He just passed me the ring

Discussion in 'Matters Of The Heart' started by Rainbowbright, Feb 2, 2019.

  1. Rainbowbright

    Rainbowbright New Member

    I am so disappointing with the "proposal". It was my birthday. We went for dinner. He bought me a cake but we didn't cut it. I brought it home. He got me a small bouquet. He was yawning through dinner and asking for medicated oil cos he had migraine. About 9pm he wanted to send me home. I declined but he insisted. We waited 30mins for taxi but none came.he is the impatient sort. He started calling for taxi but couldn't get any. He suggested to take the mrt to somewhere and get a taxi from there. Along the way there was a not working escalator plus road block . All these made me for panicky cos I was afraid he would start to lose his temper. We took a taxi to my place. He was sleeping in the taxi. Once we reached my block he brought me to the bench and showed me the paper bag with the ring. I asked him is that my bday present..he said no. It's proposal ring. He opened it and said not sure if it fits me. Then I took the ring and tried and said abit tight. Then that was it. He went on to describe about the buying process . I asked him is he not going to ask the 4 words. He said 4 words? Oh isit will i marry U? Hahaha...will u marry me?

    I didn't even reply. Then he say it's late he needs to go home. Everything ended in 5 mins. No photos. Nothing.
    Is this even a proposal? He didn't ask the qn
    It didn't matter to him that I didn't reply.he wasn't nervous or excited at all. He didn't plan. He just wanted to pass it to me and get over with it.
     


  2. newproject

    newproject Active Member

    curious how old are you both?

    I'm a guy and I think a lot of proposals are a bit over the top but this does seem a bit unplanned.
     
  3. Rainbowbright

    Rainbowbright New Member

    I am 38. He is 40
     
  4. newproject

    newproject Active Member

    ok. First (potential) marriage for both?

    older you get, less romantic I guess?

    Still a bit below average I think.

    but I guess that isnt important
     
  5. Rainbowbright

    Rainbowbright New Member

    Yes I assume it's first for him too. He had 10 ex's. Is it normal for me to be mad
     
  6. newproject

    newproject Active Member

    ic

    I guess the question is, if he did a more elaborate proposal would you say yes?

    my advice , you can tell him you are disappointed but the more important q is whether you want to marry him.

    I'm getting hints you are not too sure
     
  7. Rainbowbright

    Rainbowbright New Member

    We have been together for 6 yrs. It was a one sided relationship. I kept asking him if there is a future. He lied to me for many years that he has plans. I guess he just bought the ring to shut me up. Even the way he asked "Will i marry u?"....shows he wants to show me that he is the one who has to be willing to marry....that there is no need to ask me..
     
  8. Chocogal

    Chocogal New Member

    I feel you should try to see a future with him now. From your first post it seems like he's easily short tempered kind or you have seen him getting frustrated before that's why you were scared that he will be angry. Its weather you are okay to accept the him now and the past years and still want to be his wife...Then say yes... Otherwise, please reconsider.. do not say yes just because you have been together for so long etc..
     
  9. Rainbowbright

    Rainbowbright New Member

    Will u be ok with this sort of "proposal"?
     
  10. newproject

    newproject Active Member

    no offense but that's not a very important question as we trying to tell you.
     
  11. Chocogal

    Chocogal New Member

    It's doesn't matter if we are okay with this kind of proposal. It's your future with him and your marriage with him. Only you know the answer to your heart.
     
  12. Rainbowbright

    Rainbowbright New Member

    I feel it is important. It shows how important it is to him,
     
  13. newproject

    newproject Active Member

    sadly the original poster seems to be hung up on this..

    So if we say we not ok she will go back and make noise and tell her bf she not unreasonable to be unhappy...

    honestly from what little I have heard, this doesnt look favorable.
     
    blissfulsimplistic likes this.
  14. Rainbowbright

    Rainbowbright New Member

    I mean he never even proposed right? Proposing is to ask the girl to marry him...he did not even ask, all he did was to pass me the ring
     
  15. Chocogal

    Chocogal New Member

    Actually I feel it's not okay with you. You doubt how he treats you.. usually when you have doubts about something sometimes the answer is right in front of you..I will definitely advise you to reconsider. It's your call.. n your have every right to say yes or no.
     
    coldjade and newproject like this.
  16. newproject

    newproject Active Member

    so you are unhappy.

    This type of thing only you can decide.

    My guess based on what you reveal, your relationship hasn't been good but if you say you are unhappy he will just throw his temper.

    This proposal is just the tip of the iceberg. You want us to validate you so you can go tell your bf not just you but anyone also will be unhappy.

    I'll be frank, this looks doomed. Even if you make noise and he proposes "properly" , I'm still going to be negative on this.
     
  17. SgMan

    SgMan New Member

    May you have the wisdom in deciding what is best for both of you
     
  18. angelccl93

    angelccl93 New Member

    Firstly, ask yourself if you'd like to spend the rest of your life with a man who gets easily impatient and gets angry with you if you're unhappy? It's not about the "proposal" but more of like how did he treated you throughout the entire relationship?

    A man can be not romantic but he cannot treat his woman poorly. If he don't even put in effort to get the right sizing and ask you the question properly, you alr know the answer.
     
    coldjade and newproject like this.
  19. Rainbowbright

    Rainbowbright New Member

    He got the sizing right. No idea how. Maybe luck but he did not ask the qn
     
  20. Rainbowbright

    Rainbowbright New Member

    And now he has blocked my number cos he feels I am unreasonable.
     
  21. Chocogal

    Chocogal New Member

    Can I ask is this usually what happens when you all quarrel or argue? Blocking is like ending communication. Marriage is a big thing, it's not child's play. You need to think long term if both of you are really heading towards the same goal. Is there respect that you deserved as a partner and spouse to be?
     
  22. Rainbowbright

    Rainbowbright New Member

    Ya he always blocks my number or off his phone .
     
  23. Chocogal

    Chocogal New Member

    So he feels that he has every right to do that and that you will always accept him as and when he deCide to talk you will always still be around. Are you sure you are happy with this kind of childish act. Now you have been with him for 6years.. he's already like that.. do you think another 6 years down the road or even after married hes going to treat you better? Or even worse I feel. Sorry but he's already 40 years old, he's still acting like a kid. To him marriage and asking for your hand.. it's just passing you a ring..I feel it's like as if he's just passing a birthday gift to you since it's your birthday. Right now you are not married to him when he block you its okay.. but once married staying under the same roof, whenever you both quarrel are you still able to tahan him blocking you or simply walking out on you. . And think long term with kids will he's temper get better? Don't get married for the sake of getting married..
     
  24. newproject

    newproject Active Member

    sigh that's not the point.

    I think you also know that your relationship isnt good.

    I'll be brutally Frank. You are 38, you probably think time running out for you.

    But given what you mentioned, it's clear to anyone your relationship isnt very good.

    It would be easy to blame the boyfriend but given the way you posted here , I can tell you are also childish or at the very least have a simplistic view of things, focusing on superficial matters.

    if you cant even resolve something as simple as a proposal without running to a forum asking if he is reasonable , do you think you are ready for MARRIAGE?
     
  25. newproject

    newproject Active Member

    Given that we only hearing the side of the girl who herself at 38 isn't acting very mature either, I think there is enough blame to go both ways.

    A lot of work is needed on both sides .
     
  26. Rainbowbright

    Rainbowbright New Member

    Just Becos I am old u mean I should lower my standard and be ok with whoever he treats me? Be okay with a effortless proposal? To be satisfied with the ring? I don't think so. Even if I am 50 I still need to see the effort and sincerity.
     
  27. Chocogal

    Chocogal New Member

    Babe, you should take all our replies to your thread with a pinch of salt. After all we don't know you or your bf. It's a rs between the both of you. It's your decision..
     
    blissfulsimplistic likes this.
  28. Chocogal

    Chocogal New Member

    This is your answer to your first post for this thread.
     
    coldjade and angelccl93 like this.
  29. newproject

    newproject Active Member

    think you have a reading comprehension problem. I'm implying the only reason you even asking this question is you are scared to be left on shelf. in fact I'm saying the opposite.

    edit: I think though you going to take this answer to mean you are " in the right" and he is wrong for proposing this way. What I am saying is your problems goes way beyond the way he proposed.. and you both have to take some responsibility
     
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2019
    coldjade and Chocogal like this.
  30. newproject

    newproject Active Member

    indeed.

    As I said she already knows the answer she wants, just want us to side with her.

    Frankly, given what she shared, I think she easily as immature.

    6 years of issues but she is scared to really try to resolve issues or god forbid breakup cos she already invested 6 years and not young.
     
  31. newproject

    newproject Active Member

    you guys are just immature and incompatible.

    He probably feels he has compromised and done what you asked abeit grudgingly but you feel he hasn't done enough.

    You want us to side with you say he unreasonable.

    Honestly a relationship is a 2 way street , no one forcing you to be in one. If you know how he is and still stay on for 6 years, some of responsibility lies with you.

    To expect him to change is insanity and you unlikely to change either. unless a miracle happens I dont see this going anywhere.

    Your RS has bigger probs than the way he proposed.

    if I were you , I will sit down and have a heart to heart talk. Why doesnt he want to get married?
     
    angelccl93 likes this.
  32. angelccl93

    angelccl93 New Member

    A man who truly loves you will never think that you're unreasonable or flare up at you when he is impatient or angry. Clearly, at the age of 40, he is still immature and only think about himself. Is this the kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with? Would your parents be happy to know how he's treating you? Would you want your future daughter (if you both are planning to have kids) to be treated the same way as how you were treated?

    Nobody is asking you to be ok with this proposal or lower your standard just because you're 38. But rather, do you feel happy being with this man? If you were happy, you wouldn't be at this forum asking for advices. The ball is in your court, nobody can decide for you whether you should accept this proposal.
     
  33. angelccl93

    angelccl93 New Member

    Blocking you off or switching off his phone during a quarrel is alr a red flag. Couples should resolve their quarrel on the same day it started, never let either partner go to sleep angry or sad. It's unhealthy for the rs or marriage. Like what my husband always do, he will ALWAYS resolve our quarrel before letting me sleep because couples shouldn't be holding any anger towards each other overnight.
     
  34. Rainbowbright

    Rainbowbright New Member

    I agree. But sadly he never ever resolves the quarrel . He always say "it's late. I need to sleep. Carry on scolding another day"and hang up. And when I still am angry few days later he would get pissed and said isn't everything alright already ? Why pick up a fight again?
     
  35. Rainbowbright

    Rainbowbright New Member

    He always left me crying to sleep. While on the phone he never talks. He just keep absolutely quiet. Really.. no sound until he wants to hang up.
     
  36. Chocogal

    Chocogal New Member

    Sad to hear that, I guess you are always the forgiving one..But he's taking advantage of your kindness always. It's a cycle always repeating itself. Somehow you have allowed him and given him the right to treat you like this over the years..Cause you love him a lot. We don't have many 6 years or 10yrs to waste on the wrong person.
     
  37. newproject

    newproject Active Member

    you two have to learn how to resolve conflicts.

    Clearly you keep scolding him while he keeps quiet isnt working...
     
  38. newproject

    newproject Active Member

    I wouldnt be so sure.....

    this looks like a case of the woman keep nagging and scolding not realizing it isnt effective.

    For instance does the girl even know why the guy is so unenthusiastic about the proposal and or getting married?

    or is it just scold and scold and scold cos she is unhappy
     
  39. angelccl93

    angelccl93 New Member

    What are the stuffs that you both quarrel about? Scolding your other half or your other half always being pissed off at you wouldn't resolve any issues. As mature adults, you both should sit down and resolve the underlying issues between the both of you. These issues won't go away after marriage, if this is the character of both parties before marriage, after marriage wouldn't have a difference.
     
    Chocogal likes this.
  40. Katejake

    Katejake New Member

    Hey, I saw you post a similar thread in Hardwarezone. I hope you are not trolling there. Are you really serious about this boyfriend of yours? You are aware that he fools around bedding women and here you are harping on a “unromantic proposal”. Come on! Are you really a 38 year old woman?! Can’t believe this... please do yourself a favour and get rid of this trash.
     
    newproject likes this.
  41. Rainbowbright

    Rainbowbright New Member

    He told me he never fool around since with me.
    I dunno how to talk to him. He always says I am picking a fight and he would flare up.
     
  42. newproject

    newproject Active Member

    what's the thread?
     
  43. frostedpanels3

    frostedpanels3 New Member

    I believe that the scale of a proposal isn’t a problem, but whether or not you see a future with him.
     
    newproject likes this.
  44. Rainbowbright

    Rainbowbright New Member

    I went to look for him today after he blocked me for 5 days. He screamed and shouted at the top of his voice like a crazy mad man. Shouted at me to sit down . Everyone turned and looked. Then he threatened to strangle me to death if I kept talking. I threatened to inform him dad. As we were at a park he then went to look for a stone from the ground. I suspect he wanted to bash me with the stone. I asked him what he wanted to do. He then dropped the stone.
     
  45. newproject

    newproject Active Member

    Sounds like you are trolling.
     
  46. Rainbowbright

    Rainbowbright New Member

    Trolling means lying ? I am not lying. I am serious. He is a violent crazy man. He has police case before
     
  47. Chocogal

    Chocogal New Member

    He is a dangerous person to be with. Don't you feel that your life is at his mercy?
     
  48. coldjade

    coldjade Member

    If you marry this guy, you must be prepared that his attitude will not change, and you will most probably be alone in trying to save your relationship, your household chores, and any child-rearing.

    Proposal need not be too fancy. My HTB is 38, he is a nerd, no exs at all, and not romantic. He didn't even buy a ring when he proposed in my room lying on my bed wearing a t-shirt while I surfed the net in PJs. But he eventually brought me to buy one that I like and he genuinely look happy since then that I agreed to marry him. That's all that matters. Even if he didn't ask the 4-word question, it is important that you feel that he means his actions. You can already feel that he is just "acting" a proposal to shut you up, then what is holding you back?

    Right now he is just taking your kindness for granted and is treating you as the "idiot" who he thinks has no idea about his drama and can allow him to throw childish tantrum. Or maybe he just wants to use these actions to "chase you away", so you break up with him without him being the "bad guy". A lot of possibilities, but all will just show you that he is a jerk.

    If he can be so unreasonable and immature at the age of 40, nothing can change him anymore.

    You seem to know the answer. Right now it's not even about the proposal anymore. You shouldn't even have been with him for 6 years!

    Leave him and move on.
     
    SummerCherry and Chocogal like this.
  49. SummerCherry

    SummerCherry Member

    My HTB is not romantic and the he was proposed to me without flower and any words but with a Ring. At first, I’m just shock and saying “huh”, like that only ah? No flower? You should at least said “Request me to marry you ah”
    Ending, he kneel down and then proposal again with using a English and Chinese.

    To me, the proposal must be done as each of you are prepared for and timing & age is not a issues.
     

Share This Page