The way i see it, you seem like you aren't living a happier life than us by criticizing on our relationship and perhaps others as well. Your comments are really insults rather than feedback.
Yes, myself and LoveCornelia did take some time away from the marriage. We figured out what we really want and what we can have together as a husband and wife. Reconciling easy, making it last isn't. But since i have decided to go back to LoveCornelia, i plan to make this last.
I agree that LoveCornelia should exercise a bit of self-restrain. Though i have to say that he is always a little over-protective of me as i am toward him. =)
Cherish the second chance together, it's like striking jackpot. And I am not discrediting all effort u guys put in... But another Chance on the marriage is hard to come by. U guys have better things in your lives than marking the words of a sour Niki.
My sentiments are similar in some ways. Firstly, I really feel happy for both of you because this forum finally has served its purpose and that is to help reconcile two couples!
Yet, you may also like to consider why it takes a forum to clarify these miscommunications and so forth. The part about Cornelia going to pubs only because her hubby is always going to pubs...I believe with good communication, you would have clarified that with her and also shared each other's insecurities. But of course, I'm sure after this lesson, you guys will learn to communicate in a better way with one another. After reading your posts, I feel that the decision to part was rather impulsive. Need to ensure this doesn't happen again and that whenever you guys encounter problems, you can always bare your souls to each other and have a heart-to-heart talk.
Denise/Milo/Matka - Thanks for your encouragement and advices.
Margret - Everybody makes mistakes at least once in their entire lives. It takes a mistake to learn and the experience to grow. Yes I was impulsive. Cos I loved Cornelia too much. So much so that I let her go. But I learned that everyone deserves a second chance. Anything can happen. It is all fated. I believe we walk in circles. If both are walking in a different direction, one day u will both bump into one another, no matter how many times u pass each other by. If both are walking in the same direction, then fate is not there. I believe Cornelia and myself are one couple that can never live without one another. She has indeed become part of me, as I am of her. We took a year before we actually reconciled. During this one year, only she and myself would know how much pain we went through, and finally come back together. It took a week for me to wanna separate. But it took a year for me to go back to her. It took a year of tears, sadness, and isolation. She too, suffered the same way I did. But I felt that majority of the fault lies within me. And once again I wanna apologise to her.
Hmm..funny how men move on in life slower than women..
I rem when my ex bf broke up with me, it took him less than 10mins to tell me over phone. I then took about 3 weeks to get over him. Interestingly, he took 4 months to reconsider and think over...and finally called me up for a patch back?? But of course by then I had made up my mind and I really didn't look back or I wouldn't have found my wonderful hubby today hehe...
But it's interesting...do men really need time to think over things? I mean like months and even a year like Lovecornelia? Anyway my ex bf didn't have it better during the 4mths after breaking up with me even though he was the one who initiated the breakup. When he called me, he also said many times he felt like calling me up but because of pride, he didn't. Is it really like that for most men?
Denise - Yes. If I were to explain, it will take a long time. To cut it short, men may have IQ, but proven to have lower EQ than women. That's why men do not shed tears easily and are not as emotional as women. Men do not express themselves in a short time but take time gradually. That's why the emotions will slowly pour out as the reality hits them, when time passes by.
Hmmm...this is interesting because like what you've said, my ex bf is not one who cries easily while I cry easily when it comes to breakups or what. But 4mths later when he called me up to patch back, he actually cried on the phone and I who have moved on was quite shocked. Thanks for your sharing!
Actually I disagree abt the iq eq thingy. Guys might be less in touch with their emotions but it not the same with low eq... We see lots of highly emotional but zero eq folks in life. There is absolutely no direct relation between the 2. someone with more eq is simply more a people person.
Iq is more in born talent and hard skill. Eq is something that comes with maturity and experience.
denise80, so u r taling abt your ex which was a boyfriend unlike this TS and TS's husband.. DO u know that divorce is an expensive process and comes with a lot of tears or unpleasant ending.. Is it wonderful that they renconciled? Come on, let's leave the TS and her hubby alone and do not dig into their problems or whatever.
LoveCornelia and Cornelia, Do treasure your marriage and work towards the future.. Hopefully the next time u do not come in here and say something sad again.
I would agree its harder in the sense of all the commitment, financial, logistics, paperwork, expectation and pressure from family.
Not so on the matters of the heart. It depends how much both cherish the relationship. It will be a big blow if a couple breaks up because of incompatibility or circumstances making it impossible for them. But, if the relationship is already broken down with nothing to hold on to, the divorce can be just a formality.
Anyway, I believe Denise isn't speaking about marriage. Rather, the generic gender differences and how men move on slower than women in realization of the effect of the breakup.
Anything is possible. But, the world doesn't stop to wait for things to happen between the couple. They continue with their lives regardless and will continue to meet new people and have opportunities of new relationships as well. What is important in the reconcilation is no one else but the couple themselves.
There is a possibility that your husband will fall in love with the same gender. How about that?
Look, being married to a person doesn't equate to you having ownership of him/her. When you KIV, doesn't mean it is hands-off. You can say it is wrong and I never say it is right. But this is how it is. The world including your spouse doesn't revolve around you. Your child one day will grow up and has his/her own life.
If you want to repair and rebuild the marriage, seize it today when he is still a willing party. No point sitting around pointing fingers at third parties. It doesn't make your marriage work.
Aiyo, Milo, "will continue to meet new people and have opportunities of new relationships as well" => this is where affairs start leh, followed by messy r/s and heartpains. People should exercise self restraints and respect for their partners and not just follow the heart and jump into bf-gf r/s while married.
Why I keep insisting this is I agree love may fade over time but if a couple finds love is lost between them, they should end their marriage first before starting bf-gf with another person. To start new r/s whilst still married is just morally not right and irresponsible to the spouse and the kid. We are afterall in an Asian society.
OK, I end here. Just want to wish TS and hb all the best in their newfound bliss and don't wish to argue on morality with forummers again.
Not just affairs... friendship and healthy normal social balance a person needs as well. As long as there is normal human interactions, affairs can happen.
Self restraints and respect is something that needs to be exercised not just because of marriage. That is a piece of cert and legal doc to me. What is much more important is the relationship itself.
The very reason why the reconcilation can happen is because they still cherish and love each other. It points back to the relationship, NOT the marriage cert. Why do you keep harping over the marriage than the relationship. What good is a marriage without the solid relationship? It will be a cruel fact if my wife is with me only because of the fact that we are married. I would rather let her go.
This asian society thingy... come on. Do we honor our parents just because we are asians or because we are truly filial and want to care for them? Morals is something we instill in ourselves to practice. We need to understand the reasons behind these virtues in our culture to correctly apply them than see it as some rules written on the wall and to be use to condemn those not complying to it.
And I don't agree that relationship and love will fade. It fades because people take relationships for granted with this stupid false cushion called marriage. Yes, I dare say its stupid. This complacency is precisely what screws up marriages than uphold it.
The relationship needs nurturing and continued growing beyond the marriage. This way, it will not only not fade but continue to strengthen its roots and bear fruits together. From the young intense passion to a much more all rounded relationship. For me, that's the true meaning of a life-time partner.... Someone we truly cannot and do not want to live without for as long as we live on.
Hope - I do agree with ur view on self-restraint. It is definitely the major factor.
Milo - I agree that love will not fade. When i left Cornelia i thought our love faded. Now I realised that instead of fading, it was actually growing stronger.
Yeelin - Haha. Ur post sounded like a poem!
Anyway, the main point in here is - marriage is a form of bliss. It is not a game when u take the vow. I now stand by my vow in 'for better or for worse.' It will continue to stay in my heart for Cornelia.
Once again, thanks to all who have given great advices and encouragements. =)
Hi LoveCornelia, haha I do write for a living. I didn't deliberately write the post as a poem though. I love your story of hope and reconciliation. I have experienced it myself, and I have emerged stronger for all the trials and painful tribulations along the way. Wishing you a lifetime of happiness for you and your wife
indeed, when a relationship survives a crisis and reconcile, it will normally grow stronger. This is because the couple have gone pass something major blocking difficulty in their relationship that they have been succumbing to all these while. And now realizes how important the relationship is for them. They become surer than ever about how serious they are about each other. It doesn't mean it will become a bed of roses but the next time the same issue happens, they are confident to overcome it together as they did.
I would say normally because its not the case for childish puppy love where they break and make up over emotional swings. Nothing is learnt in such situation.