Honeymoon Fund" - Contribution needed!!!

chershka

New Member
Hi everyone,

Wonder how you can ask (tactfully!) for contributions to your honeymoon fund instead of having frens and relatives buy gifts you either do not need or like? Ideas please! Thanks!
 


erowen

New Member
no offense, just sharing my immediate thots.

hmmm, er...think it's not very nice lor.
ppl will talk behind your back, honeymoon $$ should be coming out from u and yr hubby's pocket.you should give freedom to what ppl wanna give you. Afterall it's not an obligation.
 

chershka

New Member
Thanks Erowen! Just the kind of candid i'd like to hear. just one qn - let's say u're my fren or relative. would you be offended if the invitation to my bridal shower says that cash contribution to the honeymoon fund would be preferred over gifts? I know of some frens who would rather give angbao to save the trouble of shopping for gifts and cracking their brains over what to buy. Of course, it's not an obligation on their part to give angbaos. they can always choose to buy gifts which they feel are appropriate. I'm just toying with the idea of how i can tactfully include a footnote in the invitation.

Cheers!
 

orosalind

New Member
Hi Chershka,

I think most pple will give ang bow so I guess there's no nid to expplicitly state in ur invitation card. Anyw, like wat erowen says, not v nice to do that (no offence).

If u r cash strapped, y dun u pay using the 0% instalment plan?
 

erowen

New Member
Hi chershka, thanks for not being offended. just sharing my 2 cents worth ....

would i be offended? hmm...well if i am your close fren, nope. i will gladly give cash. Most close frens will actually ask u what you really want. So far that was what happened during my wedding and my house warming. My close frens and colleagues asked me directly as they dun wanna end up with something i dun like and dun use.

However,If i am your relatives, yes, i will. not say offened, but kinda dun like lor. think it's not a very nice phrase on the card. I suppose even though it's a modern society, we place close frens and relatives differently. There is always certain 'behaviour' as a relative and as frens, it's a different ball game, we can be more direct and honest and sharing. Just my thoughts. I could be wrong also. It really boils down to how well u know your relatives.

maybe dun need to put down explicitly for honeymoon, just state cash will do.
 

doremon

New Member
Hi Chershka,

I think like what erowen mentioned. Close friends or even friends won't mind becos all of us are young generation and tend to be more open to this type of style. In fact, in the states, what you have mentioned is very often practiced.

As for relatives, it is better not to do that becos they will be offended.
happy.gif
 

chershka

New Member
Hi guys!

Thanks for all ur comments. i guess everyone does have a point. Looks like relatives are in the 'no-go' area. if i'm inviting mainly frens to my bridal shower, i could still explore with the idea. afterall, like what Orosalind said, guests will usually give angbaos for the wedding dinner. since i won't be having a housewarming and the bridal shower is really for pple real close to me, i think it doesn't hurt to be totally honest with them. my take is that they'll appreciate the honesty and it helps to relief them of gift-hunting woes!

Thanks!
 

tasha

New Member
Hi, My fiancee and I are getting married in May. We are English but now live in Singapore. We think that having a wedding list will be a waste of money for our guests. We have been together for a long time and have everything we need for the home. We would like to go with the chinese culture and enclose Hung Bao in the invitation cards, is this appropriate and how could we word it? Guests from Singapore will be familiar with it but guests from England might think it's a bit rude. Your help will be appreciated. Thanks
 

mint

New Member
Perhaps "we appreciate gifts in the form of cash"... not sure if this would sound rude for your guests?
 

gtow

New Member
Hi Natasha
I had that problem too - didn't need anything for the home but thot it was too rude to include a "money preferred" message in the invitation. I relied on my mom to conveniently "mention" to the relatives that I was hoping for mainly hong baos to cover the cost of the wedding - I think this way of conveying the message is much more acceptable among Chinese relatives than to put it in writing which is considered really "unsightly".

As it turned out, about only 5% of my 100+ guests bought us gifts and the rest gave hong baos. The gifts were mostly useless to me, sad to say - but if the person is not close to you and you aren't superstitious abt this sort of thing, you could always give away those items (or sell off on eBay)
happy.gif
 

yuanyuan

New Member
A vote for u, Grace! Hahha. Sell it on Ebay, not an bad idea.
But the thing is if the gift is by ur close fren/relatives, then when u ask u," where is the xxx which i gave u on ur wedding?" Y nv display out?
How to answer huh?
 

tasha

New Member
Thanks again for all your help. Very funny Grace about selling the unwanted gifts to e-bay. By the way is Hung Boa spelt like this or is it Hong Bao?

Most of the Chinese/Malay people who are invited have asked my Fiancee today if we would prefer Hung Boa, so that's good. I might just add a little note for the English people as otherwise they will ring me to ask if I have a wedding list. How about this:-

As we are getting married in Singapore we thought we would go along with the Chinese culture of Hung Boa, if however you would prefer to buy us a gift this would be greatly appreciated too.

Many thanks.

What do you think?
 

gtow

New Member
Hi Natasha,
your note sounds great, it doesn't sound at all offensive to any culture (that i know) and by the way it's spelt "Hong Bao" (in Mandarin) and is also known as "Ang Pow" or "Ang Bao" in dialect.

And by the way i wasn't actually kidding abt selling away gifts. Like i mentioned before, and I reiterate here, unless the person is close to me or my family (must qualify my statement to avoid flames!!), I don't really have qualms giving or selling off unwanted items. Better than throwing it away, i say! One man's trash is another man's treasure. :)

One of the wedding gifts i received from a distant relative we will prob never see again was a Hari Raya plastic food server/saver set that probably cost like $10! I actually still have it. Wondering if anyone would even want to buy something so gross. I will wait till just before Hari Raya and sell.
happy.gif
 

joannelps

New Member
hi
my church friends all subscribe to putting this in the invitation cards. maybe u might want to consider.

"If it is a gift you are pondering, one from from the mint u might consider, whatever you may decide, it is your presence we most delight"
 

ahmei

New Member
Hi Chershka,

you may want to start a registry. Most friends/colleagues would like give angpows. Probably only distant relatives older folks might possibly give gifts. And they are unlikely to ask what type of gifts you want.

You may wan to get your family members to spread the word to possible distant relatives who might want to give gifts to inform them about your registry.
 

mayelene

New Member
i'm having a church wedding ceremony, no banquets. worry that my relatives will give gifts, since they dun have experience going to church wedding. i'm thinking of putting in a clause that says, you need not buy us gifts, your attendance is already a blessing to us. i dun think ppl will come empty handed rite, but think they will understand that we dun wan presents. if u read this clause, will u understand huh?
 

matka

Member
hi mayelene

I'm really not sure. Some people really do take things literally and just in case, they might just respect your wishes and not give you anything! I think joanne's little ditty sounds nice, i've seen it before on invitations.

Alternatively, you might choose to risk it... whilst there is a tendency for slightly more gifts for the church ceremony as compared to a banquet, the majority of guests will probably pack ang pows instead. Maybe the fact that everyone is busy working is a blessing in disguise.
happy.gif
 

dec03wedding

New Member
hi,

personal experiece:-

we didn't insert any clauses and almost all our 200-300 guests at the church reception gave ang pows only received a few vouchers from robinsons and takashimaya and abt 4 presents.

perhaps don't have to worry unduly abt it cos we are in singapore afterall - my guests chapalang mix of races and religions and still follow general rule - ang pows are almost de riguer: red for chinese, green for malays
happy.gif
 

isobellies

New Member
hi girls,
i've actually received an invitation which included a angpow packet. although i thought this was a bit TOO direct, i guess it serves it purpose
happy.gif
also i heard that some brides have done the same before...
 

mayelene

New Member
wa i feel that putting angpow in invitation card too direct liao leh... dunno how the older relatives receiving the cards would feel... my dad saw my draft invitation card, which has a nice verse that asks for $ instead of presents, and he objected immed... so we remove that verse bcos he says he will feel malu in frt on his relatives...
 

minssy

New Member
agree with mayelene... i think its too direct liaozz.. i also think its not nice to put angpow in the invitation cards.... it makes the couple appear greedy and if i receive it myself, i will be turned off...
 

lisaanne

New Member
Hello,

KPO a bit...interesting thread

I would be quite "pai seh" to put a red packet in.

I have received invitations that had a nice
little poem asking for cash. Not sure if i can still find it, but if anyone intersted, I can post it up when i find it
 

isobellies

New Member
goodness!! i think they can pull it off because they're angmoh.. if asian like us, sure people not happy one!

lisa anne.. i'm interested to hear what the poem is, if you come across it!
happy.gif
 

germangirl

New Member
In Germany it´s quite common to ask for cash nowadays, since most people live together quite a while before getting married and really don´t need another set of cutlery or the sort.

We even gave it a name : "money wedding"

We placed a huge pig (our traditional form of a money-box for saving up small change, and it´s supposed to bring good luck - a german thing, I guess) on our gifts table. We still received some gifts, but most people dropped an envelope into the pig...
 

chendol

New Member
I think most people will give ang pows, so you don't have to explicitly ask them to contribute to your honeymoon. I've come across a few wedding couples who wait until after the banquet to see how much they have 'made' or 'lost', before they decide whether they can splurge on a honeymoon.

All the best to everyone on getting more liquidity!
kao_babydust2.gif


No use starting married life with another debt. With the housing situation in Singapore, we are indebted enough as it is...

Hi Germangirl, I think we have the custom of a piggy bank too. It's the universal icon for saving I guess.
 

auldreay

New Member
What I did is I added the following in my Invitation...

"If it is a Gift you are pondering,
One from the mint is worth considering.
Whatever you may decide,
It is your presence we most delight."

Most of my friends understood the meaning
happy.gif

And I also had a wedding wish list on my blog, so those who are interested in getting gifts will at least know what we need.
happy.gif


And yes, I'm one of those who is waiting to see how much we get in AP before deciding on honeymoon location
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Actually, we know what we want already, just that will it be in Asia or out of Asia
happy.gif
 

gregina

New Member
hmm...I would also think my parents would object to putting an ang pow inside the invitation card :X To the old folks, it's simply rude. Like you're demanding them to just give u cash lor..haha.

I've actually mentioned to ppl that for my AD, ang pow have to be $80 :p but then, AD still long way to go :X FH and I also planning to see if we can afford a honeymoon after the banquet...really depends on how generous our guests can be liao.

TS, if ur table ard $500+ and your guest on average gives $80...sure can go honeymoon le.
 

faithz17

New Member
TS i think prolly depends on how much you expect to lose... if say u expect to lose $2000 and prepare with that buffer, then for wedding you lost $8000 then obviously have to go Sentosa for honeymoon... if you expect to lose $5000 but managed to break even, then the "extra" $5000 can bring you to nicer honeymoon location lor...
happy.gif
all how much you've prepared... weddings so expensive nowadays hard to be able to cover ALL expenses (including all the pin jing and dowry and all...)...

actually $80 now just enough to pay for their own meals only... not even included their "wishes" for you yet... even restaurants now also not cheap... my wedding in 2009 but we ROMed recently so can tell people to start saving up to give hongbaos for our wedding... muahahahahaha...

actually most people in SG will give hong paos, so those non-SG people no need to worry... you just need to worry about HOW MUCH is in that hong pao... :p
 

eighty

New Member
yea i think "we appreciate gifts in the form of cash" is quite ok... i do receive invitation to a church wedding b4 that states in the card "if you are bringing gifts, we prefer cash"

it's that direct, and we are ok. afterall also save us the hassle of thinking wat gift to get... :p
 

tsangstudios

New Member
I think theres no real need to worry about this and just really enjoy your wedding. Most people will give ang paos cause its the most pratical. If people bother to buy gifts, its usually on top of the ang paos. At least for my experience. As for honeymoons. I always tell my wife all our trips together in the future will be honeymoons
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After all ejoying your wedding should be a lifetime thing.
 

venue

New Member
yalor....

i agree with kenneth, most guest will be giving Ang Bao.

For me (from chinese aspect), if i received an invitation that state "we appreciate gifts in the form of cash", being a friend/close friend/relative, I will find it rude. Will be annoyed and agitated. And may even talk behind your back.

For my case though i preferred $$ than gift, i still received many gifts (not necessary ones). Is a form of blessing from the guests mah.

So i feel not stating anything on the card is better. Maybe by word of mouth can do? Maybe they will but you gift and give Ang Bao leh??
 

~nicole~

New Member
yar... what i suggest is to tell ur mum to help spread to relatives that money will be more practical for married couples nowadays..
this is wat my mum did...
haa...
 

cookiencream

New Member
To be honest, when I first saw the poem in a ROM invitation, I was rather turned off. Am i really expected to give an angpow as her card stated? I thought usually for ROM, small gift will do. It's the presence & blessing that counts.
 

cheshire

New Member
I've adapted this but it was meant for overseas friends. It may read somewhat lengthy but actually not so, if it were to be on smaller print. It can be adapted to suit local taste. I agree with Snowy and Beadtles that a single line of "We appreciate gifts in the form of cash" can be quite a turn-off:

Thank you to everyone who has enquired about gifts. For our wedding gifts, we would like to follow the Chinese tradition. An Ang Pow, or a red envelope filled with currency is given to newly weds to help them as they begin a new life. It is meant to be the gift of wealth and luck.

If you prefer to offer us an alternate gift, we'll still be most happy to accept, as it's your presence that counts! But could we kindly request that it be small-size, as we need to bring it home to Singapore.

Cheers and hugs!
 
Personally if I see the message asking for cash on the card, I will wonder if the couple are having financial difficulty?? Becos though I know cash id prefered, by explicitly writing it on e card, it means how badly the couple wants it. Just my personal opinion. But if anyone finds it ok to use a poem/verse, I have seen this before-

Gifts are welcome but cash will be greatly appreciated.
 

ccc

New Member
I know westerners normally indicate they prefer cash for their wedding, but in Spore I think we're still quite conservative, so 1-2 people might still prefer to give you gifts (maybe some have no money but a small gift as token I had one person like this), therefore not so nice to indicate cash terms.

In spore most ppl will give cash only 1-2 persons will still give gifts.

So better not state, I personally won't like someone giving me a card and stating the terms because its already quite implicit.

As to honeymoon fund, definitely no, as the husband should rewards the wife by giving her some joy.
 

tinklebelle

New Member
I'm surprised that even Angmohs are ($_$) and yet to say becos they been in sg for x-amount of time and prefer to go with sg-culture. Hmmm. Pardon me to say this but as a married person myself, I think if budget is the concern on the wedding event, then spend within your budget. Honestly, I personally know of people who (they claim they are being pressed by parents as THE reason, but they are also the same ppl who once defy their parents and run away from home) have their banquet at 5-stars hotel but do not have the cash to do so and borrow from parents....but for me, I pay by the market rate. Depends on how close they are to me, I will give average of $50 the most. Friends do not squeeze friends' pocket.

In short, if anyone desire a grand wedding, they should able to afford it themselves and not at the expense of others. There is a Hokkien saying that goes: If you do not have the anus, then do not take in so much laxatives. Hths
 

sweetheavens

New Member
in my ROM invitation:

No gift’s too small to give, nor too simple to receive,
If it’s chosen with thoughtfulness and given with love;
Our life together has just begun,
And we have almost everything under the sun;
We have enough dishes and towels for two,
So we have a favour to ask of you…
To save you searching a gift for two,
A generous monetary blessing would be pleasant of you;
We hope our request is okay,
For this would really make our day;
And when we’re choosing something new,
We can say it’s all thanks to you!

is this very daring? anyway our ROM is over already =P
 

suzu_lim

New Member
most ppl will generally give Ang Baos, so there is no need to state. Stating it just turns people off, and they may decide to be stingier cos of that...may have adverse effect...or they just decide not to go.

Singaporeans are generally lazy about shopping for presents, so ang bao is highly likely, don't need to give yourself a bad reputation by asking for cash.
 

alcifertoh

New Member
Well maybe you should just tell your guest nicely that you'll have bought everything you need and please don't buy anything. Just come for the house warming will do.

It's much more gracious and they would just convert the gift costs into ang pow for u. Asking for honeymoon fund will be abit... er... haha
 

sweetheavens

New Member
luckily my friends all turned up and also are very generous with their cash gifts... i'm just so glad that my friends are more open to this. =)
 
nice,
Erm they maybe giving u cash gifts becos u stated implicitly in your rom cards. How sure are u that they do it willingly without forming bad impression of u? U r daring leh haha.
 


sweetheavens

New Member
hmmm~ dunno leh. cos i received a card like that b4 from my ex-colleague. we not even close but i'm ok with it. i think i'm quite open with this kinda thing. to me is: if u want something, just ask. it's just like when some ppl have wish list or gift register for ppl to see wat is it they need and want ppl to give them... telling me that they want cash saves me all the hassle of looking for a gift. i like!! :D

and furthermore the ppl who are invited to our ROM are restricted to our very close friends only :D a week after my ROM i did ask a few of my friends abt it and they all say they are fine with it... cos they understand ppl getting married are very cash tight...

we are still best friends and hang out together all the time. even at times when we go out and i offer to treat, they'll insist that they pay cos they know my very jialat financial status! and that i need all the money in the world that i could get my hands on for my wedding or live in deep shit aka debts for the rest of my life. hahaha~ :p

really glad, makes me feel that i'm so fortunate to have such sweet and understanding friends! :D and yes i think i'm very bold. i was surprised my hubby allow me to go ahead with the idea at all when i suggested. LOL~
 

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