Reading some of your comments remind me of my mom, she too thought that her daughter is â€˜greedy, materialistic and hardheartedâ€™. I understand till now she is still unable to forgive me for getting into this marriage. I have known my ex for many years before I met my hubby and during the years together, my ex used to come to my house often. He is a down to earth guy with special ability to connect with old people. May be he has been living with his grandparents since young, he has a special affection and empathy towards older people and able to relate to them very well. More so, he spoke the same dialect as my mom and will helps my mom to do some house chores when he is around or buy her favourite foods, they got along very well and my mom likes him very much. When I broke out with my ex, I broke 2 person hearts and I have to face my momâ€™s rap almost everyday initially. She donâ€™t understand why I choose to broke off with such a nice guy, her favourite designated SIL. I know she donâ€™t like my hubby because he donâ€™t speak her dialect and not very conversant in mandarin too but I know he tried. However, my mom already have the preconceive negative opinion of me which she extend it to my hubby which make it very difficult to build up the relationship. I accepted my hubby proposal after one year of knowing him and decided to marry young is also partly due to my mom. When she knew about my hubbyâ€™s family background, she started to accuse me of materialistic, dumping my ex for riches. If its others who said that I am alright but she is my mom! I am very disappointed and angry, I want her to stop nagging and to get myself out of the house to reduce friction.
Things get worse when we are preparing for marriage. As she is not agreeable to it, she donâ€™t want to get involve or give any opinions however when things are not done following her tradition, she will kick up a big fuss. During the church wedding, I think I am the loneliest bride, only my brother and friends attended, how I wish she can be there to bless my marriage. She didnâ€™t want anything from my hubby such as pin-jin or number of tables, not a single cents. I donâ€™t really understand her, when we asked her she donâ€™t want to give any comments but she is not happy that my PIL is making most of the decision and donâ€™t respect her. She told me straight that if its my ex, he will not do this and that. She never visited our house and takes our car; she would rather go by foot or public transport. My mom is a very stubborn lady and she work as a tea lady in some office. When I told her that I can give her monthly allowance so that she donâ€™t have to work so hard but she give me a black face and said she donâ€™t want their money and she refuse to accept any money from me although I am still working and thatâ€™s my money. When we suggested her to move in with us, she refused, when we suggested that to buy a bigger flat for her, she refused, when we suggested renovating her flat, she refused. I can only pass some money to my brother who is still in U to help her and my brotherâ€™s expenses. Due to this, she is not very close to my boy and make thing worst, due to language barrier, my boy prefer his grand mom than my mom and dislikes going to her house, he felt it very small and not fun. Whatever I done, I hope to give my mom a comfortable life because I understand how hard life is for her to bring us up but in the end, she donâ€™t appreciate what I have done for her, I donâ€™t have her understanding, she donâ€™t accept my marriage, I have lost her, such irony!
Some mentioned woman should have the ability to earn their own money and not rely on the man. I agreed and I believe even without my hubby, with my ability, I am still able to give my family a relatively comfortable live. I am still working after my marriage and stopped only I give birth to my boy 4 years ago. My hubby would prefer me to stay at home to take care of the kid although we have maid and our PIL live just a few houses down the road. Is marrying a well to do man considered as greedy and materialistic? Does it means the girl is dependent on the guy and should be frown on? Is a girl from an average or poor family should not even thinking of marrying a rich man, if she does, she is greedy and materialistic, she should know her position in the society and be condemned? I am just marrying a man that loved me and able to provide me with a good life, am I wrong?
Deep inside my heart, I will always have a sense guilt and regret towards my ex, I will never forget the expression on his face when I told him I donâ€™t love him anymore and I have another man. I knew I had hurt him deeply. He doesnâ€™t understand and doesnâ€™t have a clue but he beg me not to leave him but I told him straight that we are over. I am surprised with myself too when I think back, why I am able to do such thing in such a cold-blooded manner, I donâ€™t know but what I was thinking then was that there is man that loved me and able to give a good life to me and my family, I want the shortest possible way. Yes, itâ€™s a gamble, things might turn the other way round but I am willing to take the bet. I cried after spoken to him on the phone because of the sudden flash back of past memories, the guy I once loved, how I have hurt him, my mom and family, I felt a sudden loneliness and lost, I felt that I am losing one by one some of the close person that have once accompanied me in my life. I felt a sense of lost because I felt that things are not going the way I planned and although I have more resources now but my relationship with my mom is getting worst and her life has not improve. I seldom think about the â€˜what ifâ€™ scenario because firstly I not that kind of person, secondly, whenever I felt that I am falling into that trap, I will hold on to my boy and understand that there will never be a â€˜what ifâ€™ and there are no turning backâ€¦â€¦â€¦