How can I salvage my marriage.

Nat1984

New Member
Hubby had an affair outside and he certainly kept his affair well with the 小三 under wraps while he acted as life is normal with his teenage twin daughters and me.

His 小三 came to my house to confront me a few times for the last few months while he was away for the year on a training trip.

My ILs and 3 older SILs had never liked me cos I was older than him and thought that we were never meant or suitable to be together.
 


rip_curl

Member
Hello, I think forget about your ILs/SILs in your consideration. It does not help you in your situation now. I experienced it myself..even if I do no wrong and everyone knows, but ultimately blood is forever thicker than water.

As always, the last straw is to talk to your husband and find out what he wants. If the message is clear then focus your energy on your teenage daughters and how to move along with them .You should spend time talking to your own immediate family and see what could be the backup plans. Once you know you have a back up plan (eg where to stay, who can be around to help etc), it will be easier not that its not painful. Just have to focus on what will do good for yourself.
 

Nat1984

New Member
Hello, I think forget about your ILs/SILs in your consideration. It does not help you in your situation now. I experienced it myself..even if I do no wrong and everyone knows, but ultimately blood is forever thicker than water.

As always, the last straw is to talk to your husband and find out what he wants. If the message is clear then focus your energy on your teenage daughters and how to move along with them .You should spend time talking to your own immediate family and see what could be the backup plans. Once you know you have a back up plan (eg where to stay, who can be around to help etc), it will be easier not that its not painful. Just have to focus on what will do good for yourself.
I understand....The mistress came to my house and created a scene a few times cos she thinks she is rich and can have it her way.

I can't rely on my family cos they are in Malaysia and my parents are divorced too.

Hubby is away for the year and this messy situation might linger on until he comes back.

He said he just wants out of the marriage and will give us the house cos he is worried about his girls being homeless.
 

rip_curl

Member
There is no ideal situation now...call the Police if she comes again then. If she wants to be embarrassed then so be it. Rich or not does not matter. The Police don't care if she is rich..This is Singapore. The police will ask her to leave or have her arrested for causing public nuisance.

Talk to close friends but if not, try talking to https://scc.sg/e/ There are many govt driven counselling agencies. These are consider essential services so they are open during these period. I tried speaking to counselling before..do it over the phone if you want. Dont underestimate counselling. There are some skills you can pick up from there which might tide you over this tough period..you just need to keep an open mind..the effect will not be immediate..it will take a while.

As for your husband, though he is away, this is the shit he has to help clear. Since he seems to care for the kids, talk to him to come to terms and get it over and done with is my opinion. The longer you drag, the more painful you and your kids will suffer...1.5 years into this. Its a battle sadly we have to brave it. Do it with your head high up! Dont let anyone belittle you...you did no wrong so do what is wrong.

Good Luck and stay strong for yourself and kids....
 

TheRepentant

New Member
Don’t give up trying to salvage your relationship and family. Sometimes we need a little bit of patience and wisdom to get over the current situation. Men are like little kids sometimes, esp when it comes to girls, they very easily get tempted. Give him some time, the more we force a solution the more it will break. Install some camera or cctv to report on the 3rd party. Work on things and don’t keep digging at the problem. See what u can work on yourself to endear yourself to him as well. Don’t let the children be without their father. Tug at his emotions with your kids and past memories. If your daughters are aware of what is going on and can persuade their father might help also. Jia you! Keep trying.
 

Catin

New Member
Actually if you think about it, you hold the upper hand. That’s why the mistress is making trouble out of fear. Or else if she can have her way, she no need waste time make trouble with you Liao.
 

Sunshine05

New Member
Don't always shift the blame to third party. Ask yourself first whether you are the issue in the first place. Or maybe it is your own husband who wants what you cannot give. A lot of women always like to use children to tie their husbands to them. And they worry about their reputation if they are divorced
 
Don't always shift the blame to third party. Ask yourself first whether you are the issue in the first place. Or maybe it is your own husband who wants what you cannot give. A lot of women always like to use children to tie their husbands to them. And they worry about their reputation if they are divorced
The only reason why an affair is justifiable is when the other party has an affair first. Unless the TS had an affair, it is unreasonable her husband is having one.
 
An eye for an eye makes both blind ....

There is no justification for having affairs outside of a marriage covenant even if the other party started one first ....
 
An eye for an eye makes both blind ....

There is no justification for having affairs outside of a marriage covenant even if the other party started one first ....
Your view is overly idealistic.

When your other half has seeked the comforts of another relationship indicates your other half has decided to move on. While certain attachments still shackles them to the previous relationship but the fundamentals of a relationship has been violated to facilitate the shift in allegiance. It's time for the other person who has not yet established another relationship to commence doing so if possible. So that a proper closure can take place.

If your other half has never intended to keep your marriage honoured, then why in the first place are you still honouring it? It yields nothing but woe and wreaks havoc to your mental state on the ills he/she brings home. You aren't a contingency to return to when his/ her affairs didn't work out elsewhere.

Move on. It has never been an issue of vengeance but a matter of liberation. You should rather let go a relationship that you weren't part of than to hold on. He/she may ask for forgiveness and intends to return but once the heart and mind has strayed, will stray again. Being his/her contingency will only prolong a damned marriage and make everyone miserable.
 
Your view is overly idealistic.

When your other half has seeked the comforts of another relationship indicates your other half has decided to move on. While certain attachments still shackles them to the previous relationship but the fundamentals of a relationship has been violated to facilitate the shift in allegiance. It's time for the other person who has not yet established another relationship to commence doing so if possible. So that a proper closure can take place.

If your other half has never intended to keep your marriage honoured, then why in the first place are you still honouring it? It yields nothing but woe and wreaks havoc to your mental state on the ills he/she brings home. You aren't a contingency to return to when his/ her affairs didn't work out elsewhere.

Move on. It has never been an issue of vengeance but a matter of liberation. You should rather let go a relationship that you weren't part of than to hold on. He/she may ask for forgiveness and intends to return but once the heart and mind has strayed, will stray again. Being his/her contingency will only prolong a damned marriage and make everyone miserable.
I see. So what you are advocating is to have an affair to cure your heartbreak when your other half strays?

Why not seek an annulment or get a deed of separation first before screwing around outside of the marriage sacrament?
 
I see. So what you are advocating is to have an affair to cure your heartbreak when your other half strays?

Why not seek an annulment or get a deed of separation first before screwing around outside of the marriage sacrament?
I think you have difficulty understanding the concept of 'letting go what's not yours'.
 

Sunshine05

New Member
Yup I agree. No point clinging on what is already not yours or worse, using children to make the other party stay on which is what most women will do.
 
I think you have difficulty understanding the concept of 'letting go what's not yours'.
Nope that's not what I said in my reply.

If there is nothing left in the relationship, why not get a divorce straightaway instead of trying to hurt the other party by having an affair yourself? Two wrongs don't make a right.

This is what you said:
"The only reason why an affair is justifiable is when the other party has an affair first. Unless the TS had an affair, it is unreasonable her husband is having one."

There is nothing justifiable in affairs. You end up hurting the ones you love especially your kids
 
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Nope that's not what I said in my reply.

If there is nothing left in the relationship, why not get a divorce straightaway instead of trying to hurt the other party by having an affair yourself? Two wrongs don't make a right.

This is what you said:
"The only reason why an affair is justifiable is when the other party has an affair first. Unless the TS had an affair, it is unreasonable her husband is having one."
You still really can't understand the concept of liberation.
 
Yup I agree. No point clinging on what is already not yours or worse, using children to make the other party stay on which is what most women will do.
A pity only in a deluded surrealism will divorce come immediately. Letting go sometimes involve getting into another relationship while still being stuck in the doomed marriage.

Clinging on to a marriage that's ended before the divorce commence by threats and using children will do neither good. Agreed with you.
 

Sunshine05

New Member
there is this Jurong East couple where the wife does not want the husband to touch her. So the husband used another innocent party to spite the wife. In the end the wife panic and use the daughter to threaten the husband to come back. The husband finally succeeded but he hurt the other party by using her and also causing her to go for abortion. Now he goes back to his wife and the family and pretends nothing wrong. So he end up hurting the other party so much which cause the other party to almost go insane.

This guy now behaves as though he is not the cause of everything and even show the whole world what a good husband he is
 

NewChapter

New Member
there is this Jurong East couple where the wife does not want the husband to touch her. So the husband used another innocent party to spite the wife. In the end the wife panic and use the daughter to threaten the husband to come back. The husband finally succeeded but he hurt the other party by using her and also causing her to go for abortion. Now he goes back to his wife and the family and pretends nothing wrong. So he end up hurting the other party so much which cause the other party to almost go insane.

This guy now behaves as though he is not the cause of everything and even show the whole world what a good husband he is
Both party @ fault too , cant blame everyone

Never believe in married man once they tasted they will let go , chop and guarantee
 

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