Hb and porn, pls advice

[naeco]

Hi. My hb and I had been married for 3 yrs plus. Shortly After our marriage, I discovered that he has been watching porn, worse Still at his work place. I shared my concern that I’m not comfortable with that, but we could watch it together. Why would anyone watch it at work? I can’t understand

He promised me that he won’t do it again. 2 yrs later, recently I found him looking at manga porn. He was on his desktop but quickly deleted his history when I enter the room. I asked a few times but he doesn’t admit until later on. I felt very sad that he broke his promise and he lied to me. It is not the first time he lied to me, including other matters. And I have already shared many times not to tell me lie. It just make me feel that it’s hard to trust him. He said he’s just reading the porn for The fun of reading and to get a few ideas to rekindle our sex life. I don’t know whether to believe him or not.

right now we are not on v gd term due to this incident. I felt like really distant from him. And our future so bleak tgt

pls advise if I think too much or if this is not a big deal?

 

[Sexy Lady]

Hi lady, how are you getting on with your hubby?

Nowadays porn videos are easily accessed from the internet. Some people enjoy watching porn to release stress or just to satisfy their desire or out of curiosity. I believe there are some newly-wed watching porn together. When we are younger we tend to have higher sex drive but when we get older our desire will be reduced.

Don't let this affect your marriage provided you caught him cheating on you. When he gets tired of watching porn he will watch lesser or even stop watching totally.

Keep him busy with housework or kids. Go for shopping or exercise with him will get his mind off.

 

[arnoldchen]

i can assure u all guys watch porn. pls dun equate this to not loving u.

 

[dorisK]

Perhaps you can try watching it with him? But of cuz respect the fact that sometimes he just wants to DIY.

 

[Whygetmarried]

Watching porn behind wife’s back is like hiding things behind her back. Being secretive etc. Can wife trust husband to do right things when wife not around? Wouldn’t it affect trust? And I think watching porn affects intimacy between the couple.

 

[BlackHubby]

Hi. My hb and I had been married for 3 yrs plus. Shortly After our marriage, I discovered that he has been watching porn, worse Still at his work place. I shared my concern that I’m not comfortable with that, but we could watch it together. Why would anyone watch it at work? I can’t understand

He promised me that he won’t do it again. 2 yrs later, recently I found him looking at manga porn. He was on his desktop but quickly deleted his history when I enter the room. I asked a few times but he doesn’t admit until later on. I felt very sad that he broke his promise and he lied to me. It is not the first time he lied to me, including other matters. And I have already shared many times not to tell me lie. It just make me feel that it’s hard to trust him. He said he’s just reading the porn for The fun of reading and to get a few ideas to rekindle our sex life. I don’t know whether to believe him or not.

right now we are not on v gd term due to this incident. I felt like really distant from him. And our future so bleak tgt

pls advise if I think too much or if this is not a big deal?

He's probably simply addicted. Thus lying because he is ashamed of it or because he doesn't want to disappoint you.
It is very important to evaluate you intimacy level. Ask yourself these questions: how many times are you having sex per week? Less than 3 times you are in danger zone. Men have fully replenished their sperm count every 48hrs (max 72hrs), meaning they are wired to ejaculate every 48hrs for an healthy man. Of course many men need it every 24hrs especially if they are younger or they work life and habits is not taking too much a toll on their testosterone / physical level. If you don't do it regularly per week, there are very high chances he's DIY watching porn. And then it's a very bad circles because porn will make you less desirable for his brain. It's addicting and it stimulates too much the brain, meaning, he can get issues getting hard with you and feeling desire for you. Because his brain has been accustomed to a extra strong visual stimulation that wrecks havoc. If that is the case, he has to reset the brain has much as possible, by quitting porn and visual stimulations of this kind and relearn to actually do and enjoy the real thing. He will then regain strength in lower body and have more desire for you. But it's like smoking, it's not easy to quit, and if he doesn't ejaculate regularly with you then he'll do it alone and it's hard to do it alone without visual stimulation like porn if you have been addicted before. Thus a miserable circles for many men.
So if you want to continue with him, you also have to work together on your sex life. Remember that sex is one of the primary ways for a man to feel loved and valued. Men and Women don't exactly experience love the same way. If he's - really - willing to quit porn, then you can succeed, but he has to take responsibility and you need to do it together. It also means to explore your sexuality together, break the routines, be sexy in bed, surprise him, learn your naughty hidden side. Set healthy limits in your sex life also is important (unhealthy sex practices can destroy a marriage too). No sex in marriage = men get dead and cold heart = dead marriage. So important to revive the fire if it is lost. And also explain him how do you feel loved: did he give up on dating you, having quality time with you etc. Each of you should know the top 3 languages of love of your spouse: physical touch, sweets words, gifts, services, quality time etc.