Help!! husband not interested in sex

glamour83

New Member
Hi all, i have an issue that needs all your advice please!

I'm a newly wed, but i feel that my husband is not into sex at all. My husband's a first year doctor, and works pretty long hours. We barely hit once a week, i've tried many ways to improve our sex life but there just isnt improvement. I wouldn't say i look like a diva but i've been praised for having a good figure and above average pretty with a good fashion sense.

Recently i've tried to get us both in bed by 10pm (we usually sleep by 11 or 1130pm) so we can have some quality time together but i still find it not working. He doesn't seem to be interested in my body at all and when we get intimate, we are just doing the deed and he doesnt try to touch me at all. im embarrassed to say the least but i really want to know what is going on. I simply do not feel that i am desirable to him but am sure i am more than attractive to men. He is definitely also not having an affair, at least not for now. I know he still loves me but this part of our marriage is really affecting me and i feel terrible, to the extent i wake up in the middle of the night crying.

i am not particularly horny or what but i just crave for my man to at least feel a little lust for me. it seems like he has none. i've tried confronting him but till now i havent really gotten any clear answer from him. he doesnt have any medical issue either as he has no problem getting hard and ejaculating.

Is anyone having similar issues like me??
 


puppylover

New Member
Maybe he's very stressed and tired by work? He's a first year doc so maybe this is a tough time for him as he is building career? Find a time when he's relaxed like off from work or in a good mood to talk to him about this gently.. try not to confront. And I don't think it's anything to do with your looks.. he married you so you must be attractive to him.
happy.gif
 

glamour83

New Member
i hope so. thing is, he is also an exercise freak. he MUST have an exercise session everyday, even after work at about 7pm. so by the time he is done with the day he is usually very tired. and i can't get him not to exercise for a day. it really seems to me that in terms of priority, it's work, exercise, me (in that order). i feel really lousy.

margret, i think we have been like this even during courtship. we've dated for about 8 years but only became sexually active about 5 years ago. and it's also about this frequency, but maybe a little more. he was studying overseas for the last few years so every time we are together we try to make the most out of it. also we weren't married then so we did not put sex as a priority.

it's difficult cos when i do try to talk to him about it, casually, he usually puts it off by saying he is not like dat. but he obviously is!

thanks for both your input!
 

hublot

New Member
Hi Glamour,

You said that you have "tried many ways to improve our sex life but there just isn't improvement."

Qn : what have you tried and his responses ?

You mentioned :

"He doesn't seem to be interested in my body at all and when we get intimate, we are just doing the deed and he doesnt try to touch me at all."

Qn : Was it this way during your courtship period or only after his 1st year work ?

I would suggest that you share with him what you will enjoy/like in an intimacy. Maybe things you have enjoyed before ? Make the topic casual and light hearted and not to make your husband as the subject matter/issue. For e.g. you can just be cheeky by telling him you are feeling horny and need it. Kinda behave like his slut on the bed. Is all for the good fun..
happy.gif
 

ckgal

Member
glamour, if all the while he is like that, then it's not easy to ask him for him unless u want to stimulate him using pills like viagra
 

hublot

New Member
Hi Janey, dont think her hub needs viagra cause she mentioned that "he doesnt have any medical issue either as he has no problem getting hard and ejaculating." Maybe need other form of "stimulation" lol..
happy.gif
 

glamour83

New Member
Hi hublot, we used to hang out in the living room or surfing internet till quite late and by the time we are in bed, he feels really sleepy. so i tried to get us in bed by 10pm so we have ample time to spend. i think we may have lost the excitement of sex. however, i must say 9 out of 10 times when we are at it, he managed to peak easily. so i guess it is not that he is unable to, but more of not that interested.

i know most guys have high sex drive and love exploring and touching during intimacy - in some way i think it is some kind of lust that a guy has for a lady. but i really dont see it in him. and not that i'm boasting, i think i already have a pretty gd figure and look.

during our courtship we are more enthusiastic and wld try out different positions. and i always thought all men like oral sex but it doesnt stimulate him enough. maybe i'm just lousy at it haha i don't know.
 

hublot

New Member
Well did he enjoy oral previously ? It could either be he dont like oral or maybe dont enjoy while receiving it, and this will be subjective. So he is now more of just get it over and done with it feeling is it? and was it most time u initiated it?
 

denise80

Active Member
Hi glamour83, could you have said something that's not so encouraging during or after sex? Try to recall. He might be over sensitive because of something that was said during or after sex that demoralised him somehow.

Perhaps after your next intimacy with him, try praising him and see if it works? Sometimes it could just mean that your man is tired from work and all those exercises. Like my man, if he goes gym, he would tell me he's too tired to do it. If he wants to do it, he'll avoid going gym. I'm facing similar problems like you just that our roles are reversed. I can do with once in two weeks in fact because I feel tired and stressed by work to think about intimacy. To me, the only way to solve this is to cut down on work and stress levels, which we all know is not quite possible in Sg.
 

glamour83

New Member
hi hublot, i guess all along we weren't very into oral. to us, being able to peak seems to be our objective now, which i'm trying to change the mindset. i wld say 7 out of 10 times he initiate. but considering we are newly weds (we got married in oct '09), i always have the thinking that we shd be very active in this area. but sad to say it's abt once a week, maybe twice if we are lucky and sometimes once in abt 10 days.

actually to be honest, i cld do very well without it at all. but somehow i feel that having sex is an intimate special affair and i crave that feeling, not so because i have the urge to have sex. in fact, everytime he initiates, i seldom have the sexual urge as well, but will definitely go along with it. and yet if he doesnt initiate often enough, i start to get paranoid that our marriage is not normal. confusing?
 

denise80

Active Member
Glamour83, I think u're thinking too much. My hubby and I are newly weds too (last dec)and you know, we sometimes only do it once in two weeks. We don't even really count the number of times we do in a week - is there a need to? I think you are indeed a little paranoid in this area. To me, a marriage is more than this unless you're looking forward to having babies. Otherwise, I think you two are doing fine. With a hectic work schedule, how can one make it? Hmmm...just wondering if it's because your work is not as hectic as his?
 

chilliinketchup

New Member
Is your husband a gynae or a surgeon? Could it be that he's feeling turned off after witnessing something at work? Say some dismembered body parts or something disgusting that is related to the body?

Or probably he's just too tired after his work & daily exercise.
 

idealone

Member
thats wat i wanted to say... he's a doc... especially when still a houseman, will be stressed and need t work long hours. He also knows human anatomy better than anyone else and may have seen lots more naked bodies other than yours so lost the drive and excitement of seeing yours.

How about this: wear something sexy to entice him and do not take off all your clothes before sex. Maybe just undergarments or better still go commando to suprise him.

Shave it clean and he might feel turn on at the sight of a fresh clean puss.

Well, still can do many things but i guess its not very nice to post explicit details here. I'll leave it to your imagination ba. Basically try all ways to seduce him lor. Even if the method works, change it regularly. He will appreciate it.
happy.gif
 

glamour83

New Member
Hi all, thanks for your feedback. i think i am just getting paranoid. now that i know newly weds do not necessarily go at it very frequently, i think we are fine. =)

i think his working hours are just too hectic, being only his first year. and it's true that mine is much less hectic, so i've got so much time to think abt funny things.

and yes, i do occasionally go for a brazilian and that does not really get him extra enthusiastic.
 

idealone

Member
happy.gif
I'm glad that you think this way... ok different guys respond to different stimulus... so try different things is the key...

I've a friend who is a doc too. He take a AL and go on trips to make babies... ha ha now got 2 kids liao...

Go on trips... make romance and xxx like rabbits... time the trips to be on your fertile days. As your hubby, he'll know...

Oh take suppliments too to build your health. He would know that too...
 

lovingyou

New Member
glamour: Being in love is about spending quality and comfortable time together... he might be too stress and tired... and the frequency level has no link whether he finds u attractive etc... At times, he could be too tired to do anything... he might jus feel comfortable by hugging u to sleep... try not to get too paranoid... A getaway might helps in one way or another...
happy.gif
 

joey_cat

New Member
Glamour83. You mentioned your husband need to exercise EVERYDAY. I have a guy friend who need to run 2hours daily, he told me his sex drive drop significantly after he started the routine. Maybe that explained the reason why.
 

chilliinketchup

New Member
Run 2 hours daily? Why would a person need to run that long everyday? How to tahan?

I thought run 2.4km is already bad enough.

I think his legs will feel super "sng" after that. Hahaha..
 

denise80

Active Member
LOL...not good for the knee caps definitely...
And yes Glamour83, because I'm a woman too...I understand why women can think too much at times...and this is when they have more time at hand...
My advice is not to continue stressing him or he may be really turned off by the idea of intimacy one day. Instead, be loving and sweet to him...sometimes cuddling each other to sleep can be such a sweet thing.
happy.gif
 

idealone

Member
not really leh... i was a x country runner and i'll say that running is additive. running or exercising hard cause the body to have fatigue. True....

But...

What people does not know is that the brain will secrete a natural 'drug' to counter the pain and makes us feels good. The 'drug' works like morphine and it's definately legal cos our body produces it.

So people like me are addited to this type of pleasure sensation and thus exercise hard, run long dist to achieve the effect.

I used to run 20 laps on the track in school before heading home everyday. Took a break only on sat and sun...

the feeling is great. if you are used to the 'fatigue' you will not even feel tired. Also at that time, sex is also not an issue. in fact i never felt fitter and pound like wild animals cos the level of fitness was 'no horse run'

Now lax liao... work and work and sacrifice most of the running time for sleep. only run every 2 3 days... cannot achieve the addicitve kick anymore...

so my point is that exercising does not really affect your drive unless you are inconsistant...
 

chilliinketchup

New Member
Halo Roger,

U were in your teens then, when your hormones were still raging. I understand what u describe about the pleasure from running. I felt the same too during NS.

It's different now. We are nearing/about/over 30-year-old uncles working full-time and subject to plenty of stress at work. On top of this, workout too much may drain us of our excess energy, if there's any left, to even feel horny.

If your last point is taken, then we should either exercise every day, or don't exercise at all? Coz such neither-here-nor-there workout only reduces our drive?
 

idealone

Member
oh, my suggestion is to exercise moderately regularly. this is to keep body fit to be able to enjoy bed time
happy.gif


yes work stress is inevitable. exercise should be able to take away some stress.

so exercising is good cos take away stress and keep fit. finally able to enjoy without losing much drive...
 

lootcart

New Member
Try alcohol! Probably some wine to improve blood circulation. Start the night with small talks, when the alcohol kicks in...
happy.gif


Read more magazines. Can pick up some trick from there. Hehe
 

ariesta

Member
was reading abt maca supplements. supposed to increase strenth, sex drive and balancing hormones for both guys and gals blah blah... so if he is an doc and exercise freak, can ask him abt taking such supplements for strenght/improving ur PMS. its not like viagra where ppl will immediately associate it with sex drive ...etc. being a doc, he wld have heard of it if its really effective. if really good.. then heehee... can use it to increase his sex drive secretly... muahahah~~~~
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Its crazy to sustain daily long term exercise regime. We need time to recover. The older we get the more time we need to recover with good sleep, diet and rest days. At 35, I'm needing more than 2 times the rest period than before. Its not so much the muscle fatigue only more of it is the joints. Sooner or later, medical problems will arise for heavy stress over prolonged period without proper recovery. The body can be overtrained easily and it backfires big time. All the hardwork to keep fit will make us vunerable and weak instead. Doctors deal with numerous sports injury daily. As a doctor, shouldn't he know better?

Signs of over-training includes increased resting heart beat, difficulty in sleeping despite extreme fatigue, getting flu and cold regularly.
 

moistfaucet

New Member
wear something sexy lar, just check his computer, what website he is in too ? and does he save any sexy girl pic ? if it does what style it is.

easy mah. man is driven by sex while woman by love. for man have sex his object must be attractive. if not how ?
 

glamour83

New Member
no la he doesn't exercise 2 hrs a day.. prob 45min to an hr. he is very into cycling so he is always in bike forums and looking at bicycle frames.. far from any websites to do with girls.

but i must say he is very fit and seldom falls sick. he also does not have difficulty falling sick and his heart rate is really gd. in fact mine is worse cos i eat all kinds of junk. i thank god for a gd metabolism rate inherited from my mom so i am not growing sideways, YET.
 

kenturik

New Member
Put on a sexy lingerie, get all sweaty and climb onto his bike when he comes home.... Either he makes wild love with you or kick you off his "love".... then you know where u stand...
Intimacy is a strange thing, you just need to explore and there are thousand of ways to it. Good luck
 

denise80

Active Member
No no...I suddenly have an idea!
You should exercise with him! Go cycling together! I go gym with my hubby.
happy.gif
Sometimes after gym sessions, he'll tell me he likes my butt and legs becos they're firmer than before.
Even if sex life is not a WOW, go for common interests. Who knows, he may become more attracted to you through sports. Some men can find women who exercise and perspire during sports to be sexy and alluring. Or..like my man, he likes a toned body. Your man may like that too as compared to a girl who doesn't exercise at all?
happy.gif
)

Also, even if the above doesn't value add to your sex life, at least you'll become healthier and fitter too. Also, you get to spend more time with him. It's a win-win situation!
happy.gif
))
 

hoddioo

New Member
glamour83

sorry but its likely that your husband is eating outside..

it is also possible that your husband is gay

anyway why did he marry u if he doesnt want to have sex with u? think again..

to keep u at all to water the plants or wash his clothes?
 

glamour83

New Member
hi hoddioo, are you sure? i don't think so at this point la..

recently, some weeks we totally didn't manage even once a week. but the following week we cld have 3 times a week, so i think it's just tt he's really trying to get used to his long working hours and training sessions.

i also think that he generally has a lower sex drive than most guys because of his frequent training sessions. will continue to monitor our situation though..
 

loveriver

New Member
darling, we r in e same boat. Me n my bf moved in together recently. Due to his frequent travelling (he's a flight steward), we hv limited time together here. Before we moved in together, we wud check-in n make love on almost every other day dat he's in SG - before he fly off and after he came back from flights. But nw, he seems to be 'uninterested'. We hv lesser sex nowadays n sometimes I see dat he enjoys BJs better than sex. My greatest woes - Many men had been 'trying' for me and gfs hd labelled me as 'sex bomb', 'hot chick', etc. But I just cudnt find the answer to his recent change. N it's not like I perform badly in bed either. A trusted gf told me dat it cud be due to a change in lifestyle. It cud be dat cos he hd stopped working out at e gym (he work out a lot last time) and dat cud hv lowered his libido. Dunno if I can buy dat. Recently discovered he's been surfing lots of porn, typically lesbian porn. I kept asking myself "wats happenin"???
Baby, sometimes I just dun understand men.
 

hoddioo

New Member
Loveriver, if a guy go for lesbian porn, he must be really bored at straight sex. Try some ways to interest him.. Im sure he will go hard at something.. Black silky lingerie or nurse costume? U know better..
 

zennyrac

New Member
Loveriver, my HTB is regular initiator initially (7 years of the relationship, until the most recent 4 years. We had not had sex for 2 years and I am someone who likes doing it.

I also thought how come he is not into me and even quizzed him and he got upset(Cos I told him, dont masturbate so much lar).
He watch porn on net too, so he is definitely into sex. I think he is masturbating most of the time, as we didnt have any intercourse for past 3 years. I initiated, and he sort of enjoy it but stop as he feared that someone outside (I stayover couple of days per week)will hear.

He is paranoid as I am abit vocal, but can guys really how the urge as I maintained myself in terms of looks and figure. What is wrong here?
Otherwise, he is caring and husband material.
But I am really afraid that after wedding, the same problem persist.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
"Otherwise, he is caring and husband material."

A man who does not want to have sex with you and is oblivious to your sexual needs is of "husband material"????? Are you kidding yourself???

I'm very amazed by the extent of your self-deception.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Also, how to have baby if there is no sexual intercourse? Now, please don't tell me IVF when you don't try to conceive the natural way first.
 

zennyrac

New Member
We are getting married, still BG relationship. What I meant was that he was planning to start a family, prep for wedding with me and caring to me. And saved for our future. So to me that's a stable man lar.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
You guys never did an overseas vacation or stay cation whereby there would be plenty of privacy in the past THREE years?!?!?!

You never once said there's much chemistry, passion and compatibility between this guy and you. He sounds like a safe choice instead of a good choice.

Think again.
 

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