How to love yourself?

[nichie]

I think we should give jenny a break! We should not emphasize too much on the process and the reasons why she decided to marry her hubby, the most important thing is that she did not use any under hand tactics, her hubby love her and she has a happy marriage now. As long as her hubby love her and she is willing to make the effort to love him after marriage, its perfectly alright to go for a man that can provide you with a good life although there may no love in between. By saying no love in between doesn’t means there are no feeling for the other party, we can like a person and enjoy his company but there is no love involve, however, love is possible to grow among them under such situation and make a wonderful marriage. In matter of fact, what is love? I doubt many people understand its true meaning and feeling, a lot misunderstood like or affection as love….anyway…how many people married entirely because of love?

I don’t find it strange for jenny to call her ex after 5 years because everyone has their different ways of coming to terms with their mistake and closure. If by calling her ex and apologising is her way to bring a closure to her guilt and regret, why not? I think its completely normal that we cant get over a man that we loved for so many years before and erase him completely from our memory, he will always in our heart, however, important thing is that is this considered a betrayal to our partner? I don’t think so, this is not love, everyone has a past and previous relationships, we don’t have to delete it completely once we are married right? In jenny case, her loneliness and lost feeling is mainly due to her mom and her emotional outburst after the call probably due to the confluence of all feelings at the same time.

Why should we view materialistic so negatively? Aren’t all of us materialistic? Aren’t all of us want to provide a better life for ourselves and families?

 

[miloice]

i think the point isn't about materialistic. She can give up a relationship for whatever reason. But, why so sad when the ex is marrying?? Don't we want the best for the one we love? It really reflects how selfless or possessive one's views of love. If she is feeling so guilty all the long for letting go then all the more she should want him to finally find happiness knowing that she cannot provide him that happiness. Its not love but possessiveness that is causing the emotions here.

 

[texasholdem]

$$ is the root of all evil. pple are materialistic afterall. they dun even know wat is true love

 

[powder]

money is Never the root of all evil... this is made up by humans who dun blame themselves nor other humans...

it is the human's love or greed which is the root... not money itself.

in any case, i dun think the women here chose for money... it is more than that, and the decision was made at a time where the priorities are different.

 

[ajumma]

If your mum accepts your marriage and gets along well with your husband, will you be happy?

 

[infojunkie]

"I don’t find it strange for jenny to call her ex after 5 years because everyone has their different ways of coming to terms with their mistake and closure."

that's not closure. that's just an excuse jenny created for herself... to "forgive" herself for the mistake she made...

listen to this and u'll know why it's not RIGHT and useless to call him: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xezqz_phil-collins-separate-lives

You called me from the room in your hotel
All full of romance
For someone that you met
Telling me how sorry you were
Leaving so soon
And that you miss me sometimes
When you're alone in your room
Do I feel lonely too?

<font color="ff0000">You have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind
I can't go on holding onto ties
Now that we're living separate lives</font>

I held on to let you go
And if you lost your love for me
You never let it show
There was no way to compromise
So now we're living separate lives

Oh, it's so typical
Love leads to isolation
So you build that wall
Yes, you build that wall
And you make it stronger

You have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind
Someday I might
Find myself looking in your eyes
But for now we'll go on living
Separate lives

Yes, for now we'll go on living
Separate lives

 

[powder]

love that song...

 

[sundownprince]

i agree with outcast! and i seriously don't think that money alone can be the main motivating factor for their marriage. she mentioned that he is older - maturity, stability, gentlemanliness, good father figure?
as opposed to a guy her age whom she had chemistry with but maybe she could relate better with? don't let that phone call affect you! don't live in regret! things are good now so treasure them. no point dwelling on what ifs!

 

[nichie]

A lot of times we know that saying sorry will not change anything or even useless but we still have to say it personally to that person to admit a mistake have been made. Yes, it might not does any good to that person and its a way to forgive ourselves but forgiveness itself is a form of closure.

Its not easy and take courage for a girl to call up her ex to admit her mistake and apologise, she might kena scolding or insulted by the guy but she still take the courage to do it. However, her ex don't seem to have accepted her apology by hunging up the phone although 5 years have past. I don't know how deep was their love then but the hurt on the guy and the guilt on the girl must be deep that the girl still felt the guilt while the guy is still unable to forgive after so many years.

Listening to the song, I ask myself what would I do if I am her...probably I will not make the call and let bygone be bygone..but will you forgive her if you are the guy...out of the blue receiving her call..will you be overwhelm with anger and start hauling insult at her or be sarcastic...may be we really have no right to ask a guy how he feel after we have hurt him so deeply while we are blissfully married with loving hubby and kid...

 

[infojunkie]

it's obvious she's living in regret now...

anyway, we tell her to move on and DON'T look back. DON'T go disturb her ex. just carry on with her own live.

she should put MORE focus on the man who is the father of her son...

forget the ex.

and yes, it's a great song

very painful...

very real...

 

[infojunkie]

"may be we really have no right..."

no maybe...

we REALLY hv no right.

 

[nichie]

come on lah...there bound to have guy which is magnanimous enough to forgive his ex lah...so you sure scold her when she call lah...

 

[infojunkie]

it's a bitter break-up, dun u think?

without a word, i will hang up the phone

 

[nichie]

By hanging up the phone show that you are still hurt by that incident....wouldnt it better for guy to show that...hey...I am ok....no problem...without you so what....I still enjoy my life...hem...er..more manly this way mah...i always thought that guy get over such thing easily....

 

[infojunkie]

i'm very honest with my feelings...

 

[infojunkie]

btw, i'm not a guy

 

[nichie]

huh!?...really?....you are a lady?...not bluffing?.....you like to eat junk food?

 

[infojunkie]

i hate junk food.

 

[nichie]

Then why call yourself junkie? like to collect junk at home?

 

[infojunkie]

u're so funny...

 

[nichie]

keke...anyway...nice to meet you, sister junkie...

 

[infojunkie]

 

[whitelv]

i guess to some girls, financial stability is priority and safe. well, jenny since you've made a choice and already have a kid, if life is blissful for you then don't look back and make things complicated. maybe what you're feeling is selfishness....someone else possessing what could have been yours....as others said the "what ifs".

for me, it's not so much the financial stability cos i hv my own independent job and spend my own money so i totally don't rely on hb. it's just the bond that we have thats really hard to let go. it's been more than 10 yrs together and we're so used to each others lifestyle/companionship. my fear is of letting go and starting all over again. and the fear of regret. i know these are not right reasons to stay in a marriage either. sighz....just need to FEEL it and BELIEVE in a decision.

 

[powder]

i've always had this thought tat the main reasons why pple get married... is seldom perfect... especially at a pretty young age... it has been my honest chats with frens which made me realise that it was the hdb; dream wedding; escaping from home; money; unplanned pregnancy that hold as much percentage as the true-love occurance.

whilst there's no absolute wrongs or right, the least we can do is to at least be honest to ourselves...

i dun find either to be wrong, but perhaps more effort could have been put to get into a stronger position to make a better decision.

as for the phonecall, or whether one is forgiven... i think it's irrelevant. if i had dumped my true love for something which i felt was a better option, then i have to live with the likely regrets, and i won't want forgiveness... why should i? just to feel better? and even if i had gotten forgiveness, what impact would it have? would i really feel better?

what's impt is what we do Now, Today, to make the decisions we made yesterday - the Right decision.

instead of spending time thinking of the wrongs, i think it makes more sense to stengthen the Rights. honestly, what right have we to expect and ask for our indiscretions?

if we chase that, it simply shows that we remain as selfish and self-centred as we were, when we made those decisions... we still wanna chase something to fulfill our own needs to feel good abt ourselves.

 

[miloice]

Outcast, we do not need others forgiveness for closure. The idea of apology to get personal closure should be done only when we know it isn't opening a can of worms for the ex. After all the selfish reasons and decisions, for once, spare the thought for others. This is how I see it.

We find our own peace and not rely on others to give us the blessings.