Yeah whether he's angry or I'm angry, I don't like to be "coaxed" myself. I think if I "coax" him without an apology, he will also think I'm weird. Kinda annoys me if it's done for the sake of getting the problem over and done with. So, if there's a disagreement, talk about it, then make up with a long hug and kiss.
The "pampering" part is just a bonus, but not necessary.
home-cooked food is the worst thing to impose on me... to be honest. it seems like a simple thing rite?
unfortunately - the expectations from home-cooked food can be a serious problem. expectations for me to be back in time to eat, restriction on me at work, and if petty enough - may end up with little squabbles over dishes/washing/praise on food quality.
i pick outside food anytime. homecooked food comes with too much emotional problems.
Alamak. why think so negatively about home-cooked food?
For me, nothing beats a nice lovely meal prepared by the ones that we love. But again, it should be done in moderation. Be it eating out or home, do it within a comfortable level and everyone will be happy.
I have never think of it as restrictions. See from the view of the one that prepared it. Many times, what we need to do is show simple acts of appreciate and enjoy the meal. Even that, we are too stingy with and think only of the inconvenience caused with the 'restrictions'.
Disclaimer : I'm not directing this at anymore but more in general. My dad used to complained about mum's cooking. But in the end was touched by the kind act of the hooker to bring him home & cooked soup for him. We was dead drank & kicked out of the ktv after a fight with my mum. Ironic as it is, cooking is just another simple way where we show love.
i think its natural to have expectations. We just need to regularly do reality checks and sychro.
I do birthdays but equally wary of expectations.
Even if no present, its fine. Mainly, its a day I pamper myself. Not expecting others to necessarily pamper me too.
My bday is also a reminder of several close friends bday including my father. Strange but coincidental, its this way. Even the gal I used to woo in uni had bday 1 day from mine. Most amazingly, my wife's bday is also on that same day.
think the diff is on the context that we speak about. Maybe I'm out of point liao.
For me, its more true for spouse because we choose someone compatible. But with parents and in-law, its differs. I appreciate the folks no matter how unimportant it is for me. Because I understand folks just have a different way of showing their love and I cannot choose them.
Even for spouse, even we love breast meat and hate drum stick, I would like to try the wings, fish, or even vegetarian sometimes. We don't always get loved the way we want. But we still appreciate their effort as long as they are not overly bearing forcing them down.
Main point is moderation. No matter how compatible, it is never 100%. We still need to appreciate each other's love even when its not the way we want them always. That, for me, is part of learning to really understand and love our partners better.
i was actually just addressing that cliche thought - tat the way to a man's heart is thru his stomach. tat's absolute crap to me...
on what u say, i can pick issue with u... let's say u're my wife and i'm your hubby, u ALREADY know i love drumstick but die die still cook breast meat. u want me to appreciate your cooking, your effort and perhaps even looking after my health by offering a healthier cut... but i can be thinking tat all i want is my fav cut - drumstick, but u still die die cook something else. i just wanna relax and u spoil my nite...
so why even bother cooking?
tat's wat i meant by emotional problems arising from cooking. trust me, it happens... even the amount of salt used can be an issue...
i shall not bring parents into it, cos tat's totally different.
There could be reasons of cooking breast meat... unless the partner is an idiot. Let me explain another analogy. Many of us hate to drink herbal tea that is supposingly to be cooling and good for us. We resent it for yrs. Strangely now, we understand the good effects of it and naturally buy them ourselves despite not loving the taste.
I wouldn't say parents love are completely different. Mostly, the intention is out of love and good will for us. Maybe the doctor's report recommended you to cut your fat intake so naturally breast meat is a better choice for you despite you hating it. The hours of preparation could include the painstaking effort to make breast meat taste better than the drum.
Of cos... this one could be extreme lah. Back to my point, I completely agree that we must choose a compatible mate. That's part of what you are saying. And then the other part is, on expectations. We cannot just expect our partners to give us what we want. They have a mind of their own too mah. They will also worry and make decisions basing on what they think is good.
when u use herbal and health, then the argument is closed. of cos we can open the arguement of homecooked food versus hawker food... i personally feel analogies should be more neutral - ie just Food. not food tat is viewed as Good for health.
actually the fact tat we're having a discussion now, and a difference of opinion... shows tat The dinner might be an issue unless both holds the same issue.
But I don't agree that that idea of cooking for a man is crap idea.
Its just one of the many ways one can show love. Its a matter of appropriateness, compatiblity and moderation.
You brought up the issue of amount of salt. Exactly the point... it might taste bland. Its actually a difficult task to make food taste good without much salt. When we are too used to food bought outside, all you can taste is the taste from high amt of salt & MSG. The taste buds becomes less sensitive to the natural flavor of food.
The issues brought up are not really isolated to ccoking but rather understanding each other needs. I see home cooked food pinalized.
my point is - not every guy wants a woman who prepares food for him to return home to. i'm disputing the cliche... u're already Accepting that cliche and asking my choice of food... how abt my choice of not eating home?
the Expectations is one of the contributing factors... as it is, Cherry find them to be noble chores... i find them to be restricitve actions; she finds the fatigue forgotten when the food is eaten by loved ones... i'll be eating and feeling irritated to be forced to eat to 'show love'... characters like Cherry and Me can never be man & wife.
as the person who cooked the food, it feels lousy when the eater isn't home to eat, or u have to throw away the food.
All said, i think that women shldn't assume that her home-cooked food is a form of pampering method.. it is, by no means, a certain way of making your hubby happy as he really may prefer to eat out and save all hassles - and in powder's case, the intangible emotions.
Me and wifey also quite sianz of cooking at home after some time liao... esp. the post-dinner washing, it kinda sucks. Heh....
milo, tat's not a very fair statement. i'm just warning against thinking tat the concept of preparing nice home-cooked food at home Being a sorta sure-work action.
it's Not hating to eat home... it's Not hating home-cooked food... it's Not hating wife's cooking etc etc...
it's simply not wanting to have to go thru the roller-coaster of having food prepared for u which u have a responsibility to consume.
the years of returning home at 10-11pm to see the food set aside for me by mum has taught me certain things. no doubt it represents love... i never doubted tat... i'm just saying dun go excited and start assuming that preparing food is the way to a man's heart.
i'm just pointing out that we should consider the emotional baggage that it might with... to the 'preparer' and the 'eater'.
actually what i means is not "cooking everyday = pampering".. I think a cook also need a break.. sometimes eat out can be interesting too and can get more ideas on more dishes rather than cooking the same dishes.
furthermore, not all woman can cook or like cooking.. So sometimes it can be sweet to whip a dish or two for your love one.. so same goes to guys.. if a guy cook for me, i will be touched too.. but he cook same/similar dishes 365days, i think i also "zzz"