I think in modern days, it is gal who keeps sdj. cos during olden times, when gal marries guy, everything gal has belongs to guy and his parents. So in thoery, sdj belongs to guy's parents..These days, Ithink it depends on whether the gal is being seen as "sold" away by her parents (ie. many tables or huge pinjing retained by bride's parents).
During tea ceremony, gal will usually be given jewelry from relatives, includng mother and MIL... I think it's a nice gesture to wear the jewelry on the spot. If possible, just wear everything loh.... Usually, gal will be expected to wear the jewelry the guy's parents/relatives give her during her tea ceremony at the guy's parents' home... when she returns to her own home, so that she can show her parents the "gifts".
During Guo Da li, i got 4dj frm my in-laws, then show to my parents, and drowy frm my parents. I brought all the gold to my in-law's place for save keep. So when can i get it back? Do i take if with me on my way back to my new home during A/D ? also.. i have all these gold.. so i am suppose to wear them on the wedding day? if that's the case, i shld get my gold back frm my in-law now.. so i can wear at my parent's place during the A/D .. ???!!???
My parent's bring me 2 set of 4dj.. and grandparents/aunties also bought me some gold as (tian jin- add to drowy) and not for tea ceremony.
I think we are in the same situation. My ILs have asked me to bring back the SDJ which they give me during GDL, together with the Hui Li, so that they can "show" to their relatives during tea ceremony. My ILs will probably help me wear on the SDJ during the tea ceremony. If they don't, but leave the SDJ lying there, I will wear the SDJ they buy for me to go back to my parents' home.
I'll be leaving my parents' home wearing some of the jewerly that they buy for me. At IL's place, will change clothes and put on SDJ ILs buy for me. During wedding dinner, I will be wearing my parents' jewelry with every change of gown.
Oh, I think it's not necessary to give gold to IL unless it is in line with their custom or your custom. I brought my ILs shopping for shoes already and have bought towals for all the aunts/uncles/and my husband's siblings/siblings-in-law in line with my custom. I'm hokkien.
I'm told as a hokkien I need to give towels to ILs, husband's grandparents, siblings/siblings-inlaws, but my parents asked me to also give to my husband's aunts and uncles. This is an additional thing.
I'm not sure if other dialect groups have the same practice. cos I think teochew and hokkien may be quite similar.
I heard about the same thing regarding shoes as JGal. Shoes only to PIL and MIL. No one else. Some people will give AP for PIL and MIL to buy shoes but my parents told me to bring my PIL and MIL shoe shopping. Phew! Finally over!
I dun know why must give towels leh, Cynthia. My grandparents not around anymore. This was told by my paternal aunt.... MY ILs never request towels or shoes, but they said I must buy something for them.. so my parents said will buy towels and shoes loh.
orh .. btw, need to give angpao to all "direct" elderly. hubby need to give to the other side.. and wify need to give the other side.. alot of money .. but it okay.. ha haha.. they sure bao back during the tea ceremony.
This one is hinted by my grandmother. She ask me to tell my hubby to give to her mother ( my great grandma) So i give both side to be fair.. just a symbol of respect. anyway, during the wedding, the more you do.. the better.. esp to your own folks..
I still can remember how overjoy my 100 yr-old great grandma was that day when i pass her the angpao during the cake delivering. She and my granduncles were very happy that my hubby is a respectful person.. in return, they bought me extra jewelry which is far more than the angbao given.
Would like to find out can guo da li be held like 1.5 months before the actual wedding day? From what i know, it is usually held 2 weeks before...but then FH's mom would be overseas then...so he asking if we can have it much earlier to settle it...
I left it to my ILs to choose a day. They went to a master for auspicious dates.. we picked the one most convenient for everyone. Mine is about 2 weeks before AD. I think it's usually about 2 weeks before cos traditionally, the bride's parents will pass out the cakes together with the invitation cards to relatives... the cakes will be given during GDL. But no hard and fast rules I think. As long as the date is a good one and convenient for all.
You could still go to Chinatown to buy the GDL stuff. My hubby and I went there with my mom about 2 weeks ago, and we were a lil shocked to learn that Chinatown market was under reno (we should have guessed when we turned into the carpark) .. but anyway if you walk along the block next to Chinatown market, there are a few shops selling the wedding stuff. But they aren't that cheap to be honest. My mom found another shop in Bedok selling wedding stuff and cheaper too!!
Galsparkle, my GDL date is even earlier than yours! Cuz our wedding will be on the 5th day of the 8th lunar month, my mom didn't want the GDL to be held during the 7th mth. So my MIL got us a date at the end of the July. So our relatives will get the cakes and cards about 1.5 mths before the wedding!!
d bedsheets & tea set is part of d drowry. For my case we placed d bedsheets etc at my parents' plc, den on d day of GDL, we moved d drowy to our love nest.
dun know whether it is d "right" way, think it depends on individual, moreover, for our case, we didnt follow/get many other stuff like what Cynthia mentioned the Spittoon, comb, pyjamas, Long Feng candle etc.
my mama had a sewing machine from my beloved grandma as her dowry. used to joke with my mama, dat i would like to hav dat sewing machine as part of my drowry. even though, i dun really know how to use it.. haha...
In d end, my mama didnt gave me d sewing machine, she said d sewing machine's time is up, & dun want to give me things which is "spoiled"
Hi Cynthia! What a coincidence!!! and Thank you very much for the list!
Thank you, ice!
Really appreciated both of your help and advice! I really envy those daughters who have their moms to fuss over their wedding with. Haiz...but my mom's working hours is very eccentric and I have long learnt to understand that if I need anything, I will have to find my own ways and means.
She is currently working very hard to save money for my dowry. I will move the bedsheets and tea-set over to my parents place then!
I have not a single clue about GDL thing. Does it mean like on the GDL day, the groom will bring a "mei po" over to the bride's hse, the both side will exchange all the GDL items? Coz I am teochew and my bf is hainese. DOnt know wat to follow. Is there a custom whereby my mother have to buy a gold ring for my FH?
what if certain customery stuffs that are replaced by angabos? Is it bride's side take certain amt then rtn back...same theory like the dowry? or have to accept the angbao then give another seperate angbao back?
Does bride's side have to give angbao to the representatives from the groom's side during GDL?
Btw..is the process like the groom's side will put the things on the tables when rch bride's side then they will wait to get things rtn then leave already? Or they will sit down for chating like visiting?
guo da li can be view differently. some just leave after exchanging things but basic courtesy is just to chit chat a bit before leaving, and some will have a lunch/dinner together.
for me, i will have a lunch reception where i invite all my friends and parents friends over as I wun invite them during my AD.
for those AP is used to replace the Guo Da Li items. such as..bride's side suppose to make a pants for the groom but this will replace by AP. so this AP need not "take some and return some" by groom side.
some AP like drowry/pin jin will have to "take some, return some".
Yup, Cynthia is correct. There are 2 types of APs... there is a distinction. For pants and stuff, no need to return. I forgot about this cos my parents already made the stuff for husband.... we won't be using APs at all except for pinjing and nappy $.