How to love yourself?

whitelv

New Member
I've been struggling with how to love myself, how not to be afraid of being alone, how to be comfortable in unfamiliar territory. I am exactly like Julia Roberts in Eat Pray Love and have ended up in a troubled marriage although i hv the "perfect" husband who is well-to-do, understanding and loves me v much, a very nice house (belonging to the hb), a stable job. But I still feel discontented with being married to him. I am guilty of jumping from one r/s to another and still not being able to be satisfied. Over the past year, i've been trying to build a more independant life, catching up with friends, trying new activities. I feel much better, however I still fear loneliness.

Anybody encountering the same problem? can share your story or anybody managed to free yourself? How did you do it?

How would you know when you have succeeded? What else can I do?

Appreciate some constructive comments & discussion pls, Thanks!
 


infojunkie

Active Member
"however I still fear loneliness"

now whose company u still want and fear losing?

u hv a gd life. everything is perfect... it's just that u dun feel this is for u. u feel there r better things out there.

well, try losing everything... in order to get what u want, u must give up what u dun want. happiness needs to be earned
happy.gif


BUT, be careful...

u may lose something u think u never had only to realise u had... after u've lost it.

"What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value." ~ Thomas Paine
 

powder

Active Member
one of the things i realised at an early stage living in spore... is that a large majority move in life at a pace and proven formula that dates back at least 1 generation. it's a 10yr-series of sorts in getting things right without wasting unnecessary steps...

but life is abt getting things wrong First and learning from those mistakes, the value of knowing First, what we want. it's also abt walking on a few wrong paths, making some unnecessary moves to come to a point of Realization. cos only with Realization do u truly understand and see beyond what u're Expected to see, and see what u Truly see.

your academics, your job n career path, your possessions, your home, your spouse, your achievements... are they even what u wanted? or do u possess them by following what the crowd did?

what good is a home if it functions as a house? what good is a 5k pay if u dun enjoy your chosen career? what good is your degree if u can't optimise it to even match those without academics? what good is a husband if u dun love him nor feel strongly abt Your CHoice? was he even Your Choice or was he the Right Choice by popular definition? u can make a choice to marry the right guy, but that does not mean u married the guy of Your choice.

how can we ever be alone if we are never alone? how we can never be alone... is to empower ourselves with frens and pple who will not leave us alone, who will always find time to call us and have coffee with us...and for them to wanna do that, they have to like and be attracted to us as a person... money can be a factor but that runs out eventually and u'll still be empty.

it is good to explore existentialism from time to time... i do that at least once a week... it helps u take stock of ypu life, be honest with yourself, and it is vital to finding yourself and your place in this world.

who we are is not defined by others, but by ourselves First... end of the day we are First accountable to ourselves and our conscience. only We know if we are living a fruitful life or one where we're just play-acting to please those around us.

if u know u will die with regrets if that haopens now... then u know that there's something lacking. write them down and address them... dun avoid them.

Life ends whether we want it or not... life and death are certainties within an uncertain timeline, it is not what u do with your life but what u do today... that Makes your life.

start Loving yourself, start being honest with yourself, start putting aside the expectations of society and living life your way... dun be distracted by things that bear no weight inyour life.
 

wishinggirl

New Member
I am married to my hubby from a well to do family for about 5 years and have a boy now. I would say my life is very comfortable and I have a very loving hubby who is a family orientated man and love the boy very much. I don’t have the usual worry about money others have and live the life of a tai-tai. I should be very contented and happy to live in a life of abundance and bliss, however, like the TS, I have this sense of loneliness and regret sometime.

Before I knew my current hubby, I have a bf. We knew each other since our JC time and always think that we will be marrying each other eventually. We love each other and have many happy times together. I met my hubby during the course of my work and he was one of my clients. I don’t have any special feeling for him initially but we have a lot of opportunity to see other due to my work. I got to know quite a few wealthy and successful men during the course of my work and I was attracted to their lavish lifestyle. I came from a broken family which was mired in financial woes when young. My parent parted due to my father was heavy in debt due to gambling and without a stable job. From young, I understand the importance of money. I study hard and choose Finance although my interest is in science because it can get me to those lucrative jobs that pay well. Slowly, I accepted my hubby’s date and his proposal after one year. I broke-off with my bf once I started to accept my hubby’s date and he was heart-broken. He doesn’t understand why I don’t love him anymore out of a sudden. From our common friends, he was very down and depressed when he knew I am getting married.

My PIL treat me well and love their grandson very much but not my family. My mother refuse to attend my church wedding due to religious reason and due to her education, she is unable to communicate with my PIL and relatives. She only talked to my brother the whole night during the wedding dinner and was obviously not very happy as they are some praying and hymn singing. She also felt that my PIL did not follow some of the traditions she wanted and my PIL was deciding on many of the things. She only sees my PIL once which is during the wedding dinner and never in contact with them for the past 5 years. She is not happy that I have converted and worst when she knew her grandson too. Hubby and I tried to visit her often but the atmosphere is always very weird as we don’t have much to talk. So we visit her less often now. Our relationships don’t seem to be as close as before.

Last year, I got the news that my ex-bf is getting married. I felt a sense of lost and sadness, I don’t understand why I am having this feeling but I thought a lot of our pasts. I called him to congrats him and he don’t recognised my voice anymore. There was a very long pause and the feeling I have for him came back to me, its an overwhelming emotion, I was crying when I put down the phone. No doubt, my ex is the one I loved then but I believe with time, I will able to grow this feeling with my hubby. All along I thought I have done it, not until I called my ex-bf, I knew I have yet to get over him and in my heart, he will always be my regret.

Sorry TS, I cannot provide any solution for you but your story resonate with my situation and feeling.
 

powder

Active Member
thing is, we can Learn from the sharing... honestly if u could go back... i would think 1 thing u could have done harder - is to make more of your own money and build a stronger career such that your decision would gain more independence from external factors... tho i often talk abt the importance of finances when looking at marriage... i would expect BOTH, and not just the guy to provide it.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
humans are greedy. we always crave for what we don't have but take what we have for granted. You gave up your ex and didn't value what you had to pursue for what you didn't have. Now, its the same again. Its a vicious cycle. You are never at peace with yourself.

The answers have to come from within and not seeking from others or external. Our needs and wants will always be unlimited. We will never be happy if we rely on these to fulfill us.
 

powder

Active Member
it does suck when u are not in a position to choose what u want, and end up having to choose what is best... what we want and what is best is not the same, especially relating to pple and relationships... but that's life i guess...

so honestly, if there's a few impt lessons to pass on to younger frens and our children... it is the power of making choices, and the regrets that come along with those not made in the best of conditions...
 

cuclainne

New Member
personally i find it a bit selfish.

like in the example of jenny, she had spent 5 years being a wife and mother to some guy she married for money .. during the time between accepting his first date, breaking up with her ex and then marrying her husband, has she ever thought of her ex and his feelings? how come only have feelings of loss and sadness once the ex is getting married and not before?

like milo said, humans are greedy.
 

opalstar

New Member
Sometimes it is not real regret.. But e thought of "what if"... It is these "what if" that makes one unhappy..

Just remember, jenny could not have known if life would have been blissful if she had remained with her ex-bf but she can be 100% sure that her current husband love her and they have a relatively blissful life.

Nothing wrong with having financial stability as a factor for marriage..just dun keep looking back
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
if one is upset over what ifs.... any individual will never be happy. The permutation is infinite.

To put it crudely,,,, itchy backside.
 

cuclainne

New Member
Just remember, jenny could not have known if life would have been blissful if she had remained with her ex-bf but she can be 100% sure that her current husband love her and they have a relatively blissful life.

opal, i don't disagree with you that there is nothing wrong with having financial stability as a factor for marriage but you can't equate blissful life = money. sure it helps but there's more to it!

sure she can be 100% sure that her husband loves her now but she was also sure that her ex loved her back then too - always think that we will be marrying each other eventually.

based on that, why wouldn't life be blissful for her if she had remained with her ex? Is it because it's based on $$$ again?
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
cuclainne, humans are possessive. Even if they don't want it, they cannot tahan someone else having it. Definitely selfish. Let's be honest with ourselves.
 

nichie

Member
How would a girl choose when she confronted with 2 choices:

1) a salaried man who she loved but have to be contented to live in HDB, take public transport etc constantly felt frustrated with insufficient money for babies, car, condo, working the rest of your life to pay up the mortgage etc…both parties have to work to earn enough….

2)a rich man who loved her, no worries about money, have few properties, tai-tai lifestyle, a few trips abroad every year etc

Seriously, from a reasonable man POV, I guess most will choose the later because the pull factor is too strong to resist especially in such current situation where property and car prices are going crazy and its so expensive to live in Singapore. I guess in Jenny’s case, there is no right or wrong, it’s the basic instinct of human to choose the best capable partner inorder to provide a better life for their offspring and herself. Anyway, is it wrong to choose a guy who love you and part your decision is based on his financial status? Come on, I think financial stability is a major factor influencing a girl’s decision nowadays when choosing their partner.
 

ajumma

New Member
Regrets are there when you make choices that are against your own feelings and interests. Someone told you to choose something else, or you felt that practical concerns were more important than love...

The problem with some people is that they are too afraid of making mistakes. Fear is what drives their choices. But fear is a very negative emotion. What do you think can be the result of a choice made based on a negative emotion?

More often than not, you will end up with a negative result.

As compared to if you had chosen someone or something based on true love, or based on true interest, the path ahead may be tough, but ultimately, you will be rewarded with something positive because you already felt positive about the person or thing from the start.

To wishinggirl, what's done cannot be undone. You can start living more positively now while you still have time.
 

cuclainne

New Member
outcast, no one is saying that it's wrong but for her to make a decision (for reasons known) and then saying that oh she still misses her ex etc is a bit bull lor.

She made decision, very happy for 5 years and just because she find out he is getting married, then start feeling sad. For what?
 

oneder

New Member
It is a weird thing that people feels empty despite claiming that they have a rather blissful life now. It is not the face value of present situation that they are not happy about. It is the question on the 1000 'what ifs' that makes them so unhappy. If there is a time travel machine that lets you travel back to 10 years ago. You would have used 1000 x 10 years to find your happiness and still feels that 'something' is missing because there are bound certain areas or situations that you feel that you didn't do it right. No one can be happy if one is living in resentment of the past because you have no power to change it now.

Look at the present now. It would be easier to just search for that one way or situation in the future to make yourself happy.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
personally, I would be happy for my ex to know she is happily married. The unhappiness is definitely not for the interest of anyone else.

Memories etc, yes, normal. But, this is beyond just memories here.
 

cuclainne

New Member
exactly - despite marrying a man with money, having blissful life, etc the bottomline is that she's still unhappy .. so then marrying for financial stability is not so worth it then since one is still wallowing in misery.
 

nichie

Member
Hi, cuclainne

I don’t think she is feeling sad suddenly when she heard about his ex-bf getting married but I guess she has suppress or buried this feeling very deep inside her and this news only trigger the opening of the floodgate…I believe she has once truly love her ex and the crying is just an expression of her true feeling which she has tried to ignore for so long. Yes, it serve no purpose now but crying your heart out is one way to relieve yourself from the stress and regret.

Yes, its only an assumption but the first scenario cover almost 70% of Singaporean lei….median income of Singapore household is only $5000+….definitely money not enough…
happy.gif
 

cuclainne

New Member
bet she didn't feel regret for the 5 years past ..

well most people are content with HDB and there's nothing wrong with that. anyways does your 70% also cover the HDB owners who own their flats already (fully paid) or the ones who are renting their HDBs while living in private homes?

money no enough is what you say but for some, it's more than enough .. like that, even people earning in excesses of S$15K per month can also say money no enough - it's how they choose to spend/save it.
 

opalstar

New Member
Cuclainne, I am not equating money with blissful marriage life.I am saying it is an impt factor to a marriage.

What I am trying to say is that she didn't know if life with ex will b better than now.who is to say he won't turn into an abuser? Or have diff goals in life or betray her? She couldn't have forseen it neither could u..

Financial stability is important in marriage n life. It is e foundation to marriage. How many families you know feel happy, loving to be eating bread, scrimping on necessities, unable to provide the best for the family? Another qn, how many loving families broke up cos of lack of financial stability?

Love conquer all is good for drama and all but not applicable in real life when u have to slave for your next meal. Is it necessary equivalent to greed.. not in my opinon..

Beside, is jenny really still in love with her ex or simply loving/regretting those moments that she once shared with him? Is like breaking up with an ex, u will from time to time think about those moments u have, I am sure he will occupied a place in ur heart.. But is it love?


Everyone have down and up moments. Sometimes we feel lonely even in e biggest crowd ..should one equal that to wrong choice or just a lousy mood? None of you seem to consider her mom relationship w e pil could have been a contributing factor to her sense of oss..
 

cuclainne

New Member
opal, it works both ways .. if her ex could turn an abuser, then so could her husband. just because he is rich does not excuse him from the behaviour. thing is, we all take risks when we make decisions - bad or good, there are always outcomes. good for her that her husband turned out to be a good man, based on what she wrote.

like i mentioned earlier, i don't disagree that financial stability plays a factor in marriage or relationship - heck, on the weekend, there was even an article about a woman posting an online add for friendship but only men earning $4K above can apply. money sure can talk! just as there are families breaking up from lack of money, does not mean that those with money are exempt from that. there are also families that have broken up despite them 'swimming' in money.

i didn't say jenny is in love with her ex leh .. like what milo said, yes we treasured the memories but we sure ain't going to be crying over it. was it because it was ok for her to move on but not for him to do so? some people are like that.

if you realise, her family's background differs from her husband's family .. due to the disparity, there are bound to be ill-feelings but in such situations, perhaps it could have been dealt with better.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
I do not disagree that financial stability is an important to a marriage, but it should not be provided by only one party - the man. Women should also strive financially to expand our choice in life. When you can look after yourself and family financially, you can choose any man or even choose not to be with any man.

I do believe that instinctively, women whether or not they enjoy personal career or financial success, will look for financially stable men. But the successful ones do not have to look first or only at the financial aspect of the men. Such freedom of choice is priceless.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
For Peas's situation, my guess is that since everyone thinks that she has or should have a blissful marriage and is happy, looking at how well-to-do and loving or understanding her husband is, she can't bring herself to even tell anyone the true state of her mind. She is living her life in a way that is expected of her.
 

powder

Active Member
i dun think it's gonna be 2 extremes of living either Rich, or Poor. more of Rich or Above-Average... between the 2, we all have our reasonings... but i guess what's most impt is that we can Work for our own money at an early age and build enough such that we won't be compelled into decisions by the need or lack of Money.

anyway, earn your own keep... i have no idea who gave anyone the idea that u cannot earn your own money and need to find someone to supply it to u by virtue of marriage.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
I know of a lady who chose to marry her career-successful husband three years ago and now lives in comfort, but is very much discontented with life as he cannot satisfy her for some non-monetary reasons. She is now considering a divorce. At least she has the guts to face her problem and is trying to resolve it.
 

opalstar

New Member
Best financial stability = earning own keep

but chosing financial stability as a factor for marriage is not equivalent to greedy/materialistic woman.

i am not going to argue that financial stability is the ONLY factor but it is a key point.

My point is to just leave with what you have.. Once chosen, do NOT look back. then only we can be a little more happy
 

cuclainne

New Member
no one is saying she is greedy for marrying for money ... rather she is greedy for wanting something that is already not hers ..
 

infojunkie

Active Member
nah, not wanting. she's just mourning...

u won't know the true value of things until u're deprived of them...

and they r either priceless or worthless...

anyway, what's impt is to learn ur lesson and not letting what u're hving slip thru ur fingers once again.

u dun wanna be left with nothing...
 

powder

Active Member
" i've never been to me.... "

one of those songs tat brings u to a higher stage of self exploration... unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, it is not a natural habit to question ourselves as often as we should... to talk to ourselves as much as we should...
 

wishinggirl

New Member
Reading some of your comments remind me of my mom, she too thought that her daughter is ‘greedy, materialistic and hardhearted’. I understand till now she is still unable to forgive me for getting into this marriage. I have known my ex for many years before I met my hubby and during the years together, my ex used to come to my house often. He is a down to earth guy with special ability to connect with old people. May be he has been living with his grandparents since young, he has a special affection and empathy towards older people and able to relate to them very well. More so, he spoke the same dialect as my mom and will helps my mom to do some house chores when he is around or buy her favourite foods, they got along very well and my mom likes him very much. When I broke out with my ex, I broke 2 person hearts and I have to face my mom’s rap almost everyday initially. She don’t understand why I choose to broke off with such a nice guy, her favourite designated SIL. I know she don’t like my hubby because he don’t speak her dialect and not very conversant in mandarin too but I know he tried. However, my mom already have the preconceive negative opinion of me which she extend it to my hubby which make it very difficult to build up the relationship. I accepted my hubby proposal after one year of knowing him and decided to marry young is also partly due to my mom. When she knew about my hubby’s family background, she started to accuse me of materialistic, dumping my ex for riches. If its others who said that I am alright but she is my mom! I am very disappointed and angry, I want her to stop nagging and to get myself out of the house to reduce friction.

Things get worse when we are preparing for marriage. As she is not agreeable to it, she don’t want to get involve or give any opinions however when things are not done following her tradition, she will kick up a big fuss. During the church wedding, I think I am the loneliest bride, only my brother and friends attended, how I wish she can be there to bless my marriage. She didn’t want anything from my hubby such as pin-jin or number of tables, not a single cents. I don’t really understand her, when we asked her she don’t want to give any comments but she is not happy that my PIL is making most of the decision and don’t respect her. She told me straight that if its my ex, he will not do this and that. She never visited our house and takes our car; she would rather go by foot or public transport. My mom is a very stubborn lady and she work as a tea lady in some office. When I told her that I can give her monthly allowance so that she don’t have to work so hard but she give me a black face and said she don’t want their money and she refuse to accept any money from me although I am still working and that’s my money. When we suggested her to move in with us, she refused, when we suggested that to buy a bigger flat for her, she refused, when we suggested renovating her flat, she refused. I can only pass some money to my brother who is still in U to help her and my brother’s expenses. Due to this, she is not very close to my boy and make thing worst, due to language barrier, my boy prefer his grand mom than my mom and dislikes going to her house, he felt it very small and not fun. Whatever I done, I hope to give my mom a comfortable life because I understand how hard life is for her to bring us up but in the end, she don’t appreciate what I have done for her, I don’t have her understanding, she don’t accept my marriage, I have lost her, such irony!

Some mentioned woman should have the ability to earn their own money and not rely on the man. I agreed and I believe even without my hubby, with my ability, I am still able to give my family a relatively comfortable live. I am still working after my marriage and stopped only I give birth to my boy 4 years ago. My hubby would prefer me to stay at home to take care of the kid although we have maid and our PIL live just a few houses down the road. Is marrying a well to do man considered as greedy and materialistic? Does it means the girl is dependent on the guy and should be frown on? Is a girl from an average or poor family should not even thinking of marrying a rich man, if she does, she is greedy and materialistic, she should know her position in the society and be condemned? I am just marrying a man that loved me and able to provide me with a good life, am I wrong?

Deep inside my heart, I will always have a sense guilt and regret towards my ex, I will never forget the expression on his face when I told him I don’t love him anymore and I have another man. I knew I had hurt him deeply. He doesn’t understand and doesn’t have a clue but he beg me not to leave him but I told him straight that we are over. I am surprised with myself too when I think back, why I am able to do such thing in such a cold-blooded manner, I don’t know but what I was thinking then was that there is man that loved me and able to give a good life to me and my family, I want the shortest possible way. Yes, it’s a gamble, things might turn the other way round but I am willing to take the bet. I cried after spoken to him on the phone because of the sudden flash back of past memories, the guy I once loved, how I have hurt him, my mom and family, I felt a sudden loneliness and lost, I felt that I am losing one by one some of the close person that have once accompanied me in my life. I felt a sense of lost because I felt that things are not going the way I planned and although I have more resources now but my relationship with my mom is getting worst and her life has not improve. I seldom think about the ‘what if’ scenario because firstly I not that kind of person, secondly, whenever I felt that I am falling into that trap, I will hold on to my boy and understand that there will never be a ‘what if’ and there are no turning back………
 

matka

Member
I am just marrying a man that loved me and able to provide me with a good life, am I wrong?

Jenny, the ultimate question is: Do you love your husband, or is it his money that you love?

Granted that your ex may have suffered then, but I think in a way that it is a blessing for him that you broke up with him and today he has found happiness. I do think that the person I really feel sad for is your husband. He may have your physical person, but up till now, it seems that he thinks that he has your love.
 

mum_of_2_girls

New Member
Hi ladies,

For me I didn't take the easy way out.

Hubby : Just out of school, salaried worker earned $2500, poor family, had to support parents and take care of sister and nephews, everything in the house paid by him.

Suitor : Just out of school, self employed earned $$$$ due to Rich daddy, drove sport car, had a few properties in S'pore and overseas.

Both are good men of decent character. I went on dates with both of them and chose my hubby.

Because the feeling I have for my hubby will be able to last through the ups and downs of the path we are going to take together. And he feels the same way too.

Solution:

Properties were at the peak then. We waited till recession to buy our 1st house. We had our wedding dinner in a restaurant. We bought a cheena bridal package with lots of freebies thrown in. Delayed our honeymoon for a year.

Do I regret choosing to live in poorer situation? Of course not, because I can be with "THE ONE".

Ladies, NEVER let $$$$ factor interfer you from choosing "THE ONE".
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
"I am just marrying a man that loved me and able to provide me with a good life, am I wrong?"

No one said you are wrong. But do you feel right yourself?
 

opalstar

New Member
Yah, i agreed with junkie, it is more of a sense of loss of innocence..

However, mourning the past relationship does not mean she doesn't love her husband.

again, there is nothing wrong with marrying a man that love you and able to provide u with a good life so long as it is what you want.and. provided that you reciporcrate in return. From reading your posts, I cannot imagine you as a person who will marry without a sense of affection to your current husband.

What you want out of a marriage is individual choices/factors. Some place "love" as the one and only choice, other take into consideration, family acceptance, background, education and yes, money.. We have different priority in life, nothing wrong with that..

My personal factor could have been love (weightage 10X) and finance stability (8X)..

Guy A , I can give 8pt for love and 5pts for stability. Guy B maybe6 pts for love and 9 pts for stabaiilty.. If I am marrying, i will marry guy B (9*8 +10*7 =126) instead of A (80+40= 120).. so it means, I am materialistic? or simply guy B meets my needs in a marriage more?


I am sorry about the way your relationship with your mom has gone. Like you, she is probably suferring from a sense of loss.She may feel that she is of different social status with your PIL. Just hang out with her more, maybe by yourself first then only with the rest of your family.. let her slowly get used to it...Buy her small stuff of what she like, maybe some food, and say that you remember when you were younger, she like this and that..
 

mum_of_2_girls

New Member
Hi Jenny,

Of it's not wrong to marry a rich man. If not, all the rich men have no wives.

It's a matter whether he is "THE ONE" for you.
If he is, you won't be crying over your EX.

If he is, your mum will not be suffering because
as a mother she subconciously know that her daughter loves her EX the most and chose to marry the other because of the situation at her home.
 

mum_of_2_girls

New Member
Hi Opal,

I will choose Guy A because LOVE is more important.

Money can always be earned. There is too much money in this world for you to earn. It's a matter of whether you go all out to turn dreams to reality.
 

opalstar

New Member
Hi Albee, that's your choice but need not be others' choice. However, I can love two guys simultaneously but to varying degree. So, it become a case of the other factors in life that matters to me that will become the deciding factor.

There are other thing in life other than love, character, outlook in life, sexual compatability, or stabiity in a guy (wen zhong) and family's approval. If I had cite any of these, one may not be berated for chosing another guy.. but because I choosen Financial stability, it makes one greedy?

On a side note jenny thank you for sharing with us, I appreciate it and hope that your relationship with your mom will get better.
 

wishinggirl

New Member
When I decided to accept my hubby proposal, I felt it’s the right thing to do because that is what I wanted. I like him then because he gives me a sense of security I badly needed and I know he love me very much. He is a sanctuary for me to escape all the unhappiness and frustration that I encountered at home. Its not love at first sight and we are married after one year we knew each other but then I believe my love for him will grow after we are married. Fast forward to present, I would say I love him more than anything else in this world. He really treats me very well and always be there for me when I needed him. Although he knows my mom doesn’t really like him but yet whenever I wanted to go home, he will volunteer to accompany me. He tried not to interfere in matter between my mom and me but he is supportive of whatever suggestion to make my mom happy. For my ex, may be its not love anymore but compunction that I have hurt a guy badly who once loves me dearly. I am happy that he finally found his the other half and I wish him well…..I apologised to him the very first time in the phone when I called to congrats him….he hung up with out saying anything….
 

infojunkie

Active Member
"he hung up with out saying anything"

cos there's nothing left to say... doesn't matter anymore and makes no difference...
 

matka

Member
Jenny, it appears that you are very confused about where you stand. On one hand, you're regretting the loss of your ex-boyfriend. On the other, you say your husband is your sanctuary, yet this very sanctuary makes you feel lonely. Or maybe we're all confused by your accounts.

I hope that you look forward from here and work on what you have already established. You may be feeling a sense of remorse as to how you treated your ex-boyfriend, we all have such regrets of hurting people we once cared about. Now that you have apologised, I suppose you've already done whatever you can. It's his prerogative whether he accepts your apology or not.

As for your mother, I hope that you can continue to mend this relationship that you have with her. All the best.
 

lovingyou

New Member
jenny: it jus kinda of left me wondering and feeling confused which is which... You mentioned that you love your HB very much, more than anything but yet at the same time you mentioned that you can't forget and get over your ex?

Only you have the real answer to have you truly let go of it? How should you convince your mum when you know that you marry your HB for riches and monies in the starting? Ur Mum may be biased, may be prejudice, but I believe she does understand and know her daughter to a certain extent?
 

worrywart

New Member
I wonder how to love myself, forget past regrets and remorse and be more confident too. I keep thinking about past regrets. And looking at successful, confident people, I feel inferior to them. How to walk out of these shadows from the past?
 

wat_are_dreamz

New Member
Its v sad to be in a 'happy marriage' n yet not feel whole. If one is certain about one's decision n is genuinely blissful n peaceful, then there is no reason for such threads. Is it true love n happiness or a kind of self-convincing love n calculated step into marriage?

I personally feel tat its v uncomfortable to call up ur ex to congrat him n apologize for a deep hurt u caused 5yrs ago. Wat's the purpose of the call? To allow urself to feel less guilty or to make ur ex confused n remember the past pain when he hears ur voice? Sometimes it is kinder to stay out when u decide to step out. Dun appear in the person's life again.

For me, i come from a broken family n i've been reminded many times from relatives n frens nva to step into a r/ship or marriage just to escape. Cos it will nva be worthwhile n eventually, it will only bring emptiness n pain. Marriage to me is for a lifetime n it is a v stressful decision. I will only take it up when my heart is 100% certain, my eyes are 100% open n my mind is 100% clear.
 


powder

Active Member
some pple stay in misery longer than they should, becos they are waiting for more audience, and more pple to empathise with them in that state of misery....


to move on, to. standup again without pple knowing u Did, is what makes u strong.
 

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