How to curb the F1-demon in him?

denise80

Active Member
Hi ppl, it's my turn to seek help having posted in many threads here giving ppl advice and sharing my personal experiences.

My hubby, in my eyes, is perfect except for one big big flaw and that is he has this 'F1-demon' in him when he's on the road driving. Generally when it comes to driving, he's fast and impatient. He's not the vulgar or violent type but he's just very very impatient and in my opinion unsafe. His number one hobby is to race in Malaysia which never failed to worry me sick. Prior to our marriage, he never had such a hobby though he's always into cars and driving. Our frequent arguments, though usually resolved easily, would take place when he's driving or when he needs to go on a driving trip to sepang in msia. I've shared with him my concerns and worries for his safety, including all those sleepless nights before he left for his driving trip or during his driving trip. He simply thinks I'm exaggerating and just tries to assure me that everything will be safe etc. I had colleagues who lost their spouses in road accidents and therefore I'm more cautious but my hubby is the happy go lucky type who thinks "aiya, if you'll die, you'll die one lah..." I think this kind of thought is crazy because even if I were to die, I would think about my responsibilities to my family, spouse etc. Why would I also want to endanger my life by participating in all these driving trips??

So men, how many of you are such drivers and do you all continue driving like this or had anyone or anything in your life changed your attitude in driving?

Women, how many of you have husbands like mine and were you successful in curbing that racing demon in them?
 


denise80

Active Member
Hi eggtart, thanks for your sharing. My hubby is afterall a nice chap because he relented this time and decided not to go but I just wonder when he would ever think of going sepang again. I just don't like to risk it, esp going through the north south highway at more than 150km/hr. Anyway, he thinks I'm not a safe driver too and this thing never ends so we drive our own cars and not each other's cars.
 

powder

Active Member
if he's driving to sepang then it's pretty ok and controlled... much safer than on spore roads, by the way.

going by your description of "north south highway at more than 150km/hr", i think your concept and threshold of speed might be a little too conservative... cos 140 for normal cars is norm on NS, 160-180 for the better ones... my normal speed during those days was around 160-180 which is pretty safe.

'Safe' is subjective... what u perceive may be based on Your driving norms and ability. Driving is a skill that u develop over time... for some it's natural... for others, they dun even notice the cars behind and beside them but simply drive straight.

i'm the type who can notice all the 8 cars surrounding me, and upto 7-8 cars ahead, taking into account the speed and the potential power of each car based on that few seconds of time travelling past them, and this includes the bikes travelling between lanes. it also extends to the traffic light conditions, the curvature and road condition, my personal knowledge of each of my car which manoueuvres differently on that same road... the tyres i have and how the react, whether my car is FWD, RWD... etc.

i am not saying i am very skillful. i am just pointing out some additional levels of awareness abilities that some pple may possess, whilst some may not even possess, nor be bothered to pickup.

if u dun have that same awareness, u obviously can't drive as fast Safely, nor do u dare to becos it is beyond your ability. just as poor swimmers dun venture into the deep end... they should not assume everyone who swim the deep end are in as much danger.

if u wanna advise, advise in the right way. your colleagues whose spouses might have died, didn't die on the way to sepang, did they? u should stop your husband from driving if u fear accidents.

my wife just tells me to drive safely... she never tells me to drive slowly. that's where she understands better than most pple... cos she knows slow is not safe...

PS: speeds i mention are for NS Expressway.
 

denise80

Active Member
Maybe I should let you all in on a bit more details. My hubby is a skilful driver. It's not speed that I'm concerned with only though that's one of the problems as well. Generally speaking, he's impatient. Take for instance, ppl crossing the road illegally, he would speed up to scare them. Once, he really knocked someone's hand by deliberately turning in nearer to the poor chap who took his own sweet time to walk. Luckily the chap didn't stop to pursue. He probably thought he damaged the damn car and left the scene quickly. His stupid wing mirror came off. Then many times, when cars are turning left or switching lanes, before they did so fully, he would accelerate...only to realise the car suddenly braked due to slow traffic or something and he had to do a quick swerve to avoid hitting them - damn again. I don't speed but I also don't drive like a tortoise. To me, I do defensive driving. I wait till the person cleared the path entirely before I accelerate. It's not like he hadn't had car accidents before where he flew to the opposite lane, hit some stupid kerb and the car dragged to a halt. He would be frightened for some time (maybe a few weeks only) before he reverts back to what he deems as 'safe' nd skilful driving. It's the monster in him, not his skills I would say. My colleagues's spouses who died in car accidents only made me realise life is short and therefore we shouldn't risk it and that's how I put across to him. Yeah, of course slow is not safe but not when you're so fast the other cars don't see you. I've told him time and time again that he may be a skillful driver but other cars may not react as fast and thus he is endangering his life and others. If you see a cyclist, you would naturally slow down right? If he sees one, he would speed past that cyclist and says it's stupid for him to be cycling there. Duh? Even if he's in the right of way, I wonder if he indeed kills someone in a car accident, can he sleep at night?? I don't think I can.
 

powder

Active Member
on this aspect, he needs to realisethat regardless he be right or wrong... as a driver, he will lose his licence, go to jail, and bear the guilt of killing a father/mother/son for the rest of his life.... it's very real.
 

denise80

Active Member
Sigh..yes...I've always tried to remind him of the consequences...including me becoming a widow and if we have kids, worse...they would be fatherless etc...but like I said, he's a happy go lucky person who doesn't think of dire consequences like these. Yet, he's not a wicked person. The person he hit was out of mischief rather than with an intention to hurt. But nonetheless, I think it's downright childish and uncalled for. Now, he's kinder to pedestrians but on the road, he still drives impatiently. I don't know how else I could help him. Maybe it sounds exaggerating but whenever I sit in his car, I would perspire, hold on tight to something, keep my feet in for fear that if the car crashes, at least my feet would not kenna (duh?). Whenever I'm in his car, I also dared not sleep, play loud music (for fear that he would be even more oblivious of the surroundings) or talk much in case I distract him or what.
 

matka

Member
Hi Denise

I feel for you, but I don't know how else other than telling him straight-in-the-face that he's being irresponsible and has no respect for lives. He may be doing it out of mischief, but a vehicle is ultimately a machine and still has to be used properly, and safely. Lose a little control and he could have very well hurt someone.

Perhaps he needs to interact with more people whose lost loved ones for him to realise that it's such a waste of life. I guess now he has the "it won't happen to me" mentality?
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Maybe you really need to act out your disapproval by not going into the car. Even if you go are heading out together, insist on using public transport instead.

Action speaks louder than words.
 

powder

Active Member
the hitting pple part and scaring pple is actually scary... man against machine... man will always lose. i think u can only re-iterate on the consequences...

can't imagine being crippled for the rest of my life and not being able to carry my children nor teach them to ride a bike simply becos a driver on the road tried to scare me or lost patience when i was crossing the road or something... not worth to the driver too - if he ends in jail and has a record and lose his job...

it's a lose/lose situation for Everyone.
 

mum_of_2_girls

New Member
Hi Denise,

Maybe he doesn't have a car till he entered the workforce, so he finds it a big deal about being able to drive one and scare people around with it.

Whenever my hubby feels very great about being able to ferry me around, I keep him down to earth by saying it's ok you don't have to ferry me around if you don't want because I have Taxi Uncle and Bus Uncle to do the job.

Geez... What the big deal about a car, really????
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Last weekend, I had this insane moment, wanted to end it all by ramming it straight onto the trailer ahead.

Emotional stress makes us crazy sometimes.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Denis, the scaring part is pretty dumb. Just flash and honk at them.

Accelerate only when the coast is clear. When one is confident and have good judgement, no need a lot for clearance. When passing, one need to be extra careful in case the person suddenly change direction.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Albee, u r totally not getting the point. Its nothing abt a great deal of a car. Its simply having no tolerance for other road users that might be slower and unattentive or simply inconsiderate.
 

cococherry

New Member
its not about the vehicle. My bf have his own car since 18, he too sometimes will cuss at pedestrians who cross the road slowly but not to the extend of speeding or hitting others. He was quite impatient last time until he met an accident few mths ago.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Think Albee meant some people feel superior owning a car and enjoy "scaring" pedestrians who make them feel cross or annoyed.
 

thommy

New Member
Tracking in Sepang is not dangerous if one observes all the safety rules and regulations there. I have regular trackie friends who are very calm and composed drivers while on our roads here, but over at Sepang they let it all loose. Of course, they observe all the safety rules and track etiquette there.

If your hubby is like that denise, I doubt you can change him seriously. It may take him to get into a serious accident first before it can wake him up.

I used to be like him also when I was young, very impetuous, impatient and full of racing hormones but as I aged, the fire in me was lost somewhat.
 

matka

Member
Would Denise be referring to the drive from Singapore to Sepang, rather than on the tracks of Sepang itself? Like an unregulated warm-up session prior?
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Yes, many Sepang trackies drive very fast from Singapore to Sepang, to get there quickly. One way to beat the traffic is set out the night before and rest at a hotel before driving to the circuit the next day.
 

thommy

New Member
matka, I believe denise is referring to his overall driving habits, place/location notwithstanding.

doll is right, a lot of responsible trackies do rest at a hotel first before going for their session as it is mentally and physically draining if you barely had few winks the night before. also highly dangerous especially when you can hit speeds of beyond 200km/h on track. it only takes a moment of carelessness to lose everything.
 

denise80

Active Member
Hi ppl,

Yes, I was referring to his overall driving habits, not just in sepang or in msia. Many of you were right that he has this belief of 'it would never happen to me' because he's a happy go lucky person who has never encountered any really tragic events in his life. His only kin who passed away was his Grandma and that was when he's really a small kid. Also, Albee, it's not about him thinking it's a great deal to have a car. On the contrary, he gets his car easily and for free and which is probably why one bump or so is okay to him because he thinks he could afford it. It's more about his impatient nature. He's really super impatient when it comes to driving. Each time after telling him off, after he's cooled down, he would then talk nicely to me etc but the next time, it would happen again. It's quite exasperating. This is like the only thing that we don't see eye to eye in our marriage.

As for the sepang trip, he did intend to stay overnight there before going for the trip the next day. My only consolation now is that he wouldn't go for this trip but what about in future? I don't know. Anyway it's not just about this trip. Hes already a dangerous driver on normal days. My only consolation was he's now kinder to people. But even then, accidents can still happen right? We just gotta be more considerate I feel. Just the other day, he was busy looking out for traffic to come out from a carpark to join the main road. He didn't see this stupid mother (also her fault) pushing a pram across the carpark. The mother thought his car was stationary for her to cross. Good thing I was there and asked him to stop because he was all ready to drive off already. If I were the driver, I would have signalled for the mother to cross the road before I move off or at least inched a little forward to show her that I'm moving off soon. I wonder if he's alone driving, would all these have happened already? Sigh...

It's funny how a usually patient person can become so impatient when it comes to driving. I really don't get it?
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
doll...
Think Albee meant some people feel superior owning a car and enjoy "scaring" pedestrians who make them feel cross or annoyed.

yes, I know what she meant. But, I don't agree that the issue here is abt folks feeling superior or anything. Its simply no tolerance to others slowness. Many drivers are guilty of that at times actually. The scaring part has nothing to do with feeling superior.
 

denise80

Active Member
Ya, actually he's just 'buay song' ppl who take their own sweet time to walk despite knowing there are oncoming cars.
 

vios

New Member
denise,

he seems like one of those spoilt brats behind the wheel who think everyone should only give way to him. actually that is pretty much self-centreness as well.

anyway what's the big deal with giving way? i don't feel shortchanged whenever i give way to drivers who need to change lanes regardless on the highway or in the midst of heavy traffic, let alone pedestrains crossing to the other side.

it has got something to do with his mindset and attitude towards life.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
one simple trick to a non stop jay walking crowd... Move your car really really slowly... forward whenever the slightest gap. Its not scary nor dangerous cos its snail pace. But, u get moving a point till u clear the crowd and people will start moving behind your car instead.

For jokers that walked slowly infront along the road, just honk lightly. When they turn, wave at them to thank them. In some cases, idiots that still don't bother, I honk really hard and do the moving slowly trick.
 

vios

New Member
yeah milo, that's how we do it but not sure about denise's hubby, given his road rage with the slightest of matters.
 

denise80

Active Member
After the nasty incident, he dared not scare pedestrians already so he would just move slowly and unless it's dangerous, he wouldn't honk.
 

denise80

Active Member
Hi doll. Nope. He's kind to animals, babies, kids, elderly and friendly to strangers like hawkers etc. He even had more patience than me whn it comes to long queues for food or services. I think it's just driving that he has intolerance for ppl who seemed to walk slowly on purpose. He's also impatient with slowmoving traffic and sotong drivers. Still haven't heard an advice ive haven't tried yet. Sigh. But I'll say he has improved slightly these days. Hope I wun see that demon again.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Anyway, his behaviour is part of what is termed "road rage". It is like a ticking time bomb that can go off anytime? Some say it is a mental issue or a form of handicap.

I just don't have respect for road rage as they are a danger to other road users, and it is like letting the machine you steer or the external environment take control of you. Hope your patience will pay off, or do you think there is a cure?
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
I am an impatient driver myself. But being impatient and being dangerous is different thing.
 

denise80

Active Member
Yea...being impatient and dangerous are different matters. In my opinion, he's being impatient and sometimes dangerous.

Hmm...doll, funny thing is my hubby loves to drive. He didn't think it's torturous. Actually I think it's torturous to drive or sit in his car when the demon acts up. I, too, don't have respect for road rage. I totally didn't see this coming because when we were dating, he was driving this kangoo van so he was slow but steady and safe. I don't know since when he changed when he started driving a continental car. While he's right about the car being able to be driven in certain ways, I think safety still must come first.
 

simpleman

Active Member
It would be difficult to curb the "F1" demon. He will probably learn when he ends up with a serious accident... but it may be too late then.

Perhaps, someone who he has respect for to talk to him about this.

I am an impatient driver myself - depending.. but when there are passengers in my car, I automatically change into a less impatient driver.

There was once a couple years back.. I was driver and cursing the driver in front (near a round-about). I have used the F.. word on the driver in front.. My then youngest daughter was like 3 or 4 years old.. and she "repeated my curse - complete with the f... word". After that I became much more conscious of my driver and my cursing behaviour. I also become less impatient..
 

denise80

Active Member
Looks like if I'm pregnant with a kid in future...he might tone down then.

He used to tone down when he has passengers in his car. Now that he's so used to me in his car, he no longer drives safely. Only when my parents are in his car will he drive safely.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Denise, to me, a person who truly loves to drive is one who loves driving in all kinds of road conditions, even during heavy traffic. Your husband's love for driving is the love of control of the vehicle and when he has the way of the road. But in reality, we share the road with other users including pedestrians and strayed or lost animals. Being considerate and safe is still a top priority to me but I don't hog the road by driving slowly.
 

denise80

Active Member
lol, doll, I've hardly heard of someone who loves driving to also love driving in a heavy traffic. Those who love heavy traffics are either those who have a lot of time at hand or those who love enjoying music in the comfort of their luxurious cars.

anyway I'm the true blue type who doesn't like driving. I only like it because it could store heavy things I need for work and gets me to work on time (no traffic jams for me).

Oh yes, he gets very impatient too with drivers he deems are stupid or poor drivers, while I'm much more tolerant. I don't know if it's a female or male thing. My gal friend thinks like me and when she slowed down for another car to overtake her, her hubby (who's a non-driver!) said to her that she shouldn't have been so nice and should have just accelerated. C'mon...how much time can one save by not giving way? I told her...you should have told your hubby to take over the driver's seat (he has no license even).
 

tomasulu

Member
the most dangerous drivers are the slow clueless drivers, cough cough asian cough female drivers. i betcha his driving record is pretty clean accident wise. your husband is alright, we need more of them.
 

denise80

Active Member
I'm always against this idea that female drivers are more dangerous because they are slow and clueless. I think we have lived till this age to realise that it's nothing to do with gender but personaliyt and skills.

Anyway his driving record is not that pretty clean as mentioned ealrier.
 

powder

Active Member
actually it's living to this age that made me further convicted that female drivers are generally less accustomed to driving... perhaps the psychomotor skills aren't as natural.

whilst there are female pilots and drivers, it remains pretty limited, n it's not becos opportunities are not there. perhaps coupled with a sense of direction and a natural ability to combine the senses, ladies are abit lacking in this aspect.

i'm pretty sure a good proportion here has never changed their tyres, checked the pressure, check their oil levels etc... or how many have actually taken a real interest in improving their driving thru defensive and advance driving courses? of all that i've attended, the proportion of ladies is seriously like 1/20?

the absence of the gender would be a rather telling sign to me. else female drivers who are good wouldn't be a surprise... and i've sat beside many a lady driver during my earlier motoring years to atest to the lack of hand-eye-foot-mind coordination.

do note this is nothing to do with gender bashing, just telling it like it is...
 

denise80

Active Member
Powder, each time I encountered a goondu driver on the road, I've noted that it's 70% male drivers than female drivers. Of cos, there are more male than female drivers to begin with but really, I used to think it's the females until I drive myself and noticed it's the male drivers. Maybe theyform the majority of drivers in sg so I tend to encounter male drivers who can't drive. At my workplace in a rm of abt 12 employees, 8 drive, 6 females and 2 males. 2 females own both car and motorbike licences, 4 including myself car licence only. The other two gentlemen drive cars too. Four of us, the females, passed at first attempt with less than ten demerit pts. The men passed at third or fourth attempt. Both can't reverse park! They were shocked that I could reverse or parallel park in no time, which I felt was basic. And needless to say, both men had more car accidents than we do and many of their accidents had to do with parking problems or being too slow on the expressway like 80km/hr on tpe first lane? Of cos my numbers are few here but this is what I've observed of ppl ard me so far. Psychomotor skills have nothing to do with gender, ESP since women are adept at sports while they were in sch and PEs have trained them in psychomotor skills as well. And there remains a percentage of men who are just not gd in psychomotor skills and sports that require these skills. When I look at my in-laws, I also realised that my mother in law is a better driver than my father in law.
 

powder

Active Member
it's the men in your office i think.

and passing at first attempt is not proof of anything... i took 3 times to pass, not becos of anything except speeding... the circuit was too slow for me, it took alot for me to abide by the rules to get my licence. God knows i drove 80 on my first day taking the wheels, and parked easily.

my experience also concludes a few other things for me... just indulge me abit here... this is certainly not gonna be politically correct...

nissan sunny drivers are the most avoided lot for me... the choice of cars have alot to do with the kind of characters and they tend to be the ones who want the most out of the least, so they tend to be in their own world for their own benefit, totally unaware of the outside world. of cos just one of the cars... i have my thoughts on bmw 320 drivers and wrx drivers etc too. same with how we profile most taxi drivers...

until today i wonder why no MD or CEO of taxi companies actually come up with a simple SOP... like "if u're looking for pasengers, simple keep left", or "employ hazards prior to stopping, and signals prior to any lane change"

some pple are just not bothered.

in my world, the ladies are the poor drivers. but do note my definition of poor has everythingto do with speed, accuracy, anticipation and more...
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
frankly.... most of the idiot drivers i encountered lately are ......



IPHONE users.

I'm using a touch screen too... who isn't nowadays... but always with a blue tooth when driving. Is that such a difficult thing to do?

Powder is pretty correct abt the Nissans.... No just sunnies, significant number of Sylphy and some Latio drivers as well. Not as a branket across all owners of these cars. But ask yourself honestly, observe on the road and see who are the hoggers and dreamers. What model and make are they largely?
 

denise80

Active Member
My problem is not with any car brand or model. My problem will be the bikes at peak hrs. Imagine bikes turning on my left as I was turning left!
 

powder

Active Member
there's a few ways to counter the bikes, but just rem that safety is crucial... i never actually squeezed in-between when riding, but sometimes i do get forced out by cars when taking a full lane. so it's a los-lose situation for bikes...

i employ 120% tolerance for bikes and bicycles. (but in the car it's 80% cursing)

i hate it when pple put their lives in my hands... this includes pedestrians/jaywalkers who are oblivious to traffic. they make a nonchalant mistake and i can end up in jail and my life ruined...

we need to exercise patience with pple most likely to die or be maimed by our actions. wrong or right doesn't matter becos life takes priority abv all else.
 



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