to spice up your marriage. It's less hassle than a kid and equally fulfilling as a master.

 

[onegoal]

I thinkk ur house downstair have some stray cats and dogs.
Go bring them home and take care of them.
Life will be more wonderful. It's also a good deed.

 

[pink_sapphire]

Ling (zenteno)
ya ever since i gotton married life has been revolving around housework and work still trying settle down with marriage live

 

[zenteno]

did your husband offer to help??

 

[zolyn]

sparks in marriage?? Kids only plays a small role.
Most important, you must know how to create atmosphere between couples.. Sometime, my hubby and me too used to each others. We go to work togather, and knock off togather...
If either one not able to go to work, we will feel empty to go to work alone...