Help! Husband sleep issues. What can I do?

Discussion in 'Matters Of The Heart' started by jac271, Apr 17, 2018.

  1. jac271

    jac271 New Member

    Hello all.

    I got married about 1.5 years ago and my husband moved into my house about 1 year ago.

    This one year has been horrendous, our relationship is going downhill, very quickly.

    And i think it all stems from his snoring.

    I mean he never used to snore whenever he slept over on weekends. I am a very light sleeper to start with. And with the snoring, my sleep quality has been SO BAD. It can be as bad as sleeping 4/5 hours a day to not being able to sleep the whole night. It went from nudging him whenever he snores to kicking him in the legs to waking up and screaming at him. I tried sleeping first, (he wakes me with the snore later) taking sleeping pills, ear plugs, music etc but none works. I am most happy, and sleeps the best, whenever is he abroad.

    It is also not helping that I have to wake up and go to work earlier than him.

    Whenever I wake up feeling frustrated, tired and having to go work, and I see him still sleeping on the bed (snoring obviously) I feel so angry!

    I am finding faults with him over everything, because deep down I feel that he is the one with the "problem" and yet I am the one trying all ways and means to solve this "problem". I feel he is so selfish. Why am I the only one suffering?? When I ask him to do something about it, ie, exercise, sleep earlier, adjusting the aircon timing, change pillow, see tcm or even cut away his tonsils! He always brush it off saying he will do it later, but never. OK he tried the nosestrips, but he will take it off in the middle of the night and start snoring. And when i scream at him for snoring, his first reaction will always be " How can that be! I dont snore!"

    I have lost count of the number of voice recordings of his snoring. Just to show him evidence. And he always laughs it off.


    And this frustration and tiredness from not being able to sleep, has resulted in me from being easily irritated with him to finding him so offensive that I am refusing his touch nowadays.

    This is very serious, and sleeping apart is probably the next best solution, but its definitely a bad solution for the marriage to go on. '

    There are people telling me; snoring is a very normal behavior for humans. Its my problem that I am a light sleeper?! but i have exhausted all my means on my side?

    Then tell me. What can I do next???

  2. miloice

    miloice Well-Known Member

    Push him to visit an ENT specialist, there are surgeries to fix such issues.
  3. PennyKee

    PennyKee New Member

    If you had no time to go to specialist so soon, you can try this.
    There's a lot other brands too which can help out with your problems. Hopefully by using this product can reduce his snoring problem.
  4. alexendra

    alexendra New Member

    I understand how you feel dear.
    Well, in order not to get the relationship strain even further, I suggest that you continue to show your love to him in ways that will cause him to really do something about his snoring issue.

    I don't know if he is taking this lightly or what, but I believe that if you really share your heart out with him, it will cause him to reflect.
  5. Katejake

    Katejake New Member

    Hi there. I can empathize with your situation cause my boyfriend snores too. Not to the extent that I'm awakened by his snores. But sometimes I'll just wake up in the middle of the night and realized he's snoring beside me. But then, it is not that difficult for me to fall back sleep. However, it did affect my sleep quality to a certain extent.

    I do have the intention to sleep apart from him (as in sleeping in the next room) when we get our new house. Just wondering does this action really affect marriage life? If it's about bedroom activity, we can always go back to our own room and sleep after doing the deed. Does it seem weird?
  6. miloice

    miloice Well-Known Member

    to share, I went for surgery to fix my blocked nose and recurring infection issues. I can breathe much better now. The experience of the specialist pushing the scope and plyers down my nostril is horrific and its not a one time thing. You have to go for several follow up and go through the ordeal everytime. However, quality of life surely improved post surgery.
  7. jac271

    jac271 New Member

    Tried... doesnt work... :(

    Its so damn difficult to show love nowadays, all I see is anger. When I talk nicely, he will feel guilty and sleep on the floor. But that is of course not a perm solution. when this nice talk repeats itself every week, it turns into shouting sessions.

    No its not about bedroom activities, as I have mentioned, i detest him so much that Im rejecting his touch nowadays, yet we still sleep on the same bed. (we dont have a choice here as we are staying in my room at the moment) But i dont think its a healthy arrangement?

    Hi Miloice thanks for the description. I did tell him about visiting a ENT. But he says its very expensive. Do you have an idea how much would the operation cost?
  8. miloice

    miloice Well-Known Member

    Firstly, his company medical might cover if he is seeking treatment beyond just sleep issues but chronic infection. He need to check with his HR on what is covered. Normally, going to the insurance panel docs. Even if it is not covered, he can still claim from medisave. Have he already referred to specialist for a diagnosis and recommended treatment? Its a day surgery and will be able to discharge the next day. If I recall the amount, its around 3k. I paid nothing as it was fully covered in my company insurance.
  9. alexendra

    alexendra New Member

    Oh dear. Hmm... Oh! I have a temporary solution for now even though it might take quite a bit of time for him to really get a cure or something.
    Just go to a local store that sells swimming products. You should be able to find ear plugs.
    Get a pair of those and plug it in before you sleep. It works wonders. It's tested and proven. Hope this can help to give you a better sleep for the time being.

    Attached Files:

  10. mirrorcelcius

    mirrorcelcius Member

    miloice likes this.
  11. melisselling

    melisselling New Member

    Hi, I am a super light sleeper too, so I know how you feel. When someone turns and open the door knob, I can wake up. (Needless to say, my windows and doors are closed when I am sleeping).

    In the past, I tried to make do by using ear plugs and even using ear phones to play those relaxing sounds to block out the noise but to no avail. I will still wake up.

    Anyway, I would strongly suggest sleeping in separate rooms. It would honestly save the couple a lot of good. A relationship is not defined as sharing a bed, it's more than that. And if not sharing a bed, causes the relationship to breakdown, then I guess, need to reevaluate the relationship and your commitment to it. As of now, we are together for 8 years so I guess in a way you can way, this works.

    A good night's rest is very important. On your part as well, try to use some essential oils like lavender to help u sleep through the night as well.

    All the best!
  12. miloice

    miloice Well-Known Member

    anyway, if it is affecting your relationship, no surgery is going to cost more than a divorce. Don't drag your foot over such reasons
  13. BadKitty

    BadKitty New Member

    Hi, maybe you can read up on a condition known as sleep apnea. Need to stay overnight in a hospital for the diagnostic test. Some govt hospitals like TTSH has a sleep clinic. My friend was diagnosed with sleep apnea and so he could claim medical insurance for the surgery. He tells me he sleeps better now, wake up refreshed and snoring reduced by maybe 70%.

    My partner snores loudly too. I’m not a light sleeper yet i can’t take it too. He laughs it off and says most ppl snore. I agree that most ppl snore occassionally but i think his snoring volume is unacceptable and my sleep quality suffers. Btw he snores daily. There is no other room to escape to as we stay with parents now. I also have to wake up earlier than him and I’m not using ear plugs in case i miss my alarm clock. We avoid staying at my parents place cos they can hear him from the other rooms and they are not used to it.

    I read up extensively on it and I’m pretty sure the symptoms fit the ones for sleep apnea. I haven’t been able to convince him to see a doc. Hope you have better luck on the convincing part.
  14. arsenal_84

    arsenal_84 Member

    well i tend to sleep on separate beds instead.

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