How do you bring your GF out of her inferiority complex?

Ok i am not sure if this is the right place to ask such a thing or even if this is the right way i should feel and this is something that i should be doing because i feel it isnt quite right.

I have been with my gf for 4 years coming 5. She's a great lady and possess a great and caring personality. However, as she is a introvert, she seldom expresses herself. Furthermore, she was a victim of a very bad bullying incident in the past back when she was schooling.The incident traumatised her badly and since then she has been very drawn back and always thinks that she fat etc, bad character thats why ppl dont like and bully her.

i have been trying to "draw" her out of it by getting giving her appropriate compliments when she handles things well. Complimenting that she looks well when she dresses up etc. Trying very hard to instill positive energy into her. My aim is for her to know that she good, be active in making friends and get her out of the small little comfort zone that she is currently in. However, she usually thinks that my comments are bias and are just out to please her which isnt really the case.

Has anyone been in the same situation as me and has any suggestions for me? My girl is great and i just want her to know and feel that she's great.

If im even wrong to feel this way, do let me know too since i dont want to become a person to mould her into someone else because i want her that way(negatively off course)
 

alyooop

Member
I think it's nice that you're trying to be encouraging for her. I have a bit of an inferiority complex too, and I too always say my htb is biased when he compliments me. It does takes a while to start believing, but now I do understand now that even if he is biased, there is at least 1 person in the world who thinks this much of me.

Keep being an enabler for her, every time she does an action that takes her out of her comfort zone, compliment her courage. If her effort brings about a good outcome, be visibly proud and happy for her. I think it's always better to compliment an action than the end result so that she is encouraged to keep repeating what she's doing. Of course, if she is very uncomfortable with whatever she needs to do, let her know it's all up to her so she can always stop if she's at her limit. And don't steer her towards any action since u said you're worried u might mould her to be someone different, instead give her support for whatever decision she makes. If you feel the other option could be better, lay out the pros and cons for all options so she can see it more objectively but still let her make the final decision.

I think it's great you're doing these for her, and hopefully one day she'll work through her inferiority complex.
 
I think it's nice that you're trying to be encouraging for her. I have a bit of an inferiority complex too, and I too always say my htb is biased when he compliments me. It does takes a while to start believing, but now I do understand now that even if he is biased, there is at least 1 person in the world who thinks this much of me.

Keep being an enabler for her, every time she does an action that takes her out of her comfort zone, compliment her courage. If her effort brings about a good outcome, be visibly proud and happy for her. I think it's always better to compliment an action than the end result so that she is encouraged to keep repeating what she's doing. Of course, if she is very uncomfortable with whatever she needs to do, let her know it's all up to her so she can always stop if she's at her limit. And don't steer her towards any action since u said you're worried u might mould her to be someone different, instead give her support for whatever decision she makes. If you feel the other option could be better, lay out the pros and cons for all options so she can see it more objectively but still let her make the final decision.

I think it's great you're doing these for her, and hopefully one day she'll work through her inferiority complex.
Thanks for your inputs! ! But because she's not expressive, sometimes i really dont know if what im telling or suggesting her to do is within her limits or not.
 

Jehvy

Member
Why do you think it’s not right? Complimenting/praising someone when she handles things well and look good the way she dresses is never wrong because I’m sure you meant what you’ve said. You just have to assure her that they are your genius praises.

It is rather hard to make someone with an inferiority complex to believe that people thinks they are better than how they view themselves. I’ve a bit of inferiority complex too, I would just disregard the praises I get but part of me feels happy inside when I get compliments when I handle things well or dress up well. Thus continue to compliment her sincerely.

Anyway, I think if your SO has an inferiority complex because of really bad bullying, she might benefit from some professional counseling, perhaps the counselor could help her understand that she is a victim of bullying not because of her personality or physique and she would come to realize that even if she is imperfect like everyone else, she is prefect in her own way and you are the one that had learn to appreciate her the way she is.
 
Why do you think it’s not right? Complimenting/praising someone when she handles things well and look good the way she dresses is never wrong because I’m sure you meant what you’ve said. You just have to assure her that they are your genius praises.

It is rather hard to make someone with an inferiority complex to believe that people thinks they are better than how they view themselves. I’ve a bit of inferiority complex too, I would just disregard the praises I get but part of me feels happy inside when I get compliments when I handle things well or dress up well. Thus continue to compliment her sincerely.

Anyway, I think if your SO has an inferiority complex because of really bad bullying, she might benefit from some professional counseling, perhaps the counselor could help her understand that she is a victim of bullying not because of her personality or physique and she would come to realize that even if she is imperfect like everyone else, she is prefect in her own way and you are the one that had learn to appreciate her the way she is.
when i meant not right, i dont mean the compliments and stuffs. A part of me feels that we should love the person as a whole and not in the pretext of love intentionally mould our SO into someone else or that we force changes onto our partners. While i want to make her feel better, im also concerned that i may fall into this "moulding of another person". thats what i meant when i say sometimes im not sure if its the right thing that im doing.
 

Jehvy

Member
when i meant not right, i dont mean the compliments and stuffs. A part of me feels that we should love the person as a whole and not in the pretext of love intentionally mould our SO into someone else or that we force changes onto our partners. While i want to make her feel better, im also concerned that i may fall into this "moulding of another person". thats what i meant when i say sometimes im not sure if its the right thing that im doing.
Then you have to ask the question, does she want the change despite you think that it is beneficial for her? Perhaps she doesn't know the answer to it too.

Thus I guess if it's positive for her life, you can continue to encourage her the way you are doing right now.... because you are just helping her in the means you think it is beneficial for her, the ultimate change comes from her. You can't mould her into another person just by giving her compliments and stuff if she doesn't want nor accept the change.
 
Then you have to ask the question, does she want the change despite you think that it is beneficial for her? Perhaps she doesn't know the answer to it too.

Thus I guess if it's positive for her life, you can continue to encourage her the way you are doing right now.... because you are just helping her in the means you think it is beneficial for her, the ultimate change comes from her. You can't mould her into another person just by giving her compliments and stuff if she doesn't want nor accept the change.
ah the last line is really true... probably i din know i could see things this way :)

thanks for shedding some light on this. I guess i could continue with the compliments and stuffs. Hopefully thats good enough dosage of positive energy for her :)
 

keke99

New Member
just be patient. it takes time for someone with inferiority issues to accept that they are deserving of compliments too.. it might be an issue that you have to live with forever so be ready for that.. either way, there are worse problems to have in a relationship so i hope you guys remain happy :)
 
just be patient. it takes time for someone with inferiority issues to accept that they are deserving of compliments too.. it might be an issue that you have to live with forever so be ready for that.. either way, there are worse problems to have in a relationship so i hope you guys remain happy :)
thanks for your well wishes... i definitely know that there are worse problems to have in a relationship and im glad i haven't had them yet.
 

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