How to get rid of that sickening??

grudges

New Member
Hi All,

A few months ago i have bought a house with my bf and the agreement was the parent + bro will stay with me until his bro bto hse was ready and they will move to his hse.
But when we eventually move in the bro gf come along and also treat my hse as her.
All along i already dislike her and it got worse when she stay with me
1st incident - when my hse is doing renovation she comment that the room was so small for her to put things i am super pissed off and my bf ask his mum to go and tell the bro gf off
2nd incident - During cny my family come over my hse and when she saw them she just walk into the room without even saying hi to them and showing 1 kind of attitude. I feel really angry as they are my family and that is my house but you are showing them that they are not being welcome. When my bf talk to her about this she comment that she don't know my family but please lor this is basic manner.
3rd incident - got 1 time i was quite sick for a few weeks and alway sleep quite early instead of being considerate they use speaker to watch dvd and on the voice damn loud.
4tn incident - when buying my hse toilet accessories i bought a metal rod for them to hang their towel but end up is only enough to hang 3 towels. So meaning my bf bro and parent hanging and the gf bought 2 hook to hang her towel. There was once i was inisde kitchen cooking things and she was hanging her towel. When my bf bro ask her if she can hang? she comment " What to do? this is call human must change due to environment".
This is really my limit already. I feel you keep hiam my hse and say all this rubish why don't you move out? Everytime i want confront her my bf and his parent will say they settle but it seems she take for granted and never keep her mind clear that she was staying at my hse.
I really cannot stand her and ask her to go back her hse and guess what? she say she got no hse to go back because her parent is getting divorce and selling their hse away. But she got a bro and i dun think is right for her parent to just dump her at our hse and become our responsibilities.
Now i am really sian lor she dun wan to go back and i cannot stand seeing her. Now just by hearing her voice it already make me damn pissed off. I got the feeling like i as the owner got no right to choose who to stay my hse at all. I feel myself so useless now.
 


cuclainne

New Member
you are homeowner - learn to set the rules .. as evident from many posts here, quite a number of ladies here like to overnight at their boyfriends' place .. please don't let her treat your home like a hotel.
 

grudges

New Member
Cuclainne,

problem is not hotel is like a perm place for her, when she move in to my hse she move all her stuffs, clothes all over. I don't mind giving her stay if she appreciate that she is staying at pple hse. And saying nan ting is i am shou liu her. But she take for granted and keep give those nasty remarks and attitude. How can i stand giving her stay this way?
 

grudges

New Member
Hi Cuclainne,

I did want talk to them but my bf know my temper and he dun wan me quarrel with them so he alway say he will do the talking. Now he keep tell me pity the gf let him stay lor but i pity him who is going to pity me? i seriously dun think i should bear the responsibilities as even his parent getting divorce they should find ways to settle their own kids instead of dumping them to their bf house and worse of all this house dun belong to her bf.
 

grudges

New Member
Nemo,

That is my thinking also, but u dun koe my tat so call future mil she is damn dramatic 1 lor a bit than say want to go and die lor. So when my bf bro say he want rent a place hor she start saying she dun wan the bro keep quarrel she rather go and die. I got even think should i act commit sucide so to be more powerful and more dramatic than her haha..
 

agag

New Member
does your bf bro knows about this? did anyone speak to him about it? Was the gf like this even in the bro's presence?
 

cuclainne

New Member
i don't feel it is right for her to use the 'my parents are divorcing, i have no place to go' reason .. i'm sure that she would still have a roof over her head .. parents might sell the flat but they would be shifting someplace else mah ..

you have to set your foot down on the issue - otherwise be prepared to be miserable for as long as your bf's brother is still with her.

btw when is his place going to be ready?
 

grudges

New Member
Anticipate,

Well i doubt he know but when things happen he just keep scolding his gf and his gf keep cry and cry. And my bf being xin ruan will start telling me she very pitiful all this. When she is pitying pple he never think of his gf. What make me pissed of is whenever i talk to my bf he will start feel fustrated than will hit his head all tis and say he also in a difficult position. My feeling is he is blaming me for all this. I feel he never spare a thought for my feeling at all. Just few weeks ago i went overseas for training and he promise me he will settle before i come back but when i come back is still the same they still pretend like nothing staying my hse and most angry is the gf even change her mailing address to my hse address. What is this? i feel no respect for me at all. Shouldn't they at least ask me if it is ok for her gf to change her mailing address before they do so? I feel now i at the house i am being treat like a villain. I did think of move back my parent hse but i feel the hse is mine i paying for it why should i give them stay and i moving out lor.
 

grudges

New Member
Cuclainne,

Think still long way, 2- 3 more years to go. I dun know but my character is once i dislike you is hard for me to like you. And now i think even just hearing her voice it make me damn fustrated. I guess i really dislike her to the core.
 

mrc

New Member
If I were you, I'll tell her off but in a calmer way.
Next time, when she hiam again, tell her that she, the beggar got no choice. Either she leave or continue to stay but follow your rules.
This is your house and you have every rights to tell unwelcome guests off.
As for your mil, tell her nicely that it's not worth to die over such small matters. At the same time, 'brain-wash' your mil that if you don't 'discipline' this rude girl, your mil will definitely suffers in her hands in the future.
 

mrc

New Member
Honestly, if I were you I won't be bothered by asking my bf to tell her off. Do it yourself and talk to your bf's bro about your frustration privately. Anyway, since no one is there to help you, you better help yourself.
 

grudges

New Member
MRC,

My bf mum told us all along she talk is like that lor. She is also quite rude to my bf parent but i guess their thinking is their son like can liao lor. Thats why they alway close 1 eye but for me i feel that i do not have to tolerate all your this nonsence. I alway feel if now is my bf parent or even the bro maybe i can just bear with it because they are his family but now this gal is only an outsider to me she is just a nobody. Which is why i dun see why every1 is siding her. Now everyday i go back my hse i am not really happy nobody understand my feeling even my future husband. He keep got the feeling i am making things difficult for pple but he never spare a thought for my feeling. I start to think if i should still marry him? we are getting married this dec i dun know if i still want continue with the plan? i feel now i am like an extra in that family.
 

grudges

New Member
MRC,

You know most funny part is the bro still can tell my bf dun understand why i so dislike the gf? please lor the gf do all tis stupid nonsence thing he can still say all tis. It shows he dun feel his gf is wrong at all.
 

mrc

New Member
Understand how you feel. When you marry a person, you also marry all the family members.

Do have a deep discussion with your bf. In the meantime, try not to get your bf or mil to settle the prob. As long as you need to correct this girl, just firmly tell her so. For eg., if you want them to lower their volume, just go there and ask them to lower the volume nicely. No need to go into quarelling. It doesn't benefit you at all. I treat my sil like that too. Last time, she would leave her plates on the table waiting for ppl to clear for her. What I did was I asked her to clear the plates nicely and she really did lor. Sometimes, my mil did something that I didn't like, I would just correct her, thanks her shortly and walk away. My hubby also bopian lor. I settle the probs myself and nvr bother to ask him to settle for me. This is bcos if I ask him to, the probs will nvr be setlled.
 

flyingstar

New Member
grudges, i think you should set your bf a timeline to resolve this. You have tolerated enough and you should not have to continue. But to be fair, you will give him another 2 weeks to settle and talk to the bro's gf.

Tell your bf that if he does not settle at the end of 2 weeks, you definitely will. And he is not to stop you.

No matter what, it's true that you are the owner of the house, you have a right to decide who to stay and who not to. And if it's me i will also not be happy, letting someone who's so ungrateful and making so many remarks to stay at my house.

She can jolly well rent outside and your bf's bro can visit her as and when he like.
 

grudges

New Member
Yes, think i should go and talk to the bro myself.

Now what i do is when i am unhappy with something i will just show by my action. Like when i reach home i saw her at my living room i will just proposely bang the door and when she use my kitchen to cook things i will just throw the remote control on the table and make loud noise. I also cannot stand it is when they 2 quarrel they will vent anger on the room door by banging and closing real loud so what i do is i ask my bf to paste smting like a stopper so that they cannot really bang the door. i really wonder y there is so damn damn thick skin pple in this world?
 

greyarea

New Member
grudges,
what you did might only realise you're not happy with them but they dun know what you're not happy abt right? if the door breaks, who's at losing end? you are the one who has to fork out money to fix it you know? why dun you tell your bf that let you do the talking in tactful way and that you'll also inform your future PILS abt your plan so that at least everyone is aware that of that. well, if you're in good terms with your future PIL. This is to to show them you're doing things in a mature and correct way. find time to talk to your PIL and let them know your fustration, explain your "li chang" to make them understand that you have no choice but to tell the gf off..
 

agag

New Member
ya, i agree with MRC. Next time when it happens again, speak to her immediately in a nice tone and manner, explaining why the need to do so. Some people are just like that and if you keep complaining to your bf, i'm afraid it will strain your relationship with him.

And seriously, it's not worth it to damamge the relationship with your HTB because of that gal... god knows if the bro will marry her in the end when he found out himself how she's like when they are staying together.
 

grudges

New Member
I will try to find chance to do so.
But actually what i really hope is to have an understanding bf but i think his feeling is i am a troublemaker, i dun think he is understanding at all. he dun understand the wei qu i feel. Y can't he see is pple at fault instead of me? i am hesitating to marry him also because i feel now we are not married but he is helping his family and an outsider, i really cnt imagine my life marrying him. Maybe he will be the same keep asking me ren ren ren.
 

grudges

New Member
who? me?,

Yes if you want to say so. 1 is demanding and 1 is sickening.

So guess your partner very good in CHOOSING U?
 

clipperjunk

New Member
just sell the place and go for new love...quite apparent you have your own earning power, no need to take crap from anyone....best wishes
 

tomasulu

Member
you are not demanding. demanding implies there is a purpose to what you do. you are just petty; an aunty in the local vernacular.

nah, i don't think so. i got someone much better than i.
 

powder

Active Member
i'm actually still wondering where the parents.whole family stayed Before u got your place... why was there a need to sell their place and live with u? if bto is 2-3yrs, what kind of a decision-making isit to actually sell a house and live with kid first? Money??

1st incident - actually just a comment which is quite true if u talking modern-day HDBs the rooms Are small, so ok, be Irked, but why need to be super pissed off?

2nd incident - Dun really need to say hi, perhaps a nodding acknowledgement? or she could just be making herself scarce so that u guys can catch up without her interrupting your privacy.

3rd incident - did they know u're sick?

4tn incident - ya tat was sarcastic, but can be taken in a less personal way... some pple are acidic in words.

to be honest, i think it's a mix of your perception too... u take comments very personally and might be too defensive for your own good. Whilst i think she's not helping matters, i also think that it has come down to something pretty childish and it's just down to power-struggle at home.

if i were to dig deeper, i'd think that the only validation u guys get where u can have a sense of achievement seems to be back home.

solution-wise, u can tell her off, but plan your words such that she LL. wanna argue also must be smart... must have strategy... my main focus would be to make her force the brother to shift out...
 

maisie

New Member
if its your house, set rules.. btw, is ur bf brother confirming this girl as his wife? If they are puppy love then forget it..turn the table and ask her to leave.
 

grudges

New Member
Hi Powder,

Because the previous hse they are staying is under my bf and his dad name. So we decide to sell the hse and buy 1 near my parent hse. Seriously i am quite worried when i think of staying with them again but so far my futue in law didn't really give me problems and the trouble maker is my bf bro gf who is an outsider thats y i am so angry.

1st incident - because she should koe that she is staying at pple hse and the way she say is like hiam, xian qi my hse tats y i am quite angry.

2nd incident - the problem is she show 1 attitude, treat my family as invisible and walk into the room. She is like giving them an attitude that they are not being welcome here.

3rd incident- They know thats why i say they are not being inconsiderate.

4th incident - i think maybe what i can say is she is not sensitive enough and i am too sensitive. Thats y i cannot take it when she say all those nonsence.

Anyway i already told my bf will arrange a dinner with his parent this weekend, i think i should let them know how i feel and i really dun wish keep quarrel with my bf over tat sickening who is just an outsider.

Jere's Wife,

Seriously hor i dun koe because they already apply flat, but there is 1 incident hor the bro actually when during the old hse bring another gal home sleep and told us is his colleague. I feel funny that can you just let a gal sleep at ur hse and is just a colleague? i guess the gf also dun koe she is sharing bed and man with another guy but maybe really they r pure collegue sleeping in same room only...haha
 

vios

New Member
Your process to co-own this flat with ur bf is made easier as your PIL sold off theirs to remove all the ownerships of the old flat.
In MY actual sense, your PIL are actually part of the NEW ownership leading to the purchase of this new flat. Without this decision, how is ur bf able to buy a flat with you, anyway?

I agree with Powder that it was rather a poor decision, given that they have had to stay under the same roof with a bunch of immature kids.
If anyone was to hiam anything, it would be your PIL as they took this 'risk' without realising what they're in for.

Your bf's bro's gf might have some personal issues here and there, which i do not want to read much into. I do think it is more essential that you first reflect upon yourself:

- it's little surprise that you can't seem to get along with her now, as you dislike her right FROM THE START due to some unexplained reasons. There might be some prejudice on your part. What was it.... Her face?

- i will be damn freaking worried if i'm your FIL or MIL, to be honest. Selling off my life-long nest to help my son buy his flat, and this is what i got out of that - his gf's wish that i won't give her any trouble? So, who loathes who now?

Adding on, it is that sense of Importance that you are placing yourself in this new flat. The utmost no.1 position just because you are paying off the monthly mortgages? Need to ask you, did his parents pay off a portion of this flat?
 

tan33a

New Member
grudges,

you're quite patient already leh. hahaha..
for me, i always told my HB's bro off myself whenever I feel uncomfortable by his way of doing things in my house.

there was once, when i came home early, he was in the living room. wearing ONLY boxers, no shirt, watching TV, his legs are all over the place. then I straight away say "Kor, can go wear something decent or not? what if I happened to bring any friends home? you not pai-seh meh wear until like that?" then he was damn embarassed. I guess it was because I was the one who told him off. firstly because I'm a woman, secondly because i'm his brother's wife, thirdly because IT is my house, so he got no choice.

so, I suggest you talk to them yourself, rather than depending on your bf. seriously. it is your house. why make yourself unhappy??
 

grudges

New Member
Hi Vios,

Well when they make the decision they still get back their money and now their cpf is back to them just waiting for them to get it when it is time so i dun think they lose out anything.

Yes i do admit it is also more on prejudice on my part because all along i dun like here due to many many reasons accumulate and seriously she really go the kan bu shun yan face. I guess some pple you just tend to dun like them even by seeing their face and i guess she is one of them in my life.

Sorry to say dun tink my in law need worried because we buy the flat using our own money not them hor. As i say if now is my in law or even the bro creating trouble i can only LL because they are my bf family and i know we cannot choose our family but now is the gf an outsider to me which is why i keep feel why should i give in to her? i just feel unbalanced y i should give in to an OUTSIDER.
 

grudges

New Member
Haha Lilliepop,

you know my bf whole family smoke so i did told them my smoking area is kitchen because my kitchen got 1 more dinning table where they can sit down and smoke but many many times i come out and have drink and caught the bro smoke in the living room, and when i saw him he still can hack care me continue smoke i am really damn pissed off and told my bf from now onward all go corridor to smoke. And when my bf told him off he still can throw temper and bang the door what kind of attitude is tat? We dun owe him anything.
 

vios

New Member
look here, lady...

i believe CPF monies is one portion in their decision; the other aspect, is to remove your bf's name off that flat so that he can co-own a new flat with you. Which means, they have to leave their comfortable life-long nest for a new place. Can't you give them some respect for that?

And here you go:
- bitching about his mother's dramatic actions, and your seemingly more powerful impact if you do the same stuffs.
- wishing that his parents will not give you any trouble.

And, you're still harping on the freaking stuffs that they won't lose out anything?

I tell you this, it is the worst decision in their life, sad to say.
 

vios

New Member
Regarding your bf's bro's gf..... then there's nothing she could do to freaking Please the queen of the house, since you already dislike her face, right?

So which means, this is just one of those another bitching thread...

So, it might not be her problem, in totality. You are most likely to be some parts of it as well.
 

grudges

New Member
Hi Vios,

I think you dint read and dint get your mind clear of the whole story leh.

I already told you is an outsider giving all the problems.Nothing to do with his parent at all.

what do you mean by i dun respect them? what did i do that didn't respect them?

Seriously i think that is the typical in law pattern lor not only apply to me there is a lot of forum pple encounting the same things. When things happen they alway have those dramatic act like cry la threaten to die la.

Well maybe is their view they have make the wrong decison, in my view i also feel the same way.
 

tan33a

New Member
grudges,

for me strictly NO SMOKING in the house. u wanna smoke? smoke at the corridor lor. don't like my house rules? don't stay with me lor. simple, right? i mean.. this thing applies to anyone. when you stay in someone's house, you just have to respect the owners. anyway the rules are very basic and simple. if the rules don't comply with their habit, too bad lor.. we didn't force them to stay with us, right?
 

grudges

New Member
Sorry to say she did not please me at all ok. Can't you see all the nonsence things she do? I admit i dislike her so is there anything wrong in me wanting to chase her out?

I as the owner of the house just this small rights also dun have? i cannot choose who to stay my hse?
 

grudges

New Member
Hi Lolliepop,

Thats the problem, before move in i already stated this rule. And i already give in by allowing them to smoke in the kitchen. And he take for granted somemore and smoke in the living room. Anyway i already told my bf liao 1 more time i caught any1 smoking other than the living room i will just put a non-smoking sign at my hse and all go corridor smoke since you all dun follow the rules at all.
 

grudges

New Member
Hi Lolliepop,

Dun need say liao already say last chance liao catch 1 more time i will just put the non-smoking sign already.
 

vios

New Member
You are wrong. I am absolutely clear-headed.
This is where i picked up some hidden thoughts from your posts:


- "Seriously i am quite worried when i think of staying with them again but so far my futue in law didn't really give me problems...."

- "my tat so call future mil she is damn dramatic 1 lor a bit than say want to go and die lor. So when my bf bro say he want rent a place hor she start saying she dun wan the bro keep quarrel she rather go and die. I got even think should i act commit sucide so to be more powerful and more dramatic than her haha.."

- "Anyway i already told my bf will arrange a dinner with his parent this weekend, i think i should let them know how i feel and i really dun wish keep quarrel with my bf over tat sickening who is just an outsider."


To me, you've shown the similar signs which you likely to be on your high guard.... well, in having those thoughts, don't ever forget that you had sought their help in the sub-story - Process of the new flat.

And by getting them involved in these mindless childish conflicts, they will be part of your grudges if you decide that things don't improve anyway.

So don't deny that his parents can be removed from your main story.... moreover, you're doing the same kind of bitching abt your PIL, although on a different issue altogether.
 

powder

Active Member
well grudges,

it's just one of those things... hindsight is always 6/6. if only u guys could have found ways to just remove bfren's name without selling the previous flat (provided his parents gainfully employed to retain the previous house under loan).

unfortunately what's happening now is sort of expected... that although u see it as Your home, they will feel it's very much Theirs. and the bro's gfren is like an extension... this is quite human.

so knowing these things exists, which u can't really change without burning bridges, how do u make the best out of the situation. Ok, u may not get what u want there and then, but how do u work towards getting the the final results which u hope to achieve? of cos, it's rather important that u also reflect on your own reactions to see if u might have contributed to the problem.

when it comes to conflicts, what's impt is to not let "two wrongs make one right". avoid vengeful acts and saying things which put u in a bad light... even if u win battles, u might not win the war... try to look at the bigger picture if the finer details are frustrating u.
 

vios

New Member
I already mentioned that she might have her issues here and there, even though i must be honest that it doesn't seem that bad as you put it. There might be some cirumstances leading to her 'bad responses'.....

for example, the queen's aggressive tantrum-throwing manner whenver she's unhappy. You wrote..... "Like when i reach home i saw her at my living room i will just proposely bang the door and when she use my kitchen to cook things i will just throw the remote control on the table and make loud noise."

More often than not, it takes two hands to clap. So don't try to shift all the blame unto her, just because you are the freaking co-owner of the house. May i add again - his parents are also the co-owners, so to speak.
 

grudges

New Member
Sorry to say i dun think they are the owner as in hdb is under our 2 names. No matter what whether i am pushing the blame to her or what i dun feel there is anything wrong in me not letting her stay my hse. I am the owner i should have the right to do so, even a tenant as an owner you also have the right whether to rent it to tat particular person. So why can't i do so as an owner? dun tell me i have no right to choose who to stay?and i want add is she is an outsider, is not as if she now married to my bf bro and she is so call my bf sis in law and his parent daughter in law lor.
 

vios

New Member
grudges.... you need to think deeper. you need to think beyond the hdb ruling and the norm. Who the heck doesn't know that there'll be two names at one time?
Of course, there is no denying that you are now the official co-owner of this new flat. But you wouldn't be, if not for the sales of the old flat, get it?

Don't question your rights... don't question your dignity, if you have one, anyway.
Use those to good advantage for all, but to discriminiate for the sake of personal satisfaction, it's purely self-righteousness and hypocritical.
 

sheezh

New Member
Grudges,

So if you say you are the owner. Then go and tell her and your bf bro's off, instead of putting the grievances here and ask your bf to do the dirty job.

And I might add that you said that you are considering whether to marry your bf or not.. but have you ever thought that maybe your bf is considering marrying you too..??
 

grudges

New Member
Hi Powder,

Well...we did talk about them but they choose to ask us to buy a new hse.

My feeling is that the bro gf have his own family so is not right to just dump her to our hse and become our responsibilities.

She did say her parent is divorcing and selling of the flat. But she have a bro and i think her parent should be finding another place to stay so shouldn't they worried abt their daugher accommodation and not us.
 

grudges

New Member
Well vios,

I did not force them to do such decision, they can reject if they dun wan to do so. Nobody take guns or knife to force them.
 

vios

New Member
ya ya ya, they did it willingly.. they decided on their own. A freaking poor one, that was. I just hope you don't give them hell, that's all.

For good karma's sake..... please grant her parents some time to seek accomodation plans. No point, throwing your tantrums at her, or her bf, or her bf's brother whenever they screw up your house-bounded rules.

You should seek mutual discussion, and not just for yourself.... it wouldn't work in this manner, given the circumstances.
 


powder

Active Member
well grudges,

tat's one of the modern day things that we have to get used to... gfrens staying with their bfrens and vice-versa. end of the day it's just for the convenience of intimacy, dependency n insecurities... if u ask me. i also fear the day my daughter go stay with her bfren at his parents' house, so i'll educate her from young and tell her the old wise words of 'wanna go temple must learn to worship buddha'. just look at this thread abt getting rid of MIL http://www.singaporebrides.com/forumboard/messages/5/975518.html?1237862198 i think it's quite obvious that youngsters with NO MEANS, NO OWNERSHIP, NO MONEY - take things for granted and think they have rights when they have not earned any.

damn sad... but it's the modern generation. i get scared whenever i see some parents sell their flats to aid their children to buy their homes (not in your case of cos), and i feel sad when they are eventually ousted out. perhaps they will be the ones to stay in those JB old-folks' homes.

if u wanna be drastic, then u can just throw them out of the house. but how would that help u? just be mindful that whatever u do today, u will reap the 'rewards' for a long time... good or bad.
 

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