How to know your partner is the one that you want to marry to
- Thread starter cleo78
- Start date
i think u'll never know till u get there... i'm no risk taker but i'm choosing to enjoy the ride once i decide to get on board..
my FH is an ultra boring man...and me, like most girls, like surprises and 'tian yan mi yu'... so he's definitely not that kind of guy whom can 'coax a bird from the tree to come down..' but then again, he's got me hooked anyway..
but if unsure of that person, then delay marriage lor... no harm trying out for a while more till u're both ready to commit...
my FH is an ultra boring man...and me, like most girls, like surprises and 'tian yan mi yu'... so he's definitely not that kind of guy whom can 'coax a bird from the tree to come down..' but then again, he's got me hooked anyway..
but if unsure of that person, then delay marriage lor... no harm trying out for a while more till u're both ready to commit...
You don't have to go on a holiday to learn more about a person. That may be too "risky" and intimate (if you're not into pre-marital sex). Just from conversations you'll know if he is articulate or just a smooth talker. From shopping together, you'll know if he has good taste and is money-wise. From dining together, you'll know if he is well-mannered or uncouth. From meeting your parents, you'll know if he is considerate and respectful. Basicially, if you observe closely during your interactions, you can find out a lot about a person. Just like how do you know someone can be your friend for life... it's through doing things together, sharing activities, talking that you get to know someone better.
hi joanna,
thats gonna be really really tough... if you are setting up a new house, that will be even worse.. just on bills alone and house expenses can easily come up to a few hundred $$...anyway, its a feeling.. do you see visions of marrying this guy and have kids with him and get along with his family? if there is no vision, then maybe you all are not ready yet..
thats gonna be really really tough... if you are setting up a new house, that will be even worse.. just on bills alone and house expenses can easily come up to a few hundred $$...anyway, its a feeling.. do you see visions of marrying this guy and have kids with him and get along with his family? if there is no vision, then maybe you all are not ready yet..
Hi Joanna,
May I know why he cannot contribute to the household expenses?
My hubby also cannot contribute to the household income for the moment. It is ok with me because I have enough to pay for the expenses and set aside some decent savings. Well, I think a marriage is a commitment of a lifetime... so if husbands are having some problem with money, it should be fine to help them out. For the next 40 years in your life, there is bond to have more ups and downs, e.g. retrenchments etc... if you are worried about taking on this burden when he needs your help... then i suggest you to think twice about the marriage...not bcos he doesnt have the money now... but tht if you are really committed enough to take the plunge.
On the other hand, if your husband doesnt have the money because of his spending habits etc, then you should reconsider too, that if you are ready to feed him for the rest of your life. With the present cost of living in sg, I would think dual incomes are necessary to maintain a decent lifestyle and save for retirements.
Money is a big source of problem for couples. Having a common understanding regarding money between couples would help to evade lots of issues/stress.
May I know why he cannot contribute to the household expenses?
My hubby also cannot contribute to the household income for the moment. It is ok with me because I have enough to pay for the expenses and set aside some decent savings. Well, I think a marriage is a commitment of a lifetime... so if husbands are having some problem with money, it should be fine to help them out. For the next 40 years in your life, there is bond to have more ups and downs, e.g. retrenchments etc... if you are worried about taking on this burden when he needs your help... then i suggest you to think twice about the marriage...not bcos he doesnt have the money now... but tht if you are really committed enough to take the plunge.
On the other hand, if your husband doesnt have the money because of his spending habits etc, then you should reconsider too, that if you are ready to feed him for the rest of your life. With the present cost of living in sg, I would think dual incomes are necessary to maintain a decent lifestyle and save for retirements.
Money is a big source of problem for couples. Having a common understanding regarding money between couples would help to evade lots of issues/stress.
What can be worse when both can't communication. My FH doesn't seems to understand what I want, and we always end up fighting...he very MCP, and insists that I do things his way....including the current wedding prep..
Does your BF/FH hang up on you during heated argument? Mine does, all the times.....
My FMIL keeps saying most of the things should be decided by the guy's side. Why should it be when we are sharing the cost of the whole wedding?
Now, I'm really not sure is he the man I want to marry.....
I still love him a lot, but I'm feel very uncertain about our future now....
Does your BF/FH hang up on you during heated argument? Mine does, all the times.....
My FMIL keeps saying most of the things should be decided by the guy's side. Why should it be when we are sharing the cost of the whole wedding?
Now, I'm really not sure is he the man I want to marry.....
I still love him a lot, but I'm feel very uncertain about our future now....
Hi Soon-to-be,
No my FH nevers hang up on me. Instead, I was the one who used to be like that. Whenever I am unhappy with him I will hang up in the midst of our conversation or walk away from him. I have come a long way and learn to control myself and show respect to him. FH thinks of my past behaviour as being wilful and inmature. Think probably your FH needs to know how to communicate with you and not give up by hanging up. As for wedding, well, unless ur FH is able to bear all costs, then it is of cos ideal for him to pick the tab. But then again considering the expenses of a decent wedding now, I think it is v common for couples to share the cost. For me, both of us have a wedding fund that we started this year to pay for everything. Though it is tough but I am proud that we do not need to reply on others. I think for your current situation, it may be good to have a heart to heart talk with your FH? IT could also be your pre wedding jitters that is causing you to have 2nd thoughts.
No my FH nevers hang up on me. Instead, I was the one who used to be like that. Whenever I am unhappy with him I will hang up in the midst of our conversation or walk away from him. I have come a long way and learn to control myself and show respect to him. FH thinks of my past behaviour as being wilful and inmature. Think probably your FH needs to know how to communicate with you and not give up by hanging up. As for wedding, well, unless ur FH is able to bear all costs, then it is of cos ideal for him to pick the tab. But then again considering the expenses of a decent wedding now, I think it is v common for couples to share the cost. For me, both of us have a wedding fund that we started this year to pay for everything. Though it is tough but I am proud that we do not need to reply on others. I think for your current situation, it may be good to have a heart to heart talk with your FH? IT could also be your pre wedding jitters that is causing you to have 2nd thoughts.
Joanna
If you have spent a few years with someone, surely you can tell if he is the one? It'll help if you've had previous r/s before. For me, I've had previous bfs and I remembered clearly all those attributes that I can't accept and things that didn't work for my character. Using past r/s as a benchmark, I quickly know who my soulmate is.
If you have spent a few years with someone, surely you can tell if he is the one? It'll help if you've had previous r/s before. For me, I've had previous bfs and I remembered clearly all those attributes that I can't accept and things that didn't work for my character. Using past r/s as a benchmark, I quickly know who my soulmate is.
Hmm I only ever had one bf leh... and now he's my hubby liao... I guess that makes me pretty inexperienced in relationships. But doesn't mean I never talked to or went out with guys before. I just thought it was a waste of time to date different people or have relationships if I'm not at least 70% certain that he would be my FH. I guess just from those brief interactions, i already has in mind what sort of attributes i wanted in a guy, and I'm so lucky to find one that matches my wish-list 99% on my first try. The remaining 1% that doesn't match is him being a multi-millionaire...hehehe..
hi again yule... seem to keep bumping into you
Yeah I guess I'm pretty lucky to find my hubby, and we met online too. It's strange but we connected so easily and it felt like we had known each other for a very long time. We hooked up within a week and one of my friends said I was crazy (but I wasn't crazy like her to go sleeping around!).
*wave right back*
No lah...not this forum. This forum didn't even exist then. I met my hubby on our campus intranet 9 yrs ago, when email was still in plain text format...haha... we chatted via a prehistoric form of instant messaging then progressed to phone calls, before meeting in person the next day!
No lah...not this forum. This forum didn't even exist then. I met my hubby on our campus intranet 9 yrs ago, when email was still in plain text format...haha... we chatted via a prehistoric form of instant messaging then progressed to phone calls, before meeting in person the next day!
Well, we had a talk hours after the fight. Told him that I really hate it when he hang up on him, and told him that he's really childish to do that. He kept quiet but I think that he finally got the message. Hopefully that was the last.
I think he got really guilty after that, and he started to give in by telling his mum that some of the stuff we will not be doing.
My FH is very MCP. Can't say that he has not changed for the better.
I'm considering attend one of those marriage prep classes, but must find a chance to convince my FH.
I think he got really guilty after that, and he started to give in by telling his mum that some of the stuff we will not be doing.
My FH is very MCP. Can't say that he has not changed for the better.
I'm considering attend one of those marriage prep classes, but must find a chance to convince my FH.
I think..the truth is..u'd never really know. Marriage can also be said to be a 'gamble' or 'investment' in some ways
But perhaps its considered calculated risk? kekeke..
A friend of mine once told me, unless u've dated with someone for more the 6 yrs, u won't really know. Marriage is alot of work really, its not as simple as it seems. What love & fresh air will be enuff and all that crap is juz BS (pardon me). But if u've dated for many many years, then I guess its as good as married liao, the excitment, passion also will fade off a little by then.
But there is definately a difference when just dating and living together, u may start to see things that you don't usually see even if u've dated the person for a long time.
A friend of mine once told me, unless u've dated with someone for more the 6 yrs, u won't really know. Marriage is alot of work really, its not as simple as it seems. What love & fresh air will be enuff and all that crap is juz BS (pardon me). But if u've dated for many many years, then I guess its as good as married liao, the excitment, passion also will fade off a little by then.
But there is definately a difference when just dating and living together, u may start to see things that you don't usually see even if u've dated the person for a long time.
hi soon to be,
nice that you are going to attend the marriage preparation course.. but that is only stuff that is the tip of the ice berg.. if there are already differences during the course, there will be more in a marriage life.. try to convince that its for the better for both of you for the future.. hope it works
hi ashley,
i see
yes i guess... they probably tend to be more dependent and its just so different from last time
nice that you are going to attend the marriage preparation course.. but that is only stuff that is the tip of the ice berg.. if there are already differences during the course, there will be more in a marriage life.. try to convince that its for the better for both of you for the future.. hope it works
hi ashley,
i see
Hi yule,
It's one of those things that his mum wants.....she wants us to go to the temple to pray to his ancestors on the actual day, and then to his mum's mum's place coz it's inconvenient for her to move around....and suggests that we probably want to do our ROM on an earlier date so that we won't be rushing for time during the day. So I told my BF "give and take", we will go to his mum's mum's place (which I have never heard of unless it's the dad's side) but we will go the temple before the AD (which is common nowadays). I insisted on doing the ROM on the same day as I told him it'll be memorial to both of us. I explained to him, "it's the day when we are legally recognised and also by our families members, as man and woman" I was so upset when he insisted that it was not a valid reason. I was crying and telling him then I'm doing it for one selfish reason - for myself. sigh.....
Anyway, he told his mum today that we will not be going to his grandmum's place. Instead we will get his relatives to bring her over, which his cousins have done it before. Well, his mum wasn't 100% pleased to hear it, but I think it should be fixed since my BF told her about it. Can't understand why the mum is so insistent on it when his cousins have done it before.
Azure,
I have just told him again that I don't like him hanging up on it just now, and that I was on the verge of giving the relationship that day when he hang up on me. Have asked him not to do it again. And he promised.
Minssy,
Thanks for the advise. I only hope the courses can help us align our expectations. I don't expect it to do miracles to our differences. I've just shared with him my concern on our communication. Told him that I wish that we can be more open and discuss about things rather than him making decisions on his own and then instruct me to follow(can't really blame him since he's so used to giving instructions to his men in the army)
Ladies, thanks for listening......
It's one of those things that his mum wants.....she wants us to go to the temple to pray to his ancestors on the actual day, and then to his mum's mum's place coz it's inconvenient for her to move around....and suggests that we probably want to do our ROM on an earlier date so that we won't be rushing for time during the day. So I told my BF "give and take", we will go to his mum's mum's place (which I have never heard of unless it's the dad's side) but we will go the temple before the AD (which is common nowadays). I insisted on doing the ROM on the same day as I told him it'll be memorial to both of us. I explained to him, "it's the day when we are legally recognised and also by our families members, as man and woman" I was so upset when he insisted that it was not a valid reason. I was crying and telling him then I'm doing it for one selfish reason - for myself. sigh.....
Anyway, he told his mum today that we will not be going to his grandmum's place. Instead we will get his relatives to bring her over, which his cousins have done it before. Well, his mum wasn't 100% pleased to hear it, but I think it should be fixed since my BF told her about it. Can't understand why the mum is so insistent on it when his cousins have done it before.
Azure,
I have just told him again that I don't like him hanging up on it just now, and that I was on the verge of giving the relationship that day when he hang up on me. Have asked him not to do it again. And he promised.
Minssy,
Thanks for the advise. I only hope the courses can help us align our expectations. I don't expect it to do miracles to our differences. I've just shared with him my concern on our communication. Told him that I wish that we can be more open and discuss about things rather than him making decisions on his own and then instruct me to follow(can't really blame him since he's so used to giving instructions to his men in the army)
Ladies, thanks for listening......
My dear Soon to be
Well, I've a friend who did all in one day starting from 7 am:
Tea ceremony at her Simei place (some relatives) + all the jiemei assembled at 7am
Tea ceremony at hb's Changi place (change to kua)
Photoshoot at own Paris Ris flat (helpers remained in cars downstairs)
Paternal granny's Beach Rd flat + ancestor's prayers (rest of aunties/uncles assembled there) + Lunch buffet
Morning session ended at 1 am. All helpers returned home to change while bride and groom adjourned to Raffles Hotel at Beach Rd to check in.
6pm : Solemnisation at hotel
8pm: Banquet
With good time mgt, it's not impossible
Well, I've a friend who did all in one day starting from 7 am:
Tea ceremony at her Simei place (some relatives) + all the jiemei assembled at 7am
Tea ceremony at hb's Changi place (change to kua)
Photoshoot at own Paris Ris flat (helpers remained in cars downstairs)
Paternal granny's Beach Rd flat + ancestor's prayers (rest of aunties/uncles assembled there) + Lunch buffet
Morning session ended at 1 am. All helpers returned home to change while bride and groom adjourned to Raffles Hotel at Beach Rd to check in.
6pm : Solemnisation at hotel
8pm: Banquet
With good time mgt, it's not impossible
Yule, that's what I told him too..But he just refused to accept it then. But then, since we don't need to travel to the grandmum's place, everything is resolved.
I can't imagine if we have o travel to so many places. I stay in Bedok, he's in Woodlands, the temple is in Sengkang & the grandmum's place is in Bishan, and our ROM and banquet venue is at Grand Copthrone Waterfront. Can you imagine the traveling?
I can't imagine if we have o travel to so many places. I stay in Bedok, he's in Woodlands, the temple is in Sengkang & the grandmum's place is in Bishan, and our ROM and banquet venue is at Grand Copthrone Waterfront. Can you imagine the traveling?
Yule, that's why his mum "asked" us to do the ROM before the AD so that I can go to all these places....
I was so angry with the request, but I kept my cool and suggested an option to my FH "either the temple or the grandmum's place on the AD", and he got pissed off with me which led to all the arguments. And when I gave in by agreeing to do both, and do our ROM in the evening, he insisted that it will still be too rush for us, and things will definitely screw up.
But I'm glad that he gave in finally (after the fight, and me crying for hours, and giving him a cold shoulder, and a disappointing and sad look on the eve when we met up).
I know both of us really wan to keep this relationship and marry each other. The other day when I asked him why did he want to marry me, he told me "becoz I love you". Isn't that sweet? Sigh....I hope we can really work on our communications.......
I was so angry with the request, but I kept my cool and suggested an option to my FH "either the temple or the grandmum's place on the AD", and he got pissed off with me which led to all the arguments. And when I gave in by agreeing to do both, and do our ROM in the evening, he insisted that it will still be too rush for us, and things will definitely screw up.
But I'm glad that he gave in finally (after the fight, and me crying for hours, and giving him a cold shoulder, and a disappointing and sad look on the eve when we met up).
I know both of us really wan to keep this relationship and marry each other. The other day when I asked him why did he want to marry me, he told me "becoz I love you". Isn't that sweet? Sigh....I hope we can really work on our communications.......
Wow I never check for a few days and the ball have been rolling so big. It's nice to see people responding / helping each other here. That's what "sisters" are for right?
Well, my FH can't afford the household expenses cos his income is not really high, then he gotta give 1/3 of his income to his ex wife (this is by the court), so left 2/3 he got to pay for his insurance, hp bills, meals, transport, parents etc. Luckily we are only doing church wedg, no banquet, so will save alot. Weddings will be paid by him from his savings which after that will become 0. I will pay for the house renov n mthly expenses.
My FH is quite a nice guy, jus tat he dun hv "zhu jian" everything will leave the decision to me.
Well, my FH can't afford the household expenses cos his income is not really high, then he gotta give 1/3 of his income to his ex wife (this is by the court), so left 2/3 he got to pay for his insurance, hp bills, meals, transport, parents etc. Luckily we are only doing church wedg, no banquet, so will save alot. Weddings will be paid by him from his savings which after that will become 0. I will pay for the house renov n mthly expenses.
My FH is quite a nice guy, jus tat he dun hv "zhu jian" everything will leave the decision to me.
Yule, yup, it's probably gonna be 50-50 split as my FH is struck in some stupid financial situation caused by his dad.
I finally managed to tell my FH to nicely tell his mum that I need to have a say as I'm going to pay for the wedding too. How can "it's up to the guy's side to decide"? C'mon, we are already in the 21st Century. Even if the guy pays everything, the gal will still get to decide....sigh.......and I'm going to stay with my MIL....wish me luck
I finally managed to tell my FH to nicely tell his mum that I need to have a say as I'm going to pay for the wedding too. How can "it's up to the guy's side to decide"? C'mon, we are already in the 21st Century. Even if the guy pays everything, the gal will still get to decide....sigh.......and I'm going to stay with my MIL....wish me luck
Hi soon-to-be, actually I think your MIL was trying to make the wedding a more convenient one for everybody, esp the elderly grandmother. It's not like she's trying to purposely go against you, maybe it's just a practical suggestion to hold your ROM and customary on seperate dates so that they don't have to rush and tire the old folks.
Just to share, my ROM was over 4 yrs ago and I'm only having my customary in a few months' time. To me the ROM was more important than the customary cos I never wanted to have the whole she-bang of a wedding. After being with my hubby for 9 yrs and legally married for 4, I just can't be bothered with weddings and I'm leaving everything to my MIL to organise (let her be the one to be stressed out since it's what she wants!! Haha...) and I just need to concentrate on looking good on that day. The less I need to stress about and the faster I can get on with my life the better! Anyway, I've learnt that whether you live with your MIL or not, maintaining good relations is still important cos afterall, this is your hubby's mum and to show her respect is to show your hubby respect too. Good luck!
Just to share, my ROM was over 4 yrs ago and I'm only having my customary in a few months' time. To me the ROM was more important than the customary cos I never wanted to have the whole she-bang of a wedding. After being with my hubby for 9 yrs and legally married for 4, I just can't be bothered with weddings and I'm leaving everything to my MIL to organise (let her be the one to be stressed out since it's what she wants!! Haha...) and I just need to concentrate on looking good on that day. The less I need to stress about and the faster I can get on with my life the better! Anyway, I've learnt that whether you live with your MIL or not, maintaining good relations is still important cos afterall, this is your hubby's mum and to show her respect is to show your hubby respect too. Good luck!
hi soon to be
I see...I don't know if I should inform you that the instance in which "even if the guy pays everything, the gal will still get to decide" was my situation. my inlaws were pretty ok that i decided everything, from choice of venue, to choice of bridal shop, to menu, card design, etc. Even the program/itinerary was developed and decided by me. Indeed I was the sole event manager of my own wedding, and they only needed to pick up the tab, and well, there was no tab actually cos the guests paid for most of it.
the only thing i sponsored was our honeymoon.
I see...I don't know if I should inform you that the instance in which "even if the guy pays everything, the gal will still get to decide" was my situation. my inlaws were pretty ok that i decided everything, from choice of venue, to choice of bridal shop, to menu, card design, etc. Even the program/itinerary was developed and decided by me. Indeed I was the sole event manager of my own wedding, and they only needed to pick up the tab, and well, there was no tab actually cos the guests paid for most of it.
the only thing i sponsored was our honeymoon.
Wow Yule... I'd be tired out with all the planning. Actually I have organised events before. Maybe cos planning for a wedding is so similar to work that I just want to take a step back and leave everything to my MIL...Anyway our budget is limited lah... just a hotel dinner for less than 15 tables in JB... But my MIL did consult hubby and I about our preferences so we just help to pick a menu (I specified no sharks' fin!) from a shortlisted list and my MIL got her sis to help with the reservations. We will not keep the angpows from the dinner unless our PIL want us to...they can keep the money since they are helping to pay for it first.
Yule, you are lucky then. Though my MIL kept insisting that she wants to keep it simple, the things that she's suggesting are so traditional. And worse, my mum is having conflicting ideas. Thus, I must "help" my mum mah......
I'm the one who really wants to keep everything simple.
Goooogal, I can understand the need for convenience, which is why I did agree to give in initially. Actually I find both ROM & customary important, and I will really want to have them on the same day.
I really want to maintain a good relationship with my MIL too, but to think that she has already caused 3 misunderstandins between my FH & I withinless than a month (because she was telling me 1 thing, and then telling my FH another thing), I'm actually getting quite scared of living with her. But I don't have a choice. Nevertheless, I did told my FH about this recently, and he brushed it aside saying that she's old liao, and forgetful. Well, see how.....
I'm the one who really wants to keep everything simple.
Goooogal, I can understand the need for convenience, which is why I did agree to give in initially. Actually I find both ROM & customary important, and I will really want to have them on the same day.
I really want to maintain a good relationship with my MIL too, but to think that she has already caused 3 misunderstandins between my FH & I withinless than a month (because she was telling me 1 thing, and then telling my FH another thing), I'm actually getting quite scared of living with her. But I don't have a choice. Nevertheless, I did told my FH about this recently, and he brushed it aside saying that she's old liao, and forgetful. Well, see how.....
Soon-to-be, remember that patience and tolerance are the main ingredients to harmonious living. At least your MIL is not psychotic like my friend's!! Her FMIL is really siao... extremely over-dramatic and can cry and shout in public whenever she feels like she has been neglected by my friend's FH. Her FH is used to his mum's antics liao, but my friend was shocked! The last outburst, her FMIL accused her of being a hypocrit who bewitched her son to make her spend more time with her (my friend). My friend was so hurt and shocked she quickly left and she not seen her FMIL till now. Later her FMIL asked her son to ask my friend's forgiveness... crazy right? So "taiwanese drama". Luckily my friend does not have to live with her FMIL!!
Anyway sorry I digressed but do try to stay in your MIL's good books since you have to live with her after your wedding. Sometimes I also feel like rebuking my MIL for being so interfering, but I just keep quiet and let it out on my poor hubby...
Anyway sorry I digressed but do try to stay in your MIL's good books since you have to live with her after your wedding. Sometimes I also feel like rebuking my MIL for being so interfering, but I just keep quiet and let it out on my poor hubby...
Well, it's never easy to have 2 different background/upbringing of people staying under 1 roof. Let alone staying with in-laws. You will feel that the house is yours so you can have a say, but then on the other hand, still need to respect in-laws and seek their option. I also dun like my MIL, so what I do is I don't see her at all. hahaha
hi all..am new here..have something to say...my n fiance have been together for 3 yrs+..if u ask me y I choose him...I really have no idea...he burps/farts/whine (more than I do) & always argue with me (both of us v head-strong)...I REALLY dun noe y I choose him....but i miss him alot when he travels for biz...
i will say that no number of yrs u noe or dated him will tell u if he is the one for lifetime commitment..it is more like a gamble initially then a matter of communication and adaption there after to keep the marriage together...coz an impt factor nt to forget is tat people do change so even if u find tat he is the one nw, 10 yrs down the road, u may tink otherwise....if both of u can keep up wif each other pace of changing lor...
bride to be, i will say tat handling and getting along wif MIL is the toughest course we women ever hv to learn, coz it involve a whole bunch of impt and sensitive issue lor...for eg, like respect, if we dun seek their opinion, in the end, they might go ard telling relative tat we hv no respect for them and hubby may also feel tat we dun respect him since we dun respect his mum rite...so wat i alway tink is tat even if u dun wan to san ka ur MIL to get into her good books, dun even gif any chances to get into her bad books too lor...coz words especially badmouthing words spread faster than fire and it is even more deadly and venom lor...wat i tink why ur MIL will insist u all to go to the grandma place even though other cousin fetch the grandma over is mainly becoz of 'face' issue...coz if u all go the extra mile, she feel tat she got face as his son and DIL is more ting hua and fillal lor...
for me, my MIL (me ROM but customary is this yr) she is basically quite nice and reasonable but juz abit lor soh...hee hee although, she say leave all the preparation to me and i also update her now and then, but she will also hv some comments ones but she is okay after we explain to her our decision lor...till date, she hv yet to force us to do anyting yet... ;-)
bride to be, i will say tat handling and getting along wif MIL is the toughest course we women ever hv to learn, coz it involve a whole bunch of impt and sensitive issue lor...for eg, like respect, if we dun seek their opinion, in the end, they might go ard telling relative tat we hv no respect for them and hubby may also feel tat we dun respect him since we dun respect his mum rite...so wat i alway tink is tat even if u dun wan to san ka ur MIL to get into her good books, dun even gif any chances to get into her bad books too lor...coz words especially badmouthing words spread faster than fire and it is even more deadly and venom lor...wat i tink why ur MIL will insist u all to go to the grandma place even though other cousin fetch the grandma over is mainly becoz of 'face' issue...coz if u all go the extra mile, she feel tat she got face as his son and DIL is more ting hua and fillal lor...
for me, my MIL (me ROM but customary is this yr) she is basically quite nice and reasonable but juz abit lor soh...hee hee although, she say leave all the preparation to me and i also update her now and then, but she will also hv some comments ones but she is okay after we explain to her our decision lor...till date, she hv yet to force us to do anyting yet... ;-)
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