How to get rid of that sickening??

aiyo
u can ask your bf's bro's gf to pay rental $$ to u since she stays in your place. Be firm with the rental $$. so taht she will know that she is paying u for the room and living hall, not for free of charge. Could u get your bf to agree since you n your bf r the legal owners of your home.
 


vios

New Member
additions to blur's suggestion, please also impose Smoking fine, Noise-level fine, Attitude-problem fine, Kuai-Lan-Bin fine, etc.... all at your own discretion.

rem, the fast rule is to get rid of sickening people and to govern the flat like a piece of land, as the legal owners. Nothing else matters.
 

grudges

New Member
Vios,

I think you sound very sacastic with your words.
But anyway thanks for your good SUGGESTIONS. I will take it into consideration.
 

vios

New Member
Don't mention it.

i'm trying to be on the same wavelength before you find me that sickening....

hope i'm not too late.
 

grudges

New Member
Blur,

Problem got nothing to do with the rental lor. I think if now she is my tenant i still can choose, but now she like damn thick skin to stay put and dun move.
 

grudges

New Member
Vios,

The problem is not i not giving them the time to seek accomodation. But problem is she got a brother also and how is her parent going to settle his bro? I feel if they can settle and find place for the bro to stay they shd find place for their daughter also and 1 thing is their hse is on the process of selling. Meaning that pple still viewing havent sell out so it doesn't means she is homeless. And i think if they are selling they can buy at the same time asking the agent to do both ways, so even selling the hse they also have place to stay. Not as if she need stay under the bridge or someting.
 

susanna_low

New Member
seems like there are only 3 option

1) ask ur hb to tell his bf not to bring the gal home

2) just close 1 eye and treat the gal transparent, eye cannot see, ear cannot hear

3) move out
 

vios

New Member
grudges, my question to you is, aren't you being assuming here?
What diff between now and later, since her parents are bent on selling the flat, anyway?
The answer is: you just want her to get out of your sight immediately.

So, your problem is that you tend to find problems with this issue, whereby all they need is a little understanding. Yes, you may be the owner and is unrelated to her, but doesn't mean you can't understand the circumstances, right?

If you can't get me, then by all means find stupid ways to get rid of them (bro and gf).
And if you want to carry on bitching about all of them, it's your rights as well.

Wish you luck.
 

atos_sg

New Member
Hi grudges,

When my wife is not happy with my side of the family, she will NEVER confront them direct but she would nag nag and keep nags at me to talk to them and take action.

I guess that's also one method, my side of the family matters, I will handle. She will settle hers....
 

grudges

New Member
Hi Atos,

That is what happen to us also, when he is unhappy with my family he tell me and i also will be the 1 handle with my family.

The same applies to him, but now he himself want my talk to his parent so i say ok fine arrange the dinner and let me talk.
 

grudges

New Member
Vios,

Yes you are correct i am really trying to get her out of my sight.

But i also know that there is place for her to go, not her so call homeless. If now she have no parent no family than i think i am bad to do so, but she got family so the responsibilities should be them not ours. I think not say now she is not married even now she married she shd also have a niang jia to go back because her parent are still around.
 

tan33a

New Member
you know what.. in my opinion, to begin with, the bf's bro also abit brainless. come on, you don't even stay in your house, and you bring your gf to stay with you?? hehe.. it's wrong already..
 

grudges

New Member
lolliepop,

That's my thinking, actually i even think if now i am in the situation, i would rather go out rent a room and stay with my bf. I think it is very obvious i dun like her so what for she still wan stay and wei qu herself? dun understand what my bf bro is thinking also apparently when things happen he will just scold n scold the gf instead of finding ways to protect her.
 

happygal958

New Member
Grudges,

I think it's better that you move out.
Ur bf and family is one package. Yes, i know you will say "i dont mind with his family, i only dont like about her as an outsider".

But, how if the gal is ur brother's family? All of your posts showed about your ownership. As an owner. Yes, but your bf also an owner of that house. Since he doesnt mind about this, you also have to respect about his and his family.

As vios mentioned, if the parents not agreed to sell their house, you wont be able to buy the new house as well.

Please respect about you and your loved one's decision.
What i mean is, though you dont like this person. But she is the choice of your brother in law to be. No matter how she is, just try to wish them for their happiness.
If they get married in the future, she will be your sister in law. Will it even worse for you to face her in the future?
And if you cant settle the core, another problems will keep coming up. Maybe about when you have a kid or etc... We wont know.
At that time, it'll be more complicated.

What my suggest, for temporary, rent a room ALONE.
Think carefully, take it or leave it?

If you take it, maybe you can "loose" to win her and your bf's family heart. "Loose" to win the war.

And for my opinion, you have done too much to make her life suffer as well.
Just try to put yourself into her position. Maybe she doesnt have any choice to stay at your place.

If you cant take it, talked with your bf. Ask him to pay ur postion that you have paid.
Find the best one for you.
 

greyarea

New Member
yellowrose,
move out?? do you know that the house belongs to grudges and her bf? it's not as if the place belongs to her bf's bro or bf's parents.

will you move out from your own property if this happen to you?
 

happygal958

New Member
Yes, i will.
I m not saying to forfeit my money in that house.

Move out TEMPORARY. If she cant stand, It will only makes her crazy and not happy. At least she can think clearly, to find her happiness and best solution for her.

For me, i wont sacrifice my own happiness. House is the place to take a rest. Besides, her bf and family also still have to stay there. Or do you want her to do the harsh things and chase the gal out?

It's my opinion only.
 

grudges

New Member
yellowrose,

I did think of going back my parent home after i came back from overseas, but my family ask me not to do so. They told me if i will to go back my hse the gal will be more yaya and think she won and the more i think she will stay my place with ease and imagine every mth my hse deduct my cpf and i let her stay? won't i be like a fool? shouldn't she be the 1 going out to rent a room instead? Seriously i already think i will never treat her as my family even nx time they married i already told my bf liao meet only when necessary, so i can forsee nx time we will not be seeing too much of each other also.
 

dodolet

New Member
By moving out it doesn't affect the rest of the family, the bro or the gf.

I think imposing a rent as previously mentioned to everyone that is not a owner of the place.

But announcing that the bf is paying the rent for the parents and the bro. If the gf want to stay she has to fork out her part as the bf is not paying for hers.

Anyway rental of 1 rm is not that expensive now adays with the drop of rental prices. So an excuse of wu jia is not an option.
 

grudges

New Member
thats is my opinion also and i think if u really cnt afford she can ask her dad pay. Because she always like hao lian to us mah say her hse renovation 30 40k than say her hse room bed is simmons bed few k also. So her dad must be very rich lor cnt be few hundred rental also cnt afford to pay for his daughter lor and she herself is also wking mah.
 

happygal958

New Member
Grudges,
But if you stay there, will it turn you into crazy?
And i dont think it's about money problem for grudges. Even she take the money rental, she still needs to face her everyday.

I think you need to have the support from ur bf first and slowly go into her parents.
Calmly, tell them that you feel that not comfortable with her presence in your house.
 

grudges

New Member
yellowrose,

Actually i did told my bf about it also. I told him if she dun move i just go back my parent hse to stay but he dun wan me to do so. He say i siao hse is mine y should i leave? I will not turn crazy but i tink i will keep find more n more things to quarrel with my bf which in term will affect our r/s instead.
I told him we cannot just keep pretend like nothing happen and let the bro gf stay our hse. Things already happen i cnt act blur lor. I am going to talk to his parent this weekend telling them how i feel i will tell them to ask the ger to go out rent a room or wat lor just dun stay my hse anymore i dun like her.
 
Grudes when are u getting married or already ROMed?

I feel u shd let your bf have a talk with his parents with u ard of cos but u shd not say anything. Let him handle this matter. We can understand that u DUN LIKE this ger and want her OUT OF THE HOUSE.
Or another alternative is rent a small place for your bf's parents and bro and his gf to stay. and u and your bf get to stay in your own place.
 

grudges

New Member
Blur,

No not married we defer from hdb. Getting married this yr end.

My bf already talk to them before but they just keep tell me to ren lor so i think i should tell them i am not going to bear with it anymore i should let them know my feeling.

Problems now dun lie with his parent at all is just the gf. So dun see y i should rent a place for his parent to stay. That will be worse they will feel we are chasing them out right? at least now is only the gf i dun feel so because like i say all along she is just an outsider to me
 

grudges

New Member
Blur,

Like i say they apply BTO liao but the hse not ready. So think only married after the hse ready lor.

haha but she super thick skin hor alerady start calling my bf mum mama and my bf kuo kuo liao so guess she already treat herself as a member of the family liao.
 

flyingstar

New Member
so she confirm marrying your bf bro liao. and then she will be your SIL le. no escape.

Anyway see how things goes when you speak to your bf's parents ba...but must make sure your bf support you leh. I find that your bf is pushing you to talk to his parents because he doesn't want to be the bad guy... very duh!!

Rightfully he should be the one doing all the talking instead of you.
 

vios

New Member
that's the thing with some women.... almost everything begins with the 'i don't like your face' thingy. from that point onwards, every minor issue would be singled out with plenty of prejudice, but without much pre-thoughts. that's why there are talks on "think before you speak" or "write" in this case, however it is super under-utilised, sad to say.


other than the comments by grudges.....these statements by MRC pretty much proved my point:

"Next time, when she hiam again, tell her that she, the beggar got no choice. Either she leave or continue to stay but follow your rules."

"This is your house and you have every rights to tell unwelcome guests off."

"... 'brain-wash' your mil that if you don't 'discipline' this rude girl, your mil will definitely suffers in her hands in the future."

and of course, more from grudges again....

"she super thick skin hor alerady start calling my bf mum mama and my bf kuo kuo liao so guess she already treat herself as a member of the family liao."


sometimes, i wonder what's the point of having an education, if it only serves to bring home that certificate but nothing else?

you bitch about her, you complain to the people who get involved inadvertently, you expect people to hear you and not be heard, and you expect things to be your way just because you have certain rights. Ever wonder, how you got this rights in the first place? i don' think you care.

so she is faulted for having a "kuai lan bin"... and yeah, she might be partly responsible for certain actions.... but have you ever take a real good look in the mirror before? i doubt so.

it's no brainer that this drama would cause the most heartaches to whom....
 

grudges

New Member
Flying Star,

My bf already did the talking liao and the answer they give is ask me to ren for few more years and like i say their hse is going to ready only in 2 3 yrs time lor so dun think i can ren so long so i think i will talk to them myself.
 

grudges

New Member
Well Vios,

You start making me suspect you are tat sickening in my hse.

Because it seems you are feeling very sorry for her and putting on all good words for her and fighting all bad comment that all of us make.

Yes, you are right. School dun teach us manner tats y she is showing me 1 good example of not even calling my family or even just saying hi in the 1st place, so does it means i should ask her to tear of the certificate she get in school also?

And maybe you are an angel, you never dislike pple before so thats y u dun understand the feeling at all.
 

vios

New Member
Sorry hor... if i am that gal, i'll leave immediately. I cannot stand right beside someone who is acting so self-righteous, because of some entitlements.

Like i wrote before, i do acknowledge that she has problems with her self... am i defending her? or, are you defending yourself against my comments? kid me not... you're looking for support and you don't get that from me, eh?

And, this is the exact-kind of response that i expect from you. Since you can't get my sarcasm again.... actually, i'm trying to tell you that Education instills us the knowledge and ability to read/think deeper than simply to judge by the raw surface, not so much about Manners and Courtesy.

well, i'm not an angel although i do wish that i'm one. My main weakness is that, i dislike and speak out against ppl who give themselves too much credits for the current deeds, in view of other ppl's contributions.
 

grudges

New Member
Well Vios,

By writting here we are just sharing views and also seeking advise from pple encounting same problems as us. Dun think too highly of urself i do not need your support at all because you are also a nobody to me.

Dun bullshit la as if education educate you until very well. Than should ask every parent to enrol their children in the school you study so that all their children can really read/think deeply.

wow sound like u r being very righteous than go be a judge or a lawyer and dun act like an angel who is telling pple off when u r not facing the problems urself

I also DISLIKE this kind of hypocrite.
 

vios

New Member
exactly like how i anticipated.... the defensive mode, and that's what i'm pointing out as well.

sharing views? that's what i've been doing at the start - but, your "Owner Rights" blinded you..

seeking advise? do anyone needs advice if the purpose is to prove others wrong?

when i'm not facing the problem myself? so i must be in your shoes to talk on the same wavelength, otherwise i'm a hypocrite?

so who's being Contradicting here?
 

jenn76

New Member
Hi Vios,

I understand what you are trying to put it through, you are not taking sides on Grudges neither her bf bro's gf, you are purely standing at a 3rd party's point of view. And seriously, I am a wife and I do have a bro-In-law who always lazing around at home moreover my Parents-In-law staying under one roof and dun talk to each other....complicated issues, I too dun like the way the bro acts at times but seriously, if I were to be so pissed like Grudges I am only giving my hubby a tough time. And I do see your remarks on grudges merely b'coz of the ways she expressed her thoughts in here and I have to agree, it is somehow abit out of hands. And I think that is part of the reason why you make such a statement.

I am not taking sides on both too, but to me, being a daughter-In-law and wife, I feel I should treat them as part of the family, loving your husband family is as good as loving him. Whenever I am unhappy with my In-laws family (close aunties and uncles) I can't allow myself to show it on my face, coz I understand whatever I do and behave, I am indirectly reflecting my parent's reputation. I wouldn't want my In-laws family saying that I am some kind of uneducated or sleazy girl being brought up in my family line. Furthermore I am gonna put my hubby in a very difficult position being sandwiched in between. Hence, most of the times, when I really can't tolerate any further, both my hubby and myself will sit down and talk about it, u know, just like how u sit down talking to your frds with no grudges or hatred.

I personally agree with you, Vios, that women are more petty as compared with men, I am not a Saint either, but maybe my tolerance level is pretty high.

I believe this forum is to allow the public sharing their thoughts, and there are bound to have positive and neg remarks. Do not take it so personally coz it is definately not a 100% supported forum if that's what the person is needed here.

I see Grudges is rather pissed off from the way she wrote and way too much to a very personal view towards the bf bro's gf. I personally think Gudges, you should do some self-relections on how you treat her in the first place, your gestures of banging the doors or throwing stuff at home in front of her isn't a pleasant thing to do so too. And please, I am not taking her sides either. Your behaviour have somehow affected your bf's family either and you are putting him in a difficult position, and that goes to your in-laws too considering they have a high level of tolerance. Why not you try going through with a softer approach in this case?
 

grudges

New Member
Vios,

Dun think you are sharing your views, you are just trying to be sacastic and giving all sacastic remarks and advise.

All your words "GOT MEANINGS" INSIDE.
 

vios

New Member
it's all getting too freaking familiar for me...

dun like the face? no room for amicable talk.
disagree with comments? "got meanings" inside.

someone, pls grab the gun and shoot me in the head!
 

vios

New Member
to those who see my perspective, thanks for keeping it neutral.....

we need that 'hidden sense' when the time for Reasoning comes...
 

mayimayi

New Member
Yes, vios is a male. *headshot*

Anyway, i don see any hidden meaning in Vios's post, its all quite straightforward actually.

Grudges, why dont you try to think in another perspective instead of clinging on to the thought that she is an Outsider. Yes you dislike her and her actions might be rude, have you actually spoken to her amicably before? Did you voice out to her that her actions are upsetting? Or did you just bang and explode in the house to display your unhappiness?

Seems to me you have this 'xian lu wei zhu' mentality.
 

grudges

New Member
additions to blur's suggestion, please also impose Smoking fine, Noise-level fine, Attitude-problem fine, Kuai-Lan-Bin fine, etc.... all at your own discretion.
rem, the fast rule is to get rid of sickening people and to govern the flat like a piece of land, as the legal owners. Nothing else matters.

And, this is the exact-kind of response that i expect from you. Since you can't get my sarcasm again

Dun tell me all this is being straightforward he himself also say that "Since you can't get my sarcasm again"
 

sheezh

New Member
I think the TS has what my friends will call princess illness. Everything is my right because it's mine. Because it's her house. Because she don't like the bro's gf face. She is an outsider, etc etc..

I understand how unhappy being the owner of the house do not have the "rights" to the house. I dislike having outsiders in my home as well. But to the TS, I feel that you have already made your dislike before even really get to know the gf. Due to her face(??). And because she feeling the vibes of your dislike, in turn make your life difficult. So there is always two side to a coin. Have you ever thought about your own attitude towards her before commenting on her attitude towards you and your family? I think the first thing you have to do is to look at yourself, and your own attitude. We are only hearing how the gf is imposing on you, but what's her story??

Not saying that you are wrong to not decide who you want in the house or who you don't want. But you are in fact just a co-owner. If other family members don't mind her prescence, you can rant all you want (for two days here) and nothing will be done, and you are just making everyone's life including yours miserable.
 

vios

New Member
JC, can't you sense that i'd rather get executed than to elaborate further...

one thing for me though, i do put in time and effort to process my thoughts before posting in such topics...
i know that it might bode negativity for me, but it's really fine.

End of the day, like now i'm trying to get us (as a group of strangers) to see different perspectives before we act on our opinions.

That's applicable everywhere, isn't it?
 

latino

New Member
I think Grudges just want to vent, get hugs and sayangs. And not realising that she has a part to play too in this. It is a very lame excuse to just blame the other party simply because Grudges dont like the gf's face. It's so emotional.

I dont see Grudges as very logical and rational. Let her be since she is the rightful owner. She can do whatever she wants.

In life, always give and take alittle. We cannot always be right regardless of whatever status.
 

susanna_low

New Member
That's 1 of the reason why I swore never to stay with my in laws no matter how amiable our relationship is.

It will be unfair to impose rules to the siblings too and deprive them the right for them to bring anybody home, from own house (parents' house) become others' house (stay at other people's shelter) like that.
 

the_giving_tree

New Member
Grudges, it's really a big mistake to make this kind of living arrangement, isn't it? In the first place, your bf's share can be transferred to his mum in the old flat. Then you and your bf can buy your own flat. Your bf's brother and girlfriend can continue to live with your PIL in the old flat, since your PIL obviously don't mind living with your bf's brother and his girlfriend.

Anyway, it's too late to do anything now. Your BIL and his gf are also quite cheapskate; want to live in other people's house for free. And mind you, they are both working adults. Just curious, do both of them help in the housework? Or end up your poor PIL have to do the housework?

Yours is indeed a tricky situation. Once they move in, it's pretty difficult to ask them to move out! Only your husband or your PIL can ask them to do so now but it looks like they are not going to be on your side. I wish you luck. I have faced similar problems before. Before I was married, I was living with two sisters-in-law; one after another. Big issue due to living habits. Then I got married and had to live with MIL. Another big issue.

Moral of the story: Avoid living with in-laws as far as possible. There's no wrong or right here; with different living habits and lifestyle, conflicts are bound to happen; especially in small HDB flats.
 

jenn76

New Member
Vios,

Precisely, if you going to post anything in the forum just be self-prepared not to have any hard-feelings on the other's feedback.

Sheezh,

I absolutely agree with your views too, I've read through the thread but it seems like what we are reading is all about the hatred that she had for her bf's bro gf and it all started off that she dislike her face, the banging and all ways of venting her angry just to show her dislike towards the gf is absolutely unacceptable. We have to learn how to respect ourselves before gaining respect from others.
 


mrc

New Member
I always agree to what powder said about the old wise words of 'wanna go temple must learn to worship buddha'. If you are staying in other ppl's house, please do have the decency to show your respect to the owner of the house.

Vios
Yes, I also agree that women are more petty than men. Besides, women and men always have different views in handling matters. To me, I still stand firm about what I have quoted; If you want to stay in my house, do respect my rules. If not, please leave. I don't like wasting my life/time putting up with unhappiness. Life is too short to have perpetual problems. Of course, I don't order ppl around and insist others to behave/live what I want to. If there are rooms to compromise and make both parties happy, I don't see why not. Who doesn't want to be in good terms with their in-laws? Like others say, when you marry, you marry with a package but that doesn't mean that you can get 'corner' by others when your own property is concerned.
 

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