How do I make things work out?

[kambing]

Dear all,

I have booked ROM date (soon) already. But am studying full time overseas, and am unable to help out at all with the preparations. My fiancee has to manage her work, as well as most of if not all of the preparations. Am deeply apologetic for not being able to contribute at all, and she is hating me for this. Booking flights back as often as possible already, to arrange time for helping out with preparations, but she is very upset that I could not even be around to try wedding bands at all. I know I am shortchanging her, but things are just beyond my control. what can i do to make things work? can't manage the ROM, and can't focus on studies anymore.

 

[clipperjunk]

question is why in the first place?.....

 

[joiedevivre]

Are you studying in uni overseas? You can take one semester's leave from your studies... Most schools will allow it. What can be more important than your own wedding?

 

[miloice]

I beg to differ. What's so important of a wedding with a woman that isn't at all understandable? The wedding day is over rated by princess dreams. One needs to look at their situation and make realistic decisions and have the right expectations. This could be a clear indication of a princess wannable here. What's the rush. U r schooling. Is that so hard to understand? U should think twice about the marriage with someone isn't mature and ready. 6 yes back, my boss called on my rom day to fly overseas for 3months project. I was just new in my job then. My wife was totally supportive. It was my first of many biz trips. Give it sometime. When u start working, u would have opportunity to meet other ple and experiences. Your views and choices might change. So why rush when situation indicate u guys aren't ready? The marriage and relationship is important. That's the sole reason for the wedding itself. It's sad that it's often becomes a selfish dream of the bride. Everything takes a backseat including the husband and relationship itself!

 

[peegs]

too many tend to place importance on the wedding and conveniently forgot to start working on the marriage...

 

[mewmoon]

Why are you guys even getting married while you're still schooling in a foreign country? Is the wedding something you cannot wait until after you've graduated?

 

[thommy]

funny question really. TS, the only thing you need to do to make things work out (to answer your question) is to WAIT.

Is it very difficult to do?

 

[cuclainne]

i managed to plan my wedding mostly by myself, with my mom's help - my husband was living/ working overseas then. he only came down to do a fitting for the costumes and that was it. i certainly did alright and didn't have any of the hissy fits that some brides seem to have. It was great - i got what i wanted, and he paid for it. ahahahahaha ... secretly i know he thinks the money is a small price to pay for not having to think of the nitty-gritty ..

plus we had very little disagreements over the wedding because of this ..

 

[powder]

if there's no urgency for marriage, then postpone it...

but actually i'll postpone it becos both of u made such a bad decision to do something that requires time, when time is something u cannot afford.

u can't run and eat at the same time rite? it's difficult... but tat's what u're trying to do.

 

[icecoolmilo]

my hubby was also living overseas when we were preparing to get married. I was still working full-time in SG, he was working full-time in Aust. I searched n sourced for everything, and yes, incl. wedding bands, and whenever I found something, I would email the pics or ask him to refer to the website and choose the things we want. I find it even easier to plan when one is away, cos there's no quarrels or disagreements like other couples have. I chose the wedding bands with my mom and aunt, and he only get to see it 1 mth b4 the wedding when he came back for the photoshoot. Yup, he came back 1 day b4 the photoshoot.. straightaway went for fitting, whereas I already had countless fittings before his, and without him too but he had all the pics to see.. n when he was finally back for photo shoot, it was so fun and enjoyable n i knew he was happy.. cos he was juz starting out his new job, and I relieved him from all the stress which would otherwise caused him. To him, I was a better organiser and planner.. I agree with some who say alot of gals just wants that princess dream... I would love it too but certain things are not within our control. There's nothing perfect in this world, someone has to compromise, someone has to do the job. To me it was the most fantastic feeling in my entire life so far, to be able to plan our own wedding, and I did not seek any help from friends. I did the montage, the seating plan, the hotel sourcing, ballroom viewing etc.. everything! We bought my gowns from Aust. He did his fair share.. he looked for a new place for us in Aust, moved in, bought furniture etc.. his job is even tougher than mine, I reckon.. having to move to a new house is not an easy job..

Aiya, I'm just being long-winded, sorry. What I'm trying to say is... maybe u can explain to her nicely.. ask her to show u the websites of whatever she's choosing. Have a share in deciding.. both decide together. Every company has a website now. Choose the wedding bands over the net.. there are designs in pdf format. It's really easy. Moreover it is ROM, not the customary yet.. it should be pretty easy. But if she still thinks that this is not good enough and gets upset with u and not being understanding, I think it's best to give it another thought whether u wanna go ahead with the ROM... Good luck to u!

 

[lovingyou]

TS: Hmm... Perhaps a good talk might helps in understanding each other's expectations better? When is the ROM btw?

 

[kambing]

hard to take leave. people are getting 2 weeks a year, and i already have much more. trying to persuade her to move here, and her parents don't allow it even after ROM. and housing issues too because of current HDB prices way beyond reach of most graduate couples who are working.

 

[icecoolmilo]

sounds like gonna be hard on u, even after ROM she cant go over to be with u.. hmm... then why ROM so soon? I hope u are finishing ur studies soon?

 

[joiedevivre]

Sounds very problematic. Where to move to, housing issues are things that should be worked out before the ROM not after.

Why the hurry? Dun mind I ask, is this a shotgun wedding?

 

[lovingyou]

Hmm... any reasons behind her parents' objections?

 

[kambing]

parents said she will suffer with me if she comes. but isnt marriage about going through thick and thin together? if moving out of comfort zone is too much for marriage, then how can things ever work out in future? if i could stop studies now i will. but the fact is that there are a few more years to go. and because of that, she keeps saying she is accommodating me, and only wants solutions that she knows will not work. why?

 

[infojunkie]

i wonder why too.

why do u need to marry NOW?

u want help but u refuse to ans this crucial qtn posted to u.

perhaps u're just whining.

 

[thommy]

seems like u are in a real hurry to get married...care to share why?

giving up ur studies to do so is not exactly a wise move...this is Singapore and no paper qualifications will most often lead u to nowhere. Welcome to reality.